I can't go thru this again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear SR. Family,
I knew you would be there for me and I sincerely thank all of you for the support and love...I can really feel it thru the iPad screen
This is really tough to keep going thru this...but like MG said...I was knocked off my feet and hit hard on the ground, so hard that the sickness came back. I got my armor on and I'm going to take care of ME and live for today. My problem? Besides denial, is that I tend
to live in the past, the recent past, like a few years ago past. The memories of what we all have gone thru is such a RAW wound, open and weeping and so painful...
One thing happened today that I hope will turn out well...my oldest RAD said she would attend my F&F meeting at the behavior health clinic tonite...which will be wonderful because we have so many questions on what to say and what not to say to an affected person. She will be warmly welcomed. And I will be needing this meeting, to talk, vent or cry. To get it off this heavy heart. Then get back home to sit in in the Tuesday night meeting at 8pm, here at SR.!
Yes Opi, if you're reading this I may need a teleport...I'm smiling and getting stronger.
I love this new Forum, nobody was angry at me or disappointed or flaming...you all were understanding, loving and compassionate. This Forum truly is a safe place to talk.
XOX and maybe I will chat with some members at the meeting online tonite!
Yes we are a family!
TF
I knew you would be there for me and I sincerely thank all of you for the support and love...I can really feel it thru the iPad screen
This is really tough to keep going thru this...but like MG said...I was knocked off my feet and hit hard on the ground, so hard that the sickness came back. I got my armor on and I'm going to take care of ME and live for today. My problem? Besides denial, is that I tend
to live in the past, the recent past, like a few years ago past. The memories of what we all have gone thru is such a RAW wound, open and weeping and so painful...
One thing happened today that I hope will turn out well...my oldest RAD said she would attend my F&F meeting at the behavior health clinic tonite...which will be wonderful because we have so many questions on what to say and what not to say to an affected person. She will be warmly welcomed. And I will be needing this meeting, to talk, vent or cry. To get it off this heavy heart. Then get back home to sit in in the Tuesday night meeting at 8pm, here at SR.!
Yes Opi, if you're reading this I may need a teleport...I'm smiling and getting stronger.
I love this new Forum, nobody was angry at me or disappointed or flaming...you all were understanding, loving and compassionate. This Forum truly is a safe place to talk.
XOX and maybe I will chat with some members at the meeting online tonite!
Yes we are a family!
TF
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear TF, I am here with you in the deep pain and post tramatic stress recall that we all have experienced. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's relapse and I pray she finds recovery soon. It is terrifying to go through this waiting for the H word to come back into the issue!
Hugs
TT
Hugs
TT
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sorry, Twofish, it seems like it will never end...and it may or may not for them, but like MG said, you are no stranger to this today and you are stronger and wiser and you will make it through.
You have recovery tools today and know how to use them. Shine them up and know we are walking with you.
Hugs
You have recovery tools today and know how to use them. Shine them up and know we are walking with you.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear GM,
Thank you for caring about me...I don't feel much love anymore. Except
for that precious miricle baby that is the "apple of my eye"!! I am a gushing,
bragging grandma!! How sweet the innocent are...especially when all I know
is the pain this momma feels when I watch my daughters...so tired, they don't eat,
are sad and feel the pull of w/d when the suboxone runs short
The older daughter wants to enter a detox program to get off the suboxone...she
thinks it will take about 30 days...I'm not sure of that. She asked if i would take care
of her baby when she goes in...I'm proud she wants to detox and she's sick of being
sick, but 30 days? I suggested that "maybe" a taper should be considered first.
Her baby already has stayed with me for 5 of his tender 8 weeks, momma confusion?
Plus when the daughters get together...i get nervous, I know, stay in today.
Anyway, thanks for putting a smile on my face Garden Mamma, love ya!
TF
Thank you for caring about me...I don't feel much love anymore. Except
for that precious miricle baby that is the "apple of my eye"!! I am a gushing,
bragging grandma!! How sweet the innocent are...especially when all I know
is the pain this momma feels when I watch my daughters...so tired, they don't eat,
are sad and feel the pull of w/d when the suboxone runs short
The older daughter wants to enter a detox program to get off the suboxone...she
thinks it will take about 30 days...I'm not sure of that. She asked if i would take care
of her baby when she goes in...I'm proud she wants to detox and she's sick of being
sick, but 30 days? I suggested that "maybe" a taper should be considered first.
Her baby already has stayed with me for 5 of his tender 8 weeks, momma confusion?
Plus when the daughters get together...i get nervous, I know, stay in today.
Anyway, thanks for putting a smile on my face Garden Mamma, love ya!
TF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Twofish..I feel for you having (2) addict children. I do also...2 for 2. Ugh! I have tools like you do and somedays, I still want to fix it all in one swoop! Sort of a magic wand thing.
I keep telling myself, I am not their only resource. For me, it has been difficult to step away emotionally. I don't have to hear the endless negativity or issues (even when sober). I try to point them to God as I am Christian and so are they....I don't have the answers. Sometimes, is it time for me to stand STILL.
I understand the wanting to help with your oldest but feeling concerns with taking to-much-care-of your precious grandchild. Is the father involved.....As you know bonding is important and they need to figure this out. Do you feel like you are able to care 24/7 for your grandchild or would it put you out physically/emotionally? I always have to stop myself-am I doing to much? Am I their only resource?
I keep telling myself, I am not their only resource. For me, it has been difficult to step away emotionally. I don't have to hear the endless negativity or issues (even when sober). I try to point them to God as I am Christian and so are they....I don't have the answers. Sometimes, is it time for me to stand STILL.
I understand the wanting to help with your oldest but feeling concerns with taking to-much-care-of your precious grandchild. Is the father involved.....As you know bonding is important and they need to figure this out. Do you feel like you are able to care 24/7 for your grandchild or would it put you out physically/emotionally? I always have to stop myself-am I doing to much? Am I their only resource?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Txhelp,
I know I'm not their only resourse...maybe the only one who cares. Sometimes it feels
like I care too much? I find myself getting too involved?
Yes, I do think I can care for a baby, short term...but what she wants to do is not a
short term goal. Suboxone tapers/detox will take a strong determined effort.
The babys father is involved, he loves his son, but (always a "but")
he isn't much help so far. Some fathers just have a hard time caring for an infant, some
are better fathers when the child is older?
In the end, she is in charge. She will have to figure out this taper/detox with her
therapist.
Thank you for the support Txhelp, I need plenty of support, right about now...
TF
I know I'm not their only resourse...maybe the only one who cares. Sometimes it feels
like I care too much? I find myself getting too involved?
Yes, I do think I can care for a baby, short term...but what she wants to do is not a
short term goal. Suboxone tapers/detox will take a strong determined effort.
The babys father is involved, he loves his son, but (always a "but")
he isn't much help so far. Some fathers just have a hard time caring for an infant, some
are better fathers when the child is older?
In the end, she is in charge. She will have to figure out this taper/detox with her
therapist.
Thank you for the support Txhelp, I need plenty of support, right about now...
TF
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