Taking Myself Out

[Chance]

Hey Chy and whoever reads this post I am taking myself out of SR I have been told that if you don't log in for a while that you won't be active and then you will be out well that should work. I don't truly believe that I have an impact of people nor do I care, I have not been doing good anyway and I have recieved conformation that I probably should just quit. I hate to do this but I don't fit just like I don't fit in here or anywhere, not at the dope mans, the bar, meetings, or SR. Hope that you all do well find someone else to chair also please, no one ever shows up anymore anyway. Bye

[Andygirl]

If you're leaving, just leave. No need for announcements. Unless, of course, it's the attention you are seeking. And then just do what you've been doing, and I'm sure someone will beg you to stay.

[Paulie]

Andygirl..be nice.

Lucky, you just made a huge change in your life, your disease right now is feeding off that change. you are lonely and that is what your disease wants you to be. i have been blessed to be sober 10 years (still amazes me) and my disease tries to tell me all the time that I don't fit in places, here at SR, in meetings, with friends, in my marriage....everywhere. Because my disease feeds off of misery not happiness, not contentment.

You have something to offer, everyone coming here has something to offer. Just saying hello to a newcomer is offering something. I don't think you realize you sharing your pain is offering something. Many MANY people come to SR,never register, just read...they are reading everything we write, they are using it in their life. I am sure someone reading about the changes you made in your life was able to make needed changes in their life.

Don't listen to your head that is your disease. You know the saying "our mind is a neighborhood that we should never go into alone".

It is your choice to leave or not, but I think it is a mistake. There have been alot of negative stuff going on around here lately I am not sure why but we cannot play into that. We have to remember that there are negative people everywhere.

One thing about me that might make you smile. My head was telling me for weeks how horrible I was going to look in the dress I had to wear on Sunday when I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. Seriously, I looked ridiculous. But I did not listen to it, I did not let it ruin my day...I hit the dance floor and danced for hours not caring what people thougth of the way I looked or even how I danced. If my husband was busy talking to someone, heck I just joined whoever I wanted on the dance floor cause I wanted to dance . What I am trying to say is as addicts we are always so concerned what people are thinking/saying about us, that is our ego. When I first got into recovery I thought I was a people pleaser...then I learned I was self centered, the people pleasing was not about the other person it was about me feeling good about myself.

I think I have totally gotten off track here trying to explain to you that your disease is acting out now...I tend to babble alot

I hope you dont' leave cause I need you, lots of people need you hear sharing your experience, strenght, and hope....through the good times and bad. But even more I hope to you don't leave SR becasue that puts you one step closer to letting your disease win...and that breaks my heard.

[liveweyerd]

ditto

[BikerBill8]

Hey Vic, If you don't log on you won't be taken off of SR. I wasn't on for about a year or so and i wasn't taken off. So why would you think that you would be? I don't know who is telling you these things but he/she is wrong. You have helped people here and what Paulie said that it is your stinking thinking telling you that you don't belong here or anywhere. Just keep posting here and talk to your sponser.

[bikewench]

Vic...

We always have something to offer... even if it's just a hug or some encouragement ...

My light doesn't burn very bright sometimes...and sometimes... I take wayyyyy more than I give on SR...
but..
even if my light is just a sputtery little flicker... it's still more than some people have...

.. and even if my light is sputtery... it's still a light in the darkness... and maybe... just maybe... someone will see it and it will light their light and then together we will shine even further....

regardless of what SR throws out on any given day...
or what I take or put back in....
this is still a huge place of healing and growth for me... and I'm along for the whole ride... speed bumps .... broken and missing path... et al...


But.. it's not for everyone.

Wishing you the best... and praying for your greatest good... whatever that may be.

[tyler]

Yup, Bill is right, it was well over a year between my log in's and I was still here. We'll still be here waiting for you Vic. Sorry you're having a tough time, I know you know isolation is not the right course of action when you are feeling like this, but I also know I can't control what you or anyone else does. I hope you stick around or come back, but most of all I hope you stay clean. You are worth it. Take care.

[51anna]

Wow Andygirl,

How completely nasty!!


Vic,

You know that you are loved here at SR and that you help lots of people. I know the move has been hard for you but you're doing alright. I truly hope you don't leave.

Love, Anna

[historyteach]

(((Vic)))
You are loved, wanted and needed.
Paulie is right...share what's in your head so that others can share their expeinces and we can all learn. Don't run, Vic. There's nothing that cannot be fixed. Know that.

Andy, Vic has been here a very long time, and has shared much of his recovery, helping many. When one of the family is hurting, we don't shoot them here at SR. We support them.
If you stick around long enough, you will see people supporting you just the same way. It has NOTHING to do with attention getting. It has to do with recovery. Because, as you'll see, we are all in need here. Every one of us. And some are sicker than others.
That's why we are here. To help and to get help.
I hope you will learn that and stay to do the same.
Shalom!

[tink360]

vic, when i first came to sr you were one of the first people to respond to my post, it made an impact on me to know that someone out there cared enough to read what i wrote. i understand the feeling of not fitting in anywhere but the thing is that we all feel that way sometimes and if all of us justs gave up and left there would be no one left. i dont feel like i fit in most of the time and maybe i dont...but theres no way im giving up on myself until the day i die. and you shouldnt either. its a battle between the drug and me and theres no way in hell im letting some chemical get the best of me. come on vic stay strong. afterall what would sr be without our "Just a run in the mill junkie trying to recover!"

[Time2Surrender]

(((Vic))) I really hope you stay.Ignore ANDYGIRLS comment.Im going to be nice and not respond.You are part of this site.You have posted some really good stuff.Im sorry to here your not doing well.Only more of a reason to stick around.I was here for a long time and not doing well.Look at when I joined.October.I am coming up on 5 months.So,its pretty obvious what went on between Oct and April 19th.Just stick around.Success is failure turned inside out.I have faith in you.

[Andygirl]

I would say the same thing to someone if they acted like that in a meeting. My tolerance for BS is at an all-time low. I have as much empathy for Vic as anyone, but it's ridiculous to come on here every other week announcing that he's leaving.

But, hey, thanks for the support! Maybe if I'm on here another year I will have earned some for myself.

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by Andygirl

I would say the same thing to someone if they acted like that in a meeting. My tolerance for BS is at an all-time low. I have as much empathy for Vic as anyone, but it's ridiculous to come on here every other week announcing that he's leaving.

But, hey, thanks for the support! Maybe if I'm on here another year I will have earned some for myself.

Andygirl -
I have been a part of SR for a very long time, and I have thought to myself hundreds of times how cool it would be to be in a meeting with just about everyone here....but not right now. right now I am grateful that I am not in the same town as you to attend the same meetings. Your intolerance for BS or should I say you ego is gonna get you if you don't watch out.

Time has nothing to do with support...you get what you give.

(((Vic))) I know you are scared and I know you are reaching out, and as you can see the majority of us have our hand reaching right back out to you. Please hold on to it, we need YOU and much as you need US.

[Andygirl]

Originally Posted by Paulie

Andygirl -
I have been a part of SR for a very long time, and I have thought to myself hundreds of times how cool it would be to be in a meeting with just about everyone here....but not right now. right now I am grateful that I am not in the same town as you to attend the same meetings. Your intolerance for BS or should I say you ego is gonna get you if you don't watch out.

I don't think there's one person in any of the meetings I go to that would not want me there.

I enjoy people who can be frank with each other and that's how we do it around here. It doesn't make us mean people. It doesn't mean we say it rudely, or that we alienate people. I, like many others, don't see the point in coddling people. They either want help or they don't. It's not up to us to convince them.

[HPierce]

wow that is all i can say... we are hear to support one another! not tell them what do to. if vic wants to annouce he is leaving and seeing how he is a chair i think that is the right thing for him to do... and who am i to judge him! do i want him to leave no... but me "beggin" him not to leave will not change his mind he will do what he wants when he wants! i'm just here to support whatever decision he makes and offer my esh also!!!

[lafever chris]

Don`t leave 5 minutes before the miracle (the message god has for you)

chris


P.S. god bless you

[Gooch]

Well I for one am glad that even though it may be a little overreactive, people get what they need to out in the open and deal with it, before taking their ball and bat and leaving quietly to go sucumb to the horrors of addiction. ( Remember them? remember the desperation of having to kill your buzz to chase more dope, so we wouldn't have to wake up sick. or a suicidal emotional wreck?

I don't wish that on anyone.

I can be just as intolerant, egotistical, smug, bull headed or fill in the ___ wit the character defect of choice, as any of us at the drop of a hat.

My daughter signed on to her messenger one afternoon while my girfriend was onlne and asked her " if the __hole was around". My girlfriend was outraged and asked me why I would let her talk to me that way. I told her "At least she is still talking to me at this point, we can work on the civility later."

I try and remember that when someone at a meeting or here on this board gets dramatic, or a little intolerant, or sanctimonious. I try and remember that at least the lines of communication are still open and an addict may not need die from the horrors of addictiion while they are still reachng out or responding to the plea for help.

I know not everyone is at the same place, or comes from the same educational background, or has incorporated tact into their communication process.

Some of us may be having bad days whether we know enough to admit it or not. Or we might just be tired and a little low on patience.

The beauty of being in recovery is that the steps give us a method for resolving our "stuff" and getting back to being ok with God, ourselves, and others.

what say a round of hugs for everybody .. I'm buying ..


(((((((((((((NA forum @ SR ))))))))))))))

On the way out the door pass the along and maybe we can get all of SR involved in a great big spiritual group hug.

[roadie58]

I'm with AndyGirl on this one. The pattern is here in black and white continuously.

User signs on, get suggestions, doesn't take suggestions, gets po'd, announces publicly that they are leaving, using, relapsing, etc.

Then they stick around to collect all the (((((((hugs)))))) and 'don't go's' and eventually are talked into staying. Recovery is tough work people. Life does get better but sometimes it gets weird and sometime it plain sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I hate relapse and I did it for over two years. If people hadn't welcomed me back at AA, I'd be no doubt dead by now. But this crying and moaning and begging for sympathy just doesn't cut it in my book people.

I feel that SR contributers sometimes offer an 'easier, softer way'. Personally, (and I'm speaking from MY experience), I needed tough love. I needed sponsors who would ask me 'have you had enough PAIN?'. I needed friends in meetings who weren't afraid to let it all hang out.

just my .02. Others will undoubtedly disagree. I do wish you all the best in recovery.

[xmethead]

well...this is a support forum,riiiight?
love and luck to you...

[roadie58]

Case in point. NOT COMFY thread. They're actually being so soft and lovey that one poster sarcastically made reference to the Monty Python skit about 'comfy chair and soft cushions' which happens to be the Spanish Inquisition sketch about torturing someone very badly. I Love the irony of it all!

[Gooch]

I hear ya Roadie ...

I have a friend who's working on 4 years. This addict came in and out for 12 previously, and has done hundreds of detoxes, rehabs, and jails.

They had to walk through what they had to walk through, just as each of us does.

And part of their story is making the connection to the right people who could reach and help guide them.

It's sort of a Goldilocks story .. only instead of Porridge she was given the messgae of Narcotics Anonymous.

Some of the porridge was too hot and burned her, Some was too cold and made her sicker.

but she kept coming back and finally heard the real deal from people who loved her and could kindly give her tough love.

Which is really just the truth handed alonmg with compassion and tact.

key words for me are truth and compassion. Just because I'm tired and have an emotional reaction to someone elses "issues" doesn't mean I cannot tactfully explain to them why what they are doing has never worked for me.

Thats why NA rocks ..people quit telling me what to do and offered me a solution that worked for them. They shared bits of their life and what they did to change it. Because they were rebellious by nature they knew from personal xperience how angry they became when asking for help somebody told them what to do. at some point each of us learns we have a choice between responding or reacting.

My reaction to ....... is what got me here in the first place.

So Vic....... it appears you have developed a pattern of feeling frustrated and wanting immediate relief. When you get upset you feel like people are letting you down because their suggestions don't necvessarily offer that immediate relief.. and since this disease is always screaming let's get out of here and go use... well you get the picture.

Try remembering that this recovery process takes time and suffering through the roiugh spot is part of the journey. Nobody is forcing you to stick around and be a part of. .. but this disease has a way of influencing our thoughts and feelings so that we believe we are apart from. And when people tell us things we don't want to hear it can make it tough to understand they are doing it from the best intentions of their heart. Remember we are sick people and some are sicker than others today. Tomorrrow maybe they will be better. I sure hope so because the point of freedom is dorectly proportional to the base of the pyramid of God, self, society, and service which means the more society I can count among my supportive, encouraging, growing, recovering network, the higher my spirit can soar.

i have a selfish motive here. I want everyone to do well so I can have someplace to turn when I have "one of those days".

This process works. those days are getting farther and farther apart where life beats me up basly enough to wantto take my ball and bat and go home. and when I think about it I am allready home with my family as long as I keep a piece of NA in myheart.

[tyler]

Hey Roadie, I don't mean to critize, but didn't you post this last week.

"SEE ya, I've just been told off my Stormyautumn, who reached out for help. I sent her websites, phone numbers including my own, directions and descriptions of meetings in the Indianapolis area. I'm done trying to help people here. It's been fun, bye."

I'm not sure how that was different that what vic is saying. A lot of people reached out to you too. It is easy to fall in to sell pitying ways when you are feeling down. I know I have my own thread thankfully burried in the newcommers thread when I was going to leave and my friends here talked me out of it. It's just words, what is the harm in some kind words when someone is feeling down. I don't think anyone is saying, "yea it is hard using all the time, but it is ok if you feel that is what you need." BS, we all try to show newcommers and others that life really is better with out the drugs and booze, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. I know it may not last, but right now it brings tears to my eyes reading posts from Richey. He sounds so much better. I really did not think he would live through this. But if chooses to go back out it is his choise and there is nothing we can do but welcome him back when he comes back later. Well I've rambled on enough on this!! Just remember if you are one of those who needed "tough love" to get clean, that does not work on everyone, and on some can have the totally unintentioned effect of driving the person away. I recommend toning it down a little until you find out what kind of person you are dealing with. Just becasue it was what you needed doesn't make it right for everyone. Take care all!!

[Chance]

OK now I have sat back and read everything that has been said and I have not said that I am going to go out and use, where did I say that? I don't know what exactly is going on here but OMG I am happy to be me. ((((Tyler)))) you are one of the best I just want you to know that, I am not here to look at the differences (although I catch myself doing that) I am here to look for the simularities. I do know that I have decided to stay but OMG should I post that and have people tell me I should just not post. Well maybe I will cause I think that this is really funny. I am going to get my 6 month key tag I will garantee that cause I do voice how I feel and no one can tell me how to feel is that not in our liturature?


Love Vic

Happy Joyous FREE from me

[Gooch]

sorry if my post came across as implying that you might be headed out to use..

never meant to suggest that.. although it's a possibility for any of us.

the literature.. thats the program..

us.. we is the fellowship..

gotta remember that stuff thanks for the reminder.

[Chance]

((((Gooch))))

I was not implying that at all to YOU, I have the most respect for you here at SR and I hope that someday I can have what you have(even though I think I have some of the compassion for the new people) but the serenity that you have and how you handle certain situations is what I am striving for now, not to be cold or calcullous sp. I hope that if I continue working the steps and trying me best to apply the principals of the program I will reach you in time .

Love Vic