was anyone else not able to tell their family?

[disgai]

I've managed to hide a bad oxycontin/methadone addiction for a while now. I've been getting clean and I think I'm finally done starting today. I've always wanted to tell my family and ask them to help me stop, but they had found out a while back and thought I had stopped and I really don't want to disappoint them. I couldn't put my mother through it again. But I know it's going to be a major battle to keep myself from relapsing, but also I don't want to get help from a facility because then it'll be on my record and if I am injured or have surgery I won't get any help for pain. I guess I'm just reaching out and looking for help/suggestions. This is my first time on this site, thanks.

Fran

[aloneagainor]

Hi Fran,
It's good you're reaching out for support. Very difficult to near impossible to do it alone, as your mind is then too free to play headgame tricks with you, surely you've played the game already if you're back to using after having quit, and are now hiding. I'm well aware of that cycle, how hard it is to break free. You've made a very positive move in deciding to quit, clarity of thought is much more readily perceived when not under the influence.

Would telling your family help or hinder your recovery? Are you close to your family? Do you trust your family to help? Don't let your fears rule you, be honest with yourself about what you want and what you need to do to get there. Do you have trusted friends? A support group with whom you can be honest? You'll need OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE if you're going to be able to get outside of your head.

[godsonmyside]

But I know it's going to be a major battle to keep myself from relapsing, but also I don't want to get help from a facility because then it'll be on my record and if I am injured or have surgery I won't get any help for pain.

That is not good information at all!! As far as telling family, usually what they all ready knew. I have yet to keep myself from relapsing, when I do this alone is when I am in trouble.
Go to meetings and get with the same folks that are going through this, get a sponsor, work some steps, get involved with making coffee or help setting up a meeting, these are the things that HELP me and many of our friends stay clean.

Peace,
Todd J.

[disgai]

Yeah, I have to find out where the meetings are in my area. I was searching on-line for narcotics anonymous and found this site. I was in rehab years ago at 14 for getting caught buying pot in school and I remembered that the meetings seemed to just be guys talking about how they lost their wives and kids because of drugs. I needed something more personal and supportive for me with like one-on-one help. I think this'll be a great tool, this site. I appreciate the people who run this at no cost to the ones who need help and both of you for responding.

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by disgai

...if I am injured or have surgery I won't get any help for pain.

Hey, Fran!! WELCOME to SR and to our NA forum!! Please do try to get to some meetings soon. Talking with other recovering addicts face-to-face can really help you decide how to deal with your family. I am one of those who also believes that we cannot stay clean alone, that we all need help.

I really identified with what you said above about pain. I suggest you read pages 98-100 of NA's Basic Text and the booklet In Times of Illness, too. None of us has to suffer unrelieved physical pain in recovery, but we must be extremely cautious when medications are required. I lied to doctors for years about my history of addiction because I was afraid of the pain. I didn't understand recovery at all and I didn't realize that the drugs were KEEPING me in pain.

If you have a doctor and/or therapist, it is very important to be open and honest about addiction with them. Otherwise, they can't truly help you. Professionals can be a great asset in recovery when we let them in on what's really happening with us. I personally get lots of professional help in addition to finding support from fellow addicts in NA.

I have to run now, but I will keep you in my thoughts, Fran, and I wish you all the best!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[hartsellelady]

hi there! i never had a problem telling my mother because she was on methadone for 7 years and i was there when she got so sick and quit it cold turkey..so sick she was for a long time now that I'm in recovery sometimes its easier to talk to her about it.. and sometimes not since she is addicted to pills now but its very hard to do it alone. impossible I'd say.. its a hard and lonely road for me and to do it alone is almost unbearable.

[Blake]

I still haven't told my parrent everything.

They sent me to detox in 2000 and were under the assumption I was curred after that. However, I just kept it on the down low and when I eventually got strung out again, I got on methadone, all with out there knowing. after 2 years on methadone, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to them and told them I needed help, they asked what I was doing and I said "pain meds" with out going into the specifics. THey cried and yelled and I felt like ****...but they also let me detox at their house and helped me get back on my feet financially some (they got my utillities turned back on). I never told them I was strung out on heroin and I don't think I ever will...they will freak out...but I had to ask them for help, I needed it and they were there for me.

NA is where I get the majority of my support though, family is great, but they don't understand me like yall understand me, and they can't help me like yall help me.

[bella]

my parents knew more than they let on. now i resent them for not doing anything about something they could obviously see was taking me over. i think it's important to have honesty in your family but if yours is like mine, be careful. no matter how good i do now it's never enough for my mom. she holds my mistakes over my head every chance she gets. you need a support system, that's for sure but make sure the people you choose to be there for you will be there for you with the right intentions.

did that make sense?

samantha

[Paradise]

Samantha, as a mom I have to tell you we don't want to believe that you could possibly be harming yourself that way or that much. It is simply too painful to believe. We also feel used. So if your mom is pissed a bit and "holds" stuff over your head. Look at her and hug her and tell her you understand. She'll stop. Not saying she's RIGHT... just saying she's in pain. Ask her to get help too. We are people NOT just MOM"S! LOL Been there, Still feel the pain. Paradise

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by hartsellelady

its a hard and lonely road for me and to do it alone is almost unbearable.

(((((hartsellelady))))),
I'm so grateful today to know that I don't have to do it alone!! In NA, I have lots of help from other recovering addicts. I hope you realize this, too. We never have to be alone again. Wish you the best!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[hartsellelady]

thank u Eddie yes.. i feel better at meetings knowing im not alone. I still feel alone sometimes but never when im around other recovering addicts.

[eddie z.]

You're welcome!! The trick is not to feel "lonely" even when we're alone, I guess. It used to be that I could not stand to be alone and I used a lot because I was lonely. That's all changed now thanks to recovery. Sometimes I actually prefer being by myself because I know I'm never really alone anymore. Hope this makes some sense.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[neverforget]

I know with myself, my mother always knew. Of course, she's one of us, so that made it a little easier. I don't know that she knows about this last little episode, though (See my post in Sub. Abuse), but that's only because I now live 200 miles away from her. I know I always resented the fact that she was one of us, becuase she was always spouting stuff off to me, telling me I knew better, telling me I had to get help. I'm grateful for that today, though. I know that if she had not known anything about this disease, I would be dead today. She quit enabling me as soon as she realized how bad it was , and that was the best thing.

[eddie z.]

WELCOME to SR, neverforget!! Thank you for that post, too!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

P.S. Now where did Fran get to?