2nd step blues...

[Blake]

Hey everybody,

I went over my 2nd step with my sponsor 2 nights ago and now I'm feeling a little depressed. I guess maybe it's b/c I learned so much from doing my 1st step I kinda expected another, "holy ****!!!" realization. In my first step I realized that:
1. I am an addict.
2. My life was unmanagable.
3. I was insane.
4. I can never use any drug if I want to live.

After I got done with my 2nd step, I came to believe:
1. Narcotics anonymous will help me fix myself.
2. I don't have to go to church to recover.
3. The god of my understanding is a very liqud concept and that is okay.

I think maybe the problem is that all the things in the 1st step were new realizations to me and what I found in the 2nd step, I already believed. I don't know, maybe I'm in a bad mood b/c it's 95 degrees and raining, who knows? I just hope that it will pass soon.

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

I think maybe the problem is that all the things in the 1st step were new realizations to me and what I found in the 2nd step, I already believed.

I found when working the Steps that while some Steps it seemed I kind of blew through, they would come back to be worked more thoroughly in the future as my band of knowledge and insight grew. Does that make sense? You might find when you get to Step 5, Step 2 might become drastically magnified because you have to get closer to your higher power. "Came to believe" ends up with more of a powerful message. Also through practicing Step 11 on a daily basis, this too will allow you to have more clarity as to what Step 2 and Step 3 really means to you. You may end up doing several of the Steps over again as your program and principles adjust to your new lifestyle.

[Gooch]

What she said! btw .. welcome Shannon!

[kweather99]

Keep coming back, brother. They told me more will be revealed as I work my program of recovery. Problem was I wanted it NOW, and I had to realize that I was now adhering to my Higher Power's timeframe and not my own any longer. And so I learned patience because I had to.

Then they told me the time takes time, and TIME stands for Things I Must Earn, and I really wanted to punch someone. But I didn't. I was willing to go to any lengths, so I continued to work the steps with my sponsor.

They also told me in rehab that I could substitute the words, "showed up to be convinced," for came to believe. That was cool because all I had to do was look around the room at my fellow addicts and I was convinced a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

And I never think about never or eternity. This simple fact is tha I cannot safely use drugs. The fact that I can never use them again just gets me psyched out and helps me project, something I have learned never to do in recovery. This is crude but true: if you have one foot in tomorrow and one foot in yesterday, you are pissing all over today.
Take good care.
Kevin

[michski]

Shannon rrrrrocks!

I dittoski!

[icefalcon]

hey blake, welcome. the word god takes many forms in recovery
G - good
O - orderly
D - direction
sometime we unlearn when we are learning, what i mean is that for me i grew up with a religion that was very unforgivening of different people or religions and some of the things that drove me away from god, drove me away from my spiritiality.
i was once in a meeting and will never forget what this one guy said;
believing in religion is believing in heaven and hell.
being spiritial is having lived in hell and survived!

[BikerBill8]

Hey Blake you are doing good and keep working the steps.

[Paulie]

Yep what they said LOL

[Blake]

Thanks for the responses yall,

I'm in much better spirits today, I'm planning a 4th of july BBQ for my friends in recovery and it has kinda taken me out of self and let me look at the bigger picture.

I heard in a meeting a while back (and it didn't really register till yesterday) that the first step is about honesty, the seccond step is about openmindedness and the third is about willingness, but the 4th & 5th steps is where we really have to put those spiritual principles into action. I think why I got so much out of the 1st step is b/c it had been a really long time since I'd been honest. The 2nd step maybe didn't effect me as much b/c I have allways been a very openminded person and it wasn't as big a shock as the honesty thing. It kinda clicked in my head after I read your post shannon. Thanks!!!

[Time2Surrender]

Originally Posted by Blake

Hey everybody,

I went over my 2nd step with my sponsor 2 nights ago and now I'm feeling a little depressed. I guess maybe it's b/c I learned so much from doing my 1st step I kinda expected another, "holy ****!!!" realization.

I get to do this in a couple days myself.I have been working out of town since April.I am doing my steps through the NA step guide.I am currently on step 3.When I come home my sponsor and I are going to sit down and go over what I have written in my notebook.

[Paulie]

The first time I did my second step while I was in rehab, my sponsor had me write a list of wonderments. Awesome way to see how recovery is already working in our lives.

Sit down and write a list of wonderments.

[mackat]

congrats on doing the real work!!!

my 2nd step work was a chance for me to look at not only that 'power greater than' [some folk are more comfortable with a 'power outside ourselves'] but was also where i could begin to wrap my head around just how really insane i had become.

not just the big stuff- violence or depression, but the other stuff- like 'mail a phobia':
don't go to the PO box for weeks [scaaaary in there] then pick up a big scaaaary pile of mail. then pile it somewhere. then wait til pile gets Really Big . then burn the pile....
and then of course there was the ol' never-ever-i mean-never' ask for help insanity...

took me more than one go at this step...

mackat

[Blake]

Originally Posted by mackat

not just the big stuff- violence or depression, but the other stuff- like 'mail a phobia':
don't go to the PO box for weeks [scaaaary in there] then pick up a big scaaaary pile of mail. then pile it somewhere. then wait til pile gets Really Big . then burn the pile....

Dude, you too?!?!?!?

I haven't checked my mail since I got clean......I just don't want to know.

[mackat]

yep

i can still go right back to that place- its one of my personal indicators of where i'm at with my Trust-Life action.

[nutz]

Hang in there Blake. It's part of the process

It's just grieving of lost love or a lover.
You know...I love gett'in High and that crazy life style.
Kind of like a security blanket (comfort) we had for years
So to let go of that ain't easy.
it's still a lost however damaging it was.

Plus getting out of our comfort zone/ familar.
During this process ...our disease/addictions(fears) will increase or try
to lash out and try to pull us back down. In this process
sometimes we go nutz.lol...out of our freaken minds to our hearts.
We belive with our hearts not our heads.

it's the fear, insanity, angish that we go thur.
We experience..that we can't handle it. It's just plain crazy.lol
If I can't handle this sheit...I might as will trun it over.

Will...you know.
A decision....over to what ???

HP/GOD/LOVE/POSITIVE/GOOD..beats the heck out me what it is ??
I still don't understand it today. I just accept it loves me no matter
what. No piont going crazy and try to figure it out.lol

Or to drugs/alcoho/negatives.
I've been there N done that crap. What's your experience???.lol
Btw....insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.

We don't lack beliefs, faith.
Mmmm....I belive I got mighty wack out of my freaken mind (high)
everytime I smoked a doobie.
I had faith eveytime I sat on a bar stool, I was going to get drunk.lol

SO take heart my friend..mmmm you remember ???
Your experince in recovery. The tools that you obtain in certain processes
COURAGE, courage is not without fear.
That's what HP are 4. You know..., defeat fears , miracles n stuff.


It's a trip, ain't it ???.