Who Told US Not To Think?

[Chance]

I did replace the word you for the word us, since this is indeed a WE program not an I program. Hum now this could turn out to be one of them threads or then again it could just be my perception.

When most of us who have relapsed, we have relapsed on our own thinking. Most of us addicts are so set in OUR ways, that WE don't think (see there you go) that anyone or anything can be better than our own thinking. WELL, let's face it! Our thinking got us to where we are today. Our thinking got us high, Our thinking got us in a lot of trouble, our thinking harmed a huge amount of people including ourselves. So should we listen to our own thinking?

ESH

When I went back out using dope in February, I went back out on my own thinking! I didn't do what the program teaches us to do. The Program is designed to help us live life on life's terms without the use of drugs (alcohol is a drug), so with that being said, the program thus become a new way of thinking. I personally can quote a huge amount of stuff that are in both the AA Big Book and the NA Basic Text. So the knowledge is there but knowledge alone will not keep US CLEAN! Suggestion are a must for us today. Such as don't use no matter what, Just For Today we never have to use again, call someone before you pick up. Now if we are truly in the program walking the walk not just talking the talk, then we would stay clean and sober.

When I went back out in February, I had the thought go through my head, "Vic, YOU should call your sponsor!" "Vic don't use" Too late I had set myself up long before I picked up. My thinking got the best of me, and my thinking kept me using for a long time. Well actually it was only for 3 months, but those three months took me deeper than ever. Those three months of using I was only listening to my thinking.

So now I have a little over a month clean. That is wonderful! It truly is a blessing, but I would also let you know that if I acted on some of my thinking the last month or so, I would have been HIGH, NO doubt about that. Sure my mind has said, "Go get high." But my living the program says that Just For Today, we never have to use again." I am trying to do the suggestion that are given to me either by my sponsor or by the NA Basic Text and the AA Big Book (both of them is our road maps to living life free from addiction) and I am following through with what it says.

So when do I start to listen to my own thinking? Well, I suppose in some aspects I do that, such as my business, work, everyday activities, but when it comes to using I don't listen to my thinking. Am I any different than anyone else? NOPE not no more, I am just a ruin in the mill junkie/crackhead/codie trying to recover Just For Today. I am pretty sure that most of us are well over the average person than most people. So anyway just thought that we should maybe see what you all THINK ABOUT THIS! OMG I probably have a lot...

Love Vic

So I guess to answer the question my sponsor and my counselor said that it is probably best if I don't think today....

[aloneagainor]

I think this is a fascinating subject to consider, which, if I think about it, is a completely cerebral activity. It's purely subjective.

Somehow the PERSPECTIVE has to switch to incorporate objective thought. That would be, allowing EXTERNAL perspective IN, so to be able to consider the alternatives. So to know what the alternatives are.

Wow, that's really a significant shift in the way I've been looking at this. I think I need to process that some more before continuing on.

You see my own best thinking is still keeping me somewhat stuck, in not fully committing to recovery, keeping that option of retreat open. I'm learning we cannot maintain those reservations/ hestitations/ rationalization/ justifications and just plain cop-out lame excuses for going back to using. That thinking keeps us stuck.

Thanks so much for starting this thread Vic. I'm very curious...

[Chance]

I truly believe that once we have re-trained our minds and most of all keep focused on recovery, living the program not just knowing it. That is when we become aware of everything that is around us. We all know where we will end up if we did decide to use again, not good:nono: So our thinking is really cloudy in early recovery, even though we might not see it. Most of us have been in denial for so long that it takes time for our thinking to clear up. So for today, I have thought of my plan for the day, that seems to be working OK, but as far as my addiction/drugs it isn't that good yet. Sure it is better than it was about 35 days ago or so, but it isn't where I would like it to be but it is actually where it should probably be. Hum

Love Vic

[aloneagainor]

I'm still thinking on this thread, it's very complex. Something to do with "letting go" of our preconceptions and convictions, so to allow others who are thinking more clearly than we are (or can), to guide us. About not relying on our own best thinking, which is what gets us in trouble. I think what you're saying about not thinking is starting to make sense for me now, as I'm recognizing how my own best thinking keeps me thinking about retreat into using. I thought I could think my way around that, but instead when I think on it addict-head-thinking is just finding loopholes around it. It's like not being able to see the forest for the trees. Scope of vision so restricted, we don't know what all we're not seeing. Such is the benefit of having a compass to help guide. Our own best thinking tells us that north is south and east is west. For a compass to provide guidance, one must have faith and trust that it works. Hard to let go of those addict-thinking convictions. Thanks for keeping me thinking on this...with an open mind.

[Chance]

This is I think why Sponsorship is so very important, or what we call it is a closed mouth friend. Someone that you can relate too, and also someone that you have trust in. Sometimes we are in such a hurry with recovery, that we jump right into things, and sometimes if we would only slow down a little bit, everything just seems to flow.

For the past week I have been having problems with my new computer. They replaced the hard drive on it, but it didn't have the D partition on it. I got angry as hell with Dell, and yelled at a few people, trying to get MY point across, very aggravating, and disturbing. So anyway here I am doing all of this stuff, calling Dell, email Dell, etc, but not once did I talk to my sponsor about this.

Yesterday I called him and he asked if I stayed calm and didn't use any profound language? I said NOPE, I cussed and screamed. I knew that I wasn't handeling the situation right or maybe I was just handeling it the way that I have always handled it. So in recovery this is where we need to try and do things different. Sometimes we react in a way that probably isn't beneficial to a whole lot of people, yet, we are probably right where we need to be at this moment. So I have a lesson to learn, and my thinking isn't all that good yet. I really need to start being more patient with myself and realize that I am only human and that sometimes it takes more on one thing if not another.

So today, I am going to give myself a break, realize that I will not be perfect, and realize that my thinking in some areas, are not good, and others are starting to develop.

Love Vic

[aloneagainor]

Originally Posted by luckyv2

Sponsorship is so very important, or what we call it is a closed mouth friend. Someone that you can relate too, and also someone that you have trust in. Sometimes we are in such a hurry with recovery, that we jump right into things, and sometimes if we would only slow down a little bit, everything just seems to flow.

Just recently this was concept of "slowing down" was pointed out to me from a "closed mouthed friend", a writing friend here at SR, and I'm soooo grateful for that much-needed outside perspective. Again on the subject of sponsorship, I'm nowhere near finding such an individual, farther still now than before as the NA step-work group I'd been attending has fizzled out. Physical isolation really restricts connections to outside physical contact.

Originally Posted by luckyv2

...yet, we are probably right where we need to be at this moment. So I have a lesson to learn, and my thinking isn't all that good yet.

Yes, so we work with what we have at the moment, utilizing what input is available to us, and being open-minded enough to recognize it whenever wherever however it's presented. Just the knowing, that awareness, that our own best thinking keeps us stuck in our own best thinking, provides ability to begin to peer around those parameters, so to receive that oh-so-necessary outside perspective. I don't mean to be so particular when it comes to who I'm willing to trust, or so exclusive in who I can relate to, yet that is the way I am, it's a LEARNED thing, and for good reason. Quality of information over quantity of input, the filters are restrictive, but refined. How much to rely on one's own carefully constructed filters, and how much to allow past those barriers. It's all so delicate.

[REZ]

Like many sayings in NA/AA the idea to not trust your own thinking is an exaggeration that requires further clarification to make sense. Of course, you need to trust your own thinking much of the time, even in earlier recovery. If you are walking down the street and it looks like a car is out of control and about to hit you, you can trust your own thinking to decide to get out of the way. On the other hand, if you think to yourself one day, "I never tried drug X...I'll bet I would be ok if I did drug X but not drug Y, Z, etc" That, clearly, is stupid, insane thinking. What happens in recovery is that over time we can trust our own thinking more and more of the time as we are restored to sanity. Being restored to sanity takes time and effort. You have to work the steps, go to meetings, talk to your sponsor, have some life experiences while clean and sober, etc. But not matter how far you go down the path of recovery, you will never be infallible. You make still make mistakes, have bad ideas, and so on. That is why everyone, even people with 20+ years of recovery, needs a sponsor. We all need someone who can give us an objective assessment of our thinking and can help us remain on the path of sanity and growth instead of insanity and destruction.