About to Go over The Edge

[Chance]

I am not doing very well at all right now, I am really sad, mad, hurt, and I could go on and on. Right now I am even thinking about saying **** it. I really don't know if I care anymore. I feel that whoevers life that I get close to that I end up hurting them one way or another. I can't take it anymore. I am so sick of myself that it is pathetic.sp. I don't know that I can do anything right, I fell that when I get close to someone that I feel pushed away. They say that we are sinsitive people and I truly agree with that. Now my children won't be here until tomorrow and I am thinking well go ahead and go get a bag, that will make you forget about all of this sh*t and yeah it will. I don't know I don't think I will be clean to much longer setting up relapse.

[splendra]

hey you don't have to go there.... hang on...people here care about you . Your kids will be tommorrow. Don't ya want to be all there for them? Get off of the pity pot recovery ain't easy don't set yourself right back where you were you have come farther than you think....((((((BIGHUG))))))

[UniversityGirl]

some times recovery is easier than others. Sounds like you are in a hard bit right now. Remember one day at a time. Even when my mind feels blank and all I can think of to ease the trouble is using... I just STOP and THINK.

Good old HALT for me. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If I am any if those things it's time to halt.

Be well and stay safe. all things pass... this will too.

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by luckyv2

I don't know I don't think I will be clean to much longer setting up relapse.

Well if you don't want to be clean then you won't stay clean. As sad as that sounds it is true.

If you go buy that bag of dope not to feel today, when the bag runs out you will have even more feelings that you have right now, then what?

Make the choice to stay in recovery just for today, dont' trip on tomorrow. During my recovery, I have made many choices to stay clean...just for today.

It is not always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it.

[michski]

Jeez, Sure hope you're feeling better! Like Paulie says "If you don't want to stay clean, then you won't stay clean" You gotta want it to get it.

I remember my relapses really sucked because there I was hungover, broke and thoroughly disgusted with myself. The day arrived when I knew how I'd feel and I truly understood it just wasn't worth the mental or physical agony to get loaded anymore. I wish you the best!

[BikerBill8]

Don't use and get to meeting. If you use you lose.

[Chance]

Just an update on myself, I am still clean today, I decided to go to bed and see what today would bring. I woke up very happy that I didn't use, it was really tuff getting through it but we made it, thank God. I didn't wake up more mad at myself for using. I woke up happy knowing that I did the right thing. So I must want to be clean afterall. Thank you all so much, if I didn't post what I was about to do I don't know what would have happened but I think I am OK. Talk with sponser this morning and he said that I need to let a lot of things go. I totally agree but it is really hard to do, so today I am working on that, went to f2f and that helped alot. Well here we go another day thanks again for everything.

[wantneeda]

Good for you Lucky!!! I'm very proud of you!!!!
keep goiing to those meetings!!! even more than once a day if need be. You are worth the fight!!!!!! Rmember how down and out you felt the last time you used...remember your detox period...you don't have to go through that again...its all about choice.
Remember how you got through this time and how happy you felt this morning!!
Great job!!
\\//Wendy

[Chance]

My kids are home and I am clean, I am really happy that I did the next right thing and that I didn't use yesterday. I sure wouldn't want them here if I did and I am glad that I am clean so I can spend some time with them. Hope that everyone else is ok too. Have to go my little girl is home.

[Paulie]

[Time2Surrender]

Another story with a happy ending. Keep hitting those meetings and get a sponsor if you dont already have one.

[Chance]

Thank you all my little girl and boy are here and they went to there first on line meeting to nite and my little girl shared there that was awsome but I couldn't have done it without you so thank you all for everything these past few months.

[Chance]

Good morning to everyone, my little girl is 14 three days ago and my boy will be 16 in August, for a long time I never knew how much they did care for me, but after last night on the on line meeting, I had tears running down my face. And right now as I am posting they are still flowing. Alot of the tears are that I thought that they didn't want me in there life but today I know that is just BS. I am very lucky to have kids like I have that have forgave me for what I have done. and also remember that I was really scared because they were never told that I had relapsed, well last night my little girl wanted to see my profile on the SR recovery bored and she saw that I only had alittle over two months and that was ok with her. Thank God, now I don't have to lye anymore to my kids about my sobriety day. I have to go but just wanted to say thank you all for all of your support, I can not do this without you

[Chance]

Hey my kids are leaving earlier than what I thought and now I am already feeling sad but I know that I had such a wonderful time that I am going to look at that instead of them leaving. They had a blast here and I was clean and sober to watch them enjoy themselve especially here at SR, the loved it and that was totally awsome. They have never been in a online meeting like last night and they have never been in a chat room like we have here. It was cool to watch them have a lot of fun here at SR. You know I have never told them that I had relapsed and I was told that it wasn't time that when the time for it was right that it would happpen. Well after the chat and online meeting was over, my little girl wanted to see my profile. I forgot about my sobriety date there and when she seen that she said you only have a little over two months. And I said yes honey and she said but that is ok dad because you are doing thing right this time. I started to cry and I am starting to cry now, because I know that they love me and I am starting to love myself.