(New) I.D.K.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
(New) I.D.K.
Hello everyone, I'm new and here because my mind is heavy. My son's father/boyfriend of 2 years is a herion/pill addict. I knew he had drug issues in the past when I met him and was in jail once then prison. Well he has been out of prison for two months and back on pills and heroin. I told him before that if he wanted help and was serious that I help him. So he told me he wanted help and last night I dropped him off at detox center which the first time he ever went willingly. He has been by force of court and so on. I am happy in a way and want to help him if he truly wants help and fights and puts the effort in. They told him to stay for 5 days. I am proud of him but scared same time. I know when he was forced to go he left the first day. He said he was going to do his best and for me to support him and help when he gets out and I will to the best of my ability if I see his efforts. He has put me through a lot. But he wants to get on Suboxone when he is out and I am kind of scared about that. I know it has helped others and he seems to want to do it badly. But I am just scared he wants to trade a drug for another. I'm happy he did this and hope he is serious about getting help and I love him. I know he has a horrible disease and told me he can't do this on his one and I'm willing to help as much as I can. But just scared and stayed up all night thinking he might check out. I am just all over the place with my emotions. Sorry for my rambling and my post being all over the place.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, ladybug, and Welcome to SR! You have found a wonderful place for support, but I am so very sorry for what brings you here.
I've moved your thread into the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum because I think it will be seen by more members here, and you will receive the attention you deserve.
Early recovery for an addict can be scary for them and for those who love them. It seems hopeful to me that he asked for help on his own. Time will tell! In the meantime, please come here anytime for support because you deserve help just as much as he does.
Welcome, again, ladybug!
I've moved your thread into the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum because I think it will be seen by more members here, and you will receive the attention you deserve.
Early recovery for an addict can be scary for them and for those who love them. It seems hopeful to me that he asked for help on his own. Time will tell! In the meantime, please come here anytime for support because you deserve help just as much as he does.
Welcome, again, ladybug!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello and Welcome to SR LadyBug!
one way I learned about the addiction was to read the threads here at SR. The Suboxone section isn't too active, but it will provide some insight for you.
Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Also, you may find it a good use of your time to learn about your relationship and how you can teach yourself to react differently. The book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie really helped me.
one way I learned about the addiction was to read the threads here at SR. The Suboxone section isn't too active, but it will provide some insight for you.
Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Also, you may find it a good use of your time to learn about your relationship and how you can teach yourself to react differently. The book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie really helped me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you! I am trying to and to stay busy with my two boys. He did call me today and he is still in there which I am glad. He gave me some suboxon doctor numbers and said the counselor said she didn't see anything wrong with him being on it but still have my concerns. But only time will tell.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Welcome Ladybug!
I hope things go well for him, and I know that for me, more comfort comes from seeing my addict do more for his self-they have to learn how to fix their own problems. I know you want to help, but don't let the big problem be all yours to fix, or it can overwhelm you. Boundaries are good. I wish you both well.
Keep posting!
hugs,
chicory
I hope things go well for him, and I know that for me, more comfort comes from seeing my addict do more for his self-they have to learn how to fix their own problems. I know you want to help, but don't let the big problem be all yours to fix, or it can overwhelm you. Boundaries are good. I wish you both well.
Keep posting!
hugs,
chicory
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you,chicory! I go pick him up from detox in the morning and I am anxious and excited all kinds of emotions. I am scared or feel wrong to even be excited because I am scared about the future or unknown. I love him and just hope he wants this like he says he does. But it can be overwhelming and let it overwhelm me several times. But thank u all for the support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
ladybug,
I wish you strength. He has a long road but one that he must create and travel with his own recovery goals.
I had the same hope and no one to talk to at the time. I wish someone had told me what to watch for. It may have sounded cynical or pessimistic but the failure rate is so great.
For some, subs are just a means to have something when they don't have other forms of opiates. Many are sold for coke or heroin. Often they get out and think that they can do coke and beat the tests, not realizing that the tests are for all substances. Even the ones that use other urine (from a child or non user) will eventually have to submit to a test that busts them out. And then there are the random swab tests.
Nothing lasts forever if they are cheating or using. Please keep your eyes open and trust your instinct. Don't wait for 'proof'. If it happens it's usually the day they get out or within a week or two. I was foolish, each time, each trip in, and wish that I had someone to talk to about it, for info and experience.
Wishing I had trusted myself and what I was seeing that I ignored.
I could not save mine. You cannot save your ABF. Only they can make that choice.
Blessings to you and your son. Be strong and believe in yourself
I wish you strength. He has a long road but one that he must create and travel with his own recovery goals.
I had the same hope and no one to talk to at the time. I wish someone had told me what to watch for. It may have sounded cynical or pessimistic but the failure rate is so great.
For some, subs are just a means to have something when they don't have other forms of opiates. Many are sold for coke or heroin. Often they get out and think that they can do coke and beat the tests, not realizing that the tests are for all substances. Even the ones that use other urine (from a child or non user) will eventually have to submit to a test that busts them out. And then there are the random swab tests.
Nothing lasts forever if they are cheating or using. Please keep your eyes open and trust your instinct. Don't wait for 'proof'. If it happens it's usually the day they get out or within a week or two. I was foolish, each time, each trip in, and wish that I had someone to talk to about it, for info and experience.
Wishing I had trusted myself and what I was seeing that I ignored.
I could not save mine. You cannot save your ABF. Only they can make that choice.
Blessings to you and your son. Be strong and believe in yourself
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Welcome!
You do know that you can talk to Suboxone doctors too. Talk to a few different ones. I know that there are two different kinds. One has the thinking of using Sub's for a detox and the other is to keep people on it a little longer.
From what I have read, people who have been using for a long time do pretty good with replacement therapy (Sub's and Methadone). I know that the medications I take (Antidepressant and opioid blocker) help me more that Suboxone ever did. That is a personal thing though. Every single human being is different.
My thoughts are with you.
You do know that you can talk to Suboxone doctors too. Talk to a few different ones. I know that there are two different kinds. One has the thinking of using Sub's for a detox and the other is to keep people on it a little longer.
From what I have read, people who have been using for a long time do pretty good with replacement therapy (Sub's and Methadone). I know that the medications I take (Antidepressant and opioid blocker) help me more that Suboxone ever did. That is a personal thing though. Every single human being is different.
My thoughts are with you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Carmen,I am not going to any meetings but I would like to do that. And thank you!
Joie,I know he does and he is a stubborn little devil I tell you! But he said his counselor said to stay on tramadol and adivan for awhile instead of the subs since him being without insurance and suboxone price. And he wants to go see the doc Monday. I am scared and know the odds for him and now I know the signs to watch out for been threw it a few times with him so not my first rodeo unfortunately. This is like his fourth and final chance I love him but I love my kids more.
Latte, thank you!
(Update) I picked him up he looked good said he felt good. Talked about going to rehab bit he wants a job which I understand. He wants to get on the medicine and go to N.A meetings bit wish he would go to rehab which I know its his choice and can't force him. We had a little cookout at his dad's house. He drunk some beers as did his step brother and the other men. But he did something that really really ticked me off was that his stepsister wanted some weed and his stepbrother wanted to run to get more beer. So I thought it was a beer run till I found out they was trying to get his stepsis some pot so my sons father rode to show them where to go. When he got back I let him have it. He said they didn't get any and he wouldn't smoke it of they did. His stepbrother said he didn't get none or do any and the guy wasn't home. I mean u just got back from detox and do that. I know it was for his stepsister but come on I just don't think that's very smart. We got into an argument and he swore up and down the guy wasn't home,it wasn't for him,and he wouldn't smoke any. He said if he did he would scrape out his old pot bowl and get stupid but doesn't want to. I told him I would him and not force him or control what he does bit can control what is around my kids. So I believe he didn't smoke because I can tell but just the fact he did that. They should go get there own crap if they want to and he stay out of it.
Joie,I know he does and he is a stubborn little devil I tell you! But he said his counselor said to stay on tramadol and adivan for awhile instead of the subs since him being without insurance and suboxone price. And he wants to go see the doc Monday. I am scared and know the odds for him and now I know the signs to watch out for been threw it a few times with him so not my first rodeo unfortunately. This is like his fourth and final chance I love him but I love my kids more.
Latte, thank you!
(Update) I picked him up he looked good said he felt good. Talked about going to rehab bit he wants a job which I understand. He wants to get on the medicine and go to N.A meetings bit wish he would go to rehab which I know its his choice and can't force him. We had a little cookout at his dad's house. He drunk some beers as did his step brother and the other men. But he did something that really really ticked me off was that his stepsister wanted some weed and his stepbrother wanted to run to get more beer. So I thought it was a beer run till I found out they was trying to get his stepsis some pot so my sons father rode to show them where to go. When he got back I let him have it. He said they didn't get any and he wouldn't smoke it of they did. His stepbrother said he didn't get none or do any and the guy wasn't home. I mean u just got back from detox and do that. I know it was for his stepsister but come on I just don't think that's very smart. We got into an argument and he swore up and down the guy wasn't home,it wasn't for him,and he wouldn't smoke any. He said if he did he would scrape out his old pot bowl and get stupid but doesn't want to. I told him I would him and not force him or control what he does bit can control what is around my kids. So I believe he didn't smoke because I can tell but just the fact he did that. They should go get there own crap if they want to and he stay out of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
behind every addict is someone like us. We try to control. We realize that we cannot. So we try to place boundaries. It doesn't work. Sneaks up on us until we are right back where we promised we wouldn't be. I walked my path and was responsible for learning about drugs, addictions, my choices and myself.
The only person you are in control of is you. The only boundaries that you can set ... are for you. You can protect your children from any of the users and drinkers, however - they need YOU and I just hope you can see how important it is for you to be safe and sane.
You are stronger than you think. Remember each of those rodeo rides ... the promises, the lies and how easy it was to slide right back into the saddle. I wish you and your children a Happy Easter and I will say prayers for your ABF.
I miss mine and I do understand but I also remember the fear and the fights. The bad things. It was awful and painful and yes I loved him. But I was still leaving. I chose to save myself.
The only person you are in control of is you. The only boundaries that you can set ... are for you. You can protect your children from any of the users and drinkers, however - they need YOU and I just hope you can see how important it is for you to be safe and sane.
You are stronger than you think. Remember each of those rodeo rides ... the promises, the lies and how easy it was to slide right back into the saddle. I wish you and your children a Happy Easter and I will say prayers for your ABF.
I miss mine and I do understand but I also remember the fear and the fights. The bad things. It was awful and painful and yes I loved him. But I was still leaving. I chose to save myself.
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