Pernell Johnson

"We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

Step Three----We've worked Steps One and Two with our sponsor--we/ve surrendered, and we've demonstrated our willingness to try something new. this has charged us with a strong sense of hope. But if we do not translate our hope into action right now, it will fade away, and we'll end up right where we started. The action we need to take is working Step Three.
The central action in Step Three is a decision. The idea of making that decision may terrify us, especially when we look at what we're deciding to do in this step. Making a decision, any decision, is something most of us haven't done in a long time. We've had our decisions made for us---by our addiction, by the authorities, or just by default because we didn't want the responsibility of deciding anything for ourselves. When we add to this concept of entrusting the care of our will and our lives to something that most of us don't understand at this point, we may just think this whole thing is beyond us and startr looking for a shortcut or an easier way to work our programs. These thoughts are dangerous, for when we take shortcuts in our program, we chort-circuit our recovery.
The Third Step decision may be too big to make in one leap. Our fears of the Third Step, and the dangerous thinking to which those fears lead can be eased by breaking this step down into a series of smaller separate hurdles. The Third Step is just one more piece of the path of recovery from our addiction. Making the Third Step decision doesn't necessarily mean that we must suddenly, completely change everything about the way we live our lives. Fundamental changes in our lives happen gradually as we work on our recovery, and all such changes require our participation. We don't have to be afraid that this step will do something to us that we're not ready for or won't like.
It is significant that this step suggests we turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God of our understanding. These words are particularly important. By working the Third Step, we are allowing someone or something to care for us, not control us or conduct our lives for us. This step does not suggest that we become mindless robots with no ability to live our own lives, nor does it allow those of us who find such irresponsibility attractive to indulge such an urge. Instead, we are making a simple decision to change direction, to stop rebelling at the natural and logical flow of events in our lives, to stop wearing ourselves out trying to make everything happen as if we were in charge of the world. We are accepting that a Power greater than ourselves will do a better job of caring for our will and our lives than we have. We are furthering the spiritual process of recovery by beginning to explore what we understand the word "God" to mean to us as individuals.
In this step, each of us will have to come to some conclusions about what we think "God" means. Our understanding doesn't have to be complex or complete. It doesn't have to be like anyone else's. We may discover that we're very sure what God isn't for us, but not what God is, and that's okay. The only thing that is essential is that we begin a search that will allow us to further our understanding as our recovery continues. Our concept of God will grow as we grow in our recovery. Working the Third Step will help us discover what works best for us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

Valpal, glad to see you are following along. I hope this proves to be helpful.

Making A Decision:
As we've already discussed, many of us may find ourselves unnerved by the thought of making a big decision. We may feel intimidated or overwhelmed. We may fear the results or the implied commitment. We may think it's a once-and-for-all action and fear that we won't do it right or have the opportunity to do it over again. However, the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God of our understanding is one we can make over and over again, daily if need be. In fact, we're likely to find that we must make this decision regularly, or risk losing our recovery because of complacency.
It is essential that we involve our hearts and spirits in this decision. Though the word"decision" sounds like something that takes place mostly in the mind, we need to do the work necessary to beyond an intellectual understanding and internalize this choice.

*Why is making a decision central to working this step?

*Can I make this decision just for today? Do I have any fears or reservations about it? What are they?

We need to realize that making a decision without following it up with action is meaningless. For example, we can decide one morning to go somewhere and then sit down and not leave our homes for the rest of the day. Doing so would render our earlier decision meaningless, no more significant than any random thought we may have.

*What action have I taken to follow through on my decision?

*What areas of my life are difficult for me to turn over? Why is it important that I turn them over anyway? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

Self-Will

Step Three is critical because we've acted on self-will for so long, abusing our right to make choices and decisions. So what exactly is self-will? Sometimes it's total withdrawal and isolation. We end up living a very lonely and self-absorbed existence. Sometimes self-will causes us to act to the exclusion of any considerations other than what we want. We ignore the needs and feelings of others. We barrel through, stampeding over anyone who questions our right to do whatever we want. We become tornadoes, whipping through the lives of family, friends, and even strangers, totally unconscious of the path of destruction we have left behind. If circumstances aren't to our liking, we try to change them by any means necessary to achieve our aims. We try to get our way at all costs. We are so busy aggressively pursuing our impulses that we completely lose touch with our conscious and with a Higher Power. To work this step, each of us needs to identify the ways in which we have acted on self-will.

*How have I acted on self-will? What were my motives?

*How has acting on self-will affected my life?

*How has my self-will affected others?

Surrendering our self-will doesn't mean we can't pursue goals or try to make changes in our lives and the world. It doesn't mean we have to passively accept injustices to ourselves or to people for whom we're responsible. We need to differentiate between destructive self-will and constructive action.

*Will pursuing my goals harm anyone? How?

*In the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that adversely affects myself or others? Explain?

*Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal?
(For example: Will I have to be dishonest? Cruel? Disloyal?)

If we are new in the program and just beginning to work Step Three, we will probably end up wondering what God's will is for us, thinking that the step asks us to find this out. Actually, we don't formally focus our attention on seeking knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us that will serve as well for the time being. It is our Higher Power's will for us to stay clean. It is our Higher Power's will for us to do things that will help us stay clean, such as going to meetings and talking to our sponsor regularly.

*Describe the times when my will hasn't been enough. (For example, I couldn't stay clean on my own will.)

*What is the difference between my will and God's will?

At some point in our recovery, we may find that we have somehow shifted from trying to align our will with a Higher Power's to running on self-will. This happens so slowly and subtly that we hardly even notice. It seems as though we're especially vulnerable to self-will when things are going well. We cross the fine line that divides humble and honest pursuit of goals from subtle manipulation and forced results. We find ourselves going just a little to far in a discussion to convince someone that we are right. We find ourselves holding on to something just a little too long. We suddenly realize that we haven't contacted our sponsor in quite a while. We feel a quiet, almost subconscious discomfort that will alert us to this subtle shift away from recovery---if we listen.

*Have there been times in my recovery when I've found myself subtly taking back my will and my life? What alerted me? What have I done to recommit myself to the Third Step? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

The God of Our Understanding

Before we delve into the process of turning our will and our lives over to the care of the God of our understanding, we should work on overcoming any negative beliefs or unproductive preconceptions we may have about the word "God."

*Does the word "God," or even the concept itself, make me uncomfortable? What is the source of my discomfort?

Have I ever believed that God caused horrible thigs to happen to me or eas punishing me? What were those things?

Our Basic Text suggests that we choose an understanding of our Higher Power that is loving and caring and greater than ourselves. These simple guidelines can encompass as many understandings of God as there are NA members. They don't exclude anyone. If we understand the word "God" to mean the Power of the program, these guidelines fit. If we understand the word "God" to mean the spiritual principles of the program, these guidelines fit. If we understand the word "God" to mean a personal power or being with which we can communicate, these guideline fit. It is essential that we begin exploring and developing our understanding. Our sponsor can help immeasurably in this process.

*What is my understanding of a Power greater than myself today?

*How is my Higher Power working in my life?

As important as it is to figure out what our Higher Power is to us, it is more important that we develop a relationship with whatever we understand that Power to be. We can do this in a variety of ways. First, we need to somehow communicate with our Higher Power. Some of us call this prayer, and some call it other things. This communication does not have to be formal, or even verbal.
Second, we need to be open to communication from our Higher Power. This may be done by paying attention to how we feel, our reactions, and what is going on inside and around us. Or we may have a personal routine that helps us connect with a Power greater than ourselves. It may be that our Higher Power speaks to us or helps us see the right thing to do through our fellow NA members.
Third we need to allow ourselves to have feelings about the God of our understanding. We may get angry. We may feel love. We may feel frightened. We may feel grateful. It's okay to share the entire range of human emotion with our Higher Power. This allows us to feel closer to the Power upon which we rely and helps develop our trust in that Power.

*How do I communicate with my Higher Power?

*How does my Higher Power communicate with me?

*What feelings do I have about my Higher Power?

As many of us stay clean for some time, we work on developing an understanding of God for ourselves. Our growing understanding reflects our experiences. We mature into an understanding of God that gives us peace and serenity. We trust our Higher Power and are optimistic about life. We begin to feel that our lives are touched by something beyond our comprehension, and we are glad and grateful that this is so.
Then something happens that challenges everything we believe about our Higher Power or makes us doubt the existence of that Power altogether. It may be a death, or an injustice, or a loss. Whatever it is, it leaves us feeling as though we've been kicked in the stomach. We just can't understand it.
Times like these are when we need our Higher Power the most, though we probably find ourselves instinctively drawing away. Our understanding of a Higher Power is about to undergo a dramatic change. We need to keep reaching out to our Higher Power, asking for acceptance if not understanding. We need to ask for strength to go on. Eventually we will reestablish our relationship with our Higher Power, although probably on different terms.

*Am I struggling with changing beliefs about the nature of my Higher Power?

*Is my current concept of a Higher Power still working? How might it need to change?

As our understanding of a Higher Power grows and evolves, we'll find that we react differently to what goes on in our lives. We may find ourselves able to courageously face situations that used to strike fear in our hearts. We may deal with frustrations more gracefully. We may find ourselves able to pause and think about a situation before acting. We'll probably be calmer, less compulsive, and more able to see beyond the immediacy of the moment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

Turning It Over

The order in which we prepare to surrender our will and lives to the care of the God of our understanding is significant. Many of us have found that we actually follow the order in the step: First, we turn over our will: then gradually, we turn over our lives. It seems yhat it's easier for us to grasp the destructive nature of our self-will and see that it must be surrendered: consequently, it's usually the first to go. Harder for us to grasp is the need to turn over our lives and the process of that surrender.
For us to be comfortable with allowing our Higher Power to care for our lives, we will have to develop some trust. We may have no trouble turning over our addiction, but want to remain in control of the rest of our lives. We may trust our Higher Power to care for our work lives, but not our relationships. We may trust our Higher Power to care for our partners, but not our children. We may trust our Higher Power with our safety, but not our finances. Many of us have trouble letting go completely. We think we trust our Higher Power with certain areas of our lives, but immediately take back control the first time we get scared or things aren't going the way we think they should.It's necessary for us to examine our progress in turning it over.

*What does "to the care of" mean to me?

*What does it mean for me to turm my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding?

*How might my life be changed if I make the decision to turn it over to my Higher Power's care?

*How do I allow my Higher Power to work in my life?

*How does my Higher Power care for my will and my life?

*Have there been times when I have been unable to let go and trust God to care for the outcome of a particular situation? Describe.

*Have there been times when U have been able to let go and trust God for the outcome? Describe.

To turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power, we must take some kind of action. Many of us find that it works best for us to make some formal declaration on a regulae basis. We may want to use the following quote from our Basic Text: "Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live." This seems to capture the essence of Step Three for many of us. However, we can certainly feel free to find our own words, or to find a more informal way of taking action. Many of us believe that every day we abstain from using, or take suggestions from our sponsor, we are taking practical action on our decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of our Higher Power.

*How do I take action to turn it over? Are there any words I say regularly? What are they?

Pernell Johnson

Inconsidering thespiritual principles intrinsic to Step Three,we will focus first on surrender and willingness. Then we will look at how hope translates into faith and trust. Finally we will see how the principle of commitment is tied to the Third Step.
Practicing the principle of surrender is easy for us when everything is going along as we'd like--we think. Actually, when things are going smoothly, it's more likely that we are being lulled into a belief that we're in charge, which doesn't require much "surrender." Keeping the principle of surrender to the care of the God of our understanding alive in our spirits is essential, even when things are going well.

*What am I doing to reinforce my decision to allow my Higher Power to care for my will and my life?

*How does the Third Step allow me to build on the surrender I've developed in Steps One and Two?

We usually feel most willing immediately following a surrender. Willingness often comes in the wake of despair or a struggle for control. We can practice the principle of willingness, though, before it becomes necessary and possibly save ourselves some pain.

*In what ways have I demonstrated willingness in my recovery so far?

*Am I fighting anything in my recovery? What do I think would happen if I became willing to let recovery prevail in that area of my life?

There is a spiritual progression from hope to faith to trust in the Third Step. As we begin Step Three, we carry with us the sense of hope that was born in us as we worked the Second Step. Hope springs from the knowledge that our life is full of possibilities---there are no hard certainties yet, just the first whispers of anticipation that we just may be able to fulfill our heart's deepest desires. Lingering doubts fade as hope becomes faith. Faith propels us forward into action; we actually do the work that those we have faith in are telling us is necessary if we are to achieve what we want. In the Third Step faith gives us the capacity to actually make a decision and carry that decision into action. Trust comes into play after faith has been applied. We have probably made significant progress toward fulfilling our goals; now we have evidence that we can influence the course of our lives through positive action.

*How have hope, faith, and trust become positive forces in my life?

*What further action can I take to apply the principles of hope, faith, and trust in my recovery?

*What evidence do I have that I can trust confidently in my recovery?

The principle of commitment is the culmination of the spiritual process of Step Three. Making the decision to "turn it over," over and over again, even when our decision doesn't seem to be having any positive effect, is what this step is all about. We can practice the spiritual principle of commitment by reaffirming our decision on a regular basis and by continuing to take action that gives our decision substance and meaning--for instance, working the rest of the steps.

*What have I done recently that demonstrates my commitment to recovery and to working a program? (For example: Have I taken a service position in NA? Have I agreed to sponsor another recovering addict? Have I continued to go to meetings no matter what I was feeling about them? Have I continued to work with my sponsor even after he or she told me an unpleasant truth or gave me some direction I didn't follow? Did I follow that direction? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

Moving On:

As we getready to go on to Step Four, we'll want to take a look at what we've gained by working Step Three. Writing about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on helps us internalize the spiritual principles connected to it.

*Do I have any reservations about my decision to turn my will and my life over to God' care?

*Do I feel that I am now ready to turn it over?

*How does my surrender in the First Step help me in the Third Step?

*What action do I plan to take to follow through on my decision?

We wind up our work on Step Three with an increase in our level of freedom. If we've been thorough with this step, we're profoundly relieved to realize that the world will go along just fine without our intervention. The responsibility of running everything is a huge burden, and we're happy to lay it down. We may feel comforted that a loving God is caring for our will and our lives, letting us know in subtle ways that the path we're on is the right one. We've seen our old ideas for what they were, and we're willing to let go of them and allow change to happen in our lives. We may even find that we're willing to take some risks we never had the courage to take before, because we're secure in the knowledge of our Higher Power's care for us.
Some people pause before making major decisions and ground themselves in their spirituality. We look to the source of our strength, invite our Higher Power to work in our lives, and move forward once we're sure we're on the right track. Now we need to take another step along the path of recovery, a step that makes our Third Step decision real. It's time to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

Pernell Johnson

Step Four
"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
Most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous because we wanted to stop something----using drugs. We probably didn't put much thought into what we were starting----a program of recovery---by coming to NA. But if we haven't taken a look at what we're getting out of this program, now might be a good time to pause and think about it.
First, we should ask ourselves what we want out of recovery. Most of us answer this question by saying that we just want to be comfortable, or happy, or serene. We just want to be ourselves. But how can we like ourselves when we don't even know who we are?
The Fourth Step heralds a new era in our recovery. Steps Four through Nine can be thought of as a process within a process. We will use the information we find in working the Fourth Step to work our Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps. This process is meant to be done over and over again in recovery.
There is an analogy for this process that is particularly apt. We can think of ourselves as an onion. Each time we begin a Fourth Step, we are peeling away a layer of the onion and getting closer to the core. Each layer of the onion represents another layer of denial, the disease of addiction, our character defects, and the harm we've caused. The core represents the pure and healthy spirit that lies at the center of each of one of us. It is our goal in recovery to have a spiritual awakening, and we get closer to that by beginning this process. Our spirits awaken a little more each time we go through it.
The Fourth Step is a method for learning about ourselves, and it is as much about finding our character assets as it is about identifying the exact nature of our wrongs. The inventory process is also an avenue to freedom. We have been prohibited from being free for so long-----probably all our lives. Many of us have discovered, as we worked the Fourth Step, that our problems didn't begin the first time we took drugs, but long before, when the seeds of our addiction were actually planted. We may have felt isolated and different long before we took drugs. In fact, the way we felt and the forces that drove us are completely enmeshed with our addiction; it was our desire to change the way we felt and to subdue those forces that led us to take our first drug. Our inventory will lay bare that unresolved pain and conflicts in our past so that we are no longer at their mercy. We'll have a choice. We'll have achieved a measure of freedom.
This portion of the Step Working Guides actually has two distinct sections. The first helps us prepare to work the Fourth Step by guiding us through an exploration of our motives for working this step and what this step means to us. The second part is a guide for actually taking a searching and fearless moral inventory..


Just for Today

Pernell Johnson

Motivation


Through our motivation for working the Fourth Step is not as important as actually working the Fourth Step, we may find it helpful to examine and dispel any reservations we have about this step, and think about some of the benefits we will get as a result of working this step.

*Do I have any reservations about working this step? What are they?

*What are some of the benefits that could come from making a searching and fearless inventory of myself?

*Why shouldn't I procrastinate about working this step?

*What are the benfits of not procrastinating.




Just for Today:p

Pernell Johnson

Searching and Fearless

This is the phrase that has most puzzled many of us. We probably understand what "searching" means, but what about "fearless"? How can we get over all our fear? That might take years, we think; but we need to work on this inventory right away.
Taking a fearless inventory means going ahead despite our fear. It means having the courage to take this action no matter how we feel about it. It means having the courage to be honest, even when we're cringing inside and swearing that we'll take what we're writing to the grave. It means having the determination to be thorough, even when it seems that we've written enough. It means having the faith to trust this process and trust our Higher Power to give us whatever quality we need to walk through the process. Let's face it, this step does involve a lot of work. But we can take heart from the fact that there's rarely a deadline on completing this step. We can do it in manageable sections, a little at a time, until we are done. The only thing that's important is that we work on it consistently.
There are times when our clean time can actually work against us: when we fail to acknowledge our fear of taking an inventory. Many of us who have worked the Fourth Step numerous times and know it's ultimately one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves may still find ourselves avoiding the task. We may think that since we know how good this process is, we shouldn't have any fear of it. But we need to give ourselves permission to be afraid, if that's what we feel.
We may also have fears that stem from our previous experiences with the Fourth Step. We know that an inventory means change in our lives. We know that if our inventories reveal destructive patterns; we can't continue to practice the same behaviors without a great deal of pain. Sometimes this means having to let go of something in our lives---some behavior we think we can't survive without; a relationship; or perhaps a resentment we've nursed so carefully that it's actually become, in a sick way, a source of reassurance and comfort. The fear of letting go of something we've come to depend on, no matter how much we've begun to suspect it isn't good for us., is an absolutely valid fear. We just can't let it stop us. We have to face it and act with courage.
We may also have to overcome a barrier that grows from an unwillingness to reveal more of our disease. Many of our members with clean time have passed have shared that an inventory taken in later recovery revealed that their addiction had spread its tentacles so completely through their lives that virtually no area was left untouched. This realization is often initially met with feelings of dismay and perplexity. We wonder how we could still be so sick. Hasn't all this effort in recovery resulted in more than surface healing?
Of course it has. We just need some time to remember that. Our sponsor will be happy to remind us. After we've had time to accept what our inventories are revealing, we feel a sense of hope rising to replace the feelings of dismay. After all, an inventory always initiates a process of change and freedom. Why shouldn't it this time, too?

*Am I afraid of working this step? What is my fear?

*What does it mean to me to be searching and fearless?

*Am I working with my sponsor and talking to other addicts? What other action am I taking to reassure myself that I can handle whatever is revealed in this inventory?


"Can you hear me now?"

"Can you hear me now?"

Pernell Johnson

A Moral Inventory

Many of us have a multitude of unpleasant associations connected to the word "moral." It may conjure up memories of an overly rigid code of behavior we were expected to adhere to. It may make us think of people we consider "moral," people we think of as better than ourselves. Hearing this word may also awaken our tendency toward rebellion against society's morals and our resentment of authorities who were never satisfied with our morality. Whether any of this is true for us, as individuals, is a matter to be determined by us, as individuals. If any of the preceding seems to fit, we can alleviate our discomfort with the word "moral," by thinking about it in a different way.
In Narcotics Anonymous, in the step, the word "moral" has nothing to do with specific codes of behavior, society's norms, or the judgement of some authority figure. A moral inventory is something we can use to discover our own individual morality, our own values and principles. We don't have to relate them in any way to the values and principles of others.

*Am I disturbed by the word "moral"? Why?

*Am I disturbed by thinking about society's expectations and afraid that I can't, won't, and I will never be able to conform to them?

*What values and principles are important to me?

Pernell Johnson

An Inventory of Ourselves

The Fourth Step asks us to take an inventory of ourselves, not of other people. Yet when we begin writing and looking at our resentments, fears, behaviors, beliefs, and secrets, we will find that most of these are connected to another person, or sometimes to an organization or institution. It's important to understand that we are free to write whatever we need to about others, as long as it leads us tofinding our part in the situation. In fact, most of us can't separate our part from their part at first. Our sponsor will help us with this.

Pernell Johnson

Spiritual Principles

In the Fourth Step, we will call on all of the spiritual principles we began to practice in the first three steps. First of all, we have to be willing to work a Fourth Step. We'll need to be meticulously honest with ourselves, thinking about everything we write down and asking ourselves if it's true or not. We'll need to be courageous enough to face our fear and walk through it. Last but not least, our faith and trust will carry us through when we're facing a difficult moment and feel like giving up.

*How is my decision to work Step Four a demonstration of courage? Trust? Faith? Honesty? Willingness?

Pernell Johnson

The Inventory

Get a notebook or whatever means of recording your inventory you and your sponsor have agreed is acceptable. Get comfortable. Remove any distractions from the place where your plan to work on your inventory. Pray for the ability to be searching, fearless and thorough. Don't forget to stay in touch with your sponsor throughout this process. Finally, feel free to go beyond what's asked in the following questions. Anything you think of is inventory material.

Pernell Johnson

Resentments

We have resentments when we re-feel old feelings, when we are unable to let go, when we cannot forgive and forget something that has upset us. We list our resentments in the Fourth Step for a number of reasons. First, doing so will help us let go of old anger that is affecting our lives today. Second, exploring our resentments will help us identify the ways in which we set ourselves up to be disappointed in others, especially when our expectations were too high. Finally making a list of our resentments will reveal patterns that kept us trapped in a cycle of anger, or self-pity, or both.

*What people do I resent? Explain the situations that led to the resentment.

*What institutions (school, government, religious, correctional, civic) do I resent? Explain the situations that led to the resentment.

What was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did in these situations?

*How has my dishonesty contributed to my resentments?

*How has my inability or unwillingness to experience certain feelings led me to develop resentments?

*How has my behavior contributed to my resentments?

*Am I afraid of looking at my part in the situations that caused my resentments?

*How have my resentments affected my relationships with myself, with others, and with my Higher Power?

*What recurring themes do I notice in my resentments?

Pernell Johnson

Feelings

We want to examine our feelings for much the same reason that we want to examine our resentments: It will help us discover our part in our own lives. In addition, most of us have forgotten how to feel by the time we get clean. Even if we've been around awhile, we 're still uncovering new information about the ways we've shut down our feelings.

*How do I identify my individual feelings?

*What feelings do I have the most trouble allowing myself to feel?

*Why have I tried to shut off my feelings?

*What means have I used to deny how I really felt?

*Who or what triggered a feeling? What was the feeling? What were the situations? What was my part in each situation?

*What was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did in these situations?

*What do I do with my feelings once I've identified them?



Just for Today---------------I am Sober:shades:

Pernell Johnson

Guilt, Shame

There are actually two types of guilt or shame: one real, one imagined. The first grows directly out of our conscience---we feel guilty because we've done something that goes against our principles, or we harmed someone and feel shame over it. Imagined guilt results from any number of situations that are not our fault, situations we had no part in creating. We need to look at our guilt and shame so that we can separate these situations. We need to own what is truly ours and let go of what is not.

*Who or what I feel guilty or ashamed about? Explain the situations that led to these feelings

*Which of these situations have caused me to feel shame, though I had no part in creating them?

*In the situations I did have a part in, what was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did?

How has my behavior contributed to my guilt and shame?

Pernell Johnson

Fear:

If we could look at the disease of addiction stripped of its primary symptoms--that is, apart from drug use or other compulsive behavior--and without its most obvious characteristics, we would find a swamp of self-centered fear. We're afraid of being hurt or maybe of just having to feel to intensely, so we live a sort of half-life, going through the motions of living but never really fully alive. We're afraid of everything that might make us feel, so we isolate and withdraw. We're afraid that people won't like us, so we use drugs to be more comfortable with ourselves. We're afraid we'll get caught at something and have to pay the price, so we lie or cheat or hurt others to protect ourselves. We're afraid of being alone, so we use and exploit others to avoid feeling lonely or rejected or abandoned. We're afraid we won't have enough--of anything--so we selfishly pursue what we want, not caring about the harm we cause in the process. Sometimes, If we've gained things we care about in recovery, we're afraid we'll lose what we have, and so we begin compromising our principles to protect it. Self-centered, self-seeking fear--we need to uproot it so it no longer has the power to destroy.

*Who or what do I fear? Why?

*What have I done to cover my fear?

*How have I responded negatively or destructively to my fear?

*What do I most fear looking at and exposing about myself?
What do I think will happen if I do?

*How have I cheated myself because of my fear?

Pernell Johnson

Relationships:

We need to write about our relationships in the Fourth Step--all of our relationships not just the romantic ones--so that we can find out where our choices, beliefs and behaviors have resulted in unhealthy or destructive relationships. We need to look at our relationships with relatives, spouses or partners, friends, and former friends, co-workers and former co-workers, neighbors, people from school, people from clubs and civic organizations and the organizations themselves, authority figures such as police, institutions, and anyone or anything else we can possibly think of. We should also examine our relationship with a Higher Power. We may be tempted to skip the relationships that didn't last long--a one night sexual involvement, for instance, or perhaps an argument with a teacher whose class we then dropped. But these relationships are important, too. If we think of it or have feelings about it, it's inventory material.

*What conflicts in my personality make it difficult for me to maintain friendships and/or romantic relationships?

*How has my fear of being hurt affected my friendships and romantic relationships?

*How have I sacrificed platonic relationships in favor of romantic relationships?

*In what ways did I compulsively seek relationships?

*How have I avoided intimacy with my friends, partners or spouse and family?

*Have I had problems making commitments? Describe.

*Have I felt like avictim in any relationship? (note: this question is
focused on uncovering how we set ourselves up to be victims or
how too-high expectations contributed to our being disappointed
in people, not listing instances where we were actually abused) Describe.

Pernell Johnson

Sex

This is a very uncomfortable area for most of us. Infact we may be tempted to stop here, thinking, "Okay,this has gone far enough! There's no way I'm cataloging my sexual behavior!" But we have to get over such unwillingness quickly. Thinking about the reason why we need to do this should help. As it says in It Works: How and Why, "We want to be at peace with our own sexuality." That's why we need to include our sexual beliefs and behaviors in our inventories. It's important to remind ourselves at this point that we are not taking our inventory to compare ourselves with what we think is "normal" for others, but only to identify our own values, principles, and morals.

*How was my sexual behavior based in selfishness?

*Have I confused sex with love? What were the results of acting on that confusion?

*How have I used sex to try to avoid loneliness or fill a spiritual void?

*In what ways did I compulsively seek or avoid sex?

*Have any of my sexual practices left me feeling ashamed and guilty? What were they? Why did I feel that way?

*Have any of my sexual practices hurt myself or others?

*Am I comfortable with my sexuality? If not, why not?

*Am I comfortable with others' sexuality? If not, why not?

*Is sex a prerequisite in all or most of my relationships?

*What does a healthy relationship mean to me?