How It Works

[Pernell Johnson]

Inconsidering thespiritual principles intrinsic to Step Three,we will focus first on surrender and willingness. Then we will look at how hope translates into faith and trust. Finally we will see how the principle of commitment is tied to the Third Step.
Practicing the principle of surrender is easy for us when everything is going along as we'd like--we think. Actually, when things are going smoothly, it's more likely that we are being lulled into a belief that we're in charge, which doesn't require much "surrender." Keeping the principle of surrender to the care of the God of our understanding alive in our spirits is essential, even when things are going well.

*What am I doing to reinforce my decision to allow my Higher Power to care for my will and my life?

*How does the Third Step allow me to build on the surrender I've developed in Steps One and Two?

We usually feel most willing immediately following a surrender. Willingness often comes in the wake of despair or a struggle for control. We can practice the principle of willingness, though, before it becomes necessary and possibly save ourselves some pain.

*In what ways have I demonstrated willingness in my recovery so far?

*Am I fighting anything in my recovery? What do I think would happen if I became willing to let recovery prevail in that area of my life?

There is a spiritual progression from hope to faith to trust in the Third Step. As we begin Step Three, we carry with us the sense of hope that was born in us as we worked the Second Step. Hope springs from the knowledge that our life is full of possibilities---there are no hard certainties yet, just the first whispers of anticipation that we just may be able to fulfill our heart's deepest desires. Lingering doubts fade as hope becomes faith. Faith propels us forward into action; we actually do the work that those we have faith in are telling us is necessary if we are to achieve what we want. In the Third Step faith gives us the capacity to actually make a decision and carry that decision into action. Trust comes into play after faith has been applied. We have probably made significant progress toward fulfilling our goals; now we have evidence that we can influence the course of our lives through positive action.

*How have hope, faith, and trust become positive forces in my life?

*What further action can I take to apply the principles of hope, faith, and trust in my recovery?

*What evidence do I have that I can trust confidently in my recovery?

The principle of commitment is the culmination of the spiritual process of Step Three. Making the decision to "turn it over," over and over again, even when our decision doesn't seem to be having any positive effect, is what this step is all about. We can practice the spiritual principle of commitment by reaffirming our decision on a regular basis and by continuing to take action that gives our decision substance and meaning--for instance, working the rest of the steps.

*What have I done recently that demonstrates my commitment to recovery and to working a program? (For example: Have I taken a service position in NA? Have I agreed to sponsor another recovering addict? Have I continued to go to meetings no matter what I was feeling about them? Have I continued to work with my sponsor even after he or she told me an unpleasant truth or gave me some direction I didn't follow? Did I follow that direction? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

[Pernell Johnson]

Moving On:

As we getready to go on to Step Four, we'll want to take a look at what we've gained by working Step Three. Writing about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on helps us internalize the spiritual principles connected to it.

*Do I have any reservations about my decision to turn my will and my life over to God' care?

*Do I feel that I am now ready to turn it over?

*How does my surrender in the First Step help me in the Third Step?

*What action do I plan to take to follow through on my decision?

We wind up our work on Step Three with an increase in our level of freedom. If we've been thorough with this step, we're profoundly relieved to realize that the world will go along just fine without our intervention. The responsibility of running everything is a huge burden, and we're happy to lay it down. We may feel comforted that a loving God is caring for our will and our lives, letting us know in subtle ways that the path we're on is the right one. We've seen our old ideas for what they were, and we're willing to let go of them and allow change to happen in our lives. We may even find that we're willing to take some risks we never had the courage to take before, because we're secure in the knowledge of our Higher Power's care for us.
Some people pause before making major decisions and ground themselves in their spirituality. We look to the source of our strength, invite our Higher Power to work in our lives, and move forward once we're sure we're on the right track. Now we need to take another step along the path of recovery, a step that makes our Third Step decision real. It's time to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

[Pernell Johnson]

Step Four
"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
Most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous because we wanted to stop something----using drugs. We probably didn't put much thought into what we were starting----a program of recovery---by coming to NA. But if we haven't taken a look at what we're getting out of this program, now might be a good time to pause and think about it.
First, we should ask ourselves what we want out of recovery. Most of us answer this question by saying that we just want to be comfortable, or happy, or serene. We just want to be ourselves. But how can we like ourselves when we don't even know who we are?
The Fourth Step heralds a new era in our recovery. Steps Four through Nine can be thought of as a process within a process. We will use the information we find in working the Fourth Step to work our Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps. This process is meant to be done over and over again in recovery.
There is an analogy for this process that is particularly apt. We can think of ourselves as an onion. Each time we begin a Fourth Step, we are peeling away a layer of the onion and getting closer to the core. Each layer of the onion represents another layer of denial, the disease of addiction, our character defects, and the harm we've caused. The core represents the pure and healthy spirit that lies at the center of each of one of us. It is our goal in recovery to have a spiritual awakening, and we get closer to that by beginning this process. Our spirits awaken a little more each time we go through it.
The Fourth Step is a method for learning about ourselves, and it is as much about finding our character assets as it is about identifying the exact nature of our wrongs. The inventory process is also an avenue to freedom. We have been prohibited from being free for so long-----probably all our lives. Many of us have discovered, as we worked the Fourth Step, that our problems didn't begin the first time we took drugs, but long before, when the seeds of our addiction were actually planted. We may have felt isolated and different long before we took drugs. In fact, the way we felt and the forces that drove us are completely enmeshed with our addiction; it was our desire to change the way we felt and to subdue those forces that led us to take our first drug. Our inventory will lay bare that unresolved pain and conflicts in our past so that we are no longer at their mercy. We'll have a choice. We'll have achieved a measure of freedom.
This portion of the Step Working Guides actually has two distinct sections. The first helps us prepare to work the Fourth Step by guiding us through an exploration of our motives for working this step and what this step means to us. The second part is a guide for actually taking a searching and fearless moral inventory..


Just for Today

[Pernell Johnson]

Motivation


Through our motivation for working the Fourth Step is not as important as actually working the Fourth Step, we may find it helpful to examine and dispel any reservations we have about this step, and think about some of the benefits we will get as a result of working this step.

*Do I have any reservations about working this step? What are they?

*What are some of the benefits that could come from making a searching and fearless inventory of myself?

*Why shouldn't I procrastinate about working this step?

*What are the benfits of not procrastinating.




Just for Today:p

[Pernell Johnson]

Searching and Fearless

This is the phrase that has most puzzled many of us. We probably understand what "searching" means, but what about "fearless"? How can we get over all our fear? That might take years, we think; but we need to work on this inventory right away.
Taking a fearless inventory means going ahead despite our fear. It means having the courage to take this action no matter how we feel about it. It means having the courage to be honest, even when we're cringing inside and swearing that we'll take what we're writing to the grave. It means having the determination to be thorough, even when it seems that we've written enough. It means having the faith to trust this process and trust our Higher Power to give us whatever quality we need to walk through the process. Let's face it, this step does involve a lot of work. But we can take heart from the fact that there's rarely a deadline on completing this step. We can do it in manageable sections, a little at a time, until we are done. The only thing that's important is that we work on it consistently.
There are times when our clean time can actually work against us: when we fail to acknowledge our fear of taking an inventory. Many of us who have worked the Fourth Step numerous times and know it's ultimately one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves may still find ourselves avoiding the task. We may think that since we know how good this process is, we shouldn't have any fear of it. But we need to give ourselves permission to be afraid, if that's what we feel.
We may also have fears that stem from our previous experiences with the Fourth Step. We know that an inventory means change in our lives. We know that if our inventories reveal destructive patterns; we can't continue to practice the same behaviors without a great deal of pain. Sometimes this means having to let go of something in our lives---some behavior we think we can't survive without; a relationship; or perhaps a resentment we've nursed so carefully that it's actually become, in a sick way, a source of reassurance and comfort. The fear of letting go of something we've come to depend on, no matter how much we've begun to suspect it isn't good for us., is an absolutely valid fear. We just can't let it stop us. We have to face it and act with courage.
We may also have to overcome a barrier that grows from an unwillingness to reveal more of our disease. Many of our members with clean time have passed have shared that an inventory taken in later recovery revealed that their addiction had spread its tentacles so completely through their lives that virtually no area was left untouched. This realization is often initially met with feelings of dismay and perplexity. We wonder how we could still be so sick. Hasn't all this effort in recovery resulted in more than surface healing?
Of course it has. We just need some time to remember that. Our sponsor will be happy to remind us. After we've had time to accept what our inventories are revealing, we feel a sense of hope rising to replace the feelings of dismay. After all, an inventory always initiates a process of change and freedom. Why shouldn't it this time, too?

*Am I afraid of working this step? What is my fear?

*What does it mean to me to be searching and fearless?

*Am I working with my sponsor and talking to other addicts? What other action am I taking to reassure myself that I can handle whatever is revealed in this inventory?


"Can you hear me now?"

"Can you hear me now?"

[Pernell Johnson]

A Moral Inventory

Many of us have a multitude of unpleasant associations connected to the word "moral." It may conjure up memories of an overly rigid code of behavior we were expected to adhere to. It may make us think of people we consider "moral," people we think of as better than ourselves. Hearing this word may also awaken our tendency toward rebellion against society's morals and our resentment of authorities who were never satisfied with our morality. Whether any of this is true for us, as individuals, is a matter to be determined by us, as individuals. If any of the preceding seems to fit, we can alleviate our discomfort with the word "moral," by thinking about it in a different way.
In Narcotics Anonymous, in the step, the word "moral" has nothing to do with specific codes of behavior, society's norms, or the judgement of some authority figure. A moral inventory is something we can use to discover our own individual morality, our own values and principles. We don't have to relate them in any way to the values and principles of others.

*Am I disturbed by the word "moral"? Why?

*Am I disturbed by thinking about society's expectations and afraid that I can't, won't, and I will never be able to conform to them?

*What values and principles are important to me?

[Pernell Johnson]

An Inventory of Ourselves

The Fourth Step asks us to take an inventory of ourselves, not of other people. Yet when we begin writing and looking at our resentments, fears, behaviors, beliefs, and secrets, we will find that most of these are connected to another person, or sometimes to an organization or institution. It's important to understand that we are free to write whatever we need to about others, as long as it leads us tofinding our part in the situation. In fact, most of us can't separate our part from their part at first. Our sponsor will help us with this.

[Pernell Johnson]

Spiritual Principles

In the Fourth Step, we will call on all of the spiritual principles we began to practice in the first three steps. First of all, we have to be willing to work a Fourth Step. We'll need to be meticulously honest with ourselves, thinking about everything we write down and asking ourselves if it's true or not. We'll need to be courageous enough to face our fear and walk through it. Last but not least, our faith and trust will carry us through when we're facing a difficult moment and feel like giving up.

*How is my decision to work Step Four a demonstration of courage? Trust? Faith? Honesty? Willingness?

[Pernell Johnson]

The Inventory

Get a notebook or whatever means of recording your inventory you and your sponsor have agreed is acceptable. Get comfortable. Remove any distractions from the place where your plan to work on your inventory. Pray for the ability to be searching, fearless and thorough. Don't forget to stay in touch with your sponsor throughout this process. Finally, feel free to go beyond what's asked in the following questions. Anything you think of is inventory material.

[Pernell Johnson]

Resentments

We have resentments when we re-feel old feelings, when we are unable to let go, when we cannot forgive and forget something that has upset us. We list our resentments in the Fourth Step for a number of reasons. First, doing so will help us let go of old anger that is affecting our lives today. Second, exploring our resentments will help us identify the ways in which we set ourselves up to be disappointed in others, especially when our expectations were too high. Finally making a list of our resentments will reveal patterns that kept us trapped in a cycle of anger, or self-pity, or both.

*What people do I resent? Explain the situations that led to the resentment.

*What institutions (school, government, religious, correctional, civic) do I resent? Explain the situations that led to the resentment.

What was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did in these situations?

*How has my dishonesty contributed to my resentments?

*How has my inability or unwillingness to experience certain feelings led me to develop resentments?

*How has my behavior contributed to my resentments?

*Am I afraid of looking at my part in the situations that caused my resentments?

*How have my resentments affected my relationships with myself, with others, and with my Higher Power?

*What recurring themes do I notice in my resentments?

[Pernell Johnson]

Feelings

We want to examine our feelings for much the same reason that we want to examine our resentments: It will help us discover our part in our own lives. In addition, most of us have forgotten how to feel by the time we get clean. Even if we've been around awhile, we 're still uncovering new information about the ways we've shut down our feelings.

*How do I identify my individual feelings?

*What feelings do I have the most trouble allowing myself to feel?

*Why have I tried to shut off my feelings?

*What means have I used to deny how I really felt?

*Who or what triggered a feeling? What was the feeling? What were the situations? What was my part in each situation?

*What was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did in these situations?

*What do I do with my feelings once I've identified them?



Just for Today---------------I am Sober:shades:

[Pernell Johnson]

Guilt, Shame

There are actually two types of guilt or shame: one real, one imagined. The first grows directly out of our conscience---we feel guilty because we've done something that goes against our principles, or we harmed someone and feel shame over it. Imagined guilt results from any number of situations that are not our fault, situations we had no part in creating. We need to look at our guilt and shame so that we can separate these situations. We need to own what is truly ours and let go of what is not.

*Who or what I feel guilty or ashamed about? Explain the situations that led to these feelings

*Which of these situations have caused me to feel shame, though I had no part in creating them?

*In the situations I did have a part in, what was my motivation, or what did I believe, that led me to act as I did?

How has my behavior contributed to my guilt and shame?

[Pernell Johnson]

Fear:

If we could look at the disease of addiction stripped of its primary symptoms--that is, apart from drug use or other compulsive behavior--and without its most obvious characteristics, we would find a swamp of self-centered fear. We're afraid of being hurt or maybe of just having to feel to intensely, so we live a sort of half-life, going through the motions of living but never really fully alive. We're afraid of everything that might make us feel, so we isolate and withdraw. We're afraid that people won't like us, so we use drugs to be more comfortable with ourselves. We're afraid we'll get caught at something and have to pay the price, so we lie or cheat or hurt others to protect ourselves. We're afraid of being alone, so we use and exploit others to avoid feeling lonely or rejected or abandoned. We're afraid we won't have enough--of anything--so we selfishly pursue what we want, not caring about the harm we cause in the process. Sometimes, If we've gained things we care about in recovery, we're afraid we'll lose what we have, and so we begin compromising our principles to protect it. Self-centered, self-seeking fear--we need to uproot it so it no longer has the power to destroy.

*Who or what do I fear? Why?

*What have I done to cover my fear?

*How have I responded negatively or destructively to my fear?

*What do I most fear looking at and exposing about myself?
What do I think will happen if I do?

*How have I cheated myself because of my fear?

[Pernell Johnson]

Relationships:

We need to write about our relationships in the Fourth Step--all of our relationships not just the romantic ones--so that we can find out where our choices, beliefs and behaviors have resulted in unhealthy or destructive relationships. We need to look at our relationships with relatives, spouses or partners, friends, and former friends, co-workers and former co-workers, neighbors, people from school, people from clubs and civic organizations and the organizations themselves, authority figures such as police, institutions, and anyone or anything else we can possibly think of. We should also examine our relationship with a Higher Power. We may be tempted to skip the relationships that didn't last long--a one night sexual involvement, for instance, or perhaps an argument with a teacher whose class we then dropped. But these relationships are important, too. If we think of it or have feelings about it, it's inventory material.

*What conflicts in my personality make it difficult for me to maintain friendships and/or romantic relationships?

*How has my fear of being hurt affected my friendships and romantic relationships?

*How have I sacrificed platonic relationships in favor of romantic relationships?

*In what ways did I compulsively seek relationships?

*How have I avoided intimacy with my friends, partners or spouse and family?

*Have I had problems making commitments? Describe.

*Have I felt like avictim in any relationship? (note: this question is
focused on uncovering how we set ourselves up to be victims or
how too-high expectations contributed to our being disappointed
in people, not listing instances where we were actually abused) Describe.

[Pernell Johnson]

Sex

This is a very uncomfortable area for most of us. Infact we may be tempted to stop here, thinking, "Okay,this has gone far enough! There's no way I'm cataloging my sexual behavior!" But we have to get over such unwillingness quickly. Thinking about the reason why we need to do this should help. As it says in It Works: How and Why, "We want to be at peace with our own sexuality." That's why we need to include our sexual beliefs and behaviors in our inventories. It's important to remind ourselves at this point that we are not taking our inventory to compare ourselves with what we think is "normal" for others, but only to identify our own values, principles, and morals.

*How was my sexual behavior based in selfishness?

*Have I confused sex with love? What were the results of acting on that confusion?

*How have I used sex to try to avoid loneliness or fill a spiritual void?

*In what ways did I compulsively seek or avoid sex?

*Have any of my sexual practices left me feeling ashamed and guilty? What were they? Why did I feel that way?

*Have any of my sexual practices hurt myself or others?

*Am I comfortable with my sexuality? If not, why not?

*Am I comfortable with others' sexuality? If not, why not?

*Is sex a prerequisite in all or most of my relationships?

*What does a healthy relationship mean to me?

[Pernell Johnson]

Abuse:

We must exercise caution before beginning right, right now. In fact, we may need to postpone this part to a later time in our recovery. We should utilize all the resources at hand to make the decision about whether to begin this part now: our own sense of whether or not we're ready to withstand the pain this work will cause us, discussion with our sponsor, and prayer. Perhaps our sponsor will be able to help us through this, or we need to seek additional help.
If we decide to go ahead with this part, we should be aware that working on this area of our Fourth Step will probably be the most painful work we'll do in recovery. Recording the times when we were neglected or hurt by the people who were supposed to love and protect us is certain to cause some of the most painful feelings we will ever have to go through. It is important to do so when we're ready, however. As long as we keep the pain wrapped up inside us, a secret. It may cause us to act in ways we don't want, or it can contribute to a negative self-image or other destructive beliefs. Getting the truth out begins a process that can lead to the relief of our pain. We were not to blame.

*Have I ever been abused? By whom? What feelings did I or do I now have about it?

*Has being abused affected my relationships with others?

*If I have felt victimized for much of life because of being abused in childhood, what steps can I take to be restored to spiritual wholeness? Can my Higher Power help? How?

It is also possible that we have physically, mentally or verbally abused others. Recounting these times is bound to cause us to feel a great deal of shame. We cannot afford to let that shame become despair. It is important that we face our behavior, accept responsibility for it, and work to change it. Writing about it here is the first step toward doing that. Working the rest of the steps will help us make amends for what we've done to others.

*Have I ever abused anyone? Who and How?

*What was I feeling and thinking right before I caused the harm?

*Did I blame the victim or make excuses for my behavior? Describe.

*Do I trust my Higher Power to work in my life and provide me with what I need so I don't have to harm anyone again? Am I willing to live with the painful feelings until they are changed through working the steps?

[Pernell Johnson]

Assets:

Before we finish this Fourth Step, we should stop and reflect: Is there anything we've missed, either intentionally or not? Is there something we think is so bad that we just can't possibly include it in our inventory? If so, we should be reassured by the fact that a multitude of NA members have worked this step, and there has never yet been a situation in anyone's Fourth Step that was so unique that we had to create a new term to describe it. Keeping secrets is threatening to our recovery. As long as we are keeping a secret, we are actually building a reservation in our program.

*Are there any secrets that I haven't written about yet? What are they?

Another question we should ask ourselves now is, is there anything in this inventory that is either an exaggeration of what actually happened or something that's not true at all? Almost all of us came to NA and had trouble separating fact from fiction in our own lives. Most of us had accumulated "war stories" that were so embroidered that they may have contained only a fraction of truth. We made them up because we wanted to impress people. We didn't think we had anything to feel good about that was true, so we made up lies in an attempt to build ourselves up. But we don't have to do that anymore. We're building true self-worth in the process of working Step Four, not false self-worth based on some phony image. Now is the time to tell the truth about ourselves.

*Is there anything in this inventory that isn't true, or are there any stories I've told over and over again that aren't true.?

[Pernell Johnson]

Moving On:

Finishing a Fourth Step is many things--may be a letdown, may be exhilarating, may be uncomfortable. However we feel other wise, we should definitely feel good about what we've accomplished. The work we've done in this step will provide the foundation for the work we'll do in Steps Five through Nine. Now is the time to contact our sponsor and make arrangements to work Step Five.

[Pernell Johnson]

"We admitted to God to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

Our Basic Text tells us that "Step Five is not simply a reading of Step Four." Yet we know that reading our Fourth Step to another human being is certainly part of Step Five. So what's the rest, the part that's more than simply a reading.
It's the admission we make---to God, to ourselves, and to another human being---that brings about the spiritual growth connected with this step. We've had some experience with making admissions already. We've admitted we have a disease; we admitted we need help; we've admitted there's a Power that could help us. Drawing on our experience with these admissions will help us in Step Five.
Many of us finished our Fourth Step with a sense of relief, thinking that the really hard part was over, only to realize that we still had the Fifth Step to do. That's when the fear set in.
Some of us were afraid that our sponsor would reject or judge us. Others hesitated because we didn't want to bother our sponsor with so much. We weren't sure we trusted our sponsor to keep our secrets.
We may have been concerned about what the inventory might reveal. There might be something hidden from us that our sponsor would spot immediately---and it probably wouldn't be anything good. Some of us were afraid of having to re-feel old feelings, and wondered if there was really any benefit to stirring up the past. Some of us felt that as long as we hadn't actually spoken our inventories out loud, the contents wouldn't be quite real.
If we consider all our feelings about the Fifth Step, we may find that we are also motivated to continue this process by a desire for more recovery. We think about the people we know who have worked this step. We're struck by their genuineness and by their ability to connect with others. They aren't always talking about themselves. They're asking about others, and they're truly interested in knowing the answer. And if we ask them how they learned so much about relationships with others, they'll probably tell us that they began learning when they worked Step Five.
Many of us, having worked the Fourth Step and Fifth Step before, knew that this process always resulted in change---inother words, we'd have to stop behaving the same old way! We may not have been entirely sure we wanted that. On the other hand, many of us knew we had to change, but were afraid we couldn't.
Two things we need to begin working Step Five are courage and a sense of trust in the process of recovery. If we have both these things, we'll be able to work through the more specific fears and go through with the admissions we need to make in this step.




Just for Today---------------I am Clean and Sober

[Pernell Johnson]

Facing Fears

Any of the fears we've talked about here might be ours, or we might have other fears that plague us. It's essential that we know what our fears are and move forward in spite of them so that we're able to continue with our recovery.

*What reservations do I have about working the Fifth Step?

*Do I have any fears at this point? What are they?

No matter what our fears stem from, most of our members have done pretty much the same things to deal with them: We pray for courage and willingness, read the section from It Works: How and Why on the Fifth Step, and seek reassurance from other members. Many of us have had the experience of going to step study meetings and finding that, coincidently, the topic always seems to be Step Four or Five. If we make the effort to share what we're going through, we're sure to get the support we need from other members. Calling upon the spiritual resources we have developed through working the previous steps will allow us to proceed with our Fifth Step.

*What am I doing to work through my fears about a Fifth Step?

*How has working the first four steps prepared me to work the Fifth Step?

[Pernell Johnson]

Admitted to God

The chapter on Step Five in "It Works: How and Why" answers the question about why we must admit the exact nature of our wrongs to God in addition to admitting them to ourselves and another human being. In NA, we experience a way of life where the spiritual meeets the everyday, where the ordinary meets the extraordinary. When we admit the exact nature of our wrongs to the God of our understanding, our admission becomes more meaningful.
How we make our admission to the God of our understanding depends on the specifics of our understanding. Some make a formal admission to God apart from the admissions we make to ourselves and another human being. Others acknowledge or invite the presence of a Higher Power in some way before going over the inventory with their sponsor. Those of us whose Higher Power is the spiritual principles of recovery or the power of the NA Fellowship may have to explore different methods of working this portion of the Fifth Step. Our sponsor can help with this process. Whatever we do is okay as long as we are aware that we are also making our admission to a Higher Power.

*How will I include the God of my understanding in my Fifth Step?

*How is my Third Step decision reaffirmed by working the Fifth Step?

[Pernell Johnson]

When we were using, most of us probably had people telling us we had a drug problem and should get help. Their comments didn't really matter to us. Or even if they did matter, it wasn't enough to stop us from using. Not until we admitted our addiction to ourselves and surrendered to the NA program were we able to stop using. It's just the same with the admission we make in the Fifth Step. WWe can have everyone from our spouse to our employer to our sponsor telling us what we're doing that working against us, but until we admit to our own innermost selves the exact nature of our wrongs, we're not likely to have the willingness or the ability to choose another way.

*Can I acknowledge and accept the exact nature of my wrongs?

*How will making this admission change the direction of my life?

[Pernell Johnson]

As addicts, one of the biggest problems we have is telling the difference between our responsibility and the responsibilities of others. We blame ourselves for catastrophies over which we have no control. Conversely, we're often in complete denial about how we have hurt ourselves and others. We overdramatize minor troubles, and we shrug off major problems we really should be taking a look at. If we're not sure what the exact nature of our wrongs is when we begin our Fifth Step, we'll know by the time we finish---because of making our admissions to another human being. What we can't see, our listener can, and he or she will help us sort out what we need to accept as our responsibility and what we don't.

Most of us asked someone to be our sponsor before we began formally working the steps, and have been developing a relationship with that person ever since. For most of us, our sponsor will be the "another human being" we choose to hear our Fifth Step. He or she will help us separate the things that were not our responsibility from the things that were. The relationship we have been building with our sponsor will give us the trust we need to have in him or her. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another often powerfully demonstrated when our sponsor shares details from his or her inventory as we share ours. This goes a long way toward reassuring us that we are not unique.

The trust we must have in the person who is to hear our Fifth Step goes beyond simply being assured that he or she will keep our confidences. We need to trust that our listener can respond appropriately to what we are sharing. One of the primary reasons that so many of us find ourselves choosing our sponsor as the person who will listen to our Fifth Step is because he or she understands what we're doing and therefore knows just what kind of support we need during this process. Also, if our sponsor is our listener, it will help promote continuity when we work the following steps. Still, if for any reason we choose someone else to hear our Fifth Step admission, his or her "qualifications" are the same ones we would look for in our sponsor; an ability to be supportive without minimizing our responsibility, someone who can provide a steadying influence if we begin to feel overwhelmed during our Fifth Step---in short, someone with compassion, integrity, and insight.

*What qualities does my listener have that are attractive to me?

*How will his or her possession of these qualities help me make my admissions more effectively?

For most of us, developing an honest relationship is something new. We're very good at running away from relationships the first time someone tells us a painful truth. We're also good at having polite, distant interactions with no real depth. The Fifth Step helps us develop honest relationships. We tell the truth about who we are---then, the hard part: We listen to the response. Most of us have been terrified of having a relationship like this. The Fifth Step gives us a unique opportunity to try such a relationship in a safe context. We can be pretty much assured that we won't be judged.

*Am I willing to trust the person who is to hear my Fifth Step?

*What do I expect from that person?

*How will working the Fifth Step help me begin to develop new ways of having relationships?

[Pernell Johnson]

Another way to ensure that our Fifth Step is "not simply a reading of Step Four" is to focus on what we are supposed to be admitting: the exact nature of our wrongs." Most of us agree that, in working Step Five, we should be focusing our attention on what's behind the patterns of our addiction and the reasons we acted out in the ways we did. Identifying the exact nature of our wrongs is often something that happens while we're sharing our inventory. Ssometimes the repetition of the same type of situation will reveal the exact nature of that situation. Why do we, for example, keep choosing to involve ourselves with people who don't have our best interests at heart? Why do we keep approaching every relationship we have as though our very lives depended on having the upper hand? Why do we feel threatened by new experiences, and so keep avoiding them? Finding the common thread in our own patterns will lead us right to the exact nature of our wrongs.

At some point in this process, we will probably begin calling patterns of behavior our "character defects." Though it won't be until the Sixth Step that we begin an in-depth examination of how each one of our defects plays a role in keeping us sick, it certainly won't hurt to allow this knowledge to begin forming in us now.

*How does the exact nature of my wrongs differ from my actions?

*Why do I need to admit the exact nature of my wrongs, and not just the wrongs themselves?

[Pernell Johnson]

In the fifth Step, we will focus on trust, courage, self-honesty, and commitment. Practicing the spiritual principle of trust is essential if we are to get through the Fifth Step. As mentioned above, we will probably have some experience with our sponsor that allows us to trust him or her enough to go ahead with this step; but what about the more profound issues that arise when we wonder if working this step will really do any good? We have to trust a process as well as another person. The connection between the Fifth Step and our spiritual development isn't always clear to us. This doesn't mean that the connection is any less real, but it may make it harder for us to trust the process.

*Do I believe that working the Fifth Step will somehow make my life better? How?

Courage is one principle we'll have to practice just to get started on this step. We'll probably need to continue drawing on our courage periodically throughout our work on this step. When we replace the phone on its hook just as we are about to call our sponsor for an appointment to make our admissions, we're feeling fear and we need to practice courage. When we're sharing our inventory and we see a paragraph that we just can't tell anyone about, we need to face that moment of fear with courage and go ahead with sharing all of our inventory. When we've just shared something excrucciatingly painful, and our feelings of vulnerability are so overwhelming that we want to shut down before we hear what our sponsor has to say, we're at a defining moment in our recovery and we need to choose the courageous path. Doing so will influence the future course of our lives. Each time we feel fear, we remind ourselves that giving in to it has rarely had anything but negative consequences in our lives, and doing so this time won't be any different. Such a reminder should be sufficient to motivate us to gather our courage.

*What are some of the ways in which I can find the courage I need to work this step?

*How does practicing the principle of courage in working this step affect my whole recovery?

*Have I set a time and place for my Fifth Step? When and Where?

Practicing the principle of self-honesty is essential when we admit to ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs. Just as we mustn't disassociate ourselves from our emotions simply because we're afraid of our listener's response, so we can't afford to shut down our own reactions. We must allow ourselves to experience the natural and human reaction to the subject under discussion; our lives as addicts. Our lives have been sad. We've missed out on a lot because of our addiction. We've hurt people we loved because of our addiction. These realizations are painful. However, if we pay close attention, we'll probably recognize another feeling that's beginning to form in the wake of the pain; hope.
We've finally stopped using over our feelings, running away from our feelings, and shutting down because of our feelings; now, for the first time, we have a chance to walk through our feelings, even the painful ones, with courage. Doing so will, in the long run, make us feel better about ourselves. This is one of the paradoxes that we often find in recovery. What begins in pain ends in joy and serenity.

*How have I avoided self-honesty in the past? What am I doing to practice it now?

*How is a more realistic view of myself connected to humility?

*How does practicing the principle of self-honesty help me accept myself?

The principle of commitment is demonstrated by the action we take in this step. Many of us have made so-called "commitments" in our lives, commitments which we had no intention of sticking to in tough times; our commitments" were made solely for the sake of convenience. With each step we've taken in the program of NA, we've deepened our real practical commitment to the program. Getting a sponsor, working the steps, finding a home group and going to its meetings---each one of these actions demonstrates that we're committed to our recovery in a practical, meaningful way.

*How does sharing my inventory with my sponsor further my commitment to the NA program?