Sometimes I just want to give up!

[Madalaina]

Hello everyone!

Well, I just made a yr. on 5-2806. I'm excited about that, but my life is sooo chaotic right now. I just want it to be right! I go through times when all I want to do is use. I know that will only make things worst. I've talked to my sposor, and she has told me things that I should do. I really don't want to use. I don't want to go back to that "life". But sometimes I just want to give up, and then again, sometimes I'm so grateful for my life today. I've done alot of reflecting back, and looking at my life then and looking at it now! Wow, there's a big differnce.

I just hate feeling like this!

Thanks for listening!
Alissa

[Blake]

Hey alissa,

I can relate to how you are feeling.....it hit me like that right after I got a year too....I got really bored with my reocvery and was plagued with using thoughts and the like.....I just forced myself to go to meetings (try going to different meetings) and forced myself to call my sponsor and write on steps......and eventually it passed and the cool thing is that now I am even happier in my recovery that I was before.....all growth is accompanied by pain.

You and I are in a dangerous place, the year between 1 and 2 is really risky....lots of people go back out b/c of those same feelings...you don't have to, though....keep on fighting and you'll get through these feelings......

your friend from down the street..
Blake

[Madalaina]

Thank you, Blake!

I'm going to fight this with every thing in me! No matter how much I want to use, I'm just not willing to go back to that life!! I just can't. So, I'll cry my eyes out, pray, do step work, talk to my sponsor, and cry some more, but just for today, I won't do any dope!


Hugs to you my friend!
Alissa

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by Alissa

I'm going to fight this with every thing in me! No matter how much I want to use, I'm just not willing to go back to that life!! I just can't. So, I'll cry my eyes out, pray, do step work, talk to my sponsor, and cry some more, but just for today, I won't do any dope!

That's IT, Alissa. That's what we need to do AND all we can do, ya know?

Sending you strength and courage and support!!!

[lightseeker]

Alissa,

Good for you girl! I hear ya.....it is really hard. I have 45 days in recovery and a bunch of S*** is flying around me. My abf has 11 months recovery from a 20+ year crack addiction. He keeps saying that he use to have a drug problem, now he has a living problem. This isn't easy at all but neither was a life of drinkin and druggin. I unfortunately picked up April 14th after a good amount of clean time and let me tell you - it certainly didn't make any thing better AT ALL. In fact, it made things even more horrible. This time I intend to make it....thank heavens for the people that have stayed the course like Phinn that offer this type of encouragement. Sending you love!

Donna

[Time2Surrender]

Congrats on one year Alissa. I just took a year too on May 25th. Hang in there.