Its going to kill me.

[paramedic9742]

hi everyone well i am here to say this is my second failed attempt at stopping the hydro i went cold turkey again for 4 days and relapsed again. I cant sleep without it i cant get out of bed and all my husband wants to do is yell at me about how bad his life is. I have chest pain with the withdrawls so i try to take lorazepam then i have to detox from that their is no end it seems i know i need rehab i could leave my baby who is 4 with his dad but i have a 13 yr old son who cant get along with his stepfather. I have no one to care for him. I dont know what i am going to do i am so afarid i will no wake up someday i am not in good health as is. This has took over my life. I have lived through so much how can i let this beat me.

[best]

Try some NA meetings. See what you can gain from an hour at a time support and info gathering.

as far as the children getting along or not getting along with others...what happens if you end up in the hosptal without warning? No choice in who goes where, correct?
Least now you have choices.

[Cindi R]

When I left my children...and went to in patient treatment...it was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do...
{{{Big Hugs}}}...
I wasn't there for their first day of school...it tore me up inside. But you've got to think of the big picture here honey, it's better to get cleaned up for them now as opposed to just not waking up some day...
It will work out.

[splendra]

You need to talk to the step father and the son and tell them what you told us and ask them if they could try to get along while you go do what needs to be done and not have to worry that they won't be okay while you are gone.

I hope you go to rehab soon cause it sure sounds like you are ready...

[paramedic9742]

i cant let my 13 yr old son know i need rehab his real father has been a meth addict sice he was 3 yrs old and has been in and out of prison his whole life and he hurts him all the time. I think i will just tell him i need heart surgery again are something.

[paramedic9742]

everyone dont get worried i have rapid heart beat called psvt and medication hasent helped me i have had 1 surgery already that dident work and i am supposed to have another thats one reason i worry i wont wake up. Thease hydro make me feel all the worse.

[paramedic9742]

i feel like ashamed for sharing all of this

[frosti]

It always seems like there is no way to make a perfect exit for treatment, but like Best was saying if you take the time now the odds aree in your favor to have a future with the family. In my own case I found out that when I went in and delt with my addiction problem I came out to find that the family pulled together with me out of the picture. God will look after all the details if we let Him. Just go for it. Frosti.

[splendra]

(((paramedic)))

Don't ya think your son is aware enough that telling him the truth would help because then you would be sharing the same reality? To me if you lie to him you could push him over an edge if and when he finds out the truth...

[Cindi R]

I hid my drug use from my 12 & 15 year old kids as well and told them the day I went into treatment.
They have forgiven me.
My daughter wrote me a very sweet card {homemade on the computer} that said
"You're not a bad mom, you just did some bad things. I love you."

[roses2005]

Dont you dare feel ashamed. You are sharing this with alot of recovering and struggling to recover addicts/alcoholics. I think you should be honest w/ your 13yr old. You would be surprised how very strong they are. I assume you guys have a good relationship?????
If he loves you, he will understand, if not now, he definitely will in the long run. And as for your four year old, well thats a no brainer, you want to be healthy for him right???
I have a five year old little boy who is my heart of hearts. I stopped using when he was about 3, and thank god, he remembers nothing. Your little one is still young enough. If you nip it in the bud now, your going to be fine. I wouldnt trade the smile on my little boys face and the laughter that comes from his little mouth for any bag of dope or bottle of booze, so think about it. A little discomfort for just a little while until you get better, for a lifetime of happiness. Now thats a good trade off! ---dont you think????? Good luck sweetie, and think long and hard about this. Your children are worth it, and no one has to tell you that. Keep on posting. WE CARE!! Jennifer

[windysan]

explain to the family where you are going then get to detox then a rehab. good luck with it.

[REZ]

Go to rehab. Your teen probably already knows or will find out soon anyway. The best thing you can do for anyone is get clean and stay clean.

[Gooch]

This is going to sound harsh. It sounded that way when a couselor told me.

Would you rather explain to your daughter that you are sick and need to take some time away to get better?

Or would you rather have someone else explain to her that you are gone and won't be back ever?

I sure as hell didn't like hearing that, but I quit vacillating about it and went to rehab.

[godsonmyside]

Originally Posted by paramedic9742

hi everyone well i am here to say this is my second failed attempt at stopping the hydro i went cold turkey again for 4 days and relapsed again. I cant sleep without it i cant get out of bed and all my husband wants to do is yell at me about how bad his life is. I have chest pain with the withdrawls so i try to take lorazepam then i have to detox from that their is no end it seems i know i need rehab i could leave my baby who is 4 with his dad but i have a 13 yr old son who cant get along with his stepfather. I have no one to care for him. I dont know what i am going to do i am so afarid i will no wake up someday i am not in good health as is. This has took over my life. I have lived through so much how can i let this beat me.

Sounds Desperate to me!!!

i cant let my 13 yr old son know i need rehab his real father has been a meth addict sice he was 3 yrs old and has been in and out of prison his whole life and he hurts him all the time. I think i will just tell him i need heart surgery again are something.

what would they think of you if they found out at your funeral!!
This may sound cold to you right now, reality though. The Truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off.

i feel like ashamed for sharing all of this

The real shame is in the refusing and denying the help you really need. Maybe the plans you have aren't working? Mine didn't either until I got help other than my own, and then I became able to help myself with the help of others doing the same thing I am doing now.

It suck being cought in a trap that we can get out of alone, there is help, utilize it and be the mother you want to be, yes your kids need you and you need them.

Peace,
Todd J.

[emmer]

Tina, please don't feel ashamed, I think the best thing to do is be upfront. Go to a rehab..try to take one small step at a time. Lorazepam is a benzo ...there is a end to these drugs too. Just be careful to never go off them cold turkey...believe me Ive tried
I damn near went insane. They are very dangerous drugs and they are highly addictive.
But again there is an end to all drugs. It could be the benzos that are making the hydro withdraw so difficult. Please try N.A. ......God bless......Joe

P.S. Anytime you want to talk just e-mail me or P.m. me.....I'm withdrawing off benzos right now so I understand.....believe me.

[Thundar301]

Hello my name is Dean and I am an addict, you sound as though you are tired? but I I also am hearing some reservations, and rationalization? only you know your bottom, it is when you stop digging you see you found bottom. I was told early in recocovery, while I was at rehab, the I had to put my recovery 1st, because if I don't and then i happen to die, I would have NONE of the people,places or things I treasured so much that I would put them before my own welfare. Good luck and may your higher power bless you!

[my brother]

hey paramedic,
my brother Dean died on the 6th January, he was an addict.
I think that if i didn't know why he died or found that someone had been lying to me i would be more angry then anything. I would question why he didn't trust me enough to tell me what his problem was.
He was in a few rehabs over his 31yr life and i know that the support he got from the family while he was in there was very important to him, it helped him stay strong.
Tell your child and get yourself into a programme....if you feel you are ready.
Good luck, you are in my prayers.
Lucie xxxx