The Start of Something Beautiful
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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The Start of Something Beautiful
My story, copied from the Pot and Me thread:
Hello everyone, thank you for sharing. I can relate with most of your experiences: the false sense of contentment, the visiting dangerous places just to score pot, the destruction of relationships, and yes, even the skimming off the top of a bag when I'm the one tasked with rolling joints.
My love affair with weed started in high school but escalated out of control at university. I was doing a whole lot of other drugs at this time but my journals from this period only cites pot as being a major issue.
After university I lived in Ireland for a while where I overdosed on heroin. It was a great awakening of sorts and when I came out of it, I was motivated to start getting my life in order.
I went to work in Korea and for all of 2 and a half years I was hard drug and weed free. I drank a lot though, incredible amounts, but I was extremely productive during this period.
When my ex-girlfriend and I returned to South Africa, that's when the weed cravings started to hit! I was around my old friends again, and going to the same old places. I relapsed and tried to hide it from my gf, but it was a stressful time - I was waiting on a visa to go to Prague, and her family had just relocated to Germany, so we were kind of in limbo. I couldn't get a job because I wasn't sure when the visa would be granted, and I wasn't doing anything constructive.
It all came to a head on a wine tour we went on. I was so sick of all the lies, and I was just so disappointed in the situation. Drunk, I lit a joint in front of her and that was the end of us.
I relocated to Prague to attend film school. Conveniently on the exact same day when they decriminalised drugs in the Czech Republic! I knew that I shouldn't be smoking, but the novelty of it almost being legal excited me.
I did good things in Prague, but I know deep down that I could have applied myself more. There was one occasion that stands out: me sitting on the couch for a solid 2 weeks, stoned and content, playing Playstation and not leaving my flat during this time. I had things to do, I just chose to smoke weed.
I returned to South Africa and instead of fighting my addiction, I chose to live with it. Basically trying to be a functional addict. But I can't delude myself anymore. The weed has given me nothing over the years. All it's done is give me stress and erode my confidence. It really annoys me that I cannot get over it. There's nothing worse, in my opinion, than saying you're going to do something then failing because of your own weakness. And I have failed over and over and over again.
It's even more annoying when people dismiss weed as something that is not addictive, or is easily kicked. I'm going in to day 3 now, and this time I will prevail. I've had enough.
__________________
Hello everyone, thank you for sharing. I can relate with most of your experiences: the false sense of contentment, the visiting dangerous places just to score pot, the destruction of relationships, and yes, even the skimming off the top of a bag when I'm the one tasked with rolling joints.
My love affair with weed started in high school but escalated out of control at university. I was doing a whole lot of other drugs at this time but my journals from this period only cites pot as being a major issue.
After university I lived in Ireland for a while where I overdosed on heroin. It was a great awakening of sorts and when I came out of it, I was motivated to start getting my life in order.
I went to work in Korea and for all of 2 and a half years I was hard drug and weed free. I drank a lot though, incredible amounts, but I was extremely productive during this period.
When my ex-girlfriend and I returned to South Africa, that's when the weed cravings started to hit! I was around my old friends again, and going to the same old places. I relapsed and tried to hide it from my gf, but it was a stressful time - I was waiting on a visa to go to Prague, and her family had just relocated to Germany, so we were kind of in limbo. I couldn't get a job because I wasn't sure when the visa would be granted, and I wasn't doing anything constructive.
It all came to a head on a wine tour we went on. I was so sick of all the lies, and I was just so disappointed in the situation. Drunk, I lit a joint in front of her and that was the end of us.
I relocated to Prague to attend film school. Conveniently on the exact same day when they decriminalised drugs in the Czech Republic! I knew that I shouldn't be smoking, but the novelty of it almost being legal excited me.
I did good things in Prague, but I know deep down that I could have applied myself more. There was one occasion that stands out: me sitting on the couch for a solid 2 weeks, stoned and content, playing Playstation and not leaving my flat during this time. I had things to do, I just chose to smoke weed.
I returned to South Africa and instead of fighting my addiction, I chose to live with it. Basically trying to be a functional addict. But I can't delude myself anymore. The weed has given me nothing over the years. All it's done is give me stress and erode my confidence. It really annoys me that I cannot get over it. There's nothing worse, in my opinion, than saying you're going to do something then failing because of your own weakness. And I have failed over and over and over again.
It's even more annoying when people dismiss weed as something that is not addictive, or is easily kicked. I'm going in to day 3 now, and this time I will prevail. I've had enough.
__________________
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Cool to hear from you Van. I even got to do some world traveling through you, vicariously. Only it was always with the stain of that "stuff" huh? Yeah, I used to do it, and it will be legal here sooner or later and then there will be that easier access to it and I wonder what I will do, but I really hope I will stay away from it because of all of the downsides like you talk about. I am telling myself that legal or illegal I don't want the pollution of my soul. Thanks for increasing my awareness and I hope you the best.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 22
Hello everyone,
I hope things are going from strength to strength for all of you. I'm on day 4 now - no alcohol and no marijuana.
Last night was rough, though. On the Alcohol threads I spoke in depth about my writing and drinking. As far as I knew this would be one of my biggest hiccups - the fact that I use alcohol to create.
Last night I encountered another hiccup for both my vices: the social scene.
I went out with a couple of a friends and I thought it would be okay being sober. Well, I wasn't really convinced, I just wanted to test it out.
It was horrible. Drunk and high people can be such a bore when you're sober! They can be incredibly annoying, and I just felt so disconnected from everything.
I know that environment is important and that it was a major factor in my previous relapses. I also know that this is one of the first things you are told when you want to kick an addiction. I'm going to have change things if I want to succeed. I really have to ask myself, "What is more important, what do you want?" Because based on last night's evidence, the sober me clearly doesn't like the clubbing, bar, pick up scene. It just seems so plastic.
I live in a very beautiful city, and there are tons of outdoor things to do here. I've never truly experienced these things because I always saw myself as a "city kid", who loves the dark hours.
I'm going on a hike today, and maybe tomorrow too. This will be the first time when I've initiated this type of mission by myself.
"Times, They Are a-Changin"
Have a good day, friends.
VH
I hope things are going from strength to strength for all of you. I'm on day 4 now - no alcohol and no marijuana.
Last night was rough, though. On the Alcohol threads I spoke in depth about my writing and drinking. As far as I knew this would be one of my biggest hiccups - the fact that I use alcohol to create.
Last night I encountered another hiccup for both my vices: the social scene.
I went out with a couple of a friends and I thought it would be okay being sober. Well, I wasn't really convinced, I just wanted to test it out.
It was horrible. Drunk and high people can be such a bore when you're sober! They can be incredibly annoying, and I just felt so disconnected from everything.
I know that environment is important and that it was a major factor in my previous relapses. I also know that this is one of the first things you are told when you want to kick an addiction. I'm going to have change things if I want to succeed. I really have to ask myself, "What is more important, what do you want?" Because based on last night's evidence, the sober me clearly doesn't like the clubbing, bar, pick up scene. It just seems so plastic.
I live in a very beautiful city, and there are tons of outdoor things to do here. I've never truly experienced these things because I always saw myself as a "city kid", who loves the dark hours.
I'm going on a hike today, and maybe tomorrow too. This will be the first time when I've initiated this type of mission by myself.
"Times, They Are a-Changin"
Have a good day, friends. VH
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 22
Hi AddictGuy,
Thank you. Yeah, basically always travelling and smoking. I'm itching to go and live somewhere else for a while. Probably next year if the dice rolls my way. But I need to fix this issue here, because this is my home, and I will always come home.
Keep on flourishing And never give in, legal or not legal.
VH
Thank you. Yeah, basically always travelling and smoking. I'm itching to go and live somewhere else for a while. Probably next year if the dice rolls my way. But I need to fix this issue here, because this is my home, and I will always come home.
Keep on flourishing
And never give in, legal or not legal. VH
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Haha, yes it is true that drunk and high people are not very entertaining when one is sober. I had to avoid those kind of scenes for a while. I stopped hanging out with my stoner friends (who also drank heavily). It was supposed to just be for a while but it turns out I lost all interest in them after a while. I feel a bit bad for leaving them behind but honestly, this life is for me and I did what I had to to make it better. It doesn't matter that much to them anyway, just one less smoking drinking buddy.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by vanharten 
There was one occasion that stands out: me sitting on the couch for a solid 2 weeks, stoned and content, playing Playstation and not leaving my flat during this time. I had things to do, I just chose to smoke weed.
Your message has left a vivid impression on me and increased my resolve. Now is the start of something beautiful.
Mel
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
I worry about it becoming legal too. A huge part of me quitting was that I was tired of my life going on hold if a dealer didn't text me back. I guess if anyone can quit alcohol or cigarettes though, why shouldn't we be able to do it with weed?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'm an alcoholic - I can get booze anytime I like within 5 mins.
You learn to deal with it.
You change too. I don't want to get drunk or high. I prefer recovery and I prefer me sober and clean
It would be like me buying hydrochloric acid to drink nowadays -not really a likely scenario
D
You learn to deal with it.
You change too. I don't want to get drunk or high. I prefer recovery and I prefer me sober and clean
It would be like me buying hydrochloric acid to drink nowadays -not really a likely scenario
D
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
This thread resonates with my weed smoking experience. I wasted so much time and money being stoned and scoring weed in my younger days. Of course I didn't really see it that way at the time. The "weed is harmless" philosophy has been dogging me my whole life but the people on the other side of the fence all seemed to be drunks or hypocrites or both. This meant a lot to me when I was a teenager but honestly I didn't smoke much pot when I was in high school. I thought it was too strong and it interfered with my drinking.
When I moved away from home at 17 I started to smoke lots of pot. I learned that there are a lot of cool people who smoke dope and bringing a sack of good weed to the party will get you hooked up with them. It never lead me to coke or smack or anything else like that. Being drunk and stoned at the same time became my buzz of choice for decades. I've scored weed and malt liquor all over the USA and Europe.
Quitting drinking or smoking pot almost never even occurred to me until I was over forty. I had a young family and other rational reasons but mostly I wanted to be the best that I could be, to "channel my inner bad ass" and the stoner lifestyle was interfering. I quit drinking first, which was really hard, then couple of years later I tackled weed. The immediate pay off from quitting weed wasn't as profound as quitting drinking but it's been a year now and I can honestly say that it was a great thing for me to do.
It's funny, since I quit, weed is now legal where I live. Copious quantities of the world's best weed are available for prices that would have been a bargain when I was in my teens. Of course I've got plenty of money but I don't buy pot anymore and I'm comfortable with it. It is such a relief to not be searching to alter my consciousness anymore. SR has certainly helped me to get to this place.
When I moved away from home at 17 I started to smoke lots of pot. I learned that there are a lot of cool people who smoke dope and bringing a sack of good weed to the party will get you hooked up with them. It never lead me to coke or smack or anything else like that. Being drunk and stoned at the same time became my buzz of choice for decades. I've scored weed and malt liquor all over the USA and Europe.
Quitting drinking or smoking pot almost never even occurred to me until I was over forty. I had a young family and other rational reasons but mostly I wanted to be the best that I could be, to "channel my inner bad ass" and the stoner lifestyle was interfering. I quit drinking first, which was really hard, then couple of years later I tackled weed. The immediate pay off from quitting weed wasn't as profound as quitting drinking but it's been a year now and I can honestly say that it was a great thing for me to do.
It's funny, since I quit, weed is now legal where I live. Copious quantities of the world's best weed are available for prices that would have been a bargain when I was in my teens. Of course I've got plenty of money but I don't buy pot anymore and I'm comfortable with it. It is such a relief to not be searching to alter my consciousness anymore. SR has certainly helped me to get to this place.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Posts: 22
Wackybunny, I took your advice to heart and like you say, "this life is for me, and I did what I had to, to make it better." I just texted a friend I was suppose to meet today, telling him that I'm not going to be seeing him for the next couple of months. This particular friend is like my partner in crime, and we always get up to mischief. He's struggling with addiction issues himself, but is in denial, and doesn't want to acknowledge it. I don't want to be around that type of influence, so I did what was best.
Mel, you make me smile. We're going to do this, and it's going to be permanent!
Gaffo, well done on your sobriety. You inspire me.
Here in South Africa, it's still going to be illegal for a very long time. I like what what Dee wrote about being able to get booze in 5 minutes, but it doesn't matter because she prefers to be sober and clean - that's very powerful. It may be illegal here but I can get a dealer to deliver in about 20 minutes or I can walk down to the train station and get it in 5 minutes. I suppose it doesn't really matter, it all depends on you.
VH
Mel, you make me smile. We're going to do this, and it's going to be permanent!
Gaffo, well done on your sobriety. You inspire me.
Here in South Africa, it's still going to be illegal for a very long time. I like what what Dee wrote about being able to get booze in 5 minutes, but it doesn't matter because she prefers to be sober and clean - that's very powerful. It may be illegal here but I can get a dealer to deliver in about 20 minutes or I can walk down to the train station and get it in 5 minutes. I suppose it doesn't really matter, it all depends on you.
VH
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by vanharten
I just texted a friend I was suppose to meet today, telling him that I'm not going to be seeing him for the next couple of months.
You just reminded me that I need an upgrade to Social Life 2.0. The 1.0 version tended not only to crash but burn.
Mel
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Glad to hear you are making some more steps forward. I didn't say anything to my stoner friends, just stopped going over there. Now is a bit awkward because when I run into them there is a sort of unspoken thing in the air - the fact that a year ago I saw them a couple times a week and now never. Oh well, there are bigger things to worry about. I have had so many friends over the course of my life (especially with traveling and moving) that I don't worry about it when some move on in different directions. Friends can be people to share wonderful moments/years with but don't have to be there for life - unless it works out that way. The friends that you do keep forever are all the more special.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Posts: 22
I'm on day 8. This is the longest stretch I've managed in probably 4 or 5 years
I haven't really had any major cravings - bar for last Friday night, and I feel strong and quite energised.
I'm not really sleeping well, and when I do I've been dreaming about using - not just weed; the full gamut of destructive drugs used in my past seem to be crying out for attention when I finally get to sleep. Yeah, they're not dreams - they're nightmares. Given that I wasn't dreaming or not remembering them before, I've told myself that at least I have started to dream again! I'm sure they'll get better right? It's definitely not a reason to curb the momentum I now feel like I have.
I went to the library yesterday and loaned Stephen King's 'On Writing', and read it in one sitting. His frank musings about his own alcoholism and drug addiction was refreshing, and as well as inspiring me, it's also given me perspective. I wish I read it when I was at university, but at least I have read it now. Who knows how my younger self would have interpreted those simple truths. Perhaps I read it at just the right time.
I'm sure most of you have read this list but I thought I would post it here for newcomers. Benefits of not smoking:
200 benefits of stopping smoking weed : leaves
Anyhow, have a day good friends. Keep strong
Oh and Dee, I'm not sure if you watch or even appreciate cricket, but a belated congrats on winning the World Cup. I was cheering for New Zealand, but the best team won
VH
I haven't really had any major cravings - bar for last Friday night, and I feel strong and quite energised.
I'm not really sleeping well, and when I do I've been dreaming about using - not just weed; the full gamut of destructive drugs used in my past seem to be crying out for attention when I finally get to sleep. Yeah, they're not dreams - they're nightmares. Given that I wasn't dreaming or not remembering them before, I've told myself that at least I have started to dream again! I'm sure they'll get better right? It's definitely not a reason to curb the momentum I now feel like I have.
I went to the library yesterday and loaned Stephen King's 'On Writing', and read it in one sitting. His frank musings about his own alcoholism and drug addiction was refreshing, and as well as inspiring me, it's also given me perspective. I wish I read it when I was at university, but at least I have read it now. Who knows how my younger self would have interpreted those simple truths. Perhaps I read it at just the right time.
I'm sure most of you have read this list but I thought I would post it here for newcomers. Benefits of not smoking:
200 benefits of stopping smoking weed : leaves
Anyhow, have a day good friends. Keep strong
Oh and Dee, I'm not sure if you watch or even appreciate cricket, but a belated congrats on winning the World Cup. I was cheering for New Zealand, but the best team won
VH
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