No more, please ask God to stop!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
No more, please ask God to stop!
Ok, once again I feel like I am b*tching and whining. Life is getting so overwhelming. I am doing everything I need to do, and it keeps coming. I hate being powerless. I am practicing my first step, but I am emotionally and physically exhausted.
One thing after another.
I was supposed to go to a funeral tonite, a friends brother. and I can't, because my son is VERY sick. He was just diagnosed with Lyme disease and it's hard to sit and wait for the anti-biotics to work. He's got a very high fever, headache, and vomiting. He can't keep anything down. We've been up all night with him. I am getting Sh*t from work because I left early to take him to the ER. We didn't know what he had, just that he was VERY sick and we were scared. I'm still scared.
My finances are now non-existent. I've been trying to make arrangements with the electric company to pay off an old bill, but they won't work with us. We can't afford to pay it all off at once, but they don't care. We've been paying the current charges in full and on time, but they are still going to shut us off for the past bill. I don't make enough money to live on, but I make too much to be eligible for help. This sh*t sux.
My mother refuses to speak to me (for about a week now) because I had to borrow money to get my Prescription filled. Even though I pay her back as soon as I get paid, she's really pissed off about it this time. She's working 50 hours a week. (she's almost 75 years old and supposed to be retired).
My uncle's alzheimers is getting worse. He's not eating right now. He doesn't remember much anymore.
Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. One of the biggest resentments I have with my husband is how much time he spends doing Scout stuff. Well, guess where he is tonite. AT SCOUTS. I am home with a sick 7 year old alone on my anniversary.
There is so much more with my other kids, I just need to get this crap out. I don't know how much more I can take.
I feel like I want to cry, but the tears won't come.
One thing after another.
I was supposed to go to a funeral tonite, a friends brother. and I can't, because my son is VERY sick. He was just diagnosed with Lyme disease and it's hard to sit and wait for the anti-biotics to work. He's got a very high fever, headache, and vomiting. He can't keep anything down. We've been up all night with him. I am getting Sh*t from work because I left early to take him to the ER. We didn't know what he had, just that he was VERY sick and we were scared. I'm still scared.
My finances are now non-existent. I've been trying to make arrangements with the electric company to pay off an old bill, but they won't work with us. We can't afford to pay it all off at once, but they don't care. We've been paying the current charges in full and on time, but they are still going to shut us off for the past bill. I don't make enough money to live on, but I make too much to be eligible for help. This sh*t sux.
My mother refuses to speak to me (for about a week now) because I had to borrow money to get my Prescription filled. Even though I pay her back as soon as I get paid, she's really pissed off about it this time. She's working 50 hours a week. (she's almost 75 years old and supposed to be retired).
My uncle's alzheimers is getting worse. He's not eating right now. He doesn't remember much anymore.
Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. One of the biggest resentments I have with my husband is how much time he spends doing Scout stuff. Well, guess where he is tonite. AT SCOUTS. I am home with a sick 7 year old alone on my anniversary.
There is so much more with my other kids, I just need to get this crap out. I don't know how much more I can take.
I feel like I want to cry, but the tears won't come.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Namommy,
Is it OK if I cry for you?
There is a scripture in Romans 8:26 that speaks to this time for you.
" In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our times of weakness and despair. We do not know what we ought to pray for, the Spirit Himself knows and intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." :xmasu
I had to do that early in my recovery and a few times since then when I have had some very hard, personal struggles.
Praying for you and for your son for a quick and uneventful recovery.
:e03c
Is it OK if I cry for you?
There is a scripture in Romans 8:26 that speaks to this time for you.
" In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our times of weakness and despair. We do not know what we ought to pray for, the Spirit Himself knows and intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." :xmasu
I had to do that early in my recovery and a few times since then when I have had some very hard, personal struggles.
Praying for you and for your son for a quick and uneventful recovery.
:e03c
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
This is one reason I hate to cry.
I have a friend who I am comfortable crying around, (just 1), and I called her tonite. I started to cry on the phone with her, and now off and on, I just can't stop.
The pain inside is overwhelming. I am afraid I am going to shatter and fall to pieces. God forbid I do that! Can't let myself have faults, and feelings and imperfections. What would the world think!? Hello! maybe I am human. I really need to work on this crap.
Thank you for the replies and your PM's. It really means alot right now.
I have a friend who I am comfortable crying around, (just 1), and I called her tonite. I started to cry on the phone with her, and now off and on, I just can't stop.
The pain inside is overwhelming. I am afraid I am going to shatter and fall to pieces. God forbid I do that! Can't let myself have faults, and feelings and imperfections. What would the world think!? Hello! maybe I am human. I really need to work on this crap.
Thank you for the replies and your PM's. It really means alot right now.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((((Laurie)))))
I hope your boy gets well soon, and send prayers for that purpose...for his refuah shleyma - renewal of body and spirit...
...and...
the funeral of your friend at the same time...
Your uncle....your mom....it's hard...I know....
But,
Happy Annivarsary!!!
too.....
Laurie, I think I can understand your conflict; your saddness tonight. I'm so sorry...
But, don't forget all that you have for which to be grateful...You have much...dispite a "run" of bad luck right now...
Afterall...you and I will be meeting shortly....and that's worth just a little smile, isn't it???
Love you...
Shalom, Laurie!!!
I hope your boy gets well soon, and send prayers for that purpose...for his refuah shleyma - renewal of body and spirit...
...and...
the funeral of your friend at the same time...
Your uncle....your mom....it's hard...I know....
But,
Happy Annivarsary!!!
too.....
Laurie, I think I can understand your conflict; your saddness tonight. I'm so sorry...
But, don't forget all that you have for which to be grateful...You have much...dispite a "run" of bad luck right now...
Afterall...you and I will be meeting shortly....and that's worth just a little smile, isn't it???
Love you...
Shalom, Laurie!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Namommy,
Of course you are human and it sounds like you have so much going on right now. I will send lots of prayers for your son and hope that you see some improvement very soon.
I hope you can take a few moments tonight to relax and take care of yourself.
Love, Anna
Of course you are human and it sounds like you have so much going on right now. I will send lots of prayers for your son and hope that you see some improvement very soon.
I hope you can take a few moments tonight to relax and take care of yourself.
Love, Anna
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
It will pass, and God doesn't forbid you to go through the pain and get bent out of shape when the SH!T hits the fan, we do it to ourselves. Integerty and persiverance are some good Spiritual Principles, We can walk through this when we make that decision, Doesn't mean it is easy, Letting God Do for us what we cant do for our selves is some powerful stuff, but when we give into the fact, life seems simpler.
I hope you and your boy get through this soon. I'm praying, and we know there is power through prayer, it works in our lives everyday.
Peace and love to you Laurie,
Todd J.
I hope you and your boy get through this soon. I'm praying, and we know there is power through prayer, it works in our lives everyday.
Peace and love to you Laurie,
Todd J.
Mending
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 299
(((((Laurie)))))
No matter how you feel right now, I want you to know that you are not alone, you are a wonderful miracle who just happens to be going through a very rough time right now. I know I haven't been around much lately to offer support and encouragement, but I want you to know that you and your family (and everyone else here) are always in my thoughts and prayers.
No matter how you feel, the truth is that you are doing great. I admire your attitude toward life and recovery and I get a lot of strength from you sharing it. Give yourself a break, my dear, and tell yourself that it is OK to be exactly where you are right now. Give in to those healing tears and allow yourself the luxury of finding more strength by surrendering that dreadful concept of having to be strong all the time. I know very well the frustration and pain that goes with that one!!
When life seems to be falling apart, as it has been for me lately also, and there is little left to bring hope, there is still hope. Clinging to that thread and getting through the day clean, is still a very powerful message.
Peace
cj
No matter how you feel right now, I want you to know that you are not alone, you are a wonderful miracle who just happens to be going through a very rough time right now. I know I haven't been around much lately to offer support and encouragement, but I want you to know that you and your family (and everyone else here) are always in my thoughts and prayers.
No matter how you feel, the truth is that you are doing great. I admire your attitude toward life and recovery and I get a lot of strength from you sharing it. Give yourself a break, my dear, and tell yourself that it is OK to be exactly where you are right now. Give in to those healing tears and allow yourself the luxury of finding more strength by surrendering that dreadful concept of having to be strong all the time. I know very well the frustration and pain that goes with that one!!
When life seems to be falling apart, as it has been for me lately also, and there is little left to bring hope, there is still hope. Clinging to that thread and getting through the day clean, is still a very powerful message.
Peace
cj
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
(((Laurie))) whine, scream, throw something if you have too...just don't keep this crap inside, it eats away at your spirit, and you have one of the most wonderful spirits I have ever known.
I hope your little guy is feeling better soon!
Sending prayers of peace and comfort to you.
I hope your little guy is feeling better soon!
Sending prayers of peace and comfort to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Thank you all, the prayers seem to be working.
My son is feeling much better today. His fever is down (not normal yet, but way down), the headaches aren't as severe, and he is keeping food down. He's sleeping alot, but that is his body working to heal itself. In fact, he was feeling alot better today, and at one point I felt guilty for telling him to settle down, he was getting on my nerves he was so rammy. (never satisfied are we?) But it was good to see him coming back to his old self.
We got a little bit of financial hope today. Income that was supposed to have been taken away 2 months ago, appeared in my bank account today. I know it was by an error, but it's there and I am using it and if I have to pay it back down the road somewhere, then so be it. I can pay at least 1/3 of the electric bill, and the medical condition (my son) buys us another 30 days to come up with the rest. It's a breather at least.
Rough day at work today, but when the doctor I work for saw the pictures of my son's shoulder (the bulls eye from the bite) he backed off ALOT. he actually showed some compassion. (that is a miracle in itself!)
I am overwhelmed by the response to my situation. Word got out, on-line and here, and it is just unbelievable. The number of PM's I recieved (thank you very much) and word got out at home, and my phone is ringing off the wall. I'm very touched by all of it.
The rest of my life on life's terms crap is still here, but each thing that I get past makes the rest just that much easier to deal with. I still feel very depressed, and tired, but that will eventually pass.
I can't thank you all enough for being here.
My son is feeling much better today. His fever is down (not normal yet, but way down), the headaches aren't as severe, and he is keeping food down. He's sleeping alot, but that is his body working to heal itself. In fact, he was feeling alot better today, and at one point I felt guilty for telling him to settle down, he was getting on my nerves he was so rammy. (never satisfied are we?) But it was good to see him coming back to his old self.
We got a little bit of financial hope today. Income that was supposed to have been taken away 2 months ago, appeared in my bank account today. I know it was by an error, but it's there and I am using it and if I have to pay it back down the road somewhere, then so be it. I can pay at least 1/3 of the electric bill, and the medical condition (my son) buys us another 30 days to come up with the rest. It's a breather at least.
Rough day at work today, but when the doctor I work for saw the pictures of my son's shoulder (the bulls eye from the bite) he backed off ALOT. he actually showed some compassion. (that is a miracle in itself!)
I am overwhelmed by the response to my situation. Word got out, on-line and here, and it is just unbelievable. The number of PM's I recieved (thank you very much) and word got out at home, and my phone is ringing off the wall. I'm very touched by all of it.
The rest of my life on life's terms crap is still here, but each thing that I get past makes the rest just that much easier to deal with. I still feel very depressed, and tired, but that will eventually pass.
I can't thank you all enough for being here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Iowa via Alabama
Posts: 43
((((((((((((((Laurie))))))))))))))))))) sorry I'm late in responding...
I am even so much sorrier (word??) for all your going through....glad your son is feeling better. Hope he is back to his normal self soon.
Take some time for you....even if its a hot bath...soak and take it...remember if we are at odds with ourselves..we cant be at an even keel with those around us...you deserve some quiet time....just try to take it...no matter what form you chose.
Your in my thoughts and Prayers...and as I have told you before, you are such an inspiration to many of us here...and even more today to know...sheesh you are human.and yeah the same thing goes on in our lives...ty for sharing..
Sue
I am even so much sorrier (word??) for all your going through....glad your son is feeling better. Hope he is back to his normal self soon.
Take some time for you....even if its a hot bath...soak and take it...remember if we are at odds with ourselves..we cant be at an even keel with those around us...you deserve some quiet time....just try to take it...no matter what form you chose.
Your in my thoughts and Prayers...and as I have told you before, you are such an inspiration to many of us here...and even more today to know...sheesh you are human.and yeah the same thing goes on in our lives...ty for sharing..
Sue
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
I am so glad he is feeling better, that is the most important thing.
Yep you said it lady, each thing you get through....
The fellowship is a huge part of our program, it is at times like this that we are reminded of that.
Huges hugs from ME!
Yep you said it lady, each thing you get through....
The fellowship is a huge part of our program, it is at times like this that we are reminded of that.
Huges hugs from ME!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
OH Boy! He's really feeling better. We got him a present for being so good and brave in the hospital. He's been wanting the Darth Vader voice changer mask. So, we got it for him. He's been standing behind me making it 'breathe' and saying "Luke, I am your fadder".
I'm home on my lunch break and seriously considering going back and just working through it. This d*mn mask is LOUD. I'm just glad he's feeling better.
Feeling a little better today. Working through some things. Trying not to live in fear. (that's a hard one at times).
Thanks for the prayers,they are definitely working.
I'm home on my lunch break and seriously considering going back and just working through it. This d*mn mask is LOUD. I'm just glad he's feeling better.
Feeling a little better today. Working through some things. Trying not to live in fear. (that's a hard one at times).
Thanks for the prayers,they are definitely working.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
Stop And Skid,..........
NAMOMMY-When I first got clean, I had just got off life support from having strep pneumonia, my father died the first day out of ICU, my brother passed away in his sleep and my friend had an anurysm that was getting ready to burst and could not afford to have surgery.......OK......I call my sponser...I can barely talk....she tells me "STOP AND SKID". Period. and hangs up. In other words, your son is better, you have made it through another day and you are still SANE. It is always the worst things in life that bring out the worst things in us addicts in recovery...it is a way of making us take an inward look at ourselves and wonder what is going to "happen next". we will NEVER know. Just thank God or whoever your higher power is that you have made it this far and it is because you STOPPED AND SKIDDED.....you took control if YOUR situation.....that's it. Kahlia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
OK, Mom is talking to me again. I guess she got over it. (or, my son being sick helped her to set it aside.) That's how we started talking again.
One more thing knocked down.
One more thing knocked down.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
Originally Posted by namommy
OH Boy! He's really feeling better. We got him a present for being so good and brave in the hospital. He's been wanting the Darth Vader voice changer mask. So, we got it for him. He's been standing behind me making it 'breathe' and saying "Luke, I am your fadder".
I'm home on my lunch break and seriously considering going back and just working through it. This d*mn mask is LOUD. I'm just glad he's feeling better.
Feeling a little better today. Working through some things. Trying not to live in fear. (that's a hard one at times).
Thanks for the prayers,they are definitely working.
I'm home on my lunch break and seriously considering going back and just working through it. This d*mn mask is LOUD. I'm just glad he's feeling better.
Feeling a little better today. Working through some things. Trying not to live in fear. (that's a hard one at times).
Thanks for the prayers,they are definitely working.
Is he driving you nuts with it yet?
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