hk1993

Hello I'm 21 years old and I've been in a relationship with a marijuana addict for about 7 months now. Through out our relationship he did everything and anything he could to get free weed such as cheat on me with girls who would smoke him out, manipulate me for money, and take my car without asking to go pick weed up. He's in rehab now for the 3rd time and he says that he is sorry for everything he has done and all the cheating and him fighting with me was over drugs. When i first met him he was sober. We had so much fun and we were always going out and I instantly fell in love with him. After he got a good job and started making his own money he would blow it all on pot which eventually led to him getting fired and then after not having a job and being depressed for 4 months. All he would do is smoke weed, go on Plenty of Fish to find girls to smoke him out, and then call me to hang out with him after and take him to get food and have me listen to his problems and try to help him with his life. We always ended up fighting over him being high or talking to other girls to get high and at some points it got pretty bad. But we would always make up and try to move on but it was just a vicious cycle.My parents absolutely hate him. I've actually been threatened to be disowned by my family because of him because of how hes treated me. When he wasn't smoking or was trying to get pot he would get so mean and treat me like complete sh*t because he said he needed to smoke and i wouldn't help him out to get weed. I've helped him a lot though (jobs, places to live, getting sober) and I've seen his potential and I know deep down he does love me and he's just had a really bad family life ( abusive addict of a father who he now has no relationship with) . The thing is , is I don't know how much more I can take and I don't know how much I can believe anymore that he's actually going to change this time. He's going into sober living in a couple of weeks and he wants me to go to a counseling session with him at his rehab which im also not sure if i want to do. He calls me everyday and apologizes tremendously everytime but I need actions. Theres so many trust issues and with my family hating him I don't know how much more of me I can give to him even though he's all I think about all the time. I just want the best for him and I don't know if that means letting him go. But if I let him go he seriously has no one to help him through the next part of his sobriety. I myself do not drink or do drugs and I have a good job and a loving heart. I feel like I deserve much better but at the same time I feel like the boyfriend I had for the past 5/6 months of our 7 month relationship was not the boyfriend I had in the beginning that i deeply fell in love with, and it was all due to drugs. I just would like to know if there is anyone else out there going through the same thing such as you're family not accepting the one that you love because of their addiction problems and having terrible trust issues of being in a relationship with an addict?

Dee74

Hi and welcome hk1993

I've loved addicts too - and I've felt that if I left they would have no one to help...but they always seemed to do ok.

Loving someone is great, but loving someone so much it hurts us is not so good.

If your relationship as it is is making you sad you have a right to question the future.

I know you'll find a lot of support here on SR.

Check out our Family And Friends Of Substance Abusers Forum too
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D

happycampers

Hi hi -you got some good advice there from Dee ! Please check out the Family and Friends section Dee referred to. You'll find the answers you're looking for there. Being with any kind of Addict that is currently consumed by their drug is really not capable of a real relationship , in my humble opinion. Read on at the F&F forum.Good luck !

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

raul88

you're not dating a pothead, you are dating Charlie Sheen! Keep winning HK!

kayleezen

crestfallen

Though his use of marijuana has proven to be detrimental to many facets of your and his life..the good thing is that research shows people do not become physically dependent on marijuana. It is not the same as with opiates and alcohol, for example.

The first step (easier said than done) is for his true desire to stop to surface and then to remove himself from all things/people associated with the drug. I had to do a debate in college on whether or not pot should be legalized and there were many more pros than cons to it being legalized.

Additionally, the whole gateway drug theory is simply a myth.

Try to be diligent but patient while helping him get to the root of the problem that is causing him to use it as an escape in the first place. And no matter what, do not blame yourself for his lack of progress, relapse, etc.

Most of the time, good ole intuition will show us when the bad in the relationship outweighs the good to the magnitude you can no longer tolerate, it may be time to separate, help as a friend only, or exit the relationship to save yourself.. if necessary

*First post, so I apologize if it is not clear and concise*

FatallyUncool

Hey Crestfallen,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum!

Dee74

Welcome from me too crestfallen