A New Bottom

[hopealwayz]

I messed up and used. But this time, something worse happened. I used a lot more cocaine than usual and I started getting chest pains. Things just felt all weird inside of my chest. Then my lungs felt funny and started aching. I am not having trouble breathing or horrible symptoms. My body just feels really strange now because it is like something is going on in there. If I overdosed, something worse probably would have happened. If my symptoms get worse, or if I have trouble breathing, I will have someone take me to the ER. I thought that I was dying! I said, "no, I don't want to die this way!" I am scared to death. I don't know what is going on with my body.

On top of this, I just found out that the roof of my mouth has deterioration due to cocaine abuse. All of those temporary fun times lead me to a lifetime of struggles. I wish I never touched that drug. I'm 24, and my body is probably similar to someone 2 or 3 times that age. I want recovery! I want my life! I don't want to die this way. I think I saw that I could die and it scared me so much.

I deserve so much more out of life than to be in the grips of addiction.

[REZ]

Sorry that you used again but glad that you want to stop. It takes what it takes; some people have to suffer more than others to get the message.

[tink360]

just use this as a learnig experience. mistakes happen and it has been said before that when a person relapses they usually use more than before. check back in with us and let us know how you are doing.

[Paulie]

I deserve so much more out of life than to be in the grips of addiction.

Remember that kiddo. You can do this......make the choice right now to do it differently than you were doing yesterday/last week/last month....it has to be differernt.

[Peter]

[quote=AngelHugs If I overdosed, something worse probably would have happened. [/QUOTE]

Sounds to me like you have already overdosed.

How much more do you think your body can handle?

As addicts we like to see just how far over the edge we can go and some of us don't always make it back.

It has gotten to the point now where I can count more dead addicts than recovering ones.

Hopefully this will turn out to be not just your "new" bottom but your last.

Best of luck to you.

[Gooch]

Welcome back ! You made it this time.

Ya know its not for nothin we say "you never have to use again.. no matter what!"

Among other thi9ngs fear is a great motivator. I'm grateful for being afraid that once I pick up the first one, I have no clue as to the outcome if using.

I hope you have developed a healthy fear.

In one of our quotes it says "In desperation we sought help from each other"

Once I figured out that seeking help works, I finally figured out I didn't have to get deperate if I just made a habit of hanging around with recovering addicts and finding help every day.

Go to a meeting.

[unspun]

Glad you made it back! sadly a lot of times this doesn't happen.
Relapse can be a part of recovery. All we have to do is learn from our mistakes

[stormyautumn]

Hope everything is ok Angel, lucky is right, there will be a light bulb. Your switch is just broken right now..lol. Hopefully this time will make you realize how bad things can get. When I started saying clean sporadically, everytime I used I thought I was going to die or had anxiety. Because you have already had a taste of sobriety and you are educating yourself on just how bad the things you do are for your body, so using just isn't fun anymore after you've tried getting sober.
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