For the parents...daily support thread
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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(((Twofish))) Sorry she put that in your face. I agree, that just ignoring is the best bet, but I know it hurts.
(((Twofour))) I understand that feeling you are experiencing. My daughters were super bright and honors students with all kinds of scholarships, yet alcohol issues for one and addiction for the other meant no graduation either. I got to the point with my oldest that I was just grateful she was alive and that she chose to work on recovery. Now, years later, she is pursuing the degree in her own time and her own way. It means so much and I am very happy for her. I guess the path isn't always the one that society says we take, right? Just love him and be grateful he is alive.
(((Twofour))) I understand that feeling you are experiencing. My daughters were super bright and honors students with all kinds of scholarships, yet alcohol issues for one and addiction for the other meant no graduation either. I got to the point with my oldest that I was just grateful she was alive and that she chose to work on recovery. Now, years later, she is pursuing the degree in her own time and her own way. It means so much and I am very happy for her. I guess the path isn't always the one that society says we take, right? Just love him and be grateful he is alive.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Twofish...so sorry you had to go through it...it is really hard and tears us mommas apart.
Saw my daughter for the first time in 11 months last Sunday...it was stressful...don't know what to believe of what she said...and it took it out of me...was quite 'out of synch' for the rest of the week...missed connections...either late or early to places...a bit fuzzy on focus. Her pattern is to go out of contact after a contact and that is the case again. She said she was on methadone and off the needle. She did show me her arms, but know that there are other places and she is angry and blaming or everything...kept asking for $20 which is her pattern...but on the money I hold firm on that boundary. Troubling...still focused on my own recovery and reading my literature and keeping going with work and reading my recovery literature and working program.
Saw my daughter for the first time in 11 months last Sunday...it was stressful...don't know what to believe of what she said...and it took it out of me...was quite 'out of synch' for the rest of the week...missed connections...either late or early to places...a bit fuzzy on focus. Her pattern is to go out of contact after a contact and that is the case again. She said she was on methadone and off the needle. She did show me her arms, but know that there are other places and she is angry and blaming or everything...kept asking for $20 which is her pattern...but on the money I hold firm on that boundary. Troubling...still focused on my own recovery and reading my literature and keeping going with work and reading my recovery literature and working program.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Seren, congratulations on the PhD defense date! That is big. I defended my dissertation a couple of years ago, and it still seems like yesterday. Please keep us posted when you pass, Dr. Seren. I am sure you have lots to work on until then...take care.
My heart goes out to you, Iris. You are stronger now and have a lot of good tools to use. Good work.
My heart goes out to you, Iris. You are stronger now and have a lot of good tools to use. Good work.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
My husband got a call last night from the older of his two stepsons (his late wife's two boys from her first marriage). Turns out, my stepson has been fired from 2 part-time jobs for showing up completely drunk. He is, apparently, drunk all the time and starting to look yellow again. About 7 years ago he nearly died from alcoholic hepatitis and jaundice.
We let him know that the young man has insurance and should still have the card--hopefully. We encouraged him to take "Jr." to the emergency room for detox and to talk to the social workers at the hospital about what is available in that area for recovery (free). We hope he took what we said seriously. We hope that branch of the family finally now understand just exactly how much this isn't going to be fixed by telling him to 'snap out of it' or 'just stop drinking'..
I'm grateful that they care enough about him to at least call and let us know what is going on.
All this is happening in a town about 8 hours drive from us. We can't go there right now...there is too much going on here.
Once again, we sit with this new information, and we pray.
We let him know that the young man has insurance and should still have the card--hopefully. We encouraged him to take "Jr." to the emergency room for detox and to talk to the social workers at the hospital about what is available in that area for recovery (free). We hope he took what we said seriously. We hope that branch of the family finally now understand just exactly how much this isn't going to be fixed by telling him to 'snap out of it' or 'just stop drinking'..
I'm grateful that they care enough about him to at least call and let us know what is going on.
All this is happening in a town about 8 hours drive from us. We can't go there right now...there is too much going on here.
Once again, we sit with this new information, and we pray.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Iris gardens, Sorry your meeting with your daughter turned out that way. I am still so new that I wish I had wisdom but hugs and great plan to dive into program for you.
Seren, You are one of the kindest people I have met on here....I am so sorry your handed yet another challenge because of some ones addiction. Stay strong. Your in my thoughts
Seren, You are one of the kindest people I have met on here....I am so sorry your handed yet another challenge because of some ones addiction. Stay strong. Your in my thoughts
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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Iris, I'm sorry your daughter was trying to manipulate you - sound slike you used good recovery tools.
Seren, you and your husband and step son are in my prayers. I hope he seeks help.
Seren, you and your husband and step son are in my prayers. I hope he seeks help.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
I find it interesting that the people around the alcoholic/addict are devastated by their health issues and crises yet the alcoholic/addict (because of the substances numbing the pain) are often oblivious. It's so sad.
Seren: I wish, for you and your husband's sake, that you did not have to receive this information. It must be so hard to handle. Praying for all who suffer from another's addiction.
Seren: I wish, for you and your husband's sake, that you did not have to receive this information. It must be so hard to handle. Praying for all who suffer from another's addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
To those who care...
Horrible weekend. Sad, tears, relapse, withdrawals, codieism, innocence lost, a young baby caught in the middle...who only wants to be cared for, loved and be a family.
This original post was long and painful, but it was lost when I tried to post it, for which I am grateful, I can't reread it, relive it.
Why? Why was my family affected by opiates so severely? What is Gods plan?
Where is my strength, joy and hope? Where has it gone?
Meetings, therapy, DivorceCare, co parenting classes, sadness and tears. The thought of going thru this again feels so overwhelming, so unreachable so unfair. So unfair...
TF
Horrible weekend. Sad, tears, relapse, withdrawals, codieism, innocence lost, a young baby caught in the middle...who only wants to be cared for, loved and be a family.
This original post was long and painful, but it was lost when I tried to post it, for which I am grateful, I can't reread it, relive it.
Why? Why was my family affected by opiates so severely? What is Gods plan?
Where is my strength, joy and hope? Where has it gone?
Meetings, therapy, DivorceCare, co parenting classes, sadness and tears. The thought of going thru this again feels so overwhelming, so unreachable so unfair. So unfair...
TF
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Twofish
It is unfair, and I'm just so sorry to hear that your daughter relapsed. It is just so hard some days. I empathize with your bad weekend. Perhaps your precious grandchild may give your daughter reason to get back into recovery.
It is unfair, and I'm just so sorry to hear that your daughter relapsed. It is just so hard some days. I empathize with your bad weekend. Perhaps your precious grandchild may give your daughter reason to get back into recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Seren,
It's almost like a legal relapse on Suboxone. The baby is so sweet, almost like the "cure" for depression, but not addiction.
She is going no contact with those who care the most. I'm being punished for caring. I will miss that sweet baby and his mother. The tears flow out of grief.
Why my family? I'm sure that question has been asked millions of times!
TF
It's almost like a legal relapse on Suboxone. The baby is so sweet, almost like the "cure" for depression, but not addiction.
She is going no contact with those who care the most. I'm being punished for caring. I will miss that sweet baby and his mother. The tears flow out of grief.
Why my family? I'm sure that question has been asked millions of times!
TF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I wish I had an answer for your Twofish...alcoholism runs on my mother's side of the family like a thread that ties the generations.
I will keep your precious daughter and beautiful grandbaby in my prayers!
Last edited by Seren; 04-27-2015 at 03:01 PM. Reason: TMI
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
Twofish, I will be praying for you. It is heart breaking. I have had no contact with my grandbaby for a year and a half now. It is so sad that people who love these babies are not in their life. Hang on! One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Friends,
Worry, it is such a strong emotion to live with, day after day...
Today is my oldest RADs 24th birthday. The memories, pre and post addiction
keep flooding my mind. I feel sad but that's ok. At least I still feel.
I miss her and her baby, her voice his smile...this all feels like grief to me.
Addiction has punished me. I now wish I would of stayed out of her business
and her disease. I feel all alone today. I didn't know how to parent a child
in full blown addiction, who's anger and blame are directed right at me.
I wonder what she is feeling or doing today? I hope her day is good.
This feels so alone, I am all alone with my memories. Some happy and some
are crushing my heart.
I've heard time heals all wounds and hurts. I hope that times flys by quickly.
Please forgive my sad and depressing mood. It's not meant to hurt anyone
I'm just lost and alone and I know that this forum cares.
TF
Worry, it is such a strong emotion to live with, day after day...
Today is my oldest RADs 24th birthday. The memories, pre and post addiction
keep flooding my mind. I feel sad but that's ok. At least I still feel.
I miss her and her baby, her voice his smile...this all feels like grief to me.
Addiction has punished me. I now wish I would of stayed out of her business
and her disease. I feel all alone today. I didn't know how to parent a child
in full blown addiction, who's anger and blame are directed right at me.
I wonder what she is feeling or doing today? I hope her day is good.
This feels so alone, I am all alone with my memories. Some happy and some
are crushing my heart.
I've heard time heals all wounds and hurts. I hope that times flys by quickly.
Please forgive my sad and depressing mood. It's not meant to hurt anyone
I'm just lost and alone and I know that this forum cares.
TF
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