Nowsthetime

Hello all:

It took me years to decide to quit booze and now I think I'm ready to stop smoking. Everyday I wake up and say I'm not smoking... You know the story. I am "high-functioning" (no pun intended) but still... I really want to but it's soooo hard! I've been smoking everyday for a long time. Years!!! That can't be good. My hubby tells me to moderate. I don't have that button!!!

Ok. I put it down. I'm going to try... I really want to. What's stopping me? I know I'm supposed to answer that...

PurpleKnight

Welcome to this part of the Forum Nowsthetime!!

aistar

We can do this

RDBplus3

I smoked pot for 25+ years. Pot is a pseudo-spiritual high ... we think we are getting 'high' but we are just stoned, and I was an EVERY day Stoner.

What a waste it was, and I was ... because the ability to have a REAL spiritual experience was completely missed, by thinking I was 'high' when I was just stoned. ... every day ... stoned

RDBplus3 ... Now Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2 ... and I KNOW U can have a REAL Spiritual Experience with the Creator of the Universe ... and it is so much more rewarding than being an every day Stoner

Dee74

Welcome now isthetime

I was a daily smoker for more or less 30 years so it can be done
Here are some of the links that helped me

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Nowsthetime

Quitting booze is SO much easier for me... I think of the amount I smoke and honestly I could be paying another mortgage. I also know I have a smokers cough... My memory also has to be shot. Today I am changing my schedule to try to change my routine. I wanted to quit for a hug test over the summer and I didn't. I feel like I'm in control, but I'm really not....

Dee74

Keep us updated nowsthetime
did any of those links help?

D

Gamaur

You've got this :-)

It might be helpful to immerse yourself in something positive so you don't feel such an 'empty void' when you don't smoke. From what I understand, the same chemicals that cause smoking addiction are the same that make us enjoy things like boardgames and food; even our careers!

Everyone's different, but I find reading books, especially those about stories of personal growth, to be really helpful for filling the gap.

Best of luck, and whatever happens, don't be hard on yourself if it takes a while... you may quit more than once (or many times more) before fully giving it the boot (everyone is different), and that's absolutely fine .

Nowsthetime

Yes Dee. I read all the links... It is like I'm seeing it all play out from the outside. My rational brain knows why I should quit and how I should do it but then I don't follow through. I really like the idea of an activity to distract. I know from experience that when I'm doing a puzzle I don't want to stop so I'm going to have to try that. I have determined that I live with an enabler. Sometimes after I smoke he will tell me "you are so much calmer", or he will get it ready for me. I have told him that I don't care if he smokes, that I will get it for him but that I don't want to do it. He said that I was going to be boring (since I don't drink anymore and now I want to quit pot). I would even be happy with cutting down and I would love for that to be possible, but I have been here enough to know that that doesn't work. I had no problem quitting when I was pregnant and when I went to a class for 3 weeks, but as soon as I got home I wanted that fix.

Today is a new day. Today I try AGAIN.

Dee74

LOL being boring is the accusation that everyone hurls at someone else when the other person does something we know we really should do too...

I was boring when I was too stoned to move, looking at the wall or the carpet for hours on end..

my life is anything but boring now

It might be worth your while to do a really detailed cost benefit analysis of your smoking nows

Really dig fearlessly into the reasons why you want and need to stop.

this is a great link on making an 'action plan'
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D

racingthoughts

Hello Nowsthetime,

I can't moderate either and no length of sober time will ever change that.

As far as living with an enabler, I'd distance yourself from him as much as possible during the early days if he isn't going to be supportive. Recovery is about you, and you can't let anybody jeopardize it. This is just me, but I ended up moving to get away from the crap.

Please keep us updated

All the best

Nowsthetime

I changed all my routine today and so far it's working but now starts the hardest time. I'm posting to help me with my resolve...

Gamaur

Awesome :-)

Just be patient with yourself; forming new habit patterns takes time and discipline. Think Pantene.

Do you have people supporting you, who are aware of the transition you're making?

Nowsthetime

Arghhhh! I didn't make it. I got home put my daughter to bed, ate something, and then my hubby brought the stuff out and offered it to me. To be totally honest I have no support from him and I talked to him about it. I told him that I need his support and he said he will support me but then started saying "I can't have a beer with you and now I can't smoke? This is not the person I married.". He sounded really dissapointed. He also asked me if I could just do it every once in a while. He also told me that I am calmer when I do it so please don't stop.

I have been clear about me not minding him smoking etc and I don't blame him for last night because I understand this is up to me but a little support from my best friend would be nice. He also wants another farm and I told him that if I quit we would have more than enough to pay for that mortgage... That made him think but then he said "you can just smoke every once in a while". We all know how that goes... I did have a strong tone. It's hilarious because he acted like this was a surprise when honestly I have been talking about quitting since I quit booze in March of last year (with a couple of "slips"... 2 times with a couple of drinks each) and last night he acted like it was news to him. I also confronted him about saying I will be boring if I quit everything and he acted like he had never said it. He has said it 3 times...

When he said that this isn't the person he married really hurt me and the most hurtful part is that I am totally out there without any substance so I think that his claims of being boring are unfounded. I don't understand what his fear is. Las night before I smoked I was having horrible anxiety because of work stress. My hands and feet were soaked. We spoke of me going to therapy. I have talked about this for a long time but he (again) acted like this was a surprise. I have asked him to go with me. I have anger issues and I believe they come from some childhood trauma and another traumatic experience I had. He kind of knows about both instances although not all the details. I want to spare him so when he asks me why I think I need to go and I answer that I have issues I can't be totally honest with him. Sometimes I think that he minimizes what happened to me when I was a kid and this is hurtful so I rather not even talk about it.

My husband is amazing and great in every other way... How can I get him in my side? He wasn't supportive of me quitting booze but after this year and a half he is a little more on board. I don't know if he will ever be on board with this. I do t want this to become a stressor on my marriage.

Arghhhh... I WANT THIS! He also started telling me how weed doesn't affect me negatively... I don't know...

Dee74

It's going to be harder if your husband is not supportive and is doing a little emotional blackmail on you - but you know the reasons why you want to quit and they're valid reasons, nowsthetime.

The reason was pot was so insidious for me is that it's far easier to convince yourself it's not doing any harm...

but I look back at the wasted years (nearly 30 for me and I'm 48), my not being emotionally available (or sometimes physically unavailable) to those who loved and needed me...the low things I did to get weed...not to mention the damage to my lungs and my brain...

I know that my pot use was every bit as destructive as my alcohol use.

D

racingthoughts

It sounds like your husband has a pot problem of his own and he sees you quitting as a threat to his own addiction. It's much easier to brush something like this off when you have a partner in crime. Misery loves company. All his babble isn't him talking, it's the weed monster.

You're between a rock and a hard place. It's going to extremely hard to quit while living with someone who smokes and having constant access to it. Doing it with someone who's trying to convince you to go back seems almost impossible. I had six months of sobriety from last September to March. At around month five, my roommate started smoking again. Smelling it and seeing him high really got me craving and planted the relapse seeds in my head. I lasted for about a month of that until I said screw it one night. Keep in mind, I was already way past the hardest part. During the first couple weeks/months, I would have surely gone back if he had been lighting up in front of me at that time. No doubt in my mind. Kicking a drug habit is some of if not the hardest work you'll ever do. Even with support it's hard. I can't imagine the opposite.

I'm young and have never been married or anything, but my advice to you would be to make a firm decision. Tell your husband and set some clear boundaries. I personally get borderline irate whenever someone tells me to just smoke in moderation. The thought of it isn't even appealing to me. If you can stay strong in the beginning, he'll probably stop bugging you. If he doesn't, just walk out of the room. You live on a farm? Why can't he keep it away from you and smoke outside? What's more important, freeing your mind from slavery or making sure your husband has a smoking buddy? If you stay strong he might even surprise you and quit himself one of these days.

You got this.

racingthoughts

And you're so right Dee. A pot addiction is just about the easiest substance addiction to rationalize.

Nowsthetime

Hello all:

Thanks so much everyone for your responses. They make me feel understood and less alone. Since I posted here I have cut down dramatically but it's still not enough, a little better, but not enough. We don't live in a farm. We live in a city and have a farm in the country about 45 mins away where we go on the weekends. But even in our house, I can go to another room when he's "doing his thing". I don't know if my husband's use is a problem. He is a normie with booze and with weed he can take a hit and be fine. Not me. Once I smoke that first hit I want to finish the bowl and then I want to keep doing it every so often.

I had a talk with my husband and I called him out with what Dee said (thanks Dee for giving me the words that I needed) about "emotional blackmail" and about his lack of support. As usual he denied saying things he DID say and then he said that he was "just talking" when he said the thing about not being the person he married, and how he married me because I was fun. I asked him if he wasn't happy that I have matured, grown up and became a better mom. He said that he is proud that I am making it happen but I really think he isn't too excited about my decision to quit everything. He asked me if I would eat mushrooms with him. He doesn't eat them regularly, maybe once every couple of years. He likes to drink tea with just a bit, never to the point of hallucinating and things like that. I HATE 'shrooms, I am way too mental but I feel pressured to take them with him. So I completely called him out again and asked him if it's ok that he is pressuring me to do drugs. He goes: "oh, common "...

This is a tough situation. I DO feel emotionally blackmailed and I don't like it.

Dee74

Stand firm Nows.

I don't know how old you are but I'm old enough now to know I have no business tripping balls on shrooms or anything else.

It's more than a little embarrassing being 'Gramps' the oldest frat boy at the party anyway.

D

erin8

hello all. I quit drinking about 7 months ago and thought I'd be ok with smoking but now... well I have to get a job and I'm finding it just as hard to quit smoking as it was to quit drinking. So on top of quitting I'm worried about another relapse. I hate how much it interferes with my life.