it does get better - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

oneday@atime · 03-11-2006, 04:03 PM

Hi everyone here again.
My name is sick guy getting well,and i have trust issues.I know where i stand with myself,yet i have no clue as to how i stand with anyone else.When you know your done and you feel it no one else can see it.I have been at my part-time wifes house for a couple of days now and i feel like she hates me.She is going out to party tonite and all i can visualize is her catching the eye of every guy at the club. She is beautiful and her standards only apply to me. She may do as she pleases.Yet i feel like if i was to do the same it would be over,it's not like i want to do that it's just that she is so distant now i want her to tell me she wont be with anyone but she wont.I wonder if i should just leave her alone and see if she is still interested,and hope she comes to me? Any help would be helpful thanks people.
have a great day.

REZ · 03-11-2006, 04:10 PM

This is a forum for people who want to stop using drugs. I'm not sure what your post has to do with this.

eddie z. · 03-11-2006, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneday@atime

When you know your done and you feel it no one else can see it.

I think what matters is that YOU know you're done, right?

Anyway, I wanted to WELCOME you to SR and to the NA forum!! I used with my husband and went spent the first few months of our respective recoveries apart. Gave us each a chance to get a solid foundation in recovery. If your wife is still drinking, i.e., using, then she is an "old playmate" and it is strongly suggested that we avoid them, especially early on. It does not sound like she is "done." Focus on yourself for now. Take care of yourself, OK? They say relationships are our most difficult area. You don't need that kind of distraction in early recovery. I know I didn't. Best wishes to you!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

Time4Change · 03-12-2006, 08:47 PM

Hi there! I really like what eddie said. Great advice! Your wife will know you're serious when she sees the change in you. It usually comes gradually, and it feels wonderful!

Looks like you're closing in on Day 9 now, huh?! Wooo-hooooo! Great job!

I'm sorry to hear things are difficult with your wife. What did you mean by part-time wife? Do you not live full-time with her, are you separated, or is she just very distant right now because of your alcohol addiction? I know it's really hard and it breaks your heart right now to see her out partying and still drinking, not taking your new sobriety seriously, but you need to just keep your focus on yourself and your recovery. It'll take time. Your title to this post "It Does Get Better" made me smile. I'm glad you're trying to keep upbeat and still working your recovery. Keep hitting those meetings as often as possible. Hopefully you can find an NA/AA or any other type of 12-step program closer to you and more often during the week. Have you tried some of the online meetings here at SR, too? Maybe those will help. Keep on keeping on! And I hope you'll keep posting.

Take care! And welcome!

Kelly

Rho · 03-12-2006, 09:02 PM

Rez - Hugs to you, believe in your self and worry about your self not your "part-time wife". I am wondering if she is part time like my husband is to me. I have been drug free for a little over 2 yrs now. 2/21 was my anniversary. My husband & I split because of the drugs, he got me involved depper and deeper and deeper it went then he bailed. I hated him for bailing when he did, but now i know it was for the best. I have learned to grow as a person and he is a part time mel 2% time my husband. We have not lived together since 2/21/04. He states he is clean and sober but yet i KNOW he relapsed a handfull of times and says it is all my fault for being negfative to him, that I am so pretty that when ever I go out I am looking for something else. It all has to do with his drug use, he is a king manlipalater 9can't spell it). The more he acts that way and saysthe half-butt thing he does the further he pushes me AWAY. I am trying to believe in myself and believe that I am a good person, and living a DRUG FREE LIFE IS GREAT. Rez don't worry about her, put yourself first even though it sounds selfish!

eddie z. · 03-13-2006, 05:49 AM

Uh, Rho, I think you mean oneday@atime. Rez was responding to his post. Oh, well. But that was a great post nonetheless. Thank you for sharing, too!! CONGRATULATIONS on your two years!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

03-11-2006, 04:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
oneday@atime not again Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: b.c Posts: 1	it does get better Hi everyone here again. My name is sick guy getting well,and i have trust issues.I know where i stand with myself,yet i have no clue as to how i stand with anyone else.When you know your done and you feel it no one else can see it.I have been at my part-time wifes house for a couple of days now and i feel like she hates me.She is going out to party tonite and all i can visualize is her catching the eye of every guy at the club. She is beautiful and her standards only apply to me. She may do as she pleases.Yet i feel like if i was to do the same it would be over,it's not like i want to do that it's just that she is so distant now i want her to tell me she wont be with anyone but she wont.I wonder if i should just leave her alone and see if she is still interested,and hope she comes to me? Any help would be helpful thanks people. have a great day.

03-12-2006, 08:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
Time4Change NA Rocks! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Location Location Posts: 517	Hi there! I really like what eddie said. Great advice! Your wife will know you're serious when she sees the change in you. It usually comes gradually, and it feels wonderful! Looks like you're closing in on Day 9 now, huh?! Wooo-hooooo! Great job! I'm sorry to hear things are difficult with your wife. What did you mean by part-time wife? Do you not live full-time with her, are you separated, or is she just very distant right now because of your alcohol addiction? I know it's really hard and it breaks your heart right now to see her out partying and still drinking, not taking your new sobriety seriously, but you need to just keep your focus on yourself and your recovery. It'll take time. Your title to this post "It Does Get Better" made me smile. I'm glad you're trying to keep upbeat and still working your recovery. Keep hitting those meetings as often as possible. Hopefully you can find an NA/AA or any other type of 12-step program closer to you and more often during the week. Have you tried some of the online meetings here at SR, too? Maybe those will help. Keep on keeping on! And I hope you'll keep posting. Take care! And welcome! Kelly __________________

03-13-2006, 05:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
eddie z. No expectations! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,610	Uh, Rho, I think you mean oneday@atime. Rez was responding to his post. Oh, well. But that was a great post nonetheless. Thank you for sharing, too!! CONGRATULATIONS on your two years!! Love and hugs, Eddie __________________

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03-11-2006, 04:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
REZ Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 1,055	This is a forum for people who want to stop using drugs. I'm not sure what your post has to do with this.

03-12-2006, 09:02 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rho JstBcuz Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 83	Rez - Hugs to you, believe in your self and worry about your self not your "part-time wife". I am wondering if she is part time like my husband is to me. I have been drug free for a little over 2 yrs now. 2/21 was my anniversary. My husband & I split because of the drugs, he got me involved depper and deeper and deeper it went then he bailed. I hated him for bailing when he did, but now i know it was for the best. I have learned to grow as a person and he is a part time mel 2% time my husband. We have not lived together since 2/21/04. He states he is clean and sober but yet i KNOW he relapsed a handfull of times and says it is all my fault for being negfative to him, that I am so pretty that when ever I go out I am looking for something else. It all has to do with his drug use, he is a king manlipalater 9can't spell it). The more he acts that way and saysthe half-butt thing he does the further he pushes me AWAY. I am trying to believe in myself and believe that I am a good person, and living a DRUG FREE LIFE IS GREAT. Rez don't worry about her, put yourself first even though it sounds selfish!

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