Step 4 isn't so bad after all

[Nickaddict]

I have almost finished writing step 4 and despite of several horror stories I've heard about it in meetings my experience with this step is actually pretty positive.
In the process of thinking about the questions, asking fellows for their experiences with it and actually writing it I've learned valuable lessons.

To give an example, I discovered that behind ALL my resentments always was a self-centered fear of some kind.
I was - and still am - pretty amazed by that. I never would have thought that *I* would get angry or resentful at somebody or something while in reality I was - and I think still am - affraid. ME affraid? While THEY were the a-holes, right? Wrong hehe.
You see, I thought that THEY did something wrong and that it had nothing to do with me. I know better know
I put expectations on somebody, often unrealistic ones, and got dissapointed and angry (read: scared) because it threatened my view of how people, places and things should be.

It's a continuing process though, I must admit that some resenments I still can't let go somehow. But some of them I could and that's a huge improvement.

Anyway, I wanted to share my experience on step 4 with you all because I kinda cringed when I heard people share that they thought it was a horrible step. It wasn't for me so far.

Hugs,
Nick.

[best]

It's a continuing process though, I must admit that some resenments I still can't let go somehow. But some of them I could and that's a huge improvement.

Just realized yesterday that I still hold two that I have yet been able to let go of. Been 15 years or so I have held on to these two. I can do something that will help me let them go come next weekend. I think it is time I stop carrying them.

You learn well. Good job Nick

[Phinneas]

Great job, Nick. The 4th step for me was really scary - until I actually did it.

[REZ]

Great work. I, too, did not find step 4 so scary. If you're solid on the 3rd step, you should have enough faith to go forward to 4. I got clean 21 years ago. Back in those days, most people did the 4th step much earlier in their recovery than they seem to do it today (e.g. within the first six months). Today, people wait longer and longer (2 or 3 years or more) and the step just seems harder the longer they put it off. Also, there's the whole mythos surrounding the step that inside and outside meetings...

[Moontime]

I just completed the 4th step for the 3rd time and it's amazing how much stuff I still hold on too. I also get to see how far I've come too. I love this process!

[fallen_angel_rb]

Thanks for sharing that. I've been dreading the Fourth and Fifth because of all the horror stories that I keep hearing about them, so it helps when someone can talk about how bad its not for them, it makes me a little less leary to do the Fourth and Fifth.

Wishing you another happy, safe and clean 24

[Paul83]

I'm in the middle of 4 as well and also found the anticipation to be the most difficult thing about it. Just keep writing 30min a day and there's no problems. The only way to do a fourth step wrong is to not do it at all! If you do a good 3rd, then 4 should be no problem. You can recognize that God's will for you is to stay clean & sober and work the 12 steps. Having any kind of fear (lack of faith) about doing those steps is a direct contradication of the conviction I displayed in step 3 regarding my recovery. Good luck to you!

Paul