Notices

How It Works

Old 05-13-2003, 03:11 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Getting Out of the Way

Most of us realize that we probably need to do something more in this step than just pray for our shortcomings to be removed. We need totake some action that will invite the God of our understanding to work in our lives. We can't ask God to remove a shortcoming, then hang on to it with all our might. The more distance we keep between ourselves and our Higher Power, the less we will feel that Power's presence. We have to maintain the awareness of ourselves that we gained in the Sixth Step, and add to it an awareness of God working in our lives.

*How does the spiritual principle of surrender apply to getting out of the way so a Higher Power can work in our lives?

*What might be the benefits of allowing a Higher Power to work in my life?

*How do I feel, knowing that a Higher Power is caring for me and working in my life?
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 07-25-2003, 01:35 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Spiritual Principles

In the Seventh Step, we will focus on surrender, trust and faith, patience, and humility. In the Seventh Step, we take our surrender to a deeper level. What began in Step One with an acknowledgement of our addiction now includes an acknowledgement of the short-comings that go along with our addiction. We also take our Second Step surrender to a deeper level. We come to believe that our Higher Power can do more than help us stay clean. We look to that Power to relieve us of our shortcomings as well. As time goes by, we place more and more of our trust in a Higher Power and in the process of recovery.

*Have I accepted my powerlessness over my shortcomings as well as my addiction?
Expand on this.

*How has my surrender deepened?

The spiritual principles of trust and faith arec central to the Seventh Step. We must be sure enough of our Higher Power to trust that Power with our shortcomings. We have to believe our Higher Power is going to do something with them, or how can we ask with any faith that they be removed? We must avoid any tendency to keep score of how we think God's doing in removing our defects. It's not too hard to see where this kind of thinking can lead if we find we still have certain character defects after some arbitrary amount of time has passed. Instead, we focus on the action we must take in this step: humbly asking, practicing spiritual principles, and getting out of God's way. The results of the Seventh Step may not materialize immediately but they will in time.

*Do I believe that my Higher Power will remove my shortcomings or grant me freedom from the compulsion to act on them?

Do I believe that I'll be a better person as a result of working this step?

*How does my faith in the God of my understanding become stronger as a result of working this step?

Trust and faith alone can never carry us through a lifetime of working this step; we need to practice patience too. Even if it's been a long time since we started asking for the removal of a shortcoming, we still must be patient. Maybe, in fact, impatience is one of our shortcomings. We can look at the times when we have to wait as gifts----the times when we most need to practice the principle of patience. After all, one of the surest ways we progress is by rising up over the barriers we run into on our spiritual path.

*Where have I had opportunities for growth lately? What did I make of them?

Finally, we need to maintain our awareness of the principle of humility, more than any other, as we work this step. It's fairly easy to see if we're approaching this step with humility by asking ourselves a few questions:

*Do I believe that only my Higher Power can remove my shortcomings? Or have I been trying to do it myself?

*Have I become impatient that my shortcomings haven't been removed right away, as soon as I asked? Or am I confident that they will be removed in God's time?

*Has my sense of perspective been out of proportion lately? Have I begun thinking of myself as more significant or more powerful than I really am?
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 08-10-2003, 01:15 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Moving On

At this point, we may wonder how we're supposed to be feeling. We've asked the God of our understanding to remove our shortcomings; we've faithfully practiced the principles of our program to the best of our ability; but we may still find ourselves acting out before we've had a chance to think, and always struggling with our defects. Sure, we're no longer using, and many of the outside circumstances of our lives have probably gotten better---our relationships are more stable, perhaps---but have we changed? Have we become better people?

In time, we'll find that God has worked in our lives. We may even be startled by the level of maturity or spirituality we've demonstrated in handling a situation that in years past would have had us acting very unspiritually. One day, we'll realize that some of the ways we used to act have become as alien as spiritual principles were when we first started practicing them. After such a revelation, we may begin thinking about the person we were when we first came to NA and how little we resemble that person now.

*Have there been times when I've been able to refrain from acting on a character defect and practice a spiritual principle instead. Do I recognize this as God working in my life?

*Which shortcomings have been removed from my life or diminished in their power over me?

*Why does the Seventh Step foster a sense of serenity?

We begin to live more spiritual lives. We stop thinking so much about what we're going to get, even from our recovery, and start looking at how we can contribute. The things we do to sustain and nourish our spirits become habits; we may even look forward to them. We find that we're free to choose how we want to look at any situation in our lives. We stop grumbling about small inconveniences as if they were major tragedies. We become able to hold up our heads with dignity and maintain our integrity, no matter what life presents us. As we begin to get more comfortable with our spiritual selves, our desire to heal our relationships will grow. We begin that process in Step Eight.
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 08-30-2003, 09:28 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Step Nine

Bubblze30, I am glad that I was able to say something that was helpful to you. Keep coming back, we have a way to go!
Now for Step Nine

"We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

We hear over and over in NA that the steps are written in order for a reason: Each step provides the spiritual preparation we'll need for the following steps. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the Ninth Step. We would never in a million years have been able to sit down with the people we've harmed and make direct amends without the spiritual preparation we got from the previous steps. If we had not done the work of admitting our own limitations, we wouldn't now have a foundation on which to stand while we make our amends. If we had not developed a relationship with a God of our understanding, we wouldn't now have the faith and trust we need to work Step Nine. If we had not done our Fourth and Fifth Steps, we would probably still be so confused about our personal responsibility, we might not even know for what we're making amends. If we hadn't developed humility in the Sixth and Seventh Steps, we'd probably approach our amends with self-righteousness or anger and wind up doing more damage. The willingness we gained through our acceptance of personal responsibility made it possible for us to make our Eighth Step list. That list was our practical preparation for working the Ninth Step.

The final preparation we're about to do in this step, before we actually make our amends, are mostly to strengthen what is already a part of us. The level at which we are able to practice the principle of forgiveness, the depth of insight we have, and the amount of self-awareness we are able to maintain throughout the amends process will depend on our experience with the steps and how much effort we're willing to put into our recovery.

*How has my work on the previous eight steps prepared me to work the Ninth Step?

*How does honesty help in working this step?

*How does humility help in working this step?
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 09-23-2003, 12:45 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Amends

The Ninth Step is not a step that can be neatly contained within a particular time frame. We don't write our Eighth Step list and then resolutely start making amends, crossing off "completed" ones like we would items on a shopping list. In fact, many of our amends will never be "finished"; our efforts will go on throughout our recovery. For instance, if we owe our families amends, we will spend the rest of our lives practicing the spiritual principles that will bring real change to the way we treat people. There may be one day when we sit our families down and make a commitment to treat them differently than we have in the past, but that won't be the end of our amends. Each day that we make an effort to refrain from hurting our families and try to practice loving behavior with them is a day when we've continued our amends to our families.

Even such relatively concrete amends as paying a past due debt aren't likely to be done once and for all when the debt is paid off. Living our Ninth Step requires that we try not to incur new debts that we can't pay. On a deeper level, we may need to look at the varieties of debt we incur---for instance, taking favor after favor from friends but never reciprocating, or overextending the patience of people with whom we share responsibilities by not assuming our fair share. Avoiding such liabilities in the future is just as much a part of our amends process as making regular payments on past-due debts.

*What does "making amends" mean?

*Why does making amends mean that I have to do more than say "I'm sorry"?

*How is making amends a commitment to a continuous process of change?
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 09-25-2003, 01:37 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Fears and Expectations

Making amends isn't always a nerve wracking joyless experience. Often, we will feel excited about the prospect of healing a relationship. We may find that we're happily anticipating the relief of having made an amends. For most of us, however, we will feel fearful about at least some of our amends. We may be afraid that if we make financial amends, we won't have enough for ourselves. We may be afraid of rejection, retailiation, or something else.

If we've never had any experience with the Ninth Step before, we're really venturing into the unknown. We're not sure how we're going to feel immediately before the amends during the amends, and after the amends. We may feel wildly overconfident at one moment and then, the next moment, feel totally unable to go on with the Ninth Step. This is a time when it's very important to understand that the way things feel is not necessarily the way things are, just because we feel afraid doesn't mean there's truly something to fear. On the other hand, feeling excited and happy won't necessarily reflect the reality of making amends. It's best to let go of all our expectations about how our amends will be received.

*What fears do I have about making amends? Am I worried that someone will take revenge or reject me?

*How does the Ninth Step require a new level of surrender to the program?

*What about financial amends? Do I have faith that the God of my understanding will ensure I have what I need even though I am sacrificing to make amends?

No matter how long we've been clean or how many times we've been through the steps, we're bound to have some fears and expectations as we begin a new step. This may be especially true if we have previous experience with a step. The Ninth Step, in particular, is likely to produce some ambivaalence. For instance, many of us may find ourselves thinking about our past experiences with making amends at this point. Some have probably been very positive. If we made amends to a loved one who was open to our gesture of conciliation, we probably came away with a wonderful feeling of hope and gratitude. We were hopeful that the relationship would keep on getting better, and we were grateful to be forgiven and have our amends accepted.

Believe it or not, such experiences may work against us in later amends. They can set us up to believe that all our amends should turn out so well, and then be crushed when they don't. Or we may recognize that such amends aren't going to be the norm, and dread to the point of delay making amends whose outcome we aren't sure will be so good. If we find ourselves hung up on projecting how our amends will turn out, we need to re-focus on the purpose of the Ninth Step.

The Ninth Step is meant to give a way to set right the damage we've caused in the past. Some of us keep in mind that three primary concepts are associated with making amends: resolution, restoration, and restitution. Resolution implies that to find an answer to the problem, we must lay to rest what as previously plaguing or disturbing us in some way. Restoration means to bring back to its former state something that had been damaged. This can be a relationship or a quality that used to exist in a relationship, such as trust. We can perhaps restore our reputations if they were good at some point in the past. Restitution is very similar to restoration, but in relating it to the Ninth Step, we think of it as the act of returning something---material or more abstract-- to its rightful owner. Our sponsor can help us explore each of these concepts so that we can gain perspective on the mnature of making amends and stay focused on what we're supposed to be doing. It's only through the process that we realize many of the benefits associated with the Ninth Step. The ones that we may be aware of first are a sense of freedom, or an absence of guilt and shame. It may take some time in recovery or experience with several amends for us to appreciate some of the spiritual rewards of the Ninth Step: a more consistent awareness of the feelings of others and the effect of our behavior on others, a sense of joy that we were able to heal a long-standing hurt, an ability to be more loving and accepting of the people around us.

*What other fears or expectations do I have about my amends?

*Why doesn't it matter how my amends are received?
What does this have to do with the spiritual purpose of the Ninth Step?

*How can I use other addicts, my sponsor, and my Higher Power as sources of strength in this process?
Pernell Johnson is offline  
Old 10-18-2003, 04:24 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Pernell Johnson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Plainfield, New Jersey USA
Posts: 491
Amends---Direct and Indirect

We in NA tend to think it's best to make direct, face-to-face amends, and indeed, this step says we should do so wherever possible. But direct amends are not the only way to make amends, and in some cases they may be the worst way.

Before we provide some examples, it is very important to note that these are only examples. This guide is not meant totake the place of a sponsor in going over each amends with a sponsee and working together to decide what's best.

Some situations are more complicated than they appear at first glance. We may think the solution is obvious, but we should always take the time for further reflection. For, instance, there may be a situation where the person or people we've harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning what we did might possibly harm them more. We may have some friends, relatives, or an employer who were unaware of our addiction. To tell them might harm them. Our sponsor will help us look at our motives for wanting totell people about our addiction. Do they need to know? What good purpose will be served by sharing such information? What damage could such information do?

But what if this same situation was complicated by our theft of some money from our friends? And what if someone else was accused of taking the money? Wouldn't we then need to tell about our addiction, along with admitting the theft and paying the money back? Possibly, but perhaps not. Each of these kinds of situations needs to be taken on an individual basis. Again, our sponsor will help us decide how best to handle each one. In our discussion with our sponsor, if we are open-minded, we're sure to think about these kinds of situations in ways we haven't thought about them before. We may see how what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends may not be right after all. It's very helpful to prepare for this discussion by listing all the circumstances for these difficult amends so that it will be right in front of us when we talk to our sponsor.


*Which names on my Eighth Step list are complicated by circumstances like the ones above? What were the specific circumstances?

To be continued--------------More will be revealed!!
Pernell Johnson is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:38 AM.