wesley26

Happy Tuesday everybody :-).... Thank you for your post FatallyUncool..... I find everyday is about reassuring myself what im doing is right and trying to look at the bigger picture :-)!

This monring and today I can say I am feeling very happy, not doing much but work today, got the gym tonight but feeling good just doing them things :-)!

I have had a couple of tricky days over the last week, explained to my friends/substance buddies I am out. I got mixed reactions, but strangley im not bothered :-)!

In terms of my on off girlfriend I/we decided to call it a day, im going through some difficult times right now and always felt something was wrong in the relationship. Not that this is a relationship forum, but im feeling in a strange way pleased that I was finally able to be strong enough to make the right decision, I am hurting, however Im riding lifes ups and downs this time, using the power within me to get through this trying time..... We have seperated and are still friends, we both understand, however I promised her we would meet for a catch up in 6 months time as I still care for her :-)! I will not run from this pain and seek solace in a spliff, a line, a bet or a drink. I am Wesley and I can get through this :-) (lol sorry for the self affimations in my posts :-p)

I would just like to say anyone reading this that is considering quiting any of there demons, especially weed. It is worth it, although the past 19 days have been hell on earth at times, I can feel myself again. I am not numb from the world all of the time..... I am still experienceing mood swings and anxiety attacks and my mind trying to trick me into doing one of my demons....however with the support and advice from members on this site, things do look rosey through these dark times and I know they will pass and life awaits me on the otherside.

Once again sorry for babbling on (lol it helps me feel positive posting on here)..... I hope that you all continue in your recovery and wish everyone the best of luck to make it through today :-)

wesley26

P.s.

So here goes, 17 Days No Bets......19 Days Weed Free.....8 Days No Drink......8 Days no cocaine........

Day at a time :-)

Lostinhk

Good stuff!!! You're gonna be feeling a whole lot better very soon.

wesley26

Thanks Lostinhk....... I am very excited yet very nervous about being me all the same..... I think what wackybunny said in another thread has helped me and will help me alot.... its not just about not taking the drug, it's about changing the way of life...... This I feel has always been my problem, I have never really concerned myself with enjoying lifes beautiful small pleasures, its always been simply go to work sober then every minute out of work I have looked to swamp myself in getting wasted/escaping life weather it be anyone of my addictions.......

wackybunny

So great to hear your progress, Wesley! Sounds like you are really tackling recovery in a healthy way. I'm very happy for you. As you said, you don't need to escape life with drugs and gambling. Life is not the prison to escape from, addiction is.

And please don't ever feel like you need to apologize for "babbling". Your "babbling" is what we all relate to and is the nitty gritty details of recovery that helps others and most importantly, you. Keep up the fabulous work!

wesley26

Morning all....Just wanted to touch base really and report my recovery is going well. Had a cracking weekend on the whole, played football, went on two walks, bought myself some nice clothes and enjoyed sometime yesterday with my nephew :-)!

I've been 29 Days No Bets......31 Days Weed Free.....21 Days No Drink......21 Days no cocaine........

Life is starting to feel good i'm starting to learn to find pleasure again in activitites that are not connected to my addictions/demons. Feeling very proud of myself, although I realize the journey to recovery has only just begun I remain excited about life and what sober times will bring to my life :-).

I am however struggling with very dark depression in the mornings and anxiety is also at it's worst in the mornings. I have now realised I can identify these feelings for what they are and pay them no heed, however I was wondering if this may be normal withdrawal symtoms from weed and the other vices I have polluted my mind and body with for so long :-(?

For those that suffer with anxiety, do you find this lessens with time, the anxiety is especially doing my head in as its making me feel like there is constantly something wrong and this can lead me to point the anxiety finger and family friends my lover and councellor etc in an attempt to validate my anxiety/why i feel something is wrong....Does this make sense?

I think now I may have been depressed for all the years I was feeding my addictions, caught in a vicious circle only able to feel normal/good with these drugs and gambling. Now I maybe have to confront my depression :-/ (although generally I am feeling alot better and enjoying life more than i ever have/or than i can remember).

Peace Out and opinions as always would be really great, it give me such strength to speak to those that know the situation first hand :-)!

Dee74

good to hear from you wesley - glad all is going well

D

25andddd

Hows it going?

You'll meet a girl who will knock your socks off one day. When you do you'll know because you won't even have to question it.

wesley26

All going well thank you 25andddd..... Yes I understand that to a degree..... The question is. When we are addicts, active addicts. I for one felt I did not love anything (mother, brother, nephew, grandma, cousins, girlfriend) other than tending to my own selfish needs.... Is the love (said loosely) an addict feels just a dependency/need rather than a love (true love), my earlier questions in this thread regarded the on/off girlfriend, I feel I do really love her, however my messed up addicted head could never fully appreicate her or our relationship, because lets face it while we are activley addicted nothing and I mean nothing matters other than gambling, coke, weed and drink. We do not seek nor can we enjoy things or people that don't involve tending to our addictions??? Would anyone agree?

I am still not 100% sure about the girlfriend, I know that the road to recovery will lead me to a place where I will just know, however I saw her yesterday for the first time after 3-4 weeks free from my varied addictions, we went for a walk around an abandoned quary and it was the most fun i've had for what seems years and I just felt so happy and in love with her.... Would I have felt like this while activley addicted? Or would she and the time with her meant nothing because all I wanted to be doing was snorting a line, smoking a spliff, placing a bet or downing a drink??

An intersting topic i think this is.... How many addicts have not realised they bypassed the love of their life/soul mate, because the addiction blinded them to what could have been. Addiction is a crazy all consuming thing so i think it near impossible to say 'you will just know' when you meet the right person if you are addicted. You will actually hate any person that comes between you and your fix.

An addict cannot live a healthy furfilling life with meaningful relationships. While we are addicted we only have one love..

lol sorry to babble guys, interesting point though :-p

Peace out and stay strong xx

wesley26

* dependency being 'dependant on a person to make you/the addict feel good and we mistake this for true love, it's more of a 'i love how you make me feel okay about me' kind of love. True love is when we would do anything for the other person and vice versa, two people untied and that can grow together?

wackybunny

Good for you Wesley. Like you said, your recovery is just beginning so I'd be patient and not worry too much about having some anxiety and depression. If it gets really bad, go see someone. I started to diagnose myself with this or that mental health issue after I had quit (it's hard not to) but it turned out that several months later (3 - 6 ish) my mental landscape was totally different. I was lucky in that I had no more anxiety or depression issues, nothing more than a tolerable normal amount.

I'm going to try to attach a pic which really reminds me of my past.

wackybunny

double post

wesley26

Cheers Wackybunny, haha that picture does strike a note with me, lol in every walk of life too apart from why I was getting high..... I am really excited to see what progress my mind will make along this road of recovery. My meetings with my addiction councelor are really helping and there aptly timed for friday afternoons which I find helps give me focus at my weakest times....THE WEEKEND lol.... Same with my GA meetings, rather than seeing them as a ball ache, I cannot wait for them to arrive each week, I now find them enjoyable and furfilling :-)!

Life has more to offer than getting high. I became who the real me did not want to be and enough is enough :-)!

Stay Strong x

teodor

How's going wesley ?

wesley26

Good afternoon guy's! Not been on in a little while and just needed a little support right now.... It's coming up too 3 months Weed free, although i'm chuffed, life has become hard, depression and really bad Anxiety have hit me from knowwhere around 3 weeks ago.

I have been to see a doctor and have a percription for my anxiety, however my AV is trying to explain to me things were better when I was a stoner.

Do you think that my mind is still trying to get to grips with having no weed, and even after 3 months clean anxiety and depression could be caused by weed withdrawral?

Any thoughts on depression/anxiety post weed (especially 3 months after quiting) would be great guys?

Hope everyone is winning there battle and recoveries are going well!

teodor

Hello Wesley!

Good to hear from you and congratulations on 3 months, that's a lot!

About your question - I had the same experience being almost 3 months free of weed thinking I was better being a stoner, but guess what - I was not.

This way of thinking got me into relapsing and back to daily smoking.
Hah, so much for moderate use once again.

My advice is to not smoke and know that you're better off like that.
I felt like crap the first few times I smoked after the relapse and yet still continued.
So now I have to do it all over again.

It would have been 4 months for me already, but I relapsed for the same stupid reasons. So don't do the same mistake as I did and keep on the good work!!!

Good luck and best wishes!

Dee74

Hi wesley
congrats on 3 months.

I dunno about anyone else but I was pretty messed up for a long time after I quit...but the anxiety and depression got better in the end.

You are definitely going ion the right direction man - I don't know of anyone who's better off being a stoner

D

happycampers

Hi Wesley - congrats on the three months ! Like Dee and Teodor said, it's normal brain healing, so no need to look for a story to explain it other than normal brain healing -that's it. And teodor is right-all of us who have relapsed have ended up regretting it ! And we all learned just how quick we can return to the same or even more level of use to still be left NOT feeling what we had hoped for. Save yourself the suffering and just keep going forward.
And teoor, my man, great to see you back ! You've got more ammo this time around to shoot those sneaky, addictive thoughts down ! Really good to see you
back -you're going to make it this time - six months seems to be the time where things start to level out , so we all need to get past that point before we can see what has cleared up and what needs some more attention. How are you feeling now, Teodor ? How are you going to tweet your plan this time around ?

wackybunny

Yeah, I think you've not come to the end yet. It took me a long time. I don't remember exactly where I was at at 3 months but I know I was not out of the weeds by then. For me I had lingering effects which slowly diminished over 6 months. But everyone is different so who knows how long it will be for you. It's madness to think you were better off as a stoner. It's AV talk. My anxiety went haywire after I quit but it settled down to practically nothing, way less than before. I hope you find something similar happens to you. I think the anxiety was the AV's strongest tool to try to convince me to go back to weed. When I decided to stay quit even if I was anxious, it went away.

FatallyUncool

Hey Wesley! Great to hear from you and congrats on 3 months.

I still struggle with depression but it doesn't compare to the misery and insanity I experienced while smoking. It really was like adding fuel to the fire.

My depression comes and goes, some days I feel great and some days I feel awful for no apparent reason. But my bad (and good) spells always pass and in general, my life is very good.

It takes time to heal, and to gain insight to the questions you are asking. In my opinion, it is very positive and healthy to be asking these questions, posting to this forum, and working with a doctor.

I ask myself about the "good old days" and compare then to now. For me, it is a delusion, I was completely miserable and shackled to something that only made me feel worse. Even in the best of times, I was completely dependent on a substance that completely consumed my life, and dictated every thing I did.