It's all about me Part 2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Butter thanks for giving us that update! Prayers going up for you and yours! Too much for you to deal with far from home! So sorry!
I'm sure you and eyes have been listening to the weather report right? We are getting slammed with a wallop of a snow storm (blizzard up to three feet of snow) here in the northeast! My kids are already planning the day off tomorrow! Ha ha ! Just sent my daughter out to Target to pick up a shovel and some milk. Lol we called Walmart, Home Depot and a few others and they were out of them already! Well, daughter just called and said Target was out of milk. All they had was a gallon of chocolate milk. So that will work...kids can have that to drink and leave the other half gallon for cereal. I'm glad I just stocked up on bread and other necessities yesterday.
So get your stuff butter...you might have trouble getting off campus for a couple days.
Bbl!
I'm sure you and eyes have been listening to the weather report right? We are getting slammed with a wallop of a snow storm (blizzard up to three feet of snow) here in the northeast! My kids are already planning the day off tomorrow! Ha ha ! Just sent my daughter out to Target to pick up a shovel and some milk. Lol we called Walmart, Home Depot and a few others and they were out of them already! Well, daughter just called and said Target was out of milk. All they had was a gallon of chocolate milk. So that will work...kids can have that to drink and leave the other half gallon for cereal. I'm glad I just stocked up on bread and other necessities yesterday.
So get your stuff butter...you might have trouble getting off campus for a couple days.
Bbl!
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi ladies!
Please be careful in all this bad stuff heading your way! Talked with two friends earlier in the path of the snow. They are prepared!
Hickory loved playing in the snow Cleanin. Maybe your bunny does too?
Our weather today is sunny and 59 degrees. Tomorrow is going to be sunny and 66 degrees!
Night Night!
TOD
Please be careful in all this bad stuff heading your way! Talked with two friends earlier in the path of the snow. They are prepared!
Hickory loved playing in the snow Cleanin. Maybe your bunny does too?
Our weather today is sunny and 59 degrees. Tomorrow is going to be sunny and 66 degrees!
Night Night!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
So much to catch up on! I hope I remember everything I wanted to say!
Allfor, I love it that you are taping Hart to Hart still ... lol ... I loved that show. And I love the valentine tree your son wanted! That is so cute. They are so precious at that age, everything is so fun and exciting for them. I bet you any money he'll want to turn it into an Easter tree
Butter, you need some big big hugs. You sound like you are having a lot of stuff at once - your leg, your family, remembrances about B., jet lag ... aw hon, it's just kind of everything all at once, isn't it. Of course you deserve someone wonderful and B having someone right now doesn't mean it's all sunshine and lollipops for them. Behind closed doors and all that jazz, if he is still using I'm sure it's not going as well as it appears. And even if he isn't using, it sounds like he's still got some questionable behaviours. I'm sending out oodles of good thoughts and prayers for you, I hope the sun comes out for you soon. It's hard when it seems everything is going wrong at once.
Blue, I love the relationship your husband has with his Sober Advisor. LOL! It actually sounds like an old -time comedy pair, oh my, why can't I remember? Oh! Abbot and Costello! LOL! They had this dynamic that they seemed to irritate each other but deep down they really liked and respected each other. Anyway I think it's funny.
Chantal, tenacious, that is the most complimentary word I've been called I've been called many relating to my "tenaciousness" but I'm going to stick with that. The posting just really got to me and I thought you were raising a lot of good points that weren't being taken seriously. There is a lot of evidence-based data out there that is overlooked and we don't need to live in the dark ages anymore. I know how this is working for H and I am sad that others completely disregard this information.
We have a 15 year old daughter, and our son is 2. We were told we couldn't have any more children after DD, I had multiple miscarriages and then H had a back injury. The neurosurgeon who did his surgery didn't even say hello when we entered his office, he just said "I hope you're done having children, because you are now ..." Both our children are true miracles I find it very reassuring also to have this forum, people who reaffirm something I have always believed but didn't understand if that makes sense. The amazing people on this forum have guided me and taught me to believe in what I think is right for my marriage and my family and that is a very cool thing.
Clean - you are doing it!! That is AWESOME! I am so incredibly proud of you!! I love that you are making new smokeless experiences and re-writing your old pathways! This is so wonderful!
Blue, I thought it was beyond rude that someone would question if you really thought your husband would have not made it without you. Beyond rude. I have no other words than utter shock.
I heard about that bad storm coming your way, Clean and Butter and Eyes! Stay safe! Crazy that everyone would be out of milk already, Clean, that sounds like the plot for one of those apocalyptic movies! Glad your daughter was able to find some chocolate milk at Target at least ... I love chocolate milk ...
Speaking of Target, did you know they are pulling out of Canada? They came here two years ago and it was horrible. I loved Target when we were living in So.Dak., but they just didn't follow through in Canada. Shelves were often empty and they didn't have any of the great things they did in the US. So a couple weeks ago they announced they are completely pulling out of Canada and will be all closed by Easter. We've got two huge Targets in our city and now they will be empty and I am so sad. I really wished they could have lived up to what it was in the US.
DS had a rough night last night, poor little guy, started throwing up around midnight. I changed our sheets three times and in the end, just put down towels. H stayed up with him until 3:45 am because I have to work today, it's the one day of the month when calling in sick isn't a good idea (lol) but I'm still only working on a couple hours sleep. DS threw up all over me a few times, I ran out of pajamas. Poor guy. But he seems ok this morning, I think he just had too much smoothie last night and he will be sick if he has too much in his tummy, so H ran him to daycare late.
H is not doing well with this surgery recovery thing. He was sleeping in the recliner, but not able to sleep deeply and was up a lot so he moved to DS's room last night and I took DS in with me. But when DS started throwing up I had to get H to help so there went his first good night's sleep. He's incredibly grouchy when he's not feeling well, I asked him yesterday why he gets so angry at me when I try to help him when he's sick and he said it's because his mom used to want so much attention for herself when someone else was sick or had something important. She had a "migraine" at each of her kids weddings, and when H had back surgery she told people he was dying and even had flowers and meals sent to her from neighbours! I tell you the neighbours were quite surprised the next time we came to visit and H was still alive! It frustrates me though because I am not his mother, and try very hard to be different from her and it's hard to not help him when he's not doing well.
On the other hand though he's not abusing the painkillers at all so I'm happy about that. he only takes them at night and wants to start taking only Tylenol once he's caught up on his sleep.
ok back to work ... you guys stay safe with this storm coming!!
Allfor, I love it that you are taping Hart to Hart still ... lol ... I loved that show. And I love the valentine tree your son wanted! That is so cute. They are so precious at that age, everything is so fun and exciting for them. I bet you any money he'll want to turn it into an Easter tree
Butter, you need some big big hugs. You sound like you are having a lot of stuff at once - your leg, your family, remembrances about B., jet lag ... aw hon, it's just kind of everything all at once, isn't it. Of course you deserve someone wonderful and B having someone right now doesn't mean it's all sunshine and lollipops for them. Behind closed doors and all that jazz, if he is still using I'm sure it's not going as well as it appears. And even if he isn't using, it sounds like he's still got some questionable behaviours. I'm sending out oodles of good thoughts and prayers for you, I hope the sun comes out for you soon. It's hard when it seems everything is going wrong at once.
Blue, I love the relationship your husband has with his Sober Advisor. LOL! It actually sounds like an old -time comedy pair, oh my, why can't I remember? Oh! Abbot and Costello! LOL! They had this dynamic that they seemed to irritate each other but deep down they really liked and respected each other. Anyway I think it's funny.
Chantal, tenacious, that is the most complimentary word I've been called
I've been called many relating to my "tenaciousness" but I'm going to stick with that. The posting just really got to me and I thought you were raising a lot of good points that weren't being taken seriously. There is a lot of evidence-based data out there that is overlooked and we don't need to live in the dark ages anymore. I know how this is working for H and I am sad that others completely disregard this information.We have a 15 year old daughter, and our son is 2. We were told we couldn't have any more children after DD, I had multiple miscarriages and then H had a back injury. The neurosurgeon who did his surgery didn't even say hello when we entered his office, he just said "I hope you're done having children, because you are now ..." Both our children are true miracles
I find it very reassuring also to have this forum, people who reaffirm something I have always believed but didn't understand if that makes sense. The amazing people on this forum have guided me and taught me to believe in what I think is right for my marriage and my family and that is a very cool thing.Clean - you are doing it!! That is AWESOME! I am so incredibly proud of you!! I love that you are making new smokeless experiences and re-writing your old pathways! This is so wonderful!
Blue, I thought it was beyond rude that someone would question if you really thought your husband would have not made it without you. Beyond rude. I have no other words than utter shock.
I heard about that bad storm coming your way, Clean and Butter and Eyes! Stay safe! Crazy that everyone would be out of milk already, Clean, that sounds like the plot for one of those apocalyptic movies! Glad your daughter was able to find some chocolate milk at Target at least ... I love chocolate milk ...
Speaking of Target, did you know they are pulling out of Canada? They came here two years ago and it was horrible. I loved Target when we were living in So.Dak., but they just didn't follow through in Canada. Shelves were often empty and they didn't have any of the great things they did in the US. So a couple weeks ago they announced they are completely pulling out of Canada and will be all closed by Easter. We've got two huge Targets in our city and now they will be empty and I am so sad. I really wished they could have lived up to what it was in the US.
DS had a rough night last night, poor little guy, started throwing up around midnight. I changed our sheets three times and in the end, just put down towels. H stayed up with him until 3:45 am because I have to work today, it's the one day of the month when calling in sick isn't a good idea (lol) but I'm still only working on a couple hours sleep. DS threw up all over me a few times, I ran out of pajamas. Poor guy. But he seems ok this morning, I think he just had too much smoothie last night and he will be sick if he has too much in his tummy, so H ran him to daycare late.
H is not doing well with this surgery recovery thing. He was sleeping in the recliner, but not able to sleep deeply and was up a lot so he moved to DS's room last night and I took DS in with me. But when DS started throwing up I had to get H to help so there went his first good night's sleep. He's incredibly grouchy when he's not feeling well, I asked him yesterday why he gets so angry at me when I try to help him when he's sick and he said it's because his mom used to want so much attention for herself when someone else was sick or had something important. She had a "migraine" at each of her kids weddings, and when H had back surgery she told people he was dying and even had flowers and meals sent to her from neighbours! I tell you the neighbours were quite surprised the next time we came to visit and H was still alive! It frustrates me though because I am not his mother, and try very hard to be different from her and it's hard to not help him when he's not doing well.
On the other hand though he's not abusing the painkillers at all so I'm happy about that. he only takes them at night and wants to start taking only Tylenol once he's caught up on his sleep.
ok back to work ... you guys stay safe with this storm coming!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Oh my gosh, I feel awful for laughing but his mom had neighbors bringing her casseroles and sending flowers because of her son, and then I see you guys later on driving up, walking up to the door! Neighbors jaws would be dropping, he's alive! In some ways she certainly did a number on him didnt she? But your certainly not her! And I love the term tenacious for you too. Look at this definition: not easily stopped or pulled apart : firm or strong. Thats you!
DS definetly proved the doctor wrong. Did he ever know ? I guess your husbunny is tenacious too! Ha!
I found the same topic on another thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pective-2.html not suggesting we comment there because of the drama surrounding the topic, but I think reading the replies is helpful. Most confirm its important to prevent isolation, create bonds, and reintegrate into a healthy life. I think in those terms a supportive family environment where a person feels a part of something bigger is important. Much like the teamwork concept I was taught, and like the approaches we are learning to use.
I was thinking back and we were very lucky to have so much support from the beginning. Before he agreed to do the inpatient, we had someone from every aspect of his life supporting the idea, and lovingly telling him we care about you, and saying you cant see it right now but trust us. It was family, close friends, and people from his work who really made up his universe, along with doctors who overall in the back of his mind I feel must have had represented knowledge and accuracy to him. And all those same forces are still supporting from more of a distance. Pretty cool.
I saw a couple weeks ago the news about Target. I was thinking it didnt make sense, why doesnt Canada like Target? Now I see, they werent doing a good job, or not dedicated to those stores. I wonder why? Its mostly the same market, same products plus a few extra rows dedicated to blankets, snowsuits and shovels. Haha!
I got my yummy pancakes yesterday. I try but cant make them like they do at ihop but then i never have all the ingredients on hand. They are back to more normal ones now, during the holidays there were special ones like a cinnamon and creamy bon bon or something. I'll keep working on my version I guess!
Butter, thx for updating, and dont worry about replying if your not up to it right now. Everyone at home sounds like they are in good hands, and I hope the tests show more about your grandfather soon. Did u get snow? I saw an online article today comparing shopping to dating. One of the biggest factors is hope. A belief the perfect pair of jeans is out there, and our determination to keep shopping until we find them.
Clean, havent see any weather for East Coast, are your kids home? Its funny about the milk and shovels. I used to love chocolate milk. My mom would buy Hersheys syrup and we would make our own. Havent done it in a while now, also good on ice cream!
Im so happy you feel more comfortable being online again. Missed you! But I sooo much support and respect your knowing the trigger and keeping away to take care of YOU during this critical time.
Hi Eyes, Allfor, Chantal
Hi Tod, Im happy your back.
DS definetly proved the doctor wrong. Did he ever know ? I guess your husbunny is tenacious too! Ha!
I found the same topic on another thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pective-2.html not suggesting we comment there because of the drama surrounding the topic, but I think reading the replies is helpful. Most confirm its important to prevent isolation, create bonds, and reintegrate into a healthy life. I think in those terms a supportive family environment where a person feels a part of something bigger is important. Much like the teamwork concept I was taught, and like the approaches we are learning to use.
I was thinking back and we were very lucky to have so much support from the beginning. Before he agreed to do the inpatient, we had someone from every aspect of his life supporting the idea, and lovingly telling him we care about you, and saying you cant see it right now but trust us. It was family, close friends, and people from his work who really made up his universe, along with doctors who overall in the back of his mind I feel must have had represented knowledge and accuracy to him. And all those same forces are still supporting from more of a distance. Pretty cool.
I saw a couple weeks ago the news about Target. I was thinking it didnt make sense, why doesnt Canada like Target? Now I see, they werent doing a good job, or not dedicated to those stores. I wonder why? Its mostly the same market, same products plus a few extra rows dedicated to blankets, snowsuits and shovels. Haha!
I got my yummy pancakes yesterday. I try but cant make them like they do at ihop but then i never have all the ingredients on hand. They are back to more normal ones now, during the holidays there were special ones like a cinnamon and creamy bon bon or something. I'll keep working on my version I guess!
Butter, thx for updating, and dont worry about replying if your not up to it right now. Everyone at home sounds like they are in good hands, and I hope the tests show more about your grandfather soon. Did u get snow? I saw an online article today comparing shopping to dating. One of the biggest factors is hope. A belief the perfect pair of jeans is out there, and our determination to keep shopping until we find them.
Clean, havent see any weather for East Coast, are your kids home? Its funny about the milk and shovels. I used to love chocolate milk. My mom would buy Hersheys syrup and we would make our own. Havent done it in a while now, also good on ice cream!
Im so happy you feel more comfortable being online again. Missed you! But I sooo much support and respect your knowing the trigger and keeping away to take care of YOU during this critical time.
Hi Eyes, Allfor, Chantal
Hi Tod, Im happy your back.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Oh my mother-in-law, she's definitely one of a kind. She has borderline personality, and my father-in-law is a narcissist, and they have both been hardcore alcoholics for decades. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't see H becoming an alcoholic sooner, but both of his sisters are perfectly fine and well-adjusted without any addiction problems. Both high achievers with awesome jobs and happy marriages. But H was abused because he was the boy, and the girls got a free pass, so maybe that's where it comes from. It still angers H about the flowers and the meals when he had his surgery, we were in the US and we had people emailing us, asking if they could donate to a particular cause in his name and we were like, what??!! It wasn't until much later we heard what MIL had been telling people. I find it hilarious but it took a long time to get there, H is still very hurt. Thank you for saying I'm not like her I worry when people say, you marry your parents. That means I have a lot of work to do on myself if H married his mother!
I saw that post, Blue, and was not going to post on it to save my life LOL! The strange thing is, what they are saying on the second thread of it, is what we say here. There's no magic to it, just simple human relations.
Of course there's much more than just environment, but environment is a powerful, powerful thing. H has told me that he struggles and has a lot of frustrations recently because he can't drink away his feelings anymore, but that supportive environment is so key. And of course, the addict needs to want to change. But once they are committed to change, to turn your back ... well, I know I wouldn't want that if I was the one who was trying to change.
I'm so sad about Target!
I guess there was a lot of problems bringing things across the border, which I find strange, because we have a lot of American-based stores - Walmart being the biggest. But Walmart is quite different here too, it's more like what Target is down there. I would find Walmart in the US to be quite dirty and the merchandise to be very cheap and ill-made, but here it's actually quite good quality and very clean and well taken care of. We get our groceries there, because it's a one-stop place and with DS, one-stop is a good thing LOL.
Your holiday pancakes sound heavenly.
Hope everyone is doing ok with the weather. I haven't heard any weather updates, usually the big storms make the news here too and I had read one was coming, but no updates.
I worry when people say, you marry your parents. That means I have a lot of work to do on myself if H married his mother!I saw that post, Blue, and was not going to post on it to save my life LOL! The strange thing is, what they are saying on the second thread of it, is what we say here. There's no magic to it, just simple human relations.
Of course there's much more than just environment, but environment is a powerful, powerful thing. H has told me that he struggles and has a lot of frustrations recently because he can't drink away his feelings anymore, but that supportive environment is so key. And of course, the addict needs to want to change. But once they are committed to change, to turn your back ... well, I know I wouldn't want that if I was the one who was trying to change.
I'm so sad about Target!
I guess there was a lot of problems bringing things across the border, which I find strange, because we have a lot of American-based stores - Walmart being the biggest. But Walmart is quite different here too, it's more like what Target is down there. I would find Walmart in the US to be quite dirty and the merchandise to be very cheap and ill-made, but here it's actually quite good quality and very clean and well taken care of. We get our groceries there, because it's a one-stop place and with DS, one-stop is a good thing LOL. Your holiday pancakes sound heavenly.
Hope everyone is doing ok with the weather. I haven't heard any weather updates, usually the big storms make the news here too and I had read one was coming, but no updates.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Now I heard the weather. I hope everyone got home safe. Its good you got the shovel but dont let your hubs out there Clean. His heart and two feet of snow snow not a good mix! Just stay snowbound and bake!
Check in when you can. Eyes, and Butter too. Your close to it all
Husband has his counseling session tonight, and we start back to family sessions this week too. Havent been since November.
Soveryost,
I forgot to say I hope your son is ok today. It sounded like a big mess, and of course your husband isnt feeling good yet. Haha broken nose and then to be vomited on. But the MIL story somehow seemed more outrageous! And its where my mind immediately landed.
((Hugs)) group!
Check in when you can. Eyes, and Butter too. Your close to it all
Husband has his counseling session tonight, and we start back to family sessions this week too. Havent been since November.
Soveryost,
I forgot to say I hope your son is ok today. It sounded like a big mess, and of course your husband isnt feeling good yet. Haha broken nose and then to be vomited on. But the MIL story somehow seemed more outrageous! And its where my mind immediately landed.
((Hugs)) group!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Thanks everyone! Sorry I wasn't home most of the day. Hubs and I were out getting a few more things before we get snowed in! But would you believe we never found a store that had shovels left!?!? So. Guess we won't be digging out for a while! I'm kind of annoyed with my husband and why I get upset with him! It's exactly like these things that annoy me the most! He knew this storm was coming!!!! He even went to Home Depot a few days ago and told me they had shovels for $13....but he didn't buy one!! His reason was he thought he could find one for less somewhere else! $13 is not expensive and when you know you are going to need one...you just buy it! So now we are shoveless and it didn't have to be that way!!! We are probably going to pay MORE than $13 anyway! Because, stores know there is a shortage and a demand and will raise the price! Argh!
Anyway I'm breathing deeply and refuse to let that bother me! Maybe there is a reason we don't have one? Like blue says it's serious for my husband to use it with his heart problems and the weight of the snow! Lethal combination and hubs is stubborn and would go out and shovel even when it's dangerous!!
I owe you guys a response...so sorry to be so far behind! It's been crazy since I woke up today! Just got to clean up this kitchen first!
Anyway I'm breathing deeply and refuse to let that bother me! Maybe there is a reason we don't have one? Like blue says it's serious for my husband to use it with his heart problems and the weight of the snow! Lethal combination and hubs is stubborn and would go out and shovel even when it's dangerous!!
I owe you guys a response...so sorry to be so far behind! It's been crazy since I woke up today! Just got to clean up this kitchen first!
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Thanks for the come back welcome Blue!
WOW! Already 5.5 inches of snow in NY! I'm watching the weather channel off and on. Lots of ppl out and walking around in it! We have problems with sleet and freezing rain here moreso than snow. I've had my share of snow though from when I lived in WI for seven years!
SVL: It's really nice reading all the good stuff coming from you! Not your hubby's broken nose though! I'm sure that's really painful! Great going on staying strong!
Butter: I've endured burns on my feet from flaming grease being poured on them. Please take good care of your burns so you don't scar! I have non myself! Sorry to read about your family woes too. Take care of yourself FIRST! You'll be able to handle anything pushed in your direction!
Chantal: Nice to meet you!
Cleanin: Jethro would have came home with two of the shovels! LOL One for him and one for myself. But thankfully he has a tractor and would have used that for clearing the snow away. That is if we needed to!
Eyes: What a story! WOW! I really don't know what to say about all that and don't / wouldn't want to say anything negative either about it! So I'm going to say this! Great job on staying clean and holding strong with where you are at today! You are staying focused on yourself and what your needs are. That's all any of us can do really! We have to be strong within ourselves in order to care for others that need us. My feathered kids are always wanting my attention. I tell them: "Let momma take care of momma and then I'll take care of y'all!" It always works out for the best!
TOD
WOW! Already 5.5 inches of snow in NY! I'm watching the weather channel off and on. Lots of ppl out and walking around in it! We have problems with sleet and freezing rain here moreso than snow. I've had my share of snow though from when I lived in WI for seven years!
SVL: It's really nice reading all the good stuff coming from you! Not your hubby's broken nose though! I'm sure that's really painful! Great going on staying strong!
Butter: I've endured burns on my feet from flaming grease being poured on them. Please take good care of your burns so you don't scar! I have non myself! Sorry to read about your family woes too. Take care of yourself FIRST! You'll be able to handle anything pushed in your direction!
Chantal: Nice to meet you!
Cleanin: Jethro would have came home with two of the shovels! LOL One for him and one for myself. But thankfully he has a tractor and would have used that for clearing the snow away. That is if we needed to!
Eyes: What a story! WOW! I really don't know what to say about all that and don't / wouldn't want to say anything negative either about it! So I'm going to say this! Great job on staying clean and holding strong with where you are at today! You are staying focused on yourself and what your needs are. That's all any of us can do really! We have to be strong within ourselves in order to care for others that need us. My feathered kids are always wanting my attention. I tell them: "Let momma take care of momma and then I'll take care of y'all!" It always works out for the best!
TOD
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
TOD you must have snuck in while I was writing.. almost lost my post.. very annoying. He would have bought two shovels.. LOL .... one for each of you.. my husband would just expect us to take turns.. LOL
I have a lot to get caught up on I think. Owe a couple pms.. wasn't on here over the weekend except to glance, everyone looked to be doing ok.
Where to start now...
I will read through the other thread, I thought the topic was interesting.. never did see where all the love' came in exactly. I was thinking about Craft and so far in the book and in my memory.. cant recall love' being mentioned except in terms of 'if you love someone'...
I think Blue and SVL you have it down the way I see it also.. family is part of the environment, it one variable.. Its an external motivation & we have an impact, and ability to influence.. but our loved ones also have other external factors, plus lots happening internally.
Speaking of which... husbands not buying shovels before one of the biggest projected snowstorms can be considered an external stressor that has a direct impact on internal mental health.. and the ability to clear a pathway...LOL
We have been watching the weather on one of the news channels.. I have seen NYC salt reserves, Times Square, and heard about the travel ban. I also heard someone say the city feel surreal because there is no movement.. only people out there appear to be weather reporters, a few people walking..
You never know though.. it may be a good thing because as you said.. snow can be dangerous, and I don't even know how you would move two feet of snow.. do you take it off in layers? Maybe one of your neighbors will have a snowblower, or kids will come around and offer to help for a small amount.
After it all ends that is.. LOL
is your son better now SVL? This wasn't related to the recent flu bug.. just a smoothie.. I can understand that.. LOL.. It doesn't sound like it was a pleasant night for any of you, but at least it was a relatively normal night for life with a two year old.. there wasn't any drama fueled by alcohol. I feel bad for your husband though. His surgery would be very uncomfortable I would think, I don't know a lot about it, but I would think there would be swelling and it would be hard to breathe at least on one side. At least its done & hes being careful with the pain medicine.
My mother in law is pretty reserved with her emotions.. not a big attention giver.. but your MIL takes the cake.. she wants attention when other people are sick. At first I was thinking maybe the situation got out of control and people misunderstood because she was just upset.. but being on the other side.. usually if you send flowers and bring food - your pretty sure.. LOL Its terrible.. It would explain his actions however.. hes not used to being consoled when is sick.. and worse hes uncomfortable with the emotions he feels.. hes expecting a backlash if he accepts help possibly. He needs to work through these things. You've been married a while now, and I don't see you being like that with him.. I hope they don't pick women exactly like their mothers.. or Ive got more work to do on myself too.. LOL
enough picking on MILS... LOL
I will catch up and write more tomorrow.
I have a lot to get caught up on I think. Owe a couple pms.. wasn't on here over the weekend except to glance, everyone looked to be doing ok.
Where to start now...
I will read through the other thread, I thought the topic was interesting.. never did see where all the love' came in exactly. I was thinking about Craft and so far in the book and in my memory.. cant recall love' being mentioned except in terms of 'if you love someone'...
I think Blue and SVL you have it down the way I see it also.. family is part of the environment, it one variable.. Its an external motivation & we have an impact, and ability to influence.. but our loved ones also have other external factors, plus lots happening internally.
Speaking of which... husbands not buying shovels before one of the biggest projected snowstorms can be considered an external stressor that has a direct impact on internal mental health.. and the ability to clear a pathway...LOL
We have been watching the weather on one of the news channels.. I have seen NYC salt reserves, Times Square, and heard about the travel ban. I also heard someone say the city feel surreal because there is no movement.. only people out there appear to be weather reporters, a few people walking..
You never know though.. it may be a good thing because as you said.. snow can be dangerous, and I don't even know how you would move two feet of snow.. do you take it off in layers? Maybe one of your neighbors will have a snowblower, or kids will come around and offer to help for a small amount.
After it all ends that is.. LOL
is your son better now SVL? This wasn't related to the recent flu bug.. just a smoothie.. I can understand that.. LOL.. It doesn't sound like it was a pleasant night for any of you, but at least it was a relatively normal night for life with a two year old.. there wasn't any drama fueled by alcohol. I feel bad for your husband though. His surgery would be very uncomfortable I would think, I don't know a lot about it, but I would think there would be swelling and it would be hard to breathe at least on one side. At least its done & hes being careful with the pain medicine.
My mother in law is pretty reserved with her emotions.. not a big attention giver.. but your MIL takes the cake.. she wants attention when other people are sick. At first I was thinking maybe the situation got out of control and people misunderstood because she was just upset.. but being on the other side.. usually if you send flowers and bring food - your pretty sure.. LOL Its terrible.. It would explain his actions however.. hes not used to being consoled when is sick.. and worse hes uncomfortable with the emotions he feels.. hes expecting a backlash if he accepts help possibly. He needs to work through these things. You've been married a while now, and I don't see you being like that with him.. I hope they don't pick women exactly like their mothers.. or Ive got more work to do on myself too.. LOL
enough picking on MILS... LOL
I will catch up and write more tomorrow.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
ToD, welcome back!
Blue, how did your hubby's counseling go? Are you looking forward to the family sessions starting again or is it more of a pain to go? I enjoy our together sessions but I also think they're a bit of a pain because they go into some very hard things.
Clean, how is the weather?? Are you doing ok there? I've been hearing reports that there is more snow than expected in some places, and in other places none at all. Hopefully you're in the less-than-expected areas! $13 for a shovel is actually cheap here Maybe you can pay one of the neighbour kids to dig you out for cheaper Stay safe and warm!
Allfor, I'm with you. I don't know where the "love them sober" comes from at all. I don't think we've ever said that. Love and support can be very different things. I can support people I don't love, and I can love people I don't support. LOL. I know that I love my H as much as I did before but the difference is that now I support him, whereas before I just detached or dumped on him. I would say I supported him, but I constantly reminded him of his failures. And like you said, home life and/or marriage is only one aspect of environment. Before I ever met my H, he had created an environment based on his upbringing, school and social life. This factored in to his addiction just as much or maybe moreso than our family life. I think one of the interesting things I've discovered is he created his own environment to foster his addiction. He became friends with people who caused additional drama in his life, or took jobs that he knew would be stressful so that perhaps he could justify and grow the addiction. In a way, he taught me how to foster that environment too if that makes sense. Coming from a home without addiction, I didn't know any of this and went along with things the way he wanted. This is all just thoughts formed in my mind right now, I like to think about these things especially so they don't occur again ... this is all so much more than just picking up a glass of alcohol.
I think we all have interesting inlaws. LOL, it's part of that environment that helped to form our loved ones. We haven't had contact with his parents for a few years now, or at least I haven't, H still emails them now and then and it just doesn't change with them, so they are better off out of our lives at the moment, and that is by their choice. The drama is significantly less, as is the heartache and abuse. H misses them something crazy tho.
Butter, how are you doing?
Eyes and Chantal, hello
DS is doing better. I think it was just too much rich smoothie in a little tummy. H said he had drunk a whole large glass full, and we make it with yogurt, milk, berries, and ice cream. So heavy for little tummies!
H was back in our bed last night for the first time since surgery. Lots of snoring and snorting and whistling while he slept lol ... I think he got a better sleep but I didn't It was nice to have him back though, him sleeping in DS's bed reminded me a bit too much of his drinking days when I would ask him not to sleep in our bed because the fumes would make me nauseous. A little too close to that memory still.
I'm having a bit of trouble and perhaps you all can help me. So you all know I'm not fond of 12 step programs, and they don't really work for H. So why am I so upset he's not going to them? He's working on not drinking, he's seeing our marriage/addictions counselor on his own and then together with me every three weeks like I booked, he's changed his attitude and demeanor for the most part and for the most part is back to the person I married, with some exceptions of course, when he gets very frustrated or doesn't heed the HALT motto he tries to live by now. So why am I so nervous and afraid?
Blue, how did your hubby's counseling go? Are you looking forward to the family sessions starting again or is it more of a pain to go? I enjoy our together sessions but I also think they're a bit of a pain because they go into some very hard things.
Clean, how is the weather?? Are you doing ok there? I've been hearing reports that there is more snow than expected in some places, and in other places none at all. Hopefully you're in the less-than-expected areas! $13 for a shovel is actually cheap here
Maybe you can pay one of the neighbour kids to dig you out for cheaper Stay safe and warm!Allfor, I'm with you. I don't know where the "love them sober" comes from at all. I don't think we've ever said that. Love and support can be very different things. I can support people I don't love, and I can love people I don't support. LOL. I know that I love my H as much as I did before but the difference is that now I support him, whereas before I just detached or dumped on him. I would say I supported him, but I constantly reminded him of his failures. And like you said, home life and/or marriage is only one aspect of environment. Before I ever met my H, he had created an environment based on his upbringing, school and social life. This factored in to his addiction just as much or maybe moreso than our family life. I think one of the interesting things I've discovered is he created his own environment to foster his addiction. He became friends with people who caused additional drama in his life, or took jobs that he knew would be stressful so that perhaps he could justify and grow the addiction. In a way, he taught me how to foster that environment too if that makes sense. Coming from a home without addiction, I didn't know any of this and went along with things the way he wanted. This is all just thoughts formed in my mind right now, I like to think about these things especially so they don't occur again ... this is all so much more than just picking up a glass of alcohol.
I think we all have interesting inlaws. LOL, it's part of that environment that helped to form our loved ones. We haven't had contact with his parents for a few years now, or at least I haven't, H still emails them now and then and it just doesn't change with them, so they are better off out of our lives at the moment, and that is by their choice. The drama is significantly less, as is the heartache and abuse. H misses them something crazy tho.
Butter, how are you doing?
Eyes and Chantal, hello
DS is doing better. I think it was just too much rich smoothie in a little tummy. H said he had drunk a whole large glass full, and we make it with yogurt, milk, berries, and ice cream. So heavy for little tummies!
H was back in our bed last night for the first time since surgery. Lots of snoring and snorting and whistling while he slept lol ... I think he got a better sleep but I didn't
It was nice to have him back though, him sleeping in DS's bed reminded me a bit too much of his drinking days when I would ask him not to sleep in our bed because the fumes would make me nauseous. A little too close to that memory still.I'm having a bit of trouble and perhaps you all can help me. So you all know I'm not fond of 12 step programs, and they don't really work for H. So why am I so upset he's not going to them? He's working on not drinking, he's seeing our marriage/addictions counselor on his own and then together with me every three weeks like I booked, he's changed his attitude and demeanor for the most part and for the most part is back to the person I married, with some exceptions of course, when he gets very frustrated or doesn't heed the HALT motto he tries to live by now. So why am I so nervous and afraid?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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I bet Clean is out making a snowman!
News made it sound like Boston got more than NY?
He came home from his counseling in a good mood and talked a little about it. So he seemed like it was good. Our family sessions were much harder in the beginning, we've got through the biggest issues I think. There was a lot of pain, hard to explain except I feel its a little like cleaning up a wound. It hurts, you wanna scream and cry and make it stop but then when u think the pain wont end, it starts to subside and things begin to improve and it got easier, and was like we were understanding each other on a deeper level. I feel like we are communicating good but now, and I dont think we need to go as much, but Im a little scared to cut all ties because it feels like a neutral safe place where either of us could go, and use the dr's help if we have trouble communicating, or feel scared to share. Sometimes I still get confused about my feelings and it helps me work through it. Im nervous because its been a while, but excited to update on where we are at, and then maybe discuss a few things and get feedback.
When you say 'upset' what feelings come up? Is it anxiety, fear, anger? Like hes not doing enough, slacking off? or this is someplace safe for him and u can relax if he goes there?, or external factors like other people say he should go? I think u have to dig to whats at the core of your feelings, because it sounds like he is on a path of change. Do you feel like he is? Do u feel he's stuck, or going too slow ? I would start with digging, and then maybe once you have a better idea there will be some feelings you can either resolve on your own, discuss with him, or in your session with addiction doc.
News made it sound like Boston got more than NY?
He came home from his counseling in a good mood and talked a little about it. So he seemed like it was good. Our family sessions were much harder in the beginning, we've got through the biggest issues I think. There was a lot of pain, hard to explain except I feel its a little like cleaning up a wound. It hurts, you wanna scream and cry and make it stop but then when u think the pain wont end, it starts to subside and things begin to improve and it got easier, and was like we were understanding each other on a deeper level. I feel like we are communicating good but now, and I dont think we need to go as much, but Im a little scared to cut all ties because it feels like a neutral safe place where either of us could go, and use the dr's help if we have trouble communicating, or feel scared to share. Sometimes I still get confused about my feelings and it helps me work through it. Im nervous because its been a while, but excited to update on where we are at, and then maybe discuss a few things and get feedback.
When you say 'upset' what feelings come up? Is it anxiety, fear, anger? Like hes not doing enough, slacking off? or this is someplace safe for him and u can relax if he goes there?, or external factors like other people say he should go? I think u have to dig to whats at the core of your feelings, because it sounds like he is on a path of change. Do you feel like he is? Do u feel he's stuck, or going too slow ? I would start with digging, and then maybe once you have a better idea there will be some feelings you can either resolve on your own, discuss with him, or in your session with addiction doc.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Hello everyone! Thanks for all your ideas about the shovel and how to get our driveway cleaned off. One good thing is I'm not working and I do not HAVE to be anywhere until Friday. Lol my husband is the one that will need to get to work tomorrow. So his mistake...so he can figure it out! If I see some kids shoveling I will flag them down...that's a great idea. But you want to know another stupid thing my husband forgot to do? Withdrawal a little cash just in case! Oh TOD I had to laugh at what you said about Jethro....it reminded me of his and her's shovels and is exactly what I would have done! Bought one for each member of our family strong enough to use one- except myself of course. Ha! I would have said..."ok guys hot cocoa and cinnamon rolls will be waiting for you!" Lol Making those would be my job and contribution! Ha!
SVL so sorry about your son being sick again! That's aweful! Poor little guy! Maybe he was already sensitive from just getting over that stomach flu/virus and the smoothie was too rich for his little tummy? I hope husband was able to relax and get some sleep...well I hope you were too! I tell you...I do not miss all those sleepless nights I spent up with my kids while they were sick. Then having to go work a full day on very little sleep! Ugh! Thank God it gets easier as they grow older. Your mother-in-law reminds me of a narcissist too....but I guess BPD is a personality disorder too and very similar to NPD. There is a poster in the ACOA area that writes about her mother and it really reminds me of what you said about your MIL.
Well, I guess our area got hit the worst. I'm in Suffolk County Long Island. The transportation ban has been lifted....yet I still haven't seen anyone driving past my house except one snow plough and a guy on a snowmobile! It was so funny to watch that guy going up and down the street on the snowmobile! Lol I wish I could've taken a pic.
Hope you feel better butter!
Eyes hope you are ok too?!?
Allfor I was thinking the same thing about your tree being converted into an Easter egg tree. My mother used to have one of those...believe it or not! I was shopping the other day and saw some posters of bunny rabbits for Easter. Told hubs I should buy them and hang them in Dova's room...he will feel he has company. Lol Hubs said he might not like it though! True! They are territorial!
SVL so sorry about your son being sick again! That's aweful! Poor little guy! Maybe he was already sensitive from just getting over that stomach flu/virus and the smoothie was too rich for his little tummy? I hope husband was able to relax and get some sleep...well I hope you were too! I tell you...I do not miss all those sleepless nights I spent up with my kids while they were sick. Then having to go work a full day on very little sleep! Ugh! Thank God it gets easier as they grow older. Your mother-in-law reminds me of a narcissist too....but I guess BPD is a personality disorder too and very similar to NPD. There is a poster in the ACOA area that writes about her mother and it really reminds me of what you said about your MIL.
Well, I guess our area got hit the worst. I'm in Suffolk County Long Island. The transportation ban has been lifted....yet I still haven't seen anyone driving past my house except one snow plough and a guy on a snowmobile! It was so funny to watch that guy going up and down the street on the snowmobile! Lol I wish I could've taken a pic.
Hope you feel better butter!
Eyes hope you are ok too?!?
Allfor I was thinking the same thing about your tree being converted into an Easter egg tree. My mother used to have one of those...believe it or not! I was shopping the other day and saw some posters of bunny rabbits for Easter. Told hubs I should buy them and hang them in Dova's room...he will feel he has company. Lol Hubs said he might not like it though! True! They are territorial!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Posts: 795
Ah, cleaning a wound, that's exactly it! I told H it's like having the poison drawn out instead of just putting a new bandage over it. In the long run it will heal much better and you will be healthier, but it hurts so much at the time! I'm glad to hear his session went well and he talks a bit about it to you. You guys are really a great team.
Love your snow smilies! Hope everyone is safe and warm.
Clean - glad to see you're not buried under mounds of snow! LOL about your husband not planning ahead for this ... that is something that would happen in our house too! Maybe you'll have a Snow Angel who will dig you out without expecting payment - that's what we call them here, those people who just anonymously go around with a bobcat and a scooper attachment and move snow. Or a lovely neighbour who gets carried away with their shovel and just keeps going ... Love the snowmobile idea, maybe your hubby can ask him for a ride tomorrow in the winter, my dad used to take us to school on a snowmobile and he would just keep going to work LOL!
I love the bunny ears for Dova! Too funny!!
I dunno, when I say upset I guess I mean everything you mentioned Blue - fear, anxiety and anger. I think it's because I want to see a lot of outward change and words, while I know it is mostly inward. I feel like he is on a path of change, but I guess I worry that he is going to get complacent, and slowly fall back into what was. The meetings would be an outward sign that he is focused on moving forward. And, if I am being perfectly honest with myself, I guess it's for validation for me. Like, as if to say, look there was a problem after all! He's going to meetings! He's having a hard time! I didn't imagine this! I feel that way too when I ask him how he's doing and he says "Fine." I want to shake him and say, then why did you put us through 10 years of misery?! Granted, those 10 years weren't all bad and that's why we're still married. There were a lot of good times too. But I guess I am really wanting validation that yes, there was a problem, and yes, he is outwardly trying to fix it.
Which is strange too, because it's a rather vindictive thing, isn't it. It would be like me reminding him constantly that he has a problem, and not allowing him to work through it the way that is best for him. It's like labeling him and he is so much more than "just an alcoholic".
I think I need to talk to our marriage addiction guy next time about this. This is part of the poison I need to pull out of myself I think. And I need to stop reading other places that trigger those feelings in me instead of trusting my own truth.
Love your snow smilies! Hope everyone is safe and warm.
Clean - glad to see you're not buried under mounds of snow! LOL about your husband not planning ahead for this ... that is something that would happen in our house too! Maybe you'll have a Snow Angel who will dig you out without expecting payment - that's what we call them here, those people who just anonymously go around with a bobcat and a scooper attachment and move snow. Or a lovely neighbour who gets carried away with their shovel and just keeps going ...
Love the snowmobile idea, maybe your hubby can ask him for a ride tomorrow in the winter, my dad used to take us to school on a snowmobile and he would just keep going to work LOL!I love the bunny ears for Dova! Too funny!!
I dunno, when I say upset I guess I mean everything you mentioned Blue - fear, anxiety and anger. I think it's because I want to see a lot of outward change and words, while I know it is mostly inward. I feel like he is on a path of change, but I guess I worry that he is going to get complacent, and slowly fall back into what was. The meetings would be an outward sign that he is focused on moving forward. And, if I am being perfectly honest with myself, I guess it's for validation for me. Like, as if to say, look there was a problem after all! He's going to meetings! He's having a hard time! I didn't imagine this! I feel that way too when I ask him how he's doing and he says "Fine." I want to shake him and say, then why did you put us through 10 years of misery?! Granted, those 10 years weren't all bad and that's why we're still married. There were a lot of good times too. But I guess I am really wanting validation that yes, there was a problem, and yes, he is outwardly trying to fix it.
Which is strange too, because it's a rather vindictive thing, isn't it. It would be like me reminding him constantly that he has a problem, and not allowing him to work through it the way that is best for him. It's like labeling him and he is so much more than "just an alcoholic".
I think I need to talk to our marriage addiction guy next time about this. This is part of the poison I need to pull out of myself I think. And I need to stop reading other places that trigger those feelings in me instead of trusting my own truth.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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I've also been throwing around the idea of changing my screen name. I don't feel like a "soverylost" anymore. If I did want to do that, how would I? Would everything still be linked to my soverylost name? Or would it be like starting out new?
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Blue that was great advice! It looks like SVL can benefit from digging too. Lol you know I'm teasing you right SVL? I think if you can identify where those feelings are coming from and why going to meetings makes you relieved. I thought it might be that gong to them is a way to visibly observe him working on his recovery. Like...let's say I wanted my husband to loose weight...so observing him walking out of the house to go to the gym makes me feel comfortable that he's doing something that will help him lose weight. Even if I haven't seen him working out at the gym. So until I see him visibly loosing weight...that gives me comfort. Now once He actually starts loosing and I can see the difference....observing his going to the gym each day....means less than it did before. So maybe as time goes on and you can visibly see the changes that is your way of comforting yourself? Does that make sense?
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Hi SVL! I don't know exactly how that works. But I think if you change your name....then everything you've written will have that new name on it..automatically. There was a lady in sub abuse that changed her name several times and all her posts are coming up under her new name! I guess a moderator can help you with that?
But I'm so happy that you don't feel so very lost anymore!
I am shocked at how far you and hubby have come from when you first started posting! Before that he was actively drinking in the basement and raging every weekend and you were afraid to tell anyone! Now look where you are!?!
Big hugs to you!
You have us....you are no longer alone!
But I'm so happy that you don't feel so very lost anymore!
I am shocked at how far you and hubby have come from when you first started posting! Before that he was actively drinking in the basement and raging every weekend and you were afraid to tell anyone! Now look where you are!?!
Big hugs to you!
You have us....you are no longer alone!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Blue I think you should keep that option. Maybe you won't need to go as often but having it available for you is important! Wouldn't life be so much better if everyone had a "marriage advisor" not "sober advisor"...we know how Nick feels about that. But a "marriage advisor"...or maybe a "man advisor" right butter? Men are just too complicated...it helps to have someone around who can figure them out and unravel their mystery! I need one too!
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allfor: Don’t be blaming me for your post almost disappearing! Look at the time difference in our posts! I highlight and copy all the time while I’m typing! That way if I do lose a post? I don’t lose all of it!
………Isn’t it funny how many different scenario’s there are for the husbands on the shovel theory! LOL I saw a commercial about a show last night. There was a windmill made with snow shovel blades. I thought! Yep! There’s why Cleanin can’t find any shovels!
………Love in an addict’s relationship? Get out your wedding photos! That person in the photos is the person you love and wanted to marry. The addict is the same person. Only in a different frame of mind. Jethro and I have a wonderful story. Some here have already read the story I typed up. Of course we are both different now. Older looking and been thru a lot of negative as well as positive times. Jethro has dealt with me being on the pain meds many times. Now I’m dealing with him on them! Sigh! He told me years ago; he could very easily be an alcoholic! Yikes! So he doesn’t drink AT ALL! We learn to navigate our days thru the trials and events. If he’s in a mood? I give him distance. I’m not going to get pulled into his sickness from the pain pills. My mind and eyes are open now! The difference between myself and a few ladies on here? I’m an RA! I know what the pain pills do to a person and I know what to look for. I also know how to take him on when he’s arguing the pain pill reasons. I love him and I’m fighting to keep him with me. I’ll raise hell about them as long as he’s taking them. As a couple living together? We get comfortable in our environment and allow other things to take over in it. When the other person starts noticing the problem and starts complaining? It’s like getting onto a child with his/her hand in the cookie jar. The defenses come out and the childishness comes out. After the crying and complaining is over and done. We reach a point a stand has to be made. That’s when the work begins! It’s not going to be an overnight cure! It could take a year or more for some. As a pill user myself? I stayed in my bottle of pills to forget many a thing. I already knew what I’d have to face when I got off of them. And I didn’t want to do that. Now that I’m clean again. I’m holding my own and standing my ground against the negatives in this relationship. I cannot ever take those pain pills again. I’m like a witch on a witch hunt now when it comes to Jethro and his pills. Even today while at Wal-mart he came home with stuff that was wrong or either already had plenty of it. ARGH! I looked at his confused face and said: “You are going to make these kinds of mistakes while you’re on those pain pills.” Thankfully he didn’t say a negative response back to me. He actually looked like WTF did I do? So he’s realizing his own mistakes and that’s good. It hurt me to see his confusion, but it needs to happen.
SVL: Poor son! I experienced an event at McDonalds when my daughter was five years old. I and my sister were standing at the counter giving our order. All of a sudden my daughter said: “Mom?” And then hurled all over the floor. It was the chocolate/mint Andes candies she’d eaten earlier. I was so embarrassed and concerned for my daughter. My daughter is now 34 years old and has her own son and daughter to raise.
………I’m not even going to discuss my MIL! She’s mental; the world is all about how she wants it to be and is constantly cleaning her huge home for therapy. She’s always angry and takes it out on her house. She doesn’t want to think about her son being married. When she refers to me? She says: “That TOD person!” ARGH! I avoid her like the plaque!
……..As for MY mom? She has no enemies and everyone loves her.
Thank You for the welcome back! I don’t want to step on anyone’s feelings or toes here! So if anyone has a problem with me being here? I’ll graciously bow out again!
TOD
………Isn’t it funny how many different scenario’s there are for the husbands on the shovel theory! LOL I saw a commercial about a show last night. There was a windmill made with snow shovel blades. I thought! Yep! There’s why Cleanin can’t find any shovels!
………Love in an addict’s relationship? Get out your wedding photos! That person in the photos is the person you love and wanted to marry. The addict is the same person. Only in a different frame of mind. Jethro and I have a wonderful story. Some here have already read the story I typed up. Of course we are both different now. Older looking and been thru a lot of negative as well as positive times. Jethro has dealt with me being on the pain meds many times. Now I’m dealing with him on them! Sigh! He told me years ago; he could very easily be an alcoholic! Yikes! So he doesn’t drink AT ALL! We learn to navigate our days thru the trials and events. If he’s in a mood? I give him distance. I’m not going to get pulled into his sickness from the pain pills. My mind and eyes are open now! The difference between myself and a few ladies on here? I’m an RA! I know what the pain pills do to a person and I know what to look for. I also know how to take him on when he’s arguing the pain pill reasons. I love him and I’m fighting to keep him with me. I’ll raise hell about them as long as he’s taking them. As a couple living together? We get comfortable in our environment and allow other things to take over in it. When the other person starts noticing the problem and starts complaining? It’s like getting onto a child with his/her hand in the cookie jar. The defenses come out and the childishness comes out. After the crying and complaining is over and done. We reach a point a stand has to be made. That’s when the work begins! It’s not going to be an overnight cure! It could take a year or more for some. As a pill user myself? I stayed in my bottle of pills to forget many a thing. I already knew what I’d have to face when I got off of them. And I didn’t want to do that. Now that I’m clean again. I’m holding my own and standing my ground against the negatives in this relationship. I cannot ever take those pain pills again. I’m like a witch on a witch hunt now when it comes to Jethro and his pills. Even today while at Wal-mart he came home with stuff that was wrong or either already had plenty of it. ARGH! I looked at his confused face and said: “You are going to make these kinds of mistakes while you’re on those pain pills.” Thankfully he didn’t say a negative response back to me. He actually looked like WTF did I do? So he’s realizing his own mistakes and that’s good. It hurt me to see his confusion, but it needs to happen.
SVL: Poor son! I experienced an event at McDonalds when my daughter was five years old. I and my sister were standing at the counter giving our order. All of a sudden my daughter said: “Mom?” And then hurled all over the floor. It was the chocolate/mint Andes candies she’d eaten earlier. I was so embarrassed and concerned for my daughter. My daughter is now 34 years old and has her own son and daughter to raise.
………I’m not even going to discuss my MIL! She’s mental; the world is all about how she wants it to be and is constantly cleaning her huge home for therapy. She’s always angry and takes it out on her house. She doesn’t want to think about her son being married. When she refers to me? She says: “That TOD person!” ARGH! I avoid her like the plaque!
……..As for MY mom? She has no enemies and everyone loves her.
Thank You for the welcome back! I don’t want to step on anyone’s feelings or toes here! So if anyone has a problem with me being here? I’ll graciously bow out again!
TOD
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
You may be right.. we very could end up with an Easter tree. I actually do have some very neat glitter eggs of different colors that came from Pottery Barn a couple years ago. They could hand on the tree and would probably sparkle with lights on there. LOL The Valentine tree is cute, and hes had a lot of fun learning to make heart shapes. He made valentines for everyone he knows including the dog and cats.
So your area got hit with the most snow didn't it? I heard it wasn't the city but in Long Island. Everyone else got a lot though I though.. I guess 8 inches isn't too much if your used to it and have all the equipment to clear the roads but it sounds like a lot to deal with.
Im just glad your all ok
How is Butter? Any more news on your grandfather? I missed out on some of the injury to your leg, you suffered a burn? Is it better now?
Blue, I think its good your continuing the family appointments. We did our marriage counseling for about a year before we stopped; and I would want to go back if we ran into problems again. Hopefully you just wont feel the need to go as often; I think your both doing good on your own also.
TOD: If you step on anyone's feelings or toes, then they will just stomp back... LOL..
I hope Jethro realizes he needs to make a change and get off the pain meds soon TOD. I know it must be extremely frustrating. You feel so much better now, and to see him not feeling good, and knowing clearly one thing that would help. Im disappointed in the VA hospital for not monitoring him more closely too.
SOVERYLOST needs a name change.. I think this speaks to how much work you have put in, how even if you don't yet have all the answers.. your on a comfortable path, your not lost.. Any ideas for new names?
I don't know if the below is vindictive. I think you probably still have a lot of pain to work through. My situation was different, but as you know my husband and I were separated about a year. We call it our missing year.. and I had a lot of anger over the things we lost during that time.. especially things about our son. (some of that was my fault btw) but when he started to get better.. I had similar feelings... WHY? Just why couldn't he have done it sooner? From outward appearances I don't think my husband looked like he was having such a hard time either.. I know he actually did; lots he didn't vocalize about his emotions and triggers. Dealing with work related issues like drug testing, family issues with his mom especially, and just the stigma.. etc.. I feel like its a hard thing to reconcile in some ways.. we want them to get better but we are angry over what was lost, why things have to happen the way they do, etc.. So I can understand why there is a need to see him working hard because it does validate or equalize some of the feelings.
I think it will pass in time.. often I hear about how hard recovery is supposed to be, and I say hard as in it supposed to be all work, nose to the grindstone, no enjoyment, misery.. etc.. but its also got a lot of joy in it too... at least I know my husband was able to find some. Coming back to life is a term I think TOD used to use... its hard dealing with newly intense emotions and learning to address them . but to feel is also a wonderful thing. Just be kind to yourself, I like Blues suggestion of getting to the bottom of your emotions & I think when your ready talk to the therapist and maybe he can help shed some light on it too.
Also agree with Cleanin & the weight loss /gym.. When you start really seeing the changes then you just begin to understand hes doing the things he needs to be doing. And if he runs into trouble with his current plan, then he has lots of options including going to more meetings.
You might also benefit from reading some on the Secular Forum.. attitudes, how things are handled without meetings (for most on there).. it helps understand some of the internal processing I think.
And now for a fun fact: I was looking up Stephanie Powers (from Hart to Hart) and she is now 73 years old. I have a love of animals so I was happy to see she is the President of the William Holden Wildlife Foundation, Director of the Mount Kenya Game Ranch, an international speaker on wildlife preservation, and spokesperson for AVID Microchip Technology and works with both the Cincinnati Zoo and Zoo Atlanta....
Oddly I was watching an episode where they were trying to switch a fake artifact with the real one.. but a lion was guarding the room.. do you know what they did.. served him bottles of wine.. or maybe champagne... and he drank it up & fell asleep.. LOL
So your area got hit with the most snow didn't it? I heard it wasn't the city but in Long Island. Everyone else got a lot though I though.. I guess 8 inches isn't too much if your used to it and have all the equipment to clear the roads but it sounds like a lot to deal with.
Im just glad your all ok
How is Butter? Any more news on your grandfather? I missed out on some of the injury to your leg, you suffered a burn? Is it better now?
Blue, I think its good your continuing the family appointments. We did our marriage counseling for about a year before we stopped; and I would want to go back if we ran into problems again. Hopefully you just wont feel the need to go as often; I think your both doing good on your own also.
TOD: If you step on anyone's feelings or toes, then they will just stomp back... LOL..
I hope Jethro realizes he needs to make a change and get off the pain meds soon TOD. I know it must be extremely frustrating. You feel so much better now, and to see him not feeling good, and knowing clearly one thing that would help. Im disappointed in the VA hospital for not monitoring him more closely too.
SOVERYLOST needs a name change.. I think this speaks to how much work you have put in, how even if you don't yet have all the answers.. your on a comfortable path, your not lost.. Any ideas for new names?
I don't know if the below is vindictive. I think you probably still have a lot of pain to work through. My situation was different, but as you know my husband and I were separated about a year. We call it our missing year.. and I had a lot of anger over the things we lost during that time.. especially things about our son. (some of that was my fault btw) but when he started to get better.. I had similar feelings... WHY? Just why couldn't he have done it sooner? From outward appearances I don't think my husband looked like he was having such a hard time either.. I know he actually did; lots he didn't vocalize about his emotions and triggers. Dealing with work related issues like drug testing, family issues with his mom especially, and just the stigma.. etc.. I feel like its a hard thing to reconcile in some ways.. we want them to get better but we are angry over what was lost, why things have to happen the way they do, etc.. So I can understand why there is a need to see him working hard because it does validate or equalize some of the feelings.
I think it will pass in time.. often I hear about how hard recovery is supposed to be, and I say hard as in it supposed to be all work, nose to the grindstone, no enjoyment, misery.. etc.. but its also got a lot of joy in it too... at least I know my husband was able to find some. Coming back to life is a term I think TOD used to use... its hard dealing with newly intense emotions and learning to address them . but to feel is also a wonderful thing.
Just be kind to yourself, I like Blues suggestion of getting to the bottom of your emotions & I think when your ready talk to the therapist and maybe he can help shed some light on it too. Also agree with Cleanin & the weight loss /gym.. When you start really seeing the changes then you just begin to understand hes doing the things he needs to be doing. And if he runs into trouble with his current plan, then he has lots of options including going to more meetings.
You might also benefit from reading some on the Secular Forum.. attitudes, how things are handled without meetings (for most on there).. it helps understand some of the internal processing I think.
Originally Posted by soverylost 
And, if I am being perfectly honest with myself, I guess it's for validation for me. Like, as if to say, look there was a problem after all! He's going to meetings! He's having a hard time! I didn't imagine this! I feel that way too when I ask him how he's doing and he says "Fine." I want to shake him and say, then why did you put us through 10 years of misery?! Granted, those 10 years weren't all bad and that's why we're still married. There were a lot of good times too. But I guess I am really wanting validation that yes, there was a problem, and yes, he is outwardly trying to fix it.
Which is strange too, because it's a rather vindictive thing, isn't it. It would be like me reminding him constantly that he has a problem, and not allowing him to work through it the way that is best for him. It's like labeling him and he is so much more than "just an alcoholic".
I think I need to talk to our marriage addiction guy next time about this. This is part of the poison I need to pull out of myself I think. And I need to stop reading other places that trigger those feelings in me instead of trusting my own truth.
Which is strange too, because it's a rather vindictive thing, isn't it. It would be like me reminding him constantly that he has a problem, and not allowing him to work through it the way that is best for him. It's like labeling him and he is so much more than "just an alcoholic".
I think I need to talk to our marriage addiction guy next time about this. This is part of the poison I need to pull out of myself I think. And I need to stop reading other places that trigger those feelings in me instead of trusting my own truth.
Oddly I was watching an episode where they were trying to switch a fake artifact with the real one.. but a lion was guarding the room.. do you know what they did.. served him bottles of wine.. or maybe champagne... and he drank it up & fell asleep.. LOL
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