FireSprite

So we spent most of Sunday rehabbing the fairy house.

This is turning into a full-on family project at this point, I'm tickled at the direction it is taking. We are trying to strictly use recycled materials for the construction on the house & recycling the old wooden blinds from our French doors has worked out amazingly as siding. RAH worked on that part & DD & I dug up new windows so they could be "installed" at the same time. (we are using sheet protectors so they are nice & clear & will let in lots of sunlight... I'm going to be using faceted crystals as "chandeliers" so I want lots of light coming in to create that prism.) My mom is going to help us make sheer curtains out of DD's old, outgrown tutus.

We gathered tons of little shells from our local beach (some are as tiny as half of a baby aspirin & perfectly formed, the largest is about the size of a quarter), found all kinds of faux jewels & gems in DD's old jewelry making & craft kits that she had set aside for our next garage sale. We need more shells but my sister & niece happened to stop by & said they already have tons that they will share. I also dug up tons of old pocket rocks I forgot about - peach quartz, moonstones, peridot, fluorite, etc. We've got our eyes peeled for some faux pearls too - I'm sure I'll find some at a Goodwill or a thrift shop.

DD & I dug up more than enough paint to do the interior & paint each room a different color. We are also going to frame color printouts of each chakra symbol & hang them like mini-artwork. We are Disney nuts so I am hiding 2 tiny Mickey stickers in somehow so we will have our own hidden Mickeys.

This house was originally hand made & given to my mom's neighbor by her uncle when she was 5-6 yrs old. She's in her late 80's now, but has no girls in the family to pass it on to..... but she & my mom were close & she knew she had granddaughters.... so that is how my mom inherited it & passed it on to DD. You can practically feel the love that went into building it - it has held up amazingly well for it's age. As we disassembled some of the door & window frames (we'll be updating all the moldings) we could tell that he had used old cigar boxes for the wood. We kept a few of the original pieces & will find a way to weave them back into the rehab so that bits of the cigar box & those first loving accents will remain.

Ifnotforgrace

Did a lot of de cluttering today - I guess that's why they call it spring cleaning, I enjoyed the feeling of being productive, it was like I had a victory over procrastination.

KariSue

Wow, sounds awesome! When you get it finished maybe you can post a picture of it here??? I wouldn't know how to post a picture but hopefully you do.

So nice that it has also become a family project.

Kari

KariSue

I need to do that too but I am retiring in June from doing child care in my home. I have a TON of decluttering and will have a big garage sale as well to get rid of most of the kiddie stuff. Some I will save for my grandkids though.

Kari

KariSue

So we had a garage sale and got rid of all the daycare stuff. Well I kept some for grandchildren.

Now onto decluttering and decorating some. Big job that I'll do over time.

Also took up bowling as a hobby. I have 3 adult children and two of them have children so I see them a lot but not my one son who has no children. So we started bowling together so I get to see him much more now that we have something we like to do together. So excited to get some new bowling shoes too.

Kari

BlueChair

Hi Kari Sue,

Its great to see you post, I was hoping you were doing ok and it sounds like you are. A sport with your son is a great idea ! Bowling is so much fun, but I need to practice because Im not too good. I love the glow in the dark bowling. Get yourself a gorgeous pair of bowling shoes. They will be your statement piece.

KariSue

Oh I'm not very good either. It's just fun. I bought shoes the last time I was there. It is almost $5 to rent them each time so I figured I'd break even after bowling about 7 times, lol.

My son and I discovered a way to bowl that was really fun. You know that each time you get two turns. Well we 'share' a game meaning we each take one of those balls. It makes it cooperative instead of competitive like we are on the same team. It came about by accident after we had bowled about 4 games and I was tired of bowling and he wanted to go on. So I said I would just watch but then decided I would liked to try to get some of the pins he had missed for more practice with certain shots. So we turned it into a game.

Kari

smc92va

I got a massage on Sunday, I'm no longer with my affected other but I attended a Nar-Anon meeting for me, I called a girlfriend and we tried a new Indian Food restaurant, I went to the library and checked out books not about addiction for once;-). I also spend and enjoyable Sunday evening watching Disney Movies with my 7 yr old daughther

allforcnm

Hi smc92va -- Oh good another Disney aficionado My son is 2.5 years old and Im now watching Disney again. I feel like Im reliving my childhood except there are so many new movies I have never seen. I cant watch them over an over like he does... please tell me this part gets better as they get older.

Hi Kari. I love the cooperative bowling idea. I don't think I would have ever thought of this, but it really does signify cooperation, teamwork. Im really happy your getting to spend more time with your son, and I hope hes doing well. Did you stop doing the daycare? For some reason, Im getting anxious thinking about my son going off to preschool and hes not even to that point yet. Of course I also spend time thinking about when he goes off to college... I really hope I keep growing as he does...otherwise we are both in trouble. LOL

Hi Blue

KariSue

Yes, I retired and closed my daycare. I am a lady of leisure now!

I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. The son I meant I was bowling with does not have a drug problem. But all of us are going bowling tomorrow night including 2 of the 3 grandchildren. The addicted one is doing okay. He is a binge user so is in a dry spell now so I just take what I can get. He seems to have gained a bit more insight so you know how it is. One can hope but for now it is as okay as it gets.

Well I was watching my grandson in my daycare and my daughter sent him to preschool so grandma could retire. He will be 4 in November. It took a bit of adjustment as he was used to being with grandma but he is doing fine now. The first day he peed in his shoes, lol. No peeing in his shoes after that though....sooooo....progress!

Kari

KariSue

I just got together a couple of bags of items to donate to charity and in one was an almost new book regarding addiction. Don't even want it in the house anymore. If I don't know it all by now then I figure I don't need to know it. Lol!

Kari

MAGW

SOS need help . I read this thread because so few post in this forum but it is my favorite forum. But... now I am mildly stressed as I never feel like I have time for crafts or bowling or anything much fun.

I do not even work, SAHM and my kids are 14 and 16. Finally now I won't have to drive my 16 daughter around but otherwise I feel like all of these years have been full of driving them to activities, managing their activities/signups/going to activities..., going to therapist appointments, house stuff to manage (plumber is coming today), school junk, trying to exercise (yes at least that is me time), all the life stuff between the 3 of us.

I do think I had more time for fun when they were in preschool as I used to scrapbook, and of course always was doing some fun enrichment with them, parks, crafts, museums....

I also think my 'caretaker' side must be doing too much for them - such a hard habit to break - I want a do-over! They do their own laundry and the empty the dishwasher and keep their personal areas clean, but that is it. I just bought a lawnmower so my son will start that as we moved a few months ago to a flat yard. (Historically we moved about every 3 years due to my ex's job, I think that has made it hard to ever have things slow down too.)

Also my divorce was 4 years ago so that brought its own set of to do lists, logistical and emotional mind space. I also think money is an issue in a bad way. My ex is a tech executive and we were married 20 years so we are still receiving maintenance until my son graduates from HS in 5 years. I think having money brings complications as there are too many options in everything, too much available to think about/make decisions on/pursue..., hard to explain but maybe you'll get what I am saying.

And then I met my RABF and he went through a custody battle for his children so 2 years were extra full of court and life related stuff with him, plus the times when he was drinking and the mind space that went with that. Also my son who is 14 has had anxiety issues the last 2 years that have been significant and created a full-time job it feels like for me to manage treatment and school issues.

Is all of this out of the ordinary and that's why I haven't had time to do the fun stuff, or is it just normal and I am missing some key balancing skill? For the most part I don't watch tv; I do like to read but mostly it is at bedtime. I don't do unnecessary things on the computer as it is time sucking, but I do get obsessed with researching whatever it is at the time, from a recipe to a service provider to a purchase or more important things like anxiety/alcoholism... I do have a good friend network and try to see them for lunch at least once every few weeks. We have done a few crafty things like vision boards over the past few years as we are all at this crazy mid-life point, at 46.

I also wonder if we live in a metropolitan area and life is too complicated, but if we lived out in a small town it would be more simple and I would make more time for the things I want to do?

I want to move after they go to college to a small town and live more simply -- it feels unattainable until they are raised though.

Agggghhhh!!!!! Thanks for the vent!!! I would love it if anyone shares the same experience, or for those that don't tell me your secrets !!!!!!!

MAGW

And if it isn't a 'given' and assumed, yes there definitely was too much time spent on codependent activity on my part that was under the covers. I couldn't related to most cd reading, but I realized recently that for me the cd was about needing to be needed, and as a result feeling like I had to also do a lot of life management for the RABF - the R is only recent as he just came out about 1 1/2 weeks ago. He is doing great actually, and part of our new baseline for both of our benefits is me not doing what he can do (duh) - I don't want to be too hard on myself though as with him being a full-time single dad of younger children and a full time job and not an income that allowed him to make parts of life easier, and me being a SAHM with time and money, it was easy to think I needed to help with tasks and logistics that he didn't have time for, it wasn't about tasks related to his drinking as that wasn't really an issue. mamma mia.... screwy life huh!

MAGW

OK this is my last add on... I also need to start thinking about what comes next for my career as I need to start working sometime before the 5 years ends... it has been 16 years since I worked, have a bachelors in PR, but want to do something different... interested in psychology but not being a therapist... will need some kind of school or training... anyway, the point is once my son is settled I need to make time for this!

BlueChair

Oh MagW thank you for posting today.

Your not going to belive this but you are the third sign I have received this week telling me to come back to the Secular Friends and Family forum and begin sharing about my life again. For the past few months Ive abandoned it and I share nothing new except with my friends on the Substance Abuse forum, or by private message because it hasn’t felt comfortable for me to do anything else.

But then as I said, this week Ive had three signs. The first was reading a comment someone made about how this forum was created and hardly used and I felt there was an undertone of it wasn’t even needed. I thought to myself it’s a great forum but I don’t post there because I have kept myself away from sharing private things here as I mentioned above.

Then my friend just today was talking about the sad stigma of addiction. How there is the ice bucket challenge to bring awareness to ALS, and yet people suffer in silence dealing with addiction because we (even family members) are sometimes looked down on for being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction problem, or is in recovery (like my husband). We as family members get caught up in false stigma too. And then here you are saying its one of your favorite forums even though its not so busy

So maybe the man upstairs is trying to send me a message, and your my sign #3 saying to come back and share again.

allforcnm

Hi MAGW,

You sound like you have a high energy level and have actually kept very busy over the last few years. I think the kids do have a lot to do with it. I could really relate to this part.. and don't laugh I only have one child, hes 2 1/2, and I do also work full time. BUT before he came along I had more time for me. I used to do many more hobbies, would go out with my girlfriends to day long events, or spend the day with my mom... now I cant even watch a whole tv show unless its late at night when son is in bed, and the house is locked down. I like to clean the kitchen, everything out away, animals all content. Then my husband and I take a few minutes online or whatever before we meet up for the night. Its constant go go go. and I don't even know what I end up doing after Im home from work.. I fell into a pattern sort of. This is sad.. I even admitted a while back I used project planning at HOME when coming up on a holiday or special project.

I think I understand

I can see it getting more severe when our next child comes unless I figure out how to balance things, allow myself to let some things go... its ok if the laundry waits, etc. I have been trying to fit in ME time on the weekends to catch up on shows I like, chat with friends, and my husband and I are now able to leave my son with the grandparents with more success now that he is getting older, so we get some nights out. So this is how Im slowly working on it. With older kids I think there is a process of allowing them to take on more, and hand off some of your things.

it sounds like right now is a great time for you to think about the future while your still getting the maintenance $.. return to school in order to enter a new career you would enjoy... I enjoy my work but its time consuming... I have been thinking when we have more kids this is a lot.. can I balance it? Will I still enjoy it, or will it feel like a "job" and I will have to force myself to go to work.

Now sounds like a good time of discovery for you. An opportunity to try set aside some time and explore some new hobbies, build up friendships, and the scary part of thinking about what you want the future to look like.

Im happy to hear you bf is doing well right now. I know its early but its great news. You had a lot of stress with the situation with his kids, and his drinking. Now maybe there is also a little hole where all that used to be? I had that happen with my husband. We were happy, then the drugs, separation, lots of emotions, his recovery took precedence, and then there was a gap of old and new... it just took time to adjust.

Sorry if Im talking way too much. But your post hit home for me too at the stage Im at in life. I don't have all the answers but trying to balance all the things I want in my life too. Thank you for sharing.

cleaninLI

Mags I can relate too. I feel like there is always something that needs to be done....or taken care of. I think SR is the only thing I do for me....on most days. The summers are particularly busy...so I'm actually looking forward to school starting next week that will get my three children out of the house.....for at least 8 hours a day.

Maybe then I'll have some time to pursue a hobby or interest. Who knows maybe I'll take up Ha!

cleaninLI

Blue so glad you've decided to come back here.....perhaps I'll be your guest in this section from time to time?
Blue, Karisue, Allfor, mags I loved all your posts! Lots of great ideas too. Karisue, I loved your idea of bowling. I took my kids last summer bowling.....I think it's time to go again.

MAGW

Hi Bluechair - Funny how those signs come to us in multiple ways . I would love to see more posting here. I feel like from my experience, my feelings (not facts) are that this forum is a little more safe sometimes to post things about the A (questions or what's going on...) that are posted from a general place/starting point/foundation of compassion or cautious, measured hope -- and ultimately received and commented on by like-minded people. I think in part because SMART is a more relational approach and has some compassion built in -- and for the same reasons people who are attracted to SMART are likely earlier in their A journey, so there is still room for this thinking. I am sure I wouldn't connect with this if I were down a long road of hurt by the A. (Though maybe for at least some if there were more awareness of SMART earlier maybe it could have helped them down a different path). So... this is why this forum feels a little more 'right' for me at times.

And honestly I also like it here because it is more manageable. I cannot keep up with all the posts and all the people's stories on FF, not that I need to, but that OCD comes out I guess and I don't want to miss something so it is easier to be all in or all out, which works if I am in my own 'crisis' mode and needing to be connected to others in that, but on a normal, daily basis I won't put the time in to try and catch every detail.

Talking in a lot of circles, should have had my whole cup of coffee first!

MAGW

Thank you AllForce - You didn't talk too much ! It is good to hear others are in the same boat. And I don't know how you juggle work with your child. There are different demands when they are young and old, but all of them demand something. I remember when I was a new mom in Dallas, TX. Nordstrom's had nursing rooms even though this was 16 years ago. A few moms of older kids said, "Oh enjoy it while you can, it only gets harder." At the time I was really peeved by this as it was the stage where you are lucky if you get time to shower. But now I understand where they were coming from. It is all a different stage, partially I think our kid's development is designed that way specifically because if the stages didn't change we would go crazy with the one we are in at the time .

When I was working even before kids we were lame - we just worked - every day was the same, stay at work too late, weeknights are for work and refueling for the next day, a big rut of not doing anything fun as it could disrupt that road to success. I definitely regret not having more balance then. When my daughter was born I did work but just a few months. I found it too hard to balance as when I was at work I would get wrapped up in it, too hard to leave the work at work... I think that was a good lesson/sign for me that I would not be successful at juggling. Hopefully if you enjoy your career now, that will continue with more kids and be an outlet and positive time away from being enveloped by 'just being a mom.' I can say that since I have done it and it is not in offense to others. I am happy I stayed home and its only the last few years I have been ready to start back. But looking back I think part-time would have been the best mix for me of maintaining some individuality and probably would have made me a better mom, ie not doing so/too much for my kids...

I have taken a few workshops on transition and second careers... my situation with my son is complicated - his anxiety is coming out is school so we have been in and out of different school situations to find the right fit, and he has spent most of the last 2 years out of traditional full-time school with some type of abbreviated schedule so it has impacted my ability to focus on my future. We only recently found who I think is the right psychiatrist to help us figure out what the root of all this is and how to move forward. I have a lot of hope that this school year will be the one that turns things around with her guidance. He had a super normal first 12 years, he is smart, kind, athletic, social... but has so much going on in his little head. He has always been sensitive. I think between puberty/hormones, who he is inside, the divorce, all of it just hit at once and really threw him off course. Actually this has been so all-consuming as well that some type of part-time work would have been a good distraction for me to keep sane, something to think about as you make your decisions!

OK gotta get moving here - hope you have a great day and do something for you after work!!!