Not sure if it is okay for me to post here....

[Mewmew]

I am new here and I have posted on the Nar-Anon site and received some wonderful feedback. I was looking for some insight for the other side of things. If anyone would have the time to respond I would appreciate it.

Here is my situation.....
My boyfriend was addicted to oxycontin and went to detox 6 months ago. Since that time he was been clean and goes to AA meetings twice a day. He is going through a lot emtionally. We have decided to take a break from one another so that he can work on him. He is really working the steps and trying to figure out what he wants and who he is. We tried being friends but it was kind of awkward/hard and I am sure that put pressure on him. It was also very sad and hard on me. He says his emtions are all over the place. During this time he has really put into words what I mean to him and why he loves me. However, one day he wants to see me and he will call and tell me how much he loves me and misses me and then the next day he could just want to be alone. He is confused why he is feeling this way. He said it makes him wonder how he can love me so much but at times just need to be alone. I told him yesterday that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to try to be friends right now. I don't want things to get ugly between us and right now we have communicated very constructively. I told him I still loved him and my feelings hadn't changed but it seemed too hard this way. He agreed and was very sad and upset. So my question is.....what is it, in general, that someone goes through when coming off of pills. Are emtionally ups and downs and self doubt just all part of it? I am 30 and he is 36. I finally felt that I meet the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and it is kind of shocking to me that now that he is not taking pills that everything would get harder. I wasn't prepared for all the emtional things he was going to have to face that he had numbed. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

ps sorry i can't find the spell check and I am typing kind of fast on my lunch break. sorry for all the typos.

[Andygirl]

I feel pretty much the way you described his feelings on the matter. Now that I can see clearly, I have to face the things that I've kept buried for years.

I've spent my entire adult life in a drug and alcoholic haze. Now that I am finally clean, it's like I'm a stranger in my own life. My fiance looks different to me, my family, my friends. It all feels really foreign right now.

And I have to face up to the guilt of my past behavior. Before, I could kind of sweep it under the rug, but now I have nothing to blur the past. I have to figure out what to be honest about and what to keep between myself and my sponser. It's hard to look at him and know the things that have gone on in my life and in my head. He doesn't have these problems, so it's hard for him to understand the nature of my dishonesty.

[Paulie]

My now husband I am are both addicts. We used together for years. I can tell you that we took a break of almost a year (the first year of our recovery) apart to just work on ourselves. When getting clean our emotions are all over the place, I cannot even describe to you in words the emotional rollercoaster I was on during my first few years actually.

I would suggest that both of you take sometime to just work on you. Don't look at this as either then end or the beginning. Just stay in today and each of you do what you need to do to get healthy.

If you haven't already done so, check our Alanon or Naranon for yourself. It can only help you be a better healthier happier person also.

[Mewmew]

Wow reading your post sounds a lot like some of the things he has said to me. He feels like a stranger to himself and he has a lot of guilt about things from his past. We really had a wonderful time together. Like your fiance I have no idea what he has gone through and what he is feeling. I am just sad to have lost him. In time it may work out but in time it may not and that is the part that is so hard on me right now. He means so much to me and I know he loves me but who knows if he is not in love with me anymore. Can that happen?

I wish you the best of luck. I know from speaking with my boyfriend that even minute to minute can be a challenge to get through. Thanks for responding. It really does help to have people to talk to that can relate.