Please Forgive Me? My Husband Is A Crack Addict TOO

[teke]

I Have Read Here So Many Times The Term" Cw" And It Dawned On Me Just What That Stood For And I Have To Say That I Am So Sorry For Using It. If I Offended Anyone Please Forgive Me.
I Too Am A Recovering Female And Even Though I Did Not Use My Body To Get Drugs-yet-, I Know A Lot Of Girls Who Did. I Kind Of Make It A Point To Try And Get To Know Some Of These Girls And How They Thought. They Are So Pitiful Out There, They Are Mistreated In Everyway. They Teased And Laughed At Me Because I Was Not Doing What They Were Doing -yet-but The Truth Is, Even They Gave Me A Kind Of Respect That They Though That They Could Not Have.
They Seemed All Okay About What They Were Doing But I Could See All The Hurt That They Had Bottled Up. They Kind Of Confided In Me From Time To Time And The Men Who Loved Them And Were Out There With Them, Sometimes Had No Clue Or Refuse To Except The Low That Their Women Would Stoop To, Sometimes They Would Even Send Their Women Out There To Do What Ever They Had To Do To Bring The Drugs Back To Them.
Because Of That, Most Women Who Were Using Were Being Labeled As A "cw" Anyway, Even In Cases When They Were Really Out Smoking. Yea, I Was Approached A Few Times But The Word Got Out Pretty Fast That I Was Not In To That So, Eveybody Kind Of Looked Out For Me.
I Am Not Angry At Them Or My Ah Even Though It Hurts Like H- E -l- L, And I Don't Fully Understand Why My Ah Would Rather Do This To Us Or To Himself. He Can't Be Happy And Neither Can The Female Addict Who'll Join Him In His Games, What Happens When The Dope Is All Gone And The Money, She Moves On To The Next And He Goes On To Stealing ,lieing, And Robbing And What Ever Else,tring To Get More Drugs And If All Else Fails, He Goes Home If He Still Has One.

I Decided To Try Not Allow Those Images Of My Ah And Some Poor Addicted Female To Invade My Thoughts, Cause They Were Driving Me Insane, Literally Insane. I Learn How To Change Those Kinds Of Thoughts By Praying For Any Female That Popped Into My Head, That One Day, She Would Find Her Way To A Better Way Of Live Too. Believe It Or Not, I Believe That God Loves Them Too.

So, I Challenge You GuyS To Pray For All Of Our Brothers And Sisters Who Are Out There Suffering. God Do Answer Prayers.

Thanks For Listening

Teke: Recovering Addict And Codie

[best]

God does answer prayers...in His timing, not our timing.

Know that prayers continue.

[cinderellawkids]

I have a question I thought Id add to this thread. Im a member of naranon and doing well at focusing on me. But Im still curious about this drug and struggles to get off of it.

My husband has been in and out of recovery for a few years now. I have sen so much growth. In the past he'd always binge and not stop until there was no place to get money. Now, if he relapses, he's done in less than 10 hours and actually coming back with money asking me to take it and pay bills and then he picks himself up, no self pity returns to work and trying hard. ALthough he still is on the pattern of can drink moderately, which when that fails is when he ends up using. He says its different now, he does not really enjoy it and he wants to stop, he's going to stop ....

I believe in not giving up before a miracle happens. And why our lives are pretty much separate I remian, and always will his friend. I listen now, I dont nag or anything else us codies do, I have my own interests and dont let his decisions effect me. Im just curious if any of you recovery addicts or those struiggling to recover have had similar experiences, in less binges, change in attitude, choosing to stop after it starts?

Please give me some insight to your minds. I really appreciate it.
Cinderella.

Ps. Vic, Im proud of you.

[teke]

Ceinderella

I Have Lived On Both Sides Of The Track And Yes I Can Relate, My Ah And Myself Had Gone Through Rehab Several Times And The Key Word That You Used Is Struggle, It Is Very Hard, But Once A Relapse, Its Even Harder To Get Back On The Recovery Bus, Life Or Death Decision Has To Be Made.
For Me And Mine, I Beleve Mine, One Drink Leads Back To Drug Of Choice, I've Been Clean And Sober For Some Time Now, I Choose Not To Fool Myself With The Drinking, But My Ah Still Thinks That He Can Drink, And He Does Trying, But Sometimes He Allows His Addiction To Overpower His Will To Live. Thats Addiction, Been There Many Times Myself And With Each Relapse, The Binges Got Worse And Worse And So Did My Addict.
I Too Don't Believe In Giving Up Before The Miracle Happens Cause Even Though People Gave Up On Me, It Still Happened For Me.
When Comes To My Addict, I Am There But I Am Not, I Have To Look Out For Me Cause For Me To Live With My Addict Any Longer, Is A Life Or Death Situation, I Haven't Given Up But Someway, Some How, I Have To Give Him Room To Find His Own Way To Freedom. Its Been 20 Yrs For Me And Maybe Still Counting, I Have Done All I Know How To Do And All I Didn't Know How To Do. The Decision Is His And I Have To Make My Own. I Pray For You And Yours And Hope That He Realizes That In Some Cases, The Drinking Sometimes Is The Beginnig Of The Same Road That Leads Back To That Destructive Life Of Addiction, I Hope You Can Figure Out What I Am Tring To Say Cause I Don't Want To Disencourage Anuyone.
After My Last Relapse, I Knew That I Had To Go Cold Turkey And I Did. I Can't Drink, Cause I Don't Want To Be Sick, I Want To Get Better, For Me, Thats Like Playing With Fire, Or Sitting Around A Barber Shop, I Would Be Bound To Get Burned Or Get A Hair Cut Sooner Or Later. We Can't Do Anything About Them And Their Decision But We Can Protect Ourselves From Allowing Their Decisions To Do Anything To Us

[Phinneas]

Hi, Teke. I really admire your courage and your compassion.

I AM a CW - even though I never did crack and I never slept with someone for money. Why then do I call myself that? Because I relate - the disease is the SAME. I am the skid row bum, the dumpster diving addict, the drunk housewife and, yes, the CW. My disease manifested in different ways, but I see all to clearly how close I was to ALL of that. When I look into the eyes of an addict or an alcoholic, I do see myself. Oh yes, I do.

Great post. Great reminder. This disease is sad and ugly and so, so destructive. My heart hurts for ALL those who still suffer and for the many, many, many who don't make it.

(...)

[teke]

Thank You So Much Phinny, Everytime I Hear This Kind Of Encouragement, It Makes Me Cry, Once When I Was Reading My Bible, I Ran Across A Scripture That Said To Me That God Allowed Me To Go Into The Fire So That He Could Bring Me Out, Then Put Me Back In To Comfort My Brother And Sisters With The Same Comfort That He Comforted Me With, So I Hurt For All Hurting Hearts, I ALWYS THOUGHT THAT I COULD NOT DO MUCH OF ANYTHING RIGHT LET ALONE REALLY HELP SOMEONE ELSE NOT TO HURT AS BADLY AS I HAVE.

Thanks, You Have Just Made My Day

May God Bless You And Take Care Of You And Yours

Teke: Recovering Addict And Codie

[best]

Originally Posted by teke

I ALWYS THOUGHT THAT I COULD NOT DO MUCH OF ANYTHING RIGHT LET ALONE REALLY HELP SOMEONE ELSE NOT TO HURT AS BADLY AS I HAVE.

This whole thread is wonderful. Just with this one thread and your sharing, "You" have helped more people then we will ever know. You help one, they inturn help another...so on.

[Phinneas]

Yes, Teke and Best. I totally agree. When we ourselves live through the darkness and pain and despair, we can come back and talk about it. We can offer some comfort to others because we were there. We lived it. We survived it. If we can, others can, too, yes?