'My Heroin'
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
'My Heroin'
Note: 'Heroin' is being used as a euphemism for anything significantly more addictive and destructive than commonly used recreational drugs, similar to how we liken certain car models to Rolls Royce to indicate prestige. No claims are being made about the experience of actual heroin users.
I'm going through a quit at the moment and need to share my experience with people, it helps me through the process. I'm sure many people here will know what I mean.
I started smoking weed in 2000 with my dad and brother. Since then I've quit between 20 and 25 times, 15-20 were cold turkey and 5-10 were aided with medication and professional help.
I'm about to turn 30 and this drug has held me back for my entire adult life so far. I'm over it.
Here's what weed is like for me, hopefully others will be able to relate. I've be through this process or something very close to it about two dozen times:
Phase 1: The Honeymoon
Duration: 1 - 3 weeks
Usage: 1/4 - 1/2 ounce per week (joints & bongs)
The moment I start smoking after a break I do not stop until I either run out, or pass out. The only exceptions are when my tolerance becomes so high it's impossible for me to get wasted anymore (in later phases), or when I'm limited because I'm smoking with other people, or if I'm sneaking a few bongs in before work. Aside from those scenarios it's like I'm a locomotive without breaks.
The first couple of weeks feel amazing.
Sex - if I can get any - is the best of my life, movies and music are enhanced ten fold, ideas are flowing, hunger is relentless, all sense of responsibility disappears and I'll invariably fake a medical condition to get time off work. With the benefit of full days things start to get a bit hairier.
Reality becomes a gradient of semi-consciousness and complete oblivion. Wake-up, pass-out. Wake-up, pass-out. Whole days go missing. During this time I'll forget nearly everything about every movie or TV show I happen to watch. I stop going to the gym, stop eating healthy, start burning money, make a handful of stupidly impulsive purchases and cab anywhere I can't be stuffed training.
It all sounds slightly depraved but I'm having a great time of it. I'm snuggled in a warm blanket of pleasurable brain chemicals and I literally don't care about anything else. I return no phone calls unless they're weed related, and generally start to lose all senses of function.
Then the tolerance begins to set in.
Phase 2: The Plateau
Duration: 4 - 8 weeks
Usage: 1/2 - 1 ounce per week (bongs only)
Time since relapse: 1 - 3 months
After a fortnight of passing out ad infinitum my tolerance has very quickly quadrupled. It takes 4X as much weed to get as stoned as it did in my first week or two, and I can't manage complete oblivion anymore. Reality is slowly starting to catch-up to me. I'm now 100% dependent on weed to sleep.
This period is just like the previous only with a lot less enthusiasm. It's starting to get darker though. As I head into my 4th week since relapsing I'll begin to notice changes in my thinking patterns and relationships. People are starting to visibly react to me differently than they used to. My relationships begin to suffer.
I've already taken between 1 and 2 weeks off work under false pretenses at this point, and when in attendance my performance is relatively poor and inconsistent. I do better when I sneak a bong in beforehand, and may make up an excuse to go home early if not.
Phase 3: The Danger Zone
Duration: 2 - 6 weeks
Usage: 1 - 1.25 ounces per week (80 - 120+ bongs every 24 hours)
Time since relapse: 3 - 5 months
Now things are starting to get real.
I'm not hungry any more, I've lost between 5-7 kilos (11-16lbs) and constantly look unwell. The sheer quantity of weed I'm smoking leads to increased incidences where I can't get any for a few days at a time, and over those periods I sleep less than an hour a night and my sweating is so bad I need to periodically dry my shirts under a hand-dryer at work. People at work are now beginning to act awkwardly around me, and I'm paranoid about it.
My thought pattern is psychotic and especially so if I'm feeling the slightest withdrawal. Unless I'm stoned, I'm uncontrollably anxious, obsessive, uncomfortable and scattered.
By this stage I only feel close to normal when I'm stoned. My thought pattern is much healthier, and I feel relatively normal. But I don't feel close to high unless I've had at least 8 hours off and a session of at least 25 cones in one sitting, and even then I'll probably need alcohol to get any noticeable stoned sensation.
My reward system is totally numb to music, film, sex, food and in most cases, weed as well. I may motivate myself to go to the gym and sit in a sauna for an hour just so I'll get more stoned when I go home.
My health is shot to pieces and I'm likely to at least catch a couple of infections if not the flue. Either way I'm cursed by a constant sore throat and dry cough, which will likely become so bad I can't smoke unless I take anti-inflammatory spray, cough syrup and gargle aspirin - all consecutively - just to pull a single cone. My throat will likely become infected and I'll get slightly better after a few days on antibiotics. No-matter how swollen or sore or prone to coughing my throat is, I'm relentless with my smoking.
If I happen to be living with housemates they never see me. I avoid them at all costs and probably owe them rent and utility money. My entire fortnightly pay disappears within the first week, and I may become so desperate that I steal any loose money around the house, or I'll steal buds off a friend when they're not at home. I've actually done this a few times.
Due to a combination of absenteeism, poor performance and poor appearance I will have been forced to tell my manager about my problem, but I'll qualify it by telling him I've quit. I work in the complaints centre of a large corporation so I'll probably be telling a different manager to the last time.
I hate myself more with every cone I pull and I've developed an obvious depression. I'm aimless, I don't shower unless I'm going to work, I don't wash my clothes, I don't clean up. My kitchen's piled with moldy food, rubbish, and pizza boxes and is also scattered with tea-towels I've used to drain black death from my bong when I ran out of green. The place stinks.
I'm desperate to quit but the function of 'choice' is completely alien to me. I have absolutely no control over myself. When I run out, I'm elated because I know it's giving me a chance. If I can escape it for a couple of days that's all I need, I can do the rest. This has often been down to nothing more than luck.
I call this phase the danger zone for a very important reason - it's my last chance to avoid going into phase 4. It's the period of time where psychosis starts to set in, and I run the risk of completely losing my mental balance. When that happens it takes me 6 - 12 months without smoking to feel close to normal again.
Phase 4: Darkness
Duration: 1 - 4 weeks
Usage: 1 - 1.25 ounces per week
Time since relapse: 4 - 8 months
The world is static and completely void of vibrancy, and everything about me has become numb with an infusion of misery. I feel like an empty vessel roaming the streets, I'm completely lost in myself and in my life.
I've lost between 10 - 15kg (22 - 35lbs), I have perpetual black circles around my eyes, I owe hundreds if not thousands of dollars to various people, I've significantly damaged my career (again), and without weed I have full-blown anxiety, depression and psychosis.
The depression has deepened and become existential in nature. I start having visions of dying.
I can't find pleasure anywhere, I sabotage everything about my life, I look like I'm homeless, all my non-smoking and smoking friends have distanced themselves from me, my self-hatred is relentless, my thoughts are erratic and nonsensical most of the time, and I may have sold several valued possessions to buy more drugs***
I call this period darkness not only because of the shadow it casts, but also because it's a prelude to the darkness of my death.
It literally feels like a life and death situation for me. I've managed to chose life so far, and that's been made easier by the gravity of the situation. It's a lot easier to become motivated when you feel like your life depends on it.
At this point I feel a charge of energy and destroy my bong, dispose of any evidence of the habit, and ready myself for the storm to come.
Phase 5: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place (quitting and recovery)
I'll explain this phase in more detail later because it's a massive topic on its own terms.
Over the years I've gotten better at managing this and my most recent relapse only made it to phase 3. This thread has been my general experience.
Experience with other drugs:
I've also taken lsd (10 tabs total), mdma (est 5g total), speed (est 10g total), cocaine (est 3g total), mushrooms (dozen), ecstasy (75+ pills), dmt (.5g), xanax (est 50g total), ice (est 1g total) and been a binge drinker (2 bottles of spirits a weekend), but none of these drugs come close to having the same pathological effect on me that weed has had. I go to the extreme when I'm on them, but it never rolls over.
The moment I have one puff of a joint I am guaranteed to be buying bags within a week.
Weed is my heroin.
If you've come this far, thanks for taking the time to read my story.
----------------------------------------------------------------
***One particular incident in 2006 I stored my tickets to a Tool concert in a prized classical music encyclopedia I owned, then pawned the book off a week later to buy a couple of buds, tickets in tow. At least the new owner had a nice bookmark.
I'm going through a quit at the moment and need to share my experience with people, it helps me through the process. I'm sure many people here will know what I mean.
I started smoking weed in 2000 with my dad and brother. Since then I've quit between 20 and 25 times, 15-20 were cold turkey and 5-10 were aided with medication and professional help.
I'm about to turn 30 and this drug has held me back for my entire adult life so far. I'm over it.
Here's what weed is like for me, hopefully others will be able to relate. I've be through this process or something very close to it about two dozen times:
Phase 1: The Honeymoon
Duration: 1 - 3 weeks
Usage: 1/4 - 1/2 ounce per week (joints & bongs)
The moment I start smoking after a break I do not stop until I either run out, or pass out. The only exceptions are when my tolerance becomes so high it's impossible for me to get wasted anymore (in later phases), or when I'm limited because I'm smoking with other people, or if I'm sneaking a few bongs in before work. Aside from those scenarios it's like I'm a locomotive without breaks.
The first couple of weeks feel amazing.
Sex - if I can get any - is the best of my life, movies and music are enhanced ten fold, ideas are flowing, hunger is relentless, all sense of responsibility disappears and I'll invariably fake a medical condition to get time off work. With the benefit of full days things start to get a bit hairier.
Reality becomes a gradient of semi-consciousness and complete oblivion. Wake-up, pass-out. Wake-up, pass-out. Whole days go missing. During this time I'll forget nearly everything about every movie or TV show I happen to watch. I stop going to the gym, stop eating healthy, start burning money, make a handful of stupidly impulsive purchases and cab anywhere I can't be stuffed training.
It all sounds slightly depraved but I'm having a great time of it. I'm snuggled in a warm blanket of pleasurable brain chemicals and I literally don't care about anything else. I return no phone calls unless they're weed related, and generally start to lose all senses of function.
Then the tolerance begins to set in.
Phase 2: The Plateau
Duration: 4 - 8 weeks
Usage: 1/2 - 1 ounce per week (bongs only)
Time since relapse: 1 - 3 months
After a fortnight of passing out ad infinitum my tolerance has very quickly quadrupled. It takes 4X as much weed to get as stoned as it did in my first week or two, and I can't manage complete oblivion anymore. Reality is slowly starting to catch-up to me. I'm now 100% dependent on weed to sleep.
This period is just like the previous only with a lot less enthusiasm. It's starting to get darker though. As I head into my 4th week since relapsing I'll begin to notice changes in my thinking patterns and relationships. People are starting to visibly react to me differently than they used to. My relationships begin to suffer.
I've already taken between 1 and 2 weeks off work under false pretenses at this point, and when in attendance my performance is relatively poor and inconsistent. I do better when I sneak a bong in beforehand, and may make up an excuse to go home early if not.
Phase 3: The Danger Zone
Duration: 2 - 6 weeks
Usage: 1 - 1.25 ounces per week (80 - 120+ bongs every 24 hours)
Time since relapse: 3 - 5 months
Now things are starting to get real.
I'm not hungry any more, I've lost between 5-7 kilos (11-16lbs) and constantly look unwell. The sheer quantity of weed I'm smoking leads to increased incidences where I can't get any for a few days at a time, and over those periods I sleep less than an hour a night and my sweating is so bad I need to periodically dry my shirts under a hand-dryer at work. People at work are now beginning to act awkwardly around me, and I'm paranoid about it.
My thought pattern is psychotic and especially so if I'm feeling the slightest withdrawal. Unless I'm stoned, I'm uncontrollably anxious, obsessive, uncomfortable and scattered.
By this stage I only feel close to normal when I'm stoned. My thought pattern is much healthier, and I feel relatively normal. But I don't feel close to high unless I've had at least 8 hours off and a session of at least 25 cones in one sitting, and even then I'll probably need alcohol to get any noticeable stoned sensation.
My reward system is totally numb to music, film, sex, food and in most cases, weed as well. I may motivate myself to go to the gym and sit in a sauna for an hour just so I'll get more stoned when I go home.
My health is shot to pieces and I'm likely to at least catch a couple of infections if not the flue. Either way I'm cursed by a constant sore throat and dry cough, which will likely become so bad I can't smoke unless I take anti-inflammatory spray, cough syrup and gargle aspirin - all consecutively - just to pull a single cone. My throat will likely become infected and I'll get slightly better after a few days on antibiotics. No-matter how swollen or sore or prone to coughing my throat is, I'm relentless with my smoking.
If I happen to be living with housemates they never see me. I avoid them at all costs and probably owe them rent and utility money. My entire fortnightly pay disappears within the first week, and I may become so desperate that I steal any loose money around the house, or I'll steal buds off a friend when they're not at home. I've actually done this a few times.
Due to a combination of absenteeism, poor performance and poor appearance I will have been forced to tell my manager about my problem, but I'll qualify it by telling him I've quit. I work in the complaints centre of a large corporation so I'll probably be telling a different manager to the last time.
I hate myself more with every cone I pull and I've developed an obvious depression. I'm aimless, I don't shower unless I'm going to work, I don't wash my clothes, I don't clean up. My kitchen's piled with moldy food, rubbish, and pizza boxes and is also scattered with tea-towels I've used to drain black death from my bong when I ran out of green. The place stinks.
I'm desperate to quit but the function of 'choice' is completely alien to me. I have absolutely no control over myself. When I run out, I'm elated because I know it's giving me a chance. If I can escape it for a couple of days that's all I need, I can do the rest. This has often been down to nothing more than luck.
I call this phase the danger zone for a very important reason - it's my last chance to avoid going into phase 4. It's the period of time where psychosis starts to set in, and I run the risk of completely losing my mental balance. When that happens it takes me 6 - 12 months without smoking to feel close to normal again.
Phase 4: Darkness
Duration: 1 - 4 weeks
Usage: 1 - 1.25 ounces per week
Time since relapse: 4 - 8 months
The world is static and completely void of vibrancy, and everything about me has become numb with an infusion of misery. I feel like an empty vessel roaming the streets, I'm completely lost in myself and in my life.
I've lost between 10 - 15kg (22 - 35lbs), I have perpetual black circles around my eyes, I owe hundreds if not thousands of dollars to various people, I've significantly damaged my career (again), and without weed I have full-blown anxiety, depression and psychosis.
The depression has deepened and become existential in nature. I start having visions of dying.
I can't find pleasure anywhere, I sabotage everything about my life, I look like I'm homeless, all my non-smoking and smoking friends have distanced themselves from me, my self-hatred is relentless, my thoughts are erratic and nonsensical most of the time, and I may have sold several valued possessions to buy more drugs***
I call this period darkness not only because of the shadow it casts, but also because it's a prelude to the darkness of my death.
It literally feels like a life and death situation for me. I've managed to chose life so far, and that's been made easier by the gravity of the situation. It's a lot easier to become motivated when you feel like your life depends on it.
At this point I feel a charge of energy and destroy my bong, dispose of any evidence of the habit, and ready myself for the storm to come.
Phase 5: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place (quitting and recovery)
I'll explain this phase in more detail later because it's a massive topic on its own terms.
Over the years I've gotten better at managing this and my most recent relapse only made it to phase 3. This thread has been my general experience.
Experience with other drugs:
I've also taken lsd (10 tabs total), mdma (est 5g total), speed (est 10g total), cocaine (est 3g total), mushrooms (dozen), ecstasy (75+ pills), dmt (.5g), xanax (est 50g total), ice (est 1g total) and been a binge drinker (2 bottles of spirits a weekend), but none of these drugs come close to having the same pathological effect on me that weed has had. I go to the extreme when I'm on them, but it never rolls over.
The moment I have one puff of a joint I am guaranteed to be buying bags within a week.
Weed is my heroin.
If you've come this far, thanks for taking the time to read my story.
----------------------------------------------------------------
***One particular incident in 2006 I stored my tickets to a Tool concert in a prized classical music encyclopedia I owned, then pawned the book off a week later to buy a couple of buds, tickets in tow. At least the new owner had a nice bookmark.
Last edited by Dee74; 08-09-2014 at 05:50 PM. Reason: typo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi and welcome Gamaur
Altho I can't quite recall the phases with the clarity and preciseness you have I certainly identify with a lot you've written here.
To stay clean and sober I had to change my life in a lot of ways. It's hard to stay clean still living a pot smokers life.
I also needed to find support - and I know you'll find that here.
good to have you join us
D
Altho I can't quite recall the phases with the clarity and preciseness you have I certainly identify with a lot you've written here.
To stay clean and sober I had to change my life in a lot of ways. It's hard to stay clean still living a pot smokers life.
I also needed to find support - and I know you'll find that here.
good to have you join us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Thanks Dee
To be clear, what I've written is just my personal account. I'm sure it's different for everyone and difficult for very different reasons. My experience has felt quite different to other smokers I've known over the years, so if anyone shares something similar I'd appreciate their input.
I'm really glad I found this place.
To be clear, what I've written is just my personal account. I'm sure it's different for everyone and difficult for very different reasons. My experience has felt quite different to other smokers I've known over the years, so if anyone shares something similar I'd appreciate their input.
I'm really glad I found this place.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Gamaur - welcome !
While I'm not a smoker, this is written so poignantly, that for myself, I substituted alcohol and I have the exact same experience.
Thank you for sharing this very relatable experience.
Looking forward to having your insight and wisdom around here !
While I'm not a smoker, this is written so poignantly, that for myself, I substituted alcohol and I have the exact same experience.
Thank you for sharing this very relatable experience.
Looking forward to having your insight and wisdom around here !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Thanks alphaomega, glad you could relate! I didn't think about it applying to different forms of substance abuse so well. I feel bad that you've been through it, but good to find more examples of not being alone. Cheers
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Georgetown, Ontario
Posts: 44
I can relate to your initial post completely.
IT's intense but my first post on this board stated what my first boy-friend and friend of 16 years said when I told him what weed feels like to me after cleaning my act up for a month or two:
"You're lucky you never tried heroin."
When I said the rush of initial euphoria that I'd always told people was my "heroin"; ..
.(thank-you for examining what that means . I couldn't figure out how to let other people know I was in no way saying the experience of my lack of control with pot and it's devastation in my adult life is in no way similar to that of a heroin addict. You found the words I couldn't so thank-you.) I thought I was the only one.
I don't know about you...but people often tell my I'm "not an addict." it's "just pot."
Does anyone minimize your addiction and reaching out for help by saying such things?
I was 61 days sober and relapsed. Today is day 3. IT's 2:17am I apologize if this post seems random. Thank-you for posting. Congrat's on your sobriety!!!
NorthernGirl76
IT's intense but my first post on this board stated what my first boy-friend and friend of 16 years said when I told him what weed feels like to me after cleaning my act up for a month or two:
"You're lucky you never tried heroin."
When I said the rush of initial euphoria that I'd always told people was my "heroin"; ..
.(thank-you for examining what that means . I couldn't figure out how to let other people know I was in no way saying the experience of my lack of control with pot and it's devastation in my adult life is in no way similar to that of a heroin addict. You found the words I couldn't so thank-you.) I thought I was the only one.
I don't know about you...but people often tell my I'm "not an addict." it's "just pot."
Does anyone minimize your addiction and reaching out for help by saying such things?
I was 61 days sober and relapsed. Today is day 3. IT's 2:17am I apologize if this post seems random. Thank-you for posting. Congrat's on your sobriety!!!
NorthernGirl76
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by NorthernGirl76 
I can relate to your initial post completely.
IT's intense but my first post on this board stated what my first boy-friend and friend of 16 years said when I told him what weed feels like to me after cleaning my act up for a month or two:
"You're lucky you never tried heroin."
When I said the rush of initial euphoria that I'd always told people was my "heroin"; ..
.(thank-you for examining what that means . I couldn't figure out how to let other people know I was in no way saying the experience of my lack of control with pot and it's devastation in my adult life is in no way similar to that of a heroin addict. You found the words I couldn't so thank-you.) I thought I was the only one.
I don't know about you...but people often tell my I'm "not an addict." it's "just pot."
Does anyone minimize your addiction and reaching out for help by saying such things?
I was 61 days sober and relapsed. Today is day 3. IT's 2:17am I apologize if this post seems random. Thank-you for posting. Congrat's on your sobriety!!!
NorthernGirl76
IT's intense but my first post on this board stated what my first boy-friend and friend of 16 years said when I told him what weed feels like to me after cleaning my act up for a month or two:
"You're lucky you never tried heroin."
When I said the rush of initial euphoria that I'd always told people was my "heroin"; ..
.(thank-you for examining what that means . I couldn't figure out how to let other people know I was in no way saying the experience of my lack of control with pot and it's devastation in my adult life is in no way similar to that of a heroin addict. You found the words I couldn't so thank-you.) I thought I was the only one.
I don't know about you...but people often tell my I'm "not an addict." it's "just pot."
Does anyone minimize your addiction and reaching out for help by saying such things?
I was 61 days sober and relapsed. Today is day 3. IT's 2:17am I apologize if this post seems random. Thank-you for posting. Congrat's on your sobriety!!!
NorthernGirl76
I called this thread 'My Heroin' precisely because that has been the only way I've been able to convey to people how serious is it for me, just like you. It actually goes one step further - at one point a couple of years ago I was mainly smoking at my dealers house because I couldn't smoke at home, and it was basically a drugden for users of all kinds. All weed smokers that smoked with me couldn't believe my propensity for it, and how much I'd smoke to excess. I quickly developed a reputation on that basis. The only people that understood, were two heroin addicts I got to know there.
Pot's just like alcohol - most people are fine with it, some are bad with it, some are super bad with it, and then there's people like us. All addictive substances can go to an extreme level.
Thanks again for sharing, it means a lot to hear the similarities.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Georgetown, Ontario
Posts: 44
Gamaur,
I was sincerely moved by your initial post and am glad you got my reply which I thought you might. My older brother's best friend died of a heroin overdose when I was 17. He was an amazing person but after he died his addiction was all anyone seemed to remember about him. PEople addicted to "harder drugs" usually get me more.
But again you gave me the words I couldn't find when you said:
"Pot's just like alcohol - most people are fine with it, some are bad with it, some are super bad with it, and then there's people like us. All addictive substances can go to an extreme level."(originally posted by Gamaur)
It means a lot to me too to know there is someone out there that has things in common.
I was sincerely moved by your initial post and am glad you got my reply which I thought you might. My older brother's best friend died of a heroin overdose when I was 17. He was an amazing person but after he died his addiction was all anyone seemed to remember about him. PEople addicted to "harder drugs" usually get me more.
But again you gave me the words I couldn't find when you said:
"Pot's just like alcohol - most people are fine with it, some are bad with it, some are super bad with it, and then there's people like us. All addictive substances can go to an extreme level."(originally posted by Gamaur)
It means a lot to me too to know there is someone out there that has things in common.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Hey
As it turns out, quitting weed's only part of my battle lately. I'm officially at the 3 week mark now though, so there's something.
I've been battling some really severe depression and apathy unlike I've ever been through. Can't do a damn thing for myself. Missed nearly three weeks off work, been down to less than a meal a day and sleeping maybe 3 hours a night. I've had better days here and there, but for the most part it's been insanely hard to motivate myself to do anything. The most I've been able to do off my 'getting weed out my system' plan is to drop into a sauna a couple of times. I can barely get myself out of bed let alone think about half of the stuff I should be doing right now.
This week has been the first slight turning point though. Landed an excellent therapist and a new GP, so getting on to a different anti-depressant and capitalising on moments where I feel better. I've also been back at work and managed to stay each day without leaving early, which is another big step at the moment.
Only thing with being back at work is that my appearance is inescapable, and everyone is commenting on it. Not just that I've lost so much weight, but that my face looks sunken in and I look like a different person. My hairs gone from prep boy to afro as well (I actually prefer it afro'd though tbh). If I wasn't feeling so apathetic the expressions people give me would probably bother me more, but that's one benefit of not giving a ****.
Anyway, I'll be ok. But this is bigger than quitting weed for me. Now I have to tackle the deeper problem of low self-esteem and all that stuff. Once I start functioning at a basic level again I know I'll be sweet.
Thanks for asking btw, I really appreciate it
As it turns out, quitting weed's only part of my battle lately. I'm officially at the 3 week mark now though, so there's something.
I've been battling some really severe depression and apathy unlike I've ever been through. Can't do a damn thing for myself. Missed nearly three weeks off work, been down to less than a meal a day and sleeping maybe 3 hours a night. I've had better days here and there, but for the most part it's been insanely hard to motivate myself to do anything. The most I've been able to do off my 'getting weed out my system' plan is to drop into a sauna a couple of times. I can barely get myself out of bed let alone think about half of the stuff I should be doing right now.
This week has been the first slight turning point though. Landed an excellent therapist and a new GP, so getting on to a different anti-depressant and capitalising on moments where I feel better. I've also been back at work and managed to stay each day without leaving early, which is another big step at the moment.
Only thing with being back at work is that my appearance is inescapable, and everyone is commenting on it. Not just that I've lost so much weight, but that my face looks sunken in and I look like a different person. My hairs gone from prep boy to afro as well (I actually prefer it afro'd though tbh). If I wasn't feeling so apathetic the expressions people give me would probably bother me more, but that's one benefit of not giving a ****.
Anyway, I'll be ok. But this is bigger than quitting weed for me. Now I have to tackle the deeper problem of low self-esteem and all that stuff. Once I start functioning at a basic level again I know I'll be sweet.
Thanks for asking btw, I really appreciate it
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Aw, sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed. I wondered how you were and hoped you were well. Have you told your doctor you're quitting weed? I would guess it would be a while before things settle down after quitting weed and hard to know where your base line is really at. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. I've heard others say they felt extra depressed after quitting a drug. I know I did. I was so flat and lethargic it was astonishing. I had no idea it would be like that but I pretty much lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself for months. A lot of people say quitting weed is "nothing" but it dragged me through the mud. Felt like I would never be happy again and my cognition was so off I could barely think straight. Working was scary because I felt like my IQ dropped about 100 points. I think I had a bad case of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) because I don't suffer depression usually. I know when I read your plan for getting weed out of your system I thought about how I could not have managed any of that because I was completely knocked out, only able to perform basic functioning. For me it got better slowly, week by week, month by month. I hope that you feel better soon too. Keep posting if you can, it's good to hear from you through the good and bad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Thanks guys
I've been pretty lucky, my GP and therapist both work at a rehabilitation clinic in Melbourne called First Step. They're awesome.
Looking at my story in the OP again, it might be worth me adding the quitting experience as well.... It takes it to a completely different level, at least that's how it is for me. Probably looking forward to writing about positive stuff more though.
Lately has been pretty messed up.
I've been pretty lucky, my GP and therapist both work at a rehabilitation clinic in Melbourne called First Step. They're awesome.
Looking at my story in the OP again, it might be worth me adding the quitting experience as well.... It takes it to a completely different level, at least that's how it is for me. Probably looking forward to writing about positive stuff more though.
Lately has been pretty messed up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by thisisme
This is eye popping. It's like trying to explain alcoholism to someone "normal".
I seriously had no idea pot could do this.
Thank you for sharing Gamaur.
I seriously had no idea pot could do this.
Thank you for sharing Gamaur.
Fortunately the experience I've written is relatively uncommon, few regular smokers take it anywhere near that level. Much more common on this forum of course but in my experience I've out-smoked and out-depraved everyone I've ever smoked with or talked about it to. That's well into the hundreds.
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
I'm so glad your doctors are specialists. Positive stuff is great but we don't have to avoid the negative. Avoidance is part of the reason we were addicted, or so I would guess. I like to think that "happiness" is just one part of a whole range of natural and healthy emotions. Certainly it is not the only valuable one.
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