CodeJob

Hello,

Some people are so strict about step work. I worry I am doing it "wrong". Which is of course my Type A popping up and judging myself.

I am definitely mixing Steps 4 and 5 right now. Last night I apologized to my RAH for forcing things on my timeline. I am sure he figured my usual self will be back bright and early this morning - but I think I am starting to let go. It was bit more than my usual apology bc I identified what I was doing wrong. It was a bit Step 10!

Also Hammer pointed out meditation was in Step 11 - but I am now doing meditation twice a day. I started it as a Lenten project, but I plan to continue it bc although I pray for others - I feel more comfortable meditating.

Then yesterday a friend at work was talking about a family situation. I was listening but I wanted to tell her it was not her problem, that she was coddling this person in comparison to how she is more tough love on others in her family. In fact I admire how tough she is. So I pointed it out to her that she did not need to uncover this person's problems - that they would eventually come to light without her detective work and accompanying worry/frustration. We talked through it in some depth and I did a lot of listening but kept pointing out she could extricate herself (not be quite so Codie). Turns out her XH was an A! Did not know that. So I invited her to a meeting, which honestly I NEVER EVER thought I would do such a thing in my life. She told me she tried Al Anon back when XAH was an issue for her but she did not like it, so I dropped it for her but sort of realized I had just had a step 12 moment.

I live pretty intuitively, and this all feels natural to me but does anyone else just find the process just happening?

cynical one

The short answer.

The Steps are in order for a reason. Each Step builds on the previous Step(s) before it.

What you are experiencing is living the steps. This is a good thing. Don't over-analyze it.

CodeJob

Slipped out to my meeting today. This really works well for me. I connect to the individuals and the atmosphere of this group much better. Also I have the rest of my work day to decompensate and let my feelings settle.

A woman approached me and asked me to speak Easter Sunday. I really connected what she shared in the meeting. I warned her I was a newbie but she told me that is what she wants to bring in to her group - especially on that day. So I agreed to do it. My RAH is not going to be pleased about this commitment, but I realized I have no family here and that makes it easy for me to attend. I would not be surprised if this woman agrees to become my sponsor in time. That would be a nice gift from my HP. I also connected with a woman who suggested we work our steps together and I like her very much too. So I am really grateful I went today even though I did not speak I heard a lot of good things.

Thanks Cynical One for responding. I will take your advice and just keep doing what I am doing. Something is working and signs of living the steps is positive. It is nice to have positive things to focus on.

JustAGirl1971

I'm in the same place, codejob. I am meditating (step 11) and I'm only on step 2 work. It centers me, empties my mind, and makes me feel more connected to my HP. I also make immediate amends when I realize I've screwed up. It just seems wrong to wait to make amends until I get to the correct step. I think of step 9 as amends for pre-program wrongs... or current wrongs that we aren't self-aware enough yet to realize we've committed. I also pray for my HP's will to be carried out in my life every morning (step 3.) Sometimes multiple times throughout the day. Prayer has always been part of my life but is more integral to my life now than ever (step 11.) I agree with cynical one, I am beginning to live out the steps. It doesn't mean I'm jumping steps because I am still working them in order.... and I know I will reap much greater benefits as I progress through them in order. I am intentionally avoiding reading ahead in my step materials to prevent me from skipping ahead before I'm ready. Aside from that, I don't worry about whether something I'm doing is a step ahead of where I am currently.

My main issue is that my sponsor and I aren't clicking like I'd hoped. A big part of that is me, I'm sure. I have been praying for guidance on this subject and am confident that if I listen, my HP will guide me.

Great work, codejob. And thanks for the subject

mattmathews

If Al-Anon had rules and leaders and people telling me "You're not doing it right," I probably wouldn't have made it past the first meeting. One of my favorite slogans from the Newcomers Welcome is "there are no "musts" in Al-Anon."
My program is my program, and I hold it close to my heart and protect it fiercely. I love the advice and suggestions I get from the literature and from other members...but suggestions are just suggestions, I'm free to take what I like and leave the rest. I know that I'm growing, that I've blossomed in the program. But I admit that I'm heartened when I read in The Forum or on this forum that someone has the same worries that I do.

"If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path."--Joseph Campbell