Beer / Weed Increase
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 13
Beer / Weed Increase
I am posting in this forum as I hope you all will help me understand or provide clarity.
My husband is functional alcoholic and pot smoker. He is 55 and has been using this stuff since he was 18. In his mind, these two items are just vices! He retired last year after 30 years working and started collecting his pension. He tried to convince me to let him retire as he had a new job lined up. It would double the amount of money he was bringing home. The extra money could pay for surf trips, date nights, or improvements to our country property.
Fast-forward to this year, 2015, 2 weeks ago. After 9 months, he was let go from his job. This job did not drug-test before hiring. I think he went to garage to take pot hit every morning before going to work.
In 2 weeks, he has not applied for any jobs, and reluctantly registered for unemployment on Friday. At marriage counseling, he said he wanted to take some time to figure out what to do. Today I saw he is seriously considering going to full-time retirement. Losing his job threw him for a loop and humbled him!
During this initial unemployment time, he has doubled the amount of beer he is drinking. He got a new bag of green and it is almost gone after 1 1/2 weeks. It use to last for 2 months. When he is out of green, he is irritable, has crazy dreams, gets cranky and more verbally abusive. I do not like to be around him when he is not medicated! He has never done AA or any detox. They are vices and he can quit anytime.
I am the same age and work full-time corporate job. I have always brought home the most money in the 18 years we have been together/married.
What should I expect from full-time retirement and the use of beer and weed? He never asks when can I retire. It is always about him.
Will the drinking and potting continue? Should I make him move out and go to cabin? Should I cut my losses and run for the hills? I go to Al-Anon, so trying to use those resources.
My husband is functional alcoholic and pot smoker. He is 55 and has been using this stuff since he was 18. In his mind, these two items are just vices! He retired last year after 30 years working and started collecting his pension. He tried to convince me to let him retire as he had a new job lined up. It would double the amount of money he was bringing home. The extra money could pay for surf trips, date nights, or improvements to our country property.
Fast-forward to this year, 2015, 2 weeks ago. After 9 months, he was let go from his job. This job did not drug-test before hiring. I think he went to garage to take pot hit every morning before going to work.
In 2 weeks, he has not applied for any jobs, and reluctantly registered for unemployment on Friday. At marriage counseling, he said he wanted to take some time to figure out what to do. Today I saw he is seriously considering going to full-time retirement. Losing his job threw him for a loop and humbled him!
During this initial unemployment time, he has doubled the amount of beer he is drinking. He got a new bag of green and it is almost gone after 1 1/2 weeks. It use to last for 2 months. When he is out of green, he is irritable, has crazy dreams, gets cranky and more verbally abusive. I do not like to be around him when he is not medicated! He has never done AA or any detox. They are vices and he can quit anytime.
I am the same age and work full-time corporate job. I have always brought home the most money in the 18 years we have been together/married.
What should I expect from full-time retirement and the use of beer and weed? He never asks when can I retire. It is always about him.
Will the drinking and potting continue? Should I make him move out and go to cabin? Should I cut my losses and run for the hills? I go to Al-Anon, so trying to use those resources.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi and welcome Joli 
It's very hard to predict what might happen with someone else...but I was in a very similar situation (retired, although not married) and my intake on both beer and weed got to stupid levels.
I guess you have to decide exactly how much you're willing to take?
D
It's very hard to predict what might happen with someone else...but I was in a very similar situation (retired, although not married) and my intake on both beer and weed got to stupid levels.
I guess you have to decide exactly how much you're willing to take?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Well, Jodi , you can count one big blessing -you have the possibility of a good situation for both of you. He can go to the cabin and make his own life decisions and you have a peaceful place to come home to and do your own exploring without looking at what the other is doing. And down the road, you'll have a better view of your future together or separate . But the space given to each is a loving thing to do in my opinion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
You are facing what I would consider to be some very tough decisions.
I can't tell you what someone else would or would not do, only share my experience both as an ex-pot smoker and ex-drinker as well as someone who is in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict who is currently incarcerated for drunk driving.
In order to get better I had to work on both my own recovery for substance abuse as well as work on my codependent/enabling behaviors. I had to learn how my actions affected his drinking/smoking and that I cannot control him, only myself. I had to ask myself if I was willing to stay with someone who might never get sober. I had to learn about tough love.
I would ask this in the friends and family section.
Let me know if I can help further.
I can't tell you what someone else would or would not do, only share my experience both as an ex-pot smoker and ex-drinker as well as someone who is in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict who is currently incarcerated for drunk driving.
In order to get better I had to work on both my own recovery for substance abuse as well as work on my codependent/enabling behaviors. I had to learn how my actions affected his drinking/smoking and that I cannot control him, only myself. I had to ask myself if I was willing to stay with someone who might never get sober. I had to learn about tough love.
I would ask this in the friends and family section.
Let me know if I can help further.
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