New to this site & recovery

[Maria83]

Hi,

I am new to this site & the whole recovery process. Today is only my 10th day clean and I should have gone 2 detox but due to lack of insurance and making 2 much money last month I was unable to get any aid so I had 2 detox at home. I have been going to NA meetings everyday and they help for the mental aspect but I still feel really ****** physically. For the last six months I have been addicted to pain killers and have been taking at least 20 a day. Last Wed. I was arrested for calling in fake precsripitions to pharmacies and spent a day in jail and lost my car. I'm not feeling good mentally or physically, that was the first time I was ever arrested and do not know what I am facing yet as far as charges, I am in a lot of debt due to my addiction, my parents don't really understand what I am going through or why I did what I did, and any friends I had use so it's not like I can turn to them for advice. I know I don't want to use again because I have seen what it has done to my life and what it has done to the people who love and care about me. I came on this site hoping that someone could give me some imput on my situation and any advice or imput would be helpful and very much appreciated since I don't really understand what I am going through or what to expect.

[Phinneas]

((((Maria)))) Welcome.

Yup, the physical withdrawal process will take some time. My advice is to be gentle with yourself. Take hot baths, Ibuprophen for the muscle pain, and sleep if you can. Drinking lots of water and exercising will help a lot, too, if you can manage it. It's always, always, always best to be under a Drs care for this, but at 10 days I think you'll be fine if you just hang in there.

Now for the mental and emotional stuff. In my experience, people who have never been through the hell of addiction cannot understand it. I thought I was the only one on the planet who was going through what I was... until I found NA and AA. I can't even describe my relief when I found rooms full of people who understood and who helped me to get better. So, I recommend sticking as close to people in recovery as you can. They can help you through things day by day and just by attending meetings and reading and posting here, you'll learn a lot. You are not alone, Maria, and you never have to be again.

So, again, welcome. Hang in there. It does get better. We do recover. It's not always easy, but the rewards are amazing.

hugs,

phinny

[Dan]

Welcome Maria.
Stay connected to the people in the meetings.
They are your provisional family at the moment.
Glad you're here.

[BikerBill8]

Welcome to SR Maria, Keep comming here and make NA meetings in PA.

[shestruggles]

Welcome Maria!

Keep going, day 10 will soon be day 11. As for all of the other stuff - one day at a time. That's all you can do.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing!

Much Love: SS

[namommy]

Maria,

Welcome to SR. Guess what? I live in Morrisville. We belong to the same area. I have a sponsee who lives in Bensalem. Matter of fact, I went to Bensalem HS for my senior year. (until they kicked me out anyway).

Keep going to meetings, get a sponsor, a homegroup, and a support network. SR is a great addition to my recovery process and to many others as well.

Monday is our Picnic. We usually have a huge turnout from many areas. It's at Tyler State park, in Hickory Nut Grove. from noon to dusk. Try to get there. I will PM you with my phone number, if you need a ride I can probably arrange one for you with someone from over there.

I get so excited when I see someone local log on. I am such a DORK!!

[Maria83]

Thanks for responding to my first post! I have been making at least one meeting a day and I find them very helpful by listening to what other people are going through and knowing that I am not alone and not the only one feeling the way I do. I have not found a home group or a sponser yet and I am a little stand offish when it comes to that. I have been to 10 meetings and still have yet to speak at any. Part of my problem and I guess part of the reason I became addicted is because I hold everything in and have a hard time expressing how I feel and instead of just telling people what I am going through I used drugs as an escape and I also found it a lot easier to talk to my friends that I was getting high with how I felt. I guess you could say I'm the type of person who is good at listening and giving good advice but when it comes to me I should learn to take my own advice but I don't. I can't even express how I feel to family and people I have known for years let alone a room full of people I have never met. I know that all the people are in there for the same reason and would not judge me but I just have a problem opening up. I have gotten a phone list from every new meeting I have gone to but have only called one person but they were not home and I never called back after that. I feel weird just picking up the phone and calling someone that I don't know and telling them about my problems. It's going to be really hard for me to express how I feel and what I am going through to a total stranger. I want to pick up the phone and talk to someone but in the back of my mind I'm thinking that none of these people know who I am, what if they are busy, what if they just got in from work. I have had a few women come up to me and say call me if you need someone to talk to or call and let me know how your doing but I'm scared to call. As you can see I find it easier to write then to speak at meetings. At meetings they have said you need to pick up the phone and use the phone list, raise your hand and speak at meetings, follow the 12 steps, get a sponser or it's not going to work but I'm scared 2. I have listened to a lot of what people have had to share in the rooms and I feel like what I am going through isn't as bad as what others are going through. I have been addicted to pain killers for the last 6 months which was an every day thing and on weekends when I use to go up to my old college or hang out with some old college friends I would smoke weed reg., coke, exctacy, and shrooms but none of which I would say I was addicted to because it wasn't like I was out trying to get it and use it on an everyday bases. Most of the people in the rooms that do not have a few years clean are living in halfway houses and I am still living at home with my parents. I still have my job luckly and I had a lot of vacation time which I haven't used and took a week off and will be returning to work next wed. So it's like I can relate to the people in NA in some aspects but in some ways it feels like I don't belong because compared to some of the stories I have heard what I am going through doesn't seem that bad and I'm afraid if I do share people will think well what your going through isn't that bad and if I share with someone who isn't in NA I know they are going to think WOW you are really ****** up and don't have your **** together. My mom has been really understanding through all of this and I know she would do anything to help me and is doing everything she can to get me help and would never kick me out but it is hard for her to understand everything else I am going through. I know shes feeling a lot of disappointment, anger, confussion, I guess every possible emotion you can feel except for any of the good ones. I have always given her problems since middle school and I have been the black sheep of my entire family. I was always getting in trouble in high school... so they took my out of public school put me in a private school got in trouble there...went to college and partied way too much and ended up not being able to go back after my first year...went to community college after that and worked full time and lived at home but instead of going to class I was going out and using and having fun. It just seems like every time I have to make a choice I always pick the wrong way to go. I don't know.... I am just running on and have a million things going through my mind right now and I'm just really confused. As of right now I don't have the desire to use at all and I don't want to go through what I am going through right now ever again and I don't want to feel the physical pain that I am feeling ever again but in the same sense it's a little scarey because even though thats how I feel now I haven't been put back in my old environment I haven't had the option to take a pill or whatever it is a decide to use so I question myself and wonder if I will still have the same mind set if i was able to get a hold of anything?I guess I just need to open up to someone or share at a meeting because I am not really sharing with anyone at NA, only sharing a little or as much as I can with family members but they aren't totally understanding, and I haven't spoken to any friends because they are all using still.
Thanks again for responding to my last post

[Gooch]

Welcome Maria

. sounds like your taking all the right actions getting to meetings and listening to everyone. The only trick to sharing is opening up your mouth at a meetmig that first time and saying Hi ... I'm ___ and I'm an addict.

I neber heard anyone share that I couldn't relate to at least part of where they had been and why they were at NA.

[namommy]

Maria,

Nothing you share at a meeting or anywhere else is trivial or meaningless and we all know this. Each of us has our own threshold for pain and most understand that.

Give me a call, I'll talk your ear off. You'll open up just to shut me up. I know the meetings that are close to you and you are fortunate. There are alot of really good, caring women there. Some have years of recovery, and some are new and many in between. They will all help you. Pick up that phone list and use it. Call me anytime.

Get a sponsor.

[Paulie]

Well I am a little late but welcome from me too.

give Laurie a call, believe me if I didn't live on the other side of the country I sure would.

[Gooch]

Give me a call, I'll talk your ear off. You'll open up just to shut me up.

removes Lauries number from speed dial just in case

[namommy]

They told me to keep coming back, now they can't get rid of me.