Tired of Being Hurt

[Chance]

I am so tired of being hurt time after time, I don't know anymore. I have a hard time trusting or beleiving anyone. And each time that I get hurt I put up a wall with a lot of other people and that is not good for me. Ok I have to get honest, this woman said that she wanted to be part of my life. Yeah right, I knew that I was just getting used again. Each time that this happens and it doesn't happen very much, I draw further away and then I start to feel and think that all women are the same and I know that is not true. Well maybe it is best that I didn't go any more and it is great that I had enough since not to sleep with her, than it would have hurt a lot more than what it is now. Not that I didn't want to but I want things to be differant today and I want to be differant today. I hope that whatever the lesson here is, that I can realize it and learn from it. Stilll hurt, feel lonely, sad, and yet compassion for her. Help!

[namommy]

I'm really sorry this happened.

It's tough when you want to be in an intimate relationship with another human being. You don't want to impose self will on the situation, yet waiting on God can be a struggle. In his time, not yours. Obviously, she wasn't the one that was meant for you. Take heart in the fact that you did the right thing by not sleeping with her, and you didn't compromise your morals.

[lonlion]

Vic, I am sorry also to hear of your problems with trust. But I also have them. On the other foot with men of course. Yes, there are men and women who do use people, and unfortunately there will probably always be men and women like that out there.

My goal now is to get enough self esteem in conjunction to clean time, and make better choices for myself. I no longer judge all men as the same. I now question myself more and the choices in partners that I have made. We rarely choose good life partners when we are using. That is one of the reasons they suggest 1 year of clean time before attempting a relationship. I'm going on 10 months now, and feel better about dating, but to be honest, I am full of fear about it. To open ourselves up to possible hurt again is such a difficult thing.

I don't want to necessarily spend the rest of my life alone because I live in fear, but I am hoping that when the time is right, I will make better choices, and if/when I start to see red flags (I wrote down what I could not tolerate in a relationship) then I am hoping to have enough self esteem to walk away at that time. In my opinion getting intimate too soon in a relationship does make us more emotionally involved and harder to walk away, so I am going to take my time and get to know him on a friendship bases for quit a while first.

Hope this helps and take good care
Diana

[Chance]

It is hard when you give out you heart and know that you have been used. I don't like that feeling when I am clean. I can not cover it up today by using, because that is not an option today. Yes I am praying about it but it doesn't seem to be helping. You give someone your all and then you realized that you have been played again. Will we ever learn lessons, and if not how do we avoid this. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, it is too lonely not haveing someone just to talk to, watch movie, whatever. Ok

[mackat]

heh vic

sorry to hear you are hurting.
it was not easy for me to discover that 'living on life's terms" meant that i had to realize there are mean folk out there.

recently , i have been struggling [again] with not taking on the role of "victim of my own choices"- i can get spun down hard when i start imprisoning myself. todays JFT reading talks about what i must do when i am going down that road.
all about me getting out of me....

hugs
mackat

[bzlt]

well this is a very hard part of the recovery process i think. i was doing that for years with people and i just realized about 2 months ago how i was hurting inside about it (not to mention the people i was hurting too)
i have been divorced 2 times had thousands of girlfriends and f@*% buddies and never really did not understand why i was so unhappy. the girl that i am with now is the most wonderful person in the whole world. she has stuck it out with me thru alot of BULLSHIT that i have put her thru. i finally relized that hey people actually do care for me and for once in my life i can really start to care about them too.....finally.
anyway there is someone out there for you. either they will find you or you will find them it will happen. be patient, keep with the program, go to meetings, and finally try to start living for yourself that person will come i promise!!!!!
brian d.

[Time2Surrender]

Hang in there Lucky.Sometimes relationships dont work out.Thats life.We learn how to move on.I have had a few women play me.And I guess at one time or another I have done my share of breaking a few hearts.We are human.We make mistakes.I truly believe its better to have lost in love then to have not loved at all.The main thing is,dont get high over it.

[splendra]

((((Lucky)))

A year is not a long time to take to get to know, accept,and like yourself it will pass before you know it. Friends can be there for you without the sexual intimacy. Learn to be your own best friend "you are the only person who will never leave you". The more you like yourself the more likely you will develope healthy relationships with others.

A real relationship takes time even one with yourself. Do the ground work first learn to like yourself then you will be more able to clearly see what is good for you. You will know when someone is pulling your chain or is really interrested in you .