lisajstaaf

I have thirty days today and I'm feeling horrible. Last night my daughter and granddaughter were getting ready to leave to go back to grandpa's house (they moved out of my house because of my drug use three months ago) and my granddaughter would not stop crying saying she wanted to stay with me. It just broke my heart and was an awful reminder of the damage I did with my drug use. I can't seem to get it out of my mind today and am feeling so much guilt and shame.

racingthoughts

Congrats on 30 days! That's great!

I felt pretty bad around the 1 month mark too despite a couple weeks of feeling alright beforehand. It passed.

All I can say about your family situation is that what's in the past is in the past. It's awesome that you have a granddaughter that loves you to the point of crying when she has to say goodbye. Now you have even more motivation to stay strong and prove to everyone that you can actually be a good influence. Keep it up!

happycampers

yes, lisa, a big congratulations !!! You're doing brilliant and you really should feel proud of yourself ! Does your daughter know today was 30 days clean for you today ? If so, how was she with that ? If you want to answer, I'm curious, was it just pot your were using or some heavier stuff ( please don't feel you have to answer that if you don't feel comfortable doing so ) ? Have you and your daughter openly talked about it since you've stopped ? Just give her time and yourself great tenderness and love - you're pulling yourself out of the hole and that is your reality now - you're clean ! One day at a time - with plenty of gentleness passed around to all concerned - the light will shine brighter as each clean day passes. Don't forget to love yourself and have faith that all with work out between you and your daughter - you're showing her that people CAN overcome great obstacles - that's a Lifetime lesson she won't forget down the road ! Way to go, girl !

lisajstaaf

Thanks happycampers! My daughter does know that it's my 30 days and she said she was really proud of me.

Pot was the only drug I was using although I did drink from time to time. I've given it all up for recovery. I'm not good at being gentle with myself - I know I need to work on that. Thank you for your encouraging words!!

Dee74

hi and welcome lisajstaaf

that must have been really rough for you - but you are on the right track. In time you'll find your relationships will repair themselves and your reputation will rebuild itself.

I guarantee it.

This time needs to be for you - maybe your daughter knows that and respects it?

D

hummingbird358

Congratulations! You can do this!

wackybunny

Well done, 30 days is a lot of hard work. I don't think I felt very good at 30 days either. Keep on pushing through, it will get better. I'm at 8 and a half months and am SO glad I quit. It took months to say I felt great with any regularity but honestly, it was so worth any and all of the bad days. And my close relationships improved.

jrlivingston

Shame is a pointless exercise, Lisa.

No matter who you are, no matter what you've done - we can all look back with regret if we choose to. You don't need drug abuse for that. But it serves no purpose other than preventing us from moving ahead, which creates more shame. So the cycle continues.

You have every reason to feel proud. Proud of what you're willing to go through for your family. Proud of enduring the challenges no-one but those who have been in your shoes will ever understand.

Try not to view your situation through the eyes of the 'world'. Addiction isn't easy, nor is it your fault. You're doing awesome.

If your family had a way of understanding what it's like to live in your head, they'd be so very, very proud of you - even in the times you feel you're failing.

Keep your chin up. This will all pass. And you'll be able to look back on this time with pride. As well you should.