Introduction (X Post from Depression Forum)
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Introduction (X Post from Depression Forum)
Hi everyone. I'm new here, hoping to get some healing from depression and struggling with an alcoholic mother. My depression reached full force a little over 6 months ago when I married a wonderful, caring man. My mother and my younger sister don't approve of our relationship (we have a very large age gap, and they focus on that all the time). I guess I had hoped that once he and I were married they'd come around. They haven't. This has sent me into a deep, dark spiral. It also doesn't help that my mom is an alcoholic, and sis makes everything better for Mom (placating, enabling, and the like). They defend each others crappy behavior (like leaving me out of holidays, refusing to be in my wedding, etc). I feel so many bad feelings, like depression, anger, resentment, sadness, grief, because of the situation, and yet, I should be enjoying my new marriage! I have been seeing a therapist once a week for 5 months, and have been on an antidepressant for about 2 months now. At first the antidepressant really helped (bupropion, generic Wellbutrin), but I feel like it doesn't work as well anymore. Thoughts? Has anyone experienced a similar situation? I'm desperate for answers. Thank you for reading.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think it's important to set boundaries with your family.
If they don't like your husband, that's their problem. You aren't able to change that today. What you can change is how you deal with it when they bring it up (or anything that makes you uncomfortable.)
I had to set boundaries with my mother. When she would bring up the sensitive subject(s) I would say, "Mom, we disagree about that. I'm not having this discussion with you." Then I enforced that - over and over. I had to leave or hang up the phone probably half a dozen times or more before she would "get it" that I was serious. The good part was that I got to leave without losing my cool or feeling bad about something I said.
You have a right to peace and happiness. . . you've chosen this man and you are an adult. Your mom and sister don't have to like him, but you don't have to listen to them judge him in a negative way.
The fact that your mom and sis are enmeshed in a codependent/alcoholic relationship - also none of your business. Deal with each of them independent of the other. I would not discuss mom with sis or discuss sis with mom. Someone in the family has to start being a responsible, non-gossipy adult.
If they don't like your husband, that's their problem. You aren't able to change that today. What you can change is how you deal with it when they bring it up (or anything that makes you uncomfortable.)
I had to set boundaries with my mother. When she would bring up the sensitive subject(s) I would say, "Mom, we disagree about that. I'm not having this discussion with you." Then I enforced that - over and over. I had to leave or hang up the phone probably half a dozen times or more before she would "get it" that I was serious. The good part was that I got to leave without losing my cool or feeling bad about something I said.
You have a right to peace and happiness. . . you've chosen this man and you are an adult. Your mom and sister don't have to like him, but you don't have to listen to them judge him in a negative way.
The fact that your mom and sis are enmeshed in a codependent/alcoholic relationship - also none of your business. Deal with each of them independent of the other. I would not discuss mom with sis or discuss sis with mom. Someone in the family has to start being a responsible, non-gossipy adult.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Hello Healing,
What does your H think of all of this drama and your depression?
You can work through this. They are boxing you out and scared of the changes in how you will relate now that you are married and have someone else to rely on. I think any partner would have sparked this sort of poor response from them? Think about it.
The Drama Triangle: The Three Roles of Victimhood - article by Dr. Lynne Namka
What does your H think of all of this drama and your depression?
You can work through this. They are boxing you out and scared of the changes in how you will relate now that you are married and have someone else to rely on. I think any partner would have sparked this sort of poor response from them? Think about it.
The Drama Triangle: The Three Roles of Victimhood - article by Dr. Lynne Namka
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