Need help with step 2!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 24
Need help with step 2!
I am aware that I am a recovering addict and that I also am codependent upon my husband, who is an addict and my mother, who is not an addict, but just a controlling, domineering, mother. Between the two of them, I have become unable to run my own life, as I see it should be. My mother is a trigger, more-so, but my behaviors learned from living with her for 20-some-odd years, have become the foundation for all of my relationships from child-hood, on. I also had a traumatic event occur to me, while in Junior high, that further aided to my Codependency issues.
I read this aloud and understand it to be true. I believe that having this awareness of how this Codependency, as well as my own addiction, is making my life unmanageable, is the first step to recovery. That's as far as I've gotten, so far...
Can I work on my Codependency, which is what is making my life most unmanageable, at the same time as working on my own opiate addiction? I've been "sober" for 2 years. I take Suboxone, but I've never gone up on my dosage from day one, and am currently wheaning off of it. Suboxone has never made me feel high, just normal. I've considered myself to be sober since the day I started. living with an active abuser of opiates is what I feel, I need to work on, now! I'm losing myself, my sanity, everything, while being with my Husband. Part of me was already gone, before I met him. There's not a whole lot left and I want to see if the 12 steps can help me, before it's too late.
I realize what the problem is, without guilt, shame, hate, anger....against myself or anyone else. I want to work on believing in a Higher Power, who will release this burden from me, but I'm not starting out with a strong belief in an actual higher power, other than the goodness that I see within others. I do believe that there is a spirit or light within all people, that shines for each of us, through each of us. I believe in the spirit of human kindness, I suppose you could say. I don't want to sound petty, but when the step says, "as we understood him", is what I believe, an acceptable way to understand "him", God? I'm not ready to go to a meeting, yet and ask these questions. Please help me!?!
I read this aloud and understand it to be true. I believe that having this awareness of how this Codependency, as well as my own addiction, is making my life unmanageable, is the first step to recovery. That's as far as I've gotten, so far...
Can I work on my Codependency, which is what is making my life most unmanageable, at the same time as working on my own opiate addiction? I've been "sober" for 2 years. I take Suboxone, but I've never gone up on my dosage from day one, and am currently wheaning off of it. Suboxone has never made me feel high, just normal. I've considered myself to be sober since the day I started. living with an active abuser of opiates is what I feel, I need to work on, now! I'm losing myself, my sanity, everything, while being with my Husband. Part of me was already gone, before I met him. There's not a whole lot left and I want to see if the 12 steps can help me, before it's too late.
I realize what the problem is, without guilt, shame, hate, anger....against myself or anyone else. I want to work on believing in a Higher Power, who will release this burden from me, but I'm not starting out with a strong belief in an actual higher power, other than the goodness that I see within others. I do believe that there is a spirit or light within all people, that shines for each of us, through each of us. I believe in the spirit of human kindness, I suppose you could say. I don't want to sound petty, but when the step says, "as we understood him", is what I believe, an acceptable way to understand "him", God? I'm not ready to go to a meeting, yet and ask these questions. Please help me!?!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Yes, and it might even help with your sobriety if you can get at the underlying issues. Through my time in Alanon I've met several "double winners", folks who are living in sobriety through a program like AA or NA and also working on codependency issues in Alanon. You would be welcome at an Alanon meeting, and it would be a great way to support your sobriety, but only you know when you're ready.
As for the second step, Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, and the third step, Turned our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him, everyone comes to understand their HP in a different way. It is a personal journey.
For me the second step was to realize that my codependent behavior was not sane, lol. As for turning over my will and life, I was nervous about that, because I felt I didn't understand god. So I prayed. I said to god, I don't understand you, and I asked for help in understanding god. And I received it. For me the act of asking for help is very difficult, so that was a big deal for me. It is good to know that I do not need to have my fingers in every pie, trying to control every outcome, because that's the job of a higher power.
Hope this helps and doesn't sound too crazy.
As for the second step, Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, and the third step, Turned our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him, everyone comes to understand their HP in a different way. It is a personal journey.
For me the second step was to realize that my codependent behavior was not sane, lol. As for turning over my will and life, I was nervous about that, because I felt I didn't understand god. So I prayed. I said to god, I don't understand you, and I asked for help in understanding god. And I received it. For me the act of asking for help is very difficult, so that was a big deal for me. It is good to know that I do not need to have my fingers in every pie, trying to control every outcome, because that's the job of a higher power.
Hope this helps and doesn't sound too crazy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by QuietlE77 
other than the goodness that I see within others.
God was working through them to help me. I saw how their HP worked in their lives and I could not deny anymore that there was "something" going on.
I no longer believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, we are just not always privy to the reason.
Faith has kept me sober and continues to do so today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Quiet,
When I worked on Step 2, I did indeed work on my acceptance of being codependent and learning about codependency. For me, SR and Codependent No More were great resources. I also went to a counselor for a few months and talked just about the crisis and my reactions and choices. I needed a source to vent to that was not involved or taking sides. I continue to address codependency at work, in my head, and at home.
I am in my 40's and I was able to accept a greater power than me bc me running my life was no longer working. And when I thought me running my life was working, I started to realize that maybe it was not working in the best way. I was open to the 12 steps as a way to systematically evaluate and change up my life in preparation for the rest of my life - not just dealing with being Codie and my H.
I journaled on the first three steps from the questions here on SR. Not all of it is here, but I do have some e-notes under the steps 1-5. Step 3 - working on my version of my HP - took me 8 months. Part of my issue was splitting my HP off from the patriarchal faith I was raised in. That wasn't working for me at all - so I knew it was time to embrace my own version of God.
Peace and good luck to you!
When I worked on Step 2, I did indeed work on my acceptance of being codependent and learning about codependency. For me, SR and Codependent No More were great resources. I also went to a counselor for a few months and talked just about the crisis and my reactions and choices. I needed a source to vent to that was not involved or taking sides. I continue to address codependency at work, in my head, and at home.
I am in my 40's and I was able to accept a greater power than me bc me running my life was no longer working. And when I thought me running my life was working, I started to realize that maybe it was not working in the best way. I was open to the 12 steps as a way to systematically evaluate and change up my life in preparation for the rest of my life - not just dealing with being Codie and my H.
I journaled on the first three steps from the questions here on SR. Not all of it is here, but I do have some e-notes under the steps 1-5. Step 3 - working on my version of my HP - took me 8 months. Part of my issue was splitting my HP off from the patriarchal faith I was raised in. That wasn't working for me at all - so I knew it was time to embrace my own version of God.
Peace and good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Hi quiet,
I absolutely think you can work on everything at once. I believe that all the issues are intertwined so whatever you work on works on everything else.
Here is the thing about step2 as explained to me. It says " came to believe". That is a future action. Not something that is happening right now. As you work through the steps you will come to believe in a power greater than yourself. Right now all you have to do is believe it is possible you will "check me to believe"
I absolutely think you can work on everything at once. I believe that all the issues are intertwined so whatever you work on works on everything else.
Here is the thing about step2 as explained to me. It says " came to believe". That is a future action. Not something that is happening right now. As you work through the steps you will come to believe in a power greater than yourself. Right now all you have to do is believe it is possible you will "check me to believe"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Your story is the same as mine.
I Put down alcohol and street drugs by going to a detox.
A year into sobriety I went back to the hospital to get off the benzodiazepines because I wanted sobriety.
Once that was done I could work on the rest through the steps.
Many people though say to put down all addictions right before doing an All Addictions Big Book Study using AAs Big Book and it's incredibly powerful. People really heal.
Many of the folks who do that work are like you and me, adult children, codependents and addicts.
Your situation is certainly not hopeless. You just may, like me, need to do some really thorough work. The paradox is that the recovery is really beautiful.
I Put down alcohol and street drugs by going to a detox.
A year into sobriety I went back to the hospital to get off the benzodiazepines because I wanted sobriety.
Once that was done I could work on the rest through the steps.
Many people though say to put down all addictions right before doing an All Addictions Big Book Study using AAs Big Book and it's incredibly powerful. People really heal.
Many of the folks who do that work are like you and me, adult children, codependents and addicts.
Your situation is certainly not hopeless. You just may, like me, need to do some really thorough work. The paradox is that the recovery is really beautiful.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Step 2..."we came to believe..." means that we believe it would come. For me, it came after Step 3, a step I repeated about 4 times before I actually "got it" and was ready to move to Step 4.
There is no hurry, there is no set definition of what anyone's higher power must be. It is just a believe that "something" greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. For me that was God, my meeting, my sponsor, my therapist, nature, the universe and all that is good. That's a heck of a lot of power and it has never let me down.
Good luck, and congratulations on being a "double winner".
Hugs
There is no hurry, there is no set definition of what anyone's higher power must be. It is just a believe that "something" greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. For me that was God, my meeting, my sponsor, my therapist, nature, the universe and all that is good. That's a heck of a lot of power and it has never let me down.
Good luck, and congratulations on being a "double winner".
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by QuietlE77
I do believe that there is a spirit or light within all people, that shines for each of us, through each of us. I believe in the spirit of human kindness, I suppose you could say.
I'll avoid the temptation to respond with a big theological answer, complete with greek words and quotes from dead people.
It is enough to say that, yes, what you see there is God. You are doing just fine.
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