allforcnm

^^ this is exactly why you need to teach again. I agree with what everyone said however... I think your role of mom has been the most important thing you could have done this past year. I think its meant a lot to your kids, and its created memories they will always cherish.

I don't know a lot about the teacher system; I know it can be difficult because they dont hire all the time, and they have a union / seniority ?

I had to go back and read about the one year old you were talking about Butter. I dont understand why any teacher would think like she did.. a baby doesn't understand these things...her system of consequences for his actions is a big fail, and more like abuse. I never thought about cameras.. but now Im thinking this is a good idea, and I bet parents could even check in through a live feed ? If I was a teacher it would probably stress me, but for tiny ones like in daycare where they cant let you know of mistreatment, etc. I think it would be a good idea. Ive heard some bad stories, mostly what I would call neglect while in daycare.

I think now I will have my son draw grandma a nice picture of thanks for her helping out. She frames his art... in real frames... eventually rotates some of them out of course because he can be very busy... but I tease her and say he has a gallery showing coming up.. I also told my parents I didn't want to see any nudes up there.. only his version of a bowl of fruit. LOL

THANK YOU for the PBS site Cleanin.. I started looking at it and will read all through there. I love things like that, and had never seen that one..I bet you have more you could link me to?

Blue,
I would think its good your husband hasn't been asked to take a drug test in so long. Hes still meeting with the adviser so Im sure he would request one if he had any worries. My husband had stress going back to work also. I do think as Butter said, there is a challenge to it also.. its been a year and he wants to be living a normal life. not being protected from taking on challenges at work, making professional goals for himself. With my husband the biggest thing has been stress management. In the beginning he had cravings to use, but he says they decreased over time.. not that the thought isn't within reach, but his life has been restructured and he has so many healthy alternatives, a therapist for support, church involvement, etc. I think if your husband keeps doing what he has been doing.. seems to be working for him... he will keep moving forward and with each accomplishment you will both feel more secure. You have to give yourself time however.. its like you said a process of learning and growing.

That's it for me tonight. Im late because I was watching Project Runway. My guilty pleasure.. a reality show... and not on HGTV

buttercup89

Hello everyone! Happy friday!

Where are you? Let's see

Blue is probably hiding in her office, eating all the chocolate she originally wanted to give her co-workers... Come here! I have chocolate too!

Clean is either cleaning (if i remember correctly, friday is her cleaning day) or she is working on her new career...

Allfor,is denying our vote and probably told her son to take a nap so she can play with his tablet

Am i right? I am done with my classes , got 10 out of 10 points in my psych assignment. Still waiting on the difficult history one.

Plan for today: a little bit of cleaning my room and a lot of relaxing! I will have to do a lot of studying over the weekend though

so, girls check in and keep me company

Allfor, i think the reason why the teacher reprimanded the boy, was because the older boy got upset that the baby took his toy away. So the teacher was forced to to something. I don't remember what she did to punish him, it wasn't something serious, but still he got punished for what he did, even though for his age he did nothing wrong. I understand that, there need to be rules, but they should be age appropriate... on the other hand, the older boy had a right too to play with his toy... it's difficult..
And your boy sounds so cute btw. Sitting there with his Dad playing on their tablets, being busy as an artist! Please tell more stories about him :-)

cleaninLI

Thank you guys! You are the best! You make me feel comfortable in my own skin. If it weren't for you, I'm sure I'd be feeling like a loser and be totally stressed out. You helped me to see my priorities in life. Honestly, no one here, at home is pushing me to go back to work, even though they know our situation is very bad right now! I think they feel comfortable with me at home....giving them my attention...providing them with a clean and organized home. A home cooked meal on the table every night. Nutritious Packed lunches whenever they are away from the house...(so they do not have to spend extra money on fast food). Just having their wife and Mom back. My son is the only one who is after me because I told him I'll buy him his Wii-U with my first paycheck. Lol

It is all ME that's pressuring myself! I'm the one feeling bad for not contributing financially and it's ME who is stressing about the bills! So even if I do not get hired as a teacher...I will need to find something! ANYTHING!!! That will give us a few hundred $$$ extra per week! Get my sons Wii-U! Ha!

I was looking at work from home jobs online just a while ago, most are customer service type jobs or bill collection type jobs. I probably won't do well at the bill collection job....I identify too much with the people who owe money. It will be hard to be threatening. The tech jobs wouldn't work either...not tech savvy enough. There was one at 1-800-flowers. I thought that might be nice. Oh and I liked the one where you call-up patients to remind them to take their medicine....or answer questions about their medications.. Anything having to do with prescription meds is right up my alley as long as I don't have them right in front of me. Plus I have lots of experience reminding hubs to take his insulin.
I found butter the perfect job!! Being a brands moderator! Going on social networking sites and making sure people are giving positive feedback about client's brands.. I guess this a the new form of advertising? Must be a pro at twitter, FB, public forums etc...pay is excellent too!
But it's ok butter I know you are already up to your neck with assignments. I understand what you mean now. That is so true each professor acts as if his/her class is your only one. Combine all together and viola you are up all night along with a giant cup of Starbucks coffee.

Yes so true Allfor about blues husband! I think that is a positive thing that husbunny is not being tested much anymore. When I was in my sub docs. office the nurse assistant was training a new girl and she told her if the patient is doing well (had no positive tox screens) then we test every three months.

Alright I'll post this and make my son the lemonade he's asking for. BBL to continue!

buttercup89

Clean, what is Butter rule #1? exactly, don't beat yourself up. You might not contribute financially but you do A LOT for your family and all you do is way more worth than the few hundred dollars you could make if you just do a random job you don't like! My mom was a stay at home mom and i LOVED it. I loved it that someone was home waiting for me, asking how my day was or being there for me if I got a bad grade or something else happened. Or also when i was happy. I think your 12 year old might be already too cool to say it but i am sure he loves it too. So does your little one and even we 20- something girls are still little mommy girls. i still move it when my mom is home when i get home
So, stop beating yourself up, or putting so much pressure on you!!! Ok, for once listen to Butter I have no doubt that you will make it back, because even i don't know
you personally i can see how much you love teaching and that you are a great teacher. Don't give up on that dream! It might take a while but it will happen!

cleaninLI

Blue I loved what you said about thinking certain things were important...but realizing that they really weren't. IMHO that when things are going well in our lives, we tend to take things for granted. We often get our priorities all mixed up. Then bam! We (almost) lose something that is very dear to us! That event forces us to look hard at how that (would) effect our lives. . It's great that you have taken the time to think about what's really important to you and placed them where they belong

This is the reason we should be thankful for hardships in our lives. If we never had to face loss; It would be hard to appreciate what we have. I think near death experiences and the way it changes people are classic examples of this.

cleaninLI

Thanks butter!

BlueChair

Thank you for all the positive feedback. I think a lot, sometimes too much for my own good. I keep at it until I see light then at least I know Im headed in the right direction.

There are jobs online where you can work totally at home? I can work from home part of the time. I could be outside sitting under a tree everyday? Are there any jobs for BeenO salespeople ? Get it Butter BNo !! Its purpose is for use before eating beans, and I will say no more. Clean made me think of it because she was worried about the burritos I made last night and the aftermath. She's totally codependent.

I didnt poison us or burn anything. I even carved an apple in to the shape of a heart and made it the centerpiece for his salad.

I was asking Butter about how her room was coming along, I told her I had been reading this article about how important it is for your home to feel like a safe, warm, inviting place, a retreat after being out in the hard cold world. Ummmm the description you gave, your kids (other than your son because he wants to wii) may blockade the door to keep you home. It must smell wonderful when they walk in the door. Im so happy you got your new house and are all moved in. You family has done a lot this year and you were integral in all of it. Even moving those boxes !! But dont you miss those crazy people who used to share the other house? I miss those stories, they were funny. How is Mimi ? You should post a picture of oops him here to make our thread more beautiful.

the coworker is acting strange. Earlier this week he told me he was coming in late one day because he had a medical appointment. He came in 20 minutes late and I asked him about it, said he had the wrong day and it was today. Today he comes in about 20 minutes late and I asked again. Now he says he had the wrong month. And he says he went to the office to check in both times. Earlier this week they couldnt tell him he had the wrong month? I asked if he was ok, and he only shook his head. This is strange isnt it?

We may go on a day trip tomorrow. Husbunny says hes not going into work. we may go for a drive and end up somewhere, maybe visit a friend to the south. I was going to move the food for the squirrels tomorrow. It may cause chaos !! Why is she moving us 5 feet? :

cleaninLI

Ha ha ha ha! I could just see the squirrel confusion! "Where did our peanuts go?!"

Sorry again butter for falling asleep on you. It was a very pleasant sleep too....until a very rude phone call from the IRS woke me up! The man on the phone informed me that my daughter owed back taxes and a warrant was out for her arrest! Freaked me out! But I don't get why they called me and not her? Plus she told me she received money back from the IRS...after filing? Idk I'll have to ask her.

Blue it looks like a very pleasant day planned tomorrow! Hope you and husbunny have a nice time!
The mountains are calling me! I think I'm going to ask hubs and the kids if they'd like to take a drive to Bear Mountain this weekend?

cleaninLI

My daughter has been super busy pledging to get into a fraternity. It's like this coed cultural organization. She has to memorize things like a greeting, their purposes, a closing. She is spending lots of time practicing with her line sister. I guess it's something they must do in order to cross-over? I like their purposes and she says that is why she chose this one to sign-up for. Problem is....like her father she's a day late and a dollar short! She already graduated? Although her new plan is to skip teacher certification, and the job that goes along with it, and go straight to grad school. She says her ultimate goal is to teach on the college level anyway and feels the extra steps are just a waste of time. So next week she is going to meet with someone from the English dept. and ask if they have any type of job on campus that she do to get most of her tuition paid. Btw this was not my idea....her father and her discussed this.

BlueChair

I love this Clean: "her father discussed it with her" I think a husbunny might be in the doghouse? It would be a hard decision to make I think mostly because of the time and money involved in getting the teacher certificate. I think you explained a little about it a while ago on our thread. And shes probably thinking she wont ever need it because she will have an advanced degree and be a professor, so why would she ever want to teach kids?

Did she already start her graduate program this Fall? Its cool shes joining a fraternity !! It will look good on her list of credentials too. Are they making her do any crazy things to be initiated? They cracked down on what they called hazing rituals out here, some of the requirements were demeaning and other things were dangerous.

I dont think I would worry about her too much, she will probably end up president of a university one day. I feel like shes got this strong sense of determination about her.

New York has mountains? I need to get out more ! I think it would be a good idea for you to go, I bet where your at the leaves will be changing colors ? or is it too early. I noticed on my calendar Fall officially starts next week (forgot the day). Maybe you could see if there is a cider mill along the route. If its too early then you could wait a couple weeks and plan it. I would like to go to Vermont or is it Connecticut where its supposed to be pretty in the Fall? Cool weather, cider, caramel apples sounds awesome. It was in the 90's here this week. Way above normal !!

I will be out there with a flag, this way to the peanuts. Over here take a few steps to the right, NO I said the right !! Dont you know left from right ! Maybe I will make a peanut trail for them. jaguar would be embarrassed and the other squirrels would be like couldnt you find a more normal person to rescue you when you were paralyzed ? Took the first human you saw or what?

MAGW

Hi all - I am catching to on 3 weeks of threads, but too impatient to read them all before I at least say hi, otherwise time may run out!!! Yes I was out of touch - both because I hadn't gotten notifications that there was any conversation, but mostly because the start of school has been difficult for my 14 y.o. Son with school anxiety. We still have A LOT to work through this year. Spending a lot of time with a new psychiatrist from Boston, relocated to Seattle, finally someone who I feel is leading us vs me leading the charge, huge relief though daily stress too.

The BF is doing well. He is actually at his Shick recap, 2 days of of post treatment follow up, at 30 days and then at 90. He is doing well and showing his progress in his daily life vs being dry drunk. My only concern, big one, is he has not followed through on getting a therapist. He came out of treatment ambitious and committed, he still is, but without pursuing external support which worries me long term. He called one, didn't get a callback, and fell off from there. Hopefully his recap will help that.

I have felt a lot of personal improvement as far as using things I have learned here, primarily 'staying on my side of the street' and as someone here said 'nothing to do nothing to fix' - love that.

The hard part is since he came back 8/13, I feel like this is my first night of alone time-- and it's not alone, I am watching his kids so they are watching a movie and I am on the patio enjoying our summer in the fall weather. Anyway, as you know, hard to balance it all when life is already full -- hopefully when my kids are grown and his too, that will be the me time.

I have felt weird insecurity issues since he's been back. Honestly I think I am more Invested as I am no longer afraid of his alcoholism. So I am more open-hearted - didn't realize I had been holding back, but I think a small part of me was in protection mode the whole 4
Yrs we've been together. He met a lot of people at Shick, major bonding experience, so that brought out some of my own insecurity issues that I hadn't seen since my marriage. But also some of it is normal and expected I think under the circumstance (ie him telling me about the woman who fell for him there and kept trying to contact him ...).

Other stuff... Had our first meeting with an external college counselor for my daughter. She is a junior and has it all on the ball. She is cranky with her parents, but otherwise pretty amazing -- so it makes the college search process exciting and hopeful.

Ok - all about me - now I will continue reading g about you as I am only to 9/6. Wish there was an easier way to keep up on everyone!

Missed ya'all!

cleaninLI

Mag if you can't read all our back posts don't worry about it! I just love hearing from you! Don't let your thinking you have to read and comment on our stuff keep you away! I'm sure each one of us understands how busy you are! I do!

Just pop in anytime and write whatever is on your mind. That goes for anyone else who would like to hop on board!

MAGW

Ok Allforce - bowls Of pb and j, cracking me up, still in early September but had to comment on that one- love it!

MAGW

Hi Clean!!! I almost caught you, you are/were up late as I think you are east coast, NY maybe - so I just missed you! I have never been on 'live' with anyone as I think I am the odd west coaster in the group.

Thank you for the reassurance to post without knowing and commenting on everyone's recent posts. It helps to hear that as I do get caught up in that self pressure (OCD?) to do both, read and then categorically comment. But I guess we all know we are all reading even if we aren't commenting, so it's still a community, and that's a good thing.

Nice to catch up though on what all of you have been up to!

Off to bed for me, kid soccer in the morning!

allforcnm

He loves it in a bowl. Sometimes I substitute marshmallow fluff for the jelly.

Well here you go... you can use the thread here to help you overcome the OCD tendencies... you don't have to read and reply to everything, or even much of anything... and its ok. its just nice to hear from you...

I actually try to pick out everyday things to help me work on things I want to change about myself. It works pretty good...
--------------


Im sleepy tonight "All About Me People"... will try to post more over the weekend.

BlueChair

Happy Saturday !!

My only post for the day as we are leaving for our day trip. Its turned into an overnight trip because we couldnt get up early, and then I moved the area where I feed the squirrels. I didnt see Jaguar today but some of the other squirrels were out there and they found the nuts! Also had to get someone to come check on our pets tonight and the morning, and pack snacks!

((hugs)) to all of you !! Enjoy your weekend

buttercup89

Aww that sounds like you have an awesome weekend planned blue! Enjoy the weekend trip and have lots of fun and drive safely!


(((hugs))) back!

P.S. Who's watching me? You organized someone for your pets but not for your adoptive daughter? Don't you know, Butter needs to be watched or I might cause trouble

buttercup89

I'm playing allfor tonight and check in late! ;-) I should probably sleep, but i'm procrastinating... My 16 year old cousin wants to add me on FB. I am absolutely not comfortable with that. He's very special. But i know I have to add him, because it would be rude not to do it...

So, but I also wanted to respond to the last posts.

Clean, Blue I agree. I think we need those struggles in life. They helps us to become the persons we are. Even if it was/is hard to go through those hard times, i wouldn't want to miss it. I wouldn't have learned certain things or I wouldn't have made certain experiences. And as clean said, it makes us appreciate us good times more.

Good luck to your daughter clean for getting a job on campus and getting into the sorority. I'm sure she will make her way :-)

And i also go with blue:.. New york has mountains? Real ones ? if i think about New york i mainly think about sky scrappers
Blue, New England must be beautiful in the fall! I'm so excited to experience it this year. I have never been here in fall!

Blue, you and the peanut-squirrel story cracked me up. The pictures in my head are just too funny We have a lot of squirrels on campus and they always make me think of you!

Hi MAGW I'm sorry about your son's school anxiety! That must be hard! But i'm glad that things with your BF are going well And as the others said, just post and respond to whatever you want. Or just post that's fine too. The more the merrier


I have a question for you all? What do you do when you worry? I know, there is absolutely nothing I can do regarding B's addiction. I'm not involved with him and i'm too far away but I do care about him and I want him to be okay... So you all know what I saw on FB the other day. I found out some other things. they don't indicate that he is using again, but they worry me. I mean, as I said, i know that there is nothing i can do. However, i want him to be well. How do I find a balance that is okay, that is healthy for me? On the other hand, I care way too much about him.... way more than i should, so i guess i can worry about him too...

Seriously, I wish I could just turn off those feelings right now! Keep the memories and move on.. Why is it so hard?

Okay, that was my midnight rant... See you later

BlueChair

I forgot to assign anyone the care and feeding of Butter before I left? And then you make a post about worrying.

What do I do when I worry?

First I try to figure out if what Im worried about is even a legitimate concern. If it is then I break down what specifically am I worried will happen? In the case of worrying about another person like husbunny, I have to examine what Im worried about and ask myself if I think this is something he is capable of dealing with. I ask myself questions like, is he mentally and physically well enough to make good choices, does he have the resources, skills, tools, know how to handle the problem? If not then I question in what ways I could support or encourage him. If he does then I have to put trust in him to find his way, to ask for additional help if he needs it. I try to have faith. I try to focus on other things I need to do, have to do, want to do to keep my mind occupied and my body healthy.

I stay watchful but I think its a matter of finding balance .Sometimes I will get triggered and be more full of emotion, of worry. Other times it goes away totally. If Im worried then I also will turn to a couple of girlfriends for moral support, or my mom / sister in particular because they get me, and help me find balance. Sometimes I write in the sand and let the waves carry it off.
And oh how could I forget? I come here and usually pm someone and talk about it. talking helps, hearing another perspective helps. and last but not least for me I always pray and ask for guidance, clarity, resolution.

With B, sometimes its best to look at the totality of it all. You have happy memories of B right now, but you have pain and frustration also. Do you think there is a line somewhere that will cause the happy memories to fall away and the experience will end up being a negative one? I feel like you are in the process of learning about yourself because of what has come to pass with B. If you cant get the closure you want with B on a personal level, then I think the next best thing is to be able to reconcile your feelings and find a lesson you can take away still a positive for yourself.
I dont know if I explained this good, If I make no sense pm me !!!!

buttercup89

See blue? that happens when you leave me alone and you left no one in charge of me ;-)

Thank you for your explanations. They make a lot of sense. Yeah talking helps I like the balance thing. I guess that's what I am trying to find right now. Regarding the whole thing.

I thought about it today when i studied for my psych exam. I came across the pages about addiction and i guess i never really admitted (not even to myself) but geez, hearing that the person you care about really much is addicted to drugs is a very scary experience and it hurts. It hurts deeply. So the question is, how can you know something like that about a person you're emotionally involved with and not worry? I've had those wonderful success stories from blue's husbunny, clean, allfor's husband and many others here,and always hoped B would be one of them because when he told me he seemed to be so strong, but how many people are out there still suffering? maybe never make it? The chance that a person I love might be one of them is terrible. So i guess i need to find a balance with all my emotions... but i guess, that balance can't be bought online right?

You raised a very good point with your last paragraph, Blue. It's something for me to think about. At the moment it's not so much about B's and my relationship, but rather about him being okay...

I guess, sending him a message that his last fb were weird and that i am worried and asking if he's okay is too much, right? especially since he's ignoring my last one...