I want to kick someone's a$$!!

[namommy]

OK, alot of anger going on here.

I have a sponsee who has been going through a lot. In the past 2 weeks, her 15 year old son tried to commit suicide twice, her husband left her, and saturday, her grandmother died. She's a wreck, yet still trying to do what she needs to do.

Last month, her homegroup decided who would get what for a members anniversary party (which is tonite). She was given the cake. She went to the market tonite, was on the phone with me crying at the time, she got the cake and went to the meeting. Well, she forgot to get his name put on the cake.

Another homegroup member verbally attacked her. Telling her she is too f*****g self-centered to stop thinking about herself long enough to get his name put on the cake. He then told her that she shouldn't even be there since she already told them that she was looking around for a new homegroup and they didn't f*****g want her there anyway. They also told her that when she spoke for her anniversary they didn't want her to speak because it was someone elses anniversary and they were more important than her. And continued to curse her out and verbally assault her.

She left the meeting hysterical, and called me crying, she could barely breath. I talked to her and gave her directions to another meeting in the area that she has never been to. I talked to her until she got there.

Now, I am fired up. Who the f*** does he think he is to go off on someone like that. I think the sh*t she is dealing with is alot more important than having a name put on a cake.

What the F*** is happening in this area. It is out of control. This kind of crap has been happening alot around here and I am sick of it. I wanted to go to the meeting and kick his a$$ or at least verbally assault him, but my husband won't let me leave the house now. I tried to call my sponsor, but she's not home. I left a message. I also left a message for a member of my support system. Now I am here.

Oh, My God, I want to scream and hurt someone.

[abtchonamission]

people like that will find their beating...it's just a matter of time. And I'm sure that someone else at that meeting must have found a moment to say something...if there is anything or anyone decent in that particular group. That's just unnecessary...all because of a name on a cake?

Take some deep breaths...cross your fingers and hope that someone else felt the same way you did, and was actually there to call him on it. THEN - remember that even if no one else calls him on it, one day, his HP will.

I'm glad to hear that she's YOUR sponsee. She already knows that he's not the sum total of the people she's going to encounter...because she's already found one of the best people around for a sponsor...adding her to my prayers.

love and hugs,
Trisha

[namommy]

Unfortunately, most of the group is the same way. They are all in the same sponsorship chain, and they call the one guy (clean the longest) 'The General'. No one is allowed to sit in his chair, and if you are, they make you get up when he comes in. (Just to give you some idea of what this meeting is like). I told her that I thought she should have left long ago, and she decided to try to stick it out, at least until she found another home group.

I am just tired of the attitude of "Why bother, it's not gonna change anyway".Well, you know what, maybe if enough of us did "Bother" maybe our voices would be loud enough together that MAYBE things could change.

It's kind of liked "Oh, the house across the street is on fire, but I am sure the neighbor will call." Then NO ONE calls and the house and it's inhabitants are destroyed.

[Paulie]

I am sorry she was treated that way, it is wrong and should not happen.

But...it is her choice to go to that meeting, hopefully she won't any longer. We are all human in the rooms and some humans are assholes. I understand what you mean about the house being on fire but realistically Laurie if people are going and supporting the meeting at the attitude of the meeting that is their choice.

I know, it is easy for me to say, luckily I have not run into that kind of behaviour here in my fellowship.

you know what I am gonna say...pray for the guy, he needs it.

[namommy]

I'm sorry, I know everyone is trying to be spiritual, and I should be trying too. But, all I can think right now is "What that guy needs is to be whacked up-side his head."

It would feel really good if I were the one to do it.

[In memory of miracle]

Yea...he was out of line, and I dont blame you for being upset. Powerless...over people,places and things,and I believe that includes a$$holes. It must really suk to be him and be that miserable.I am sorry that your sponsee had to have that experience.Thank God that Guy is an exception, most of us in the fellowship are not like that. Don't sink to his level, let it go as best you can for the moment, and if that doesnt work than go kick his a$$!

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by namommy

I'm sorry, I know everyone is trying to be spiritual, and I should be trying too. But, all I can think right now is "What that guy needs is to be whacked up-side his head."

It would feel really good if I were the one to do it.

I know it would , but I know that you know you are angry right now. You and your sponsee will find a new homegroup that will feel like 'home'.

you are a good sponsor!

[skissors6]

Yah, i agree with everyone so far. don't stoop to his level. one thing someone told me very early on in the program was that when someone is an ass like that, just think in you head, "I feel so sorry for him that his life is so messed up right now that he has to say those things to her just to make himself feel better." and then, like paulie said, you pray for him. Because that really had nothing to do with her. it was all his own stuff he needs to deal with.

but i agree, if you are still mad after trying everything the program tells us, then you can go kick his ass! and kick him once for me.

-Skiss

[Chy]

I sure do empathize with you! Terrible, terrible, terrible! It really is upsetting when people of a fellowship with a common thread of finding peace in their lives behave in such a manner. I've not been witness to it in my fellowship but have seen it erupting elsewhere and it kills me to say the least. I feel very bad for your sponsee, but I'm grateful she has you. I hope you find another homegroup, with the dynamics of that type of fellowship, they will flounder. HP works in myseterious ways I have the utmost faith in that.... now I do know I guy named Guido if you need his number

[BikerBill8]

Hey namommy, Just a thought maybe you and her should go to your area meeting and let them know what is going on at that meeting. I think that it should be delt with in your area meeting and maybe it can be solved. If something like that happend at a meeting that i was at it would have been stoped and if i was siting in the generals seat he would just have to sit somewhere else nobody has a right to tell anyone were they can or cannot sit
To bad that i live in AZ because if i was still in NJ i would go that meeting and sit in the generals seat and let them try to make sit somewhere else. People like that are losers and to make them feel good about themselves they have to put people down.

[namommy]

Well, lets see, that meeting has been called the dinosaur meeting because most of the homegroup members have double digits, + clean. (shame that they are setting the example).

as far as going to area services, that's a joke "The General" is our area co-chair, and most of his sponsees or their sponsees hold all of the positions. Unless of course they are women, in which case, The General's wife sponsors most of them.

That is one of the reasons I am known as "That B*tch from Area". I don't sit back and take their crap. I call them on it right on the floor. I don't drop to my knees and worship the ground they walk on. GAG ME!!

Anyway, I called that person last night. You all would have been very proud of me. I stayed calm, I DID NOT CURSE, not even once. (that was definitely God). I told him how I felt about the situation, why I felt it was wrong, why I stopped going to that meeting, and that this crap has been going on in this area for too long, and it is time for people to start standing up to it and being a part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

I don't know if it did any good for the big picture, but it made me feel better to stand up and speak out for what I believe in. I don't want to be the neighbor who doesn't make that call.

(I just need to get it out of my head to show up at the meeting and tell them all how i feel about them on group level)

[godsonmyside]

That's cool. Keep it spiritual, and don't back down, Its ok to stand alone some times. standing on principle sometimes we do stand alone, but we are free from our destructive thinking.
They will eventually get over it, we are!!
Peace,
Todd J.

[historyteach]

"If you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth."
Mahatma Ghandi (Great Soul)

I'm really proud of you, Laurie!
And you just set a shinning example for me! (I can have a hard time biting my toungue too. )
But, I'm more happy for you, to tell the truth.
Afterall, if you HAD gone for his throat,
You would have then had to make amends to the jerk!!! :nono:
Don't find yourself in that position!!!
Shalom, friend!

[Paulie]

As long as you say your feelings without any expectations...things will be fine.

[Andygirl]

Stories like this are why I haven't ever gone to an NA meeting. I stick to AA because I have heard waaaay too many stories like this and worse. A girl I go to AA with said she used to score drugs at NA meetings. And I've heard that they go on and on about their drug addictions in a romanticizing way. No thanks.

I've never heard anything like that at an AA meeting, and if someone tried to pull it where I go, they'd be immediately confronted.

[namommy]

I'm trying to keep it spiritual. It was really cool to be able to say "I'm gonna call my sponsor" and know that the conversation will focus on a solution.

Andygirl,
Most NA meetings are not like this, as a matter of fact, it's not the meetings, it's a group of members. They are not NA. As far as being able to 'score' at meetings, we only had 1 person (a long time ago) who tried to sell at meetings, and he was put in his place real fast. Most meetings, focus on the solution, and not romanticizing drug use. Again, it's a few members who do these things, not NA as a whole.

I'm feeling better today, my sponsee is feeling better today. Thanks.

[Paulie]

Like our SR Ann says...the difference between a good day and a bad day is about 2 days.

I am glad you are feeling better. Don't let them steal your joy.