Mel12

Dear people,

A while back I quit alcohol on SR. A few weeks ago my friend of many years, who does not have a habit, returned from a trip where he had purchased "something new" about which he was excited and wanted to share.

He gave me an amount of high-grade marijuana about the size of a bar of soap. It took me about twelve days of continuous smoking to use it all. By the last day, I was arranging my life so that I could sit at home and continuously smoke. I was doing crazy things like sometimes smoking through the night till dawn. Go watch a zombie movie if you want to see what I looked like. I have not smoked for three days but still at this moment my lungs are trashed just from the one binge.

I have never experienced such a gripping addiction! After one puff my judgment evaporates. And I became totally habituated from day one. For comparison, with alcohol, it took over TEN YEARS for me to get beyond 3 drinks per week.

In my early teens in the 1970s, I recall becoming instantly addicted to marijuana. But I had quit smoking by the 1980s, so I did not have fresh in my mind that history.

For whatever reason--I suspect biology is involved--in my case marijuana is extremely bad news. The evidence of the past weeks suggests that whenever I take one puff, I will keep going until everything is gone. I never had this problem with alcohol. The only good news in this tale of madness is that I am quitting sooner rather than later.

I look forward to discussing with you strategies to avoid switching to yet another DOC--or switching back to alcohol. I am grateful for this forum, the only place I know of where people will not laugh at me for needing an ironclad plan to escape a "harmless medicine."

Mel

wackybunny

Yep, some of us are just like that I guess, susceptible to weed in a big way. Good for you for seeing it straight away and stopping before it got more of a hold on you.

For me, it wasn't even that enjoyable but I used to stay up smoking it too. Sometimes I would wake up and smoke some in the middle of the night. Or wake up extra early in the morning so I could smoke and have time to sober up a bit before work. I can't even say why it was that I did it because in the end, I hated it. Just like a zombie reaching for another joint so I could carry on being a zombie.

Even though Zombie Bunny is a thing of the past, if there was weed in my house right now and no-one around to see me smoke it, I probably would. That's because it had/has that kind of hold on me and I've had to build a fortress with a weed free moat around it to keep me off of it.

I hope you manage to stay away from it too because 12 days can easily turn into 12 weeks, 12 years... For me it was 22 years.

Mel12

Dear WB,

Thank you for your welcoming response. I also greatly appreciate your other messages detailing your experiences and insights, and hope to see more of them in the days to come.

Congratulations on breaking a 22-year pattern! Starting in the 1970s I was a daily marijuana smoker for about ten years. Now in 2015 I realize that I never lost the habit--I just somehow stopped smoking for several decades.

I am sure some will find it laughable that I am in a panic from one binge on "harmless" marijuana. Another heavy user, however, I am sure will easily understand why the binge's compulsive intensity makes me certain I have reawakened my dormant ten-year habit to 100% strength.

On the other hand, I do find it laughable that I did this to myself, especially after narrowly escaping alcohol. (I always did have a bad sense of humor.)

I feel lucky that I will not have to deal with substantial withdrawal symptoms as you did. Even so, I know quitting is not going to be easy.

WB, thanks again.

Mel

MIRecovery

For me I had to give up all mind altering substances. I stayed off alcohol for 6 years by abusing OTC drugs. When I strated drinking again my alcoholism came back with a vengeance.

I have also discovered I can get addicted to other things non drug related.

I have come to accept I have addictive tendencies and am always conscious when I am outside of the rumble strips of normal behavior

Dee74

Welcoem Mel - good to see you (in one way, not so good in another)

For me the weed came first before the drinking - it actually took me longer to stop craving pot than it did alcohol - but like you I arranged my life around it. I wasted decades.

To stay quit I had to make major changes in my life - including some friends and the places we would hang out. It was rough for a little while but it needed to be done.

Sober support was important too - and you'll find a lot of that here

D

racingthoughts

The thing with weed for me was that unlike other stuff, it was easy to keep smoking all day and night. You get burnt out from it, but it's not like a nasty hangover or crash. I could smoke it and know that I'd recover from the high rather easily, not that it would be pleasant though. I definitely get the compulsion to keep smoking and how it becomes all you think about. Before I was a daily smoker when I had less access to it, that'd happen with every sack until it ran out, at which point life would go on more or less normally. Then I got to college and the sack never ran out due to an abundance of connects whom I could get it for a decent price from. This is where it started to get real dark for me. Over two years of smoking 3-5 times a day. If I was out, getting more became priority number one. Classes and work could go to hell.

It sounds like this was your first time smoking in a while. Please get out now. My roommate recently started smoking again after stopping in September around when I did (he never smoked nearly as much though). Since he started again, he's been smoking multiple times a day, offering it to me like a complete ass as well. Today he waited around all day for a dealer to text him back. Definitely makes me realized that I should have no part in it.

It's a drug, even though all the idiots out there will try to sugarcoat it and pretend that it's a miracle plant. Good that you realize this. Like I said, make sure this binge is your last one before it becomes permanent.

My lungs took over a month after I quit to recover, so I feel you on that too.

Lorax1981

Hi Mel. Interesting how fast you felt hooked, but makes sense since you were a regular smoker in the past. I'm sure I'd be the same if I smoked again. Quit now buddy. Re-join the ranks of the un-stoned:-) Btw- is that your puppy in your pic? So freakin cute!
-Ted

Mel12

Dear MIR,

So you too had an addiction come back with a vengeance after a hiatus. It is heartening to hear that despite having addictive tendencies, as I do, you have managed to exit the tunnel! I wouldn't even know how to abuse OTC drugs--but, believe me, I don't plan on learning now. Thank you for giving my hope level an uptick.

Mel

Mel12

Dear Dee,

First things first--thank you for the great work you continue to do on SR, work from which I have already directly benefited.

In response to your points, I improvised a plus-minus worksheet:

ON THE PLUS SIDE
I have zero pothead friends and have no place I associate with smoking. I could gain all these, probably within a week, if temporary insanity strikes again. The fact is I am talking to you instead of going out to build a marijuana social network, so today is going well. I really, really feel for those who want to quit who have mostly smoking friends.
ON THE MINUS SIDE
I reawakened the marijuana AV beast, a fully charged "Eye of Sauron" that is probably gazing upon me as I speak.
ON THE PLUS SIDE
The behavioral solution to my problem--never pick up again--I clearly understand.
ON THE MINUS SIDE
The maxim "easier said than done."

Mel

Mel12

Hi RT! Today if someone handed me a martini, I am confident I would say "no." I am not confident that today I could handle being around a roommate waving a pipe in my face daily. It is great to hear you are at a point where you have that confidence.

RT, I agree! Much of what I have been reading about marijuana seems obviously wrong. Any rational person would agree if they saw a video of how quickly I turned into a non-functioning, closeted, coughing zombie who could give Ray Milland in "The Lost Weekend" a run for his money. What rings true for me is the "marijuana is my heroin" thread on this forum's first page. I noticed the creator of that thread no longer posts; I hope he is doing well. It may be statistically true that alcohol is worse, but it is individually true for me that marijuana is my supersonic jet to the country of "epic fail."

RT, thank you for writing such a detailed response with so many good points of support.

Mel

Mel12

Dear Ted,

The only pet I currently have is a healthy AV beast with authenticated pedigree papers. Thanks for the support, and make some room! I'm joining you in the ranks of the unstoned.

Mel

Dee74

let be speak to those minuses

you are in control. If you do not want to smoke again, there's nothing your Beast can do about it

it may jump around, cry shout scream and throw things around...but It needs you to get what It wants.

without your consent, the Beast is toast

D

wackybunny

Toast the beast! Lol. Anyway... as for what one reads out there on the internet about mj (outside of recovery sites), I have to ignore most of it or I end up feeling seriously irritated. Many of the articles are good but the posts from random people saying it's not addictive, has no withdrawal and is some wonder cure for everything and everyone... grrr! I have to back away and remind myself that many people have an entirely different experience with weed than I did. It hurts to read that stuff because of my own epic struggle but they're entitled to their opinion too (I suppose, haha).

Dee74

I'm with you WB - it was anything but benign for me.

D

Mel12

I just reread the above ten times. I indeed want to believe it! D., thanks again. - Mel

jt22

I smoked daily for years among other drugs, stopped a couple of months ago mainly due to the help on this site, WB and Dee seem to always be here helping out when times call for it. Stick around keep the positive attitude about staying clean, find some healthy sober hobbies, and maybe write down the things you dont like about smoking so that when youre off it for a couple of months and those thoughts of, "well i was able to stop before why not just smoke this one time because of <insert rationalization her>" you'll have some
Strong reminders. Our minds like to forget how bad the negatives are and how fast things spiral out of control when we have addictive tendencies. I know id smoke everyday and in between smoking id have so much aggression and restlessness, it wasnt uncommon for me to start fights. Now i find myself controlling issues much better and getting A LOT done, i hardly ever stop doing things i want to get done, almost to the point i have to remind myself to relax and let myself have some recreational free time to watch tv, hang with friends, etc. i do almost get OCD though so i have to watch that as well. I think being an addictive person isnt always a bad thing infact it can make you excel past the average person when put to good use. Im not a very optmistic person usually, but ive been working on it and it's definitely worth it and true, live sober, hell give it a chance at least for a year, i would bet money that things drastically improve all around. I know now i dont want to go back. I found even reminding myself "ill do this for 30 days to see how it feels" things start getting better and then youll move on to 60 days, etc. just keep giving yourself short term goals dont worry about the long term and youll find yourself moving away from that life forgetting about the cravings before you know it. Itll be the best thing youve ever done for yourself

happycampers

Hi Mel, just wondering how you're doing these days ? I hope all is well with you.

Mel12

Dear jimt, happy, and wacky -

Thank you for your messages. Here is my brief update:

The good news is that the alcohol AV seems quiet. I do not take this for granted, and thank Dee and many others for helping me to this good result.

The bad news is the marijuana AV is sometimes a disturbing nuisance. My current plan is to 100% avoid marijuana risk zones. My concern is that one will lead to more and then to an even more intense habit.

I hope you are doing well and I thank you again for reaching out to me with your messages. You are the greatest!

Mel