relapse and legal issues

[Denisegw!060]

I've been in a diversion program for nearly 8 months. I wasn't learning what I needed to help me understand why I continue to use drugs, even when I know the cost is high. After several dirty tests, and absences I was discharged from the program. I want to be sober, I love how good I feel when I don't use, but I fall right back into old habits.
Iam afraid of what I am to face when I return to court, I am afraid because I am a mother of 2 young boys. They are everything to me, yet I can't get away from the dope. Can anyone tell me what is going to happen to me. Can anyone relate to me at all. I feel like I am a loser and don't deserve my kids. They are all I have, and they are worth my sobriety, so am I. I need advice, I need help. I am desperate.

[Paulie]

Hi and welcome -

One thing I can tell you is that you are not a loser, I know that because I am not a loser and I am an addict just like you.

I don't know what faces you in court, I would suggest that you be honest and maybe see if you can do a residential program.

You said you were in diversion but you didn't say anything about working any kind of recovery program. That is what works for me. Narcotics Annonymous, having a sponsor, the 12 steps, working with other addicts, being honest with myself and everyone in my life, having a higher power that I rely on. And of course coming here and being a part of SR. It is all those things that work together for me.

Give yourself a break, give recovery a try. How about a meeting today?

[godsonmyside]

Begin your own program by taking Step One from the previous chapter, "How It Works". When we fully concede to our innermost selves that we are powerless over our addiction, we have taken a big step in our recovery. Many of us have had some reservations at this point, so give yourself a break and be as thorough as possible from the start. Go on to Step Two, and so forth, and as you go on you will come to an understanding of the program for yourself. If you are in an institution of any kind and have stopped using for the present, you can with a clear mind try this way of life.
Upon release, continue your daily program and contact a member of N.A. Do this by mail, by phone, or in person. Better yet, come to our meetings. Here you will find answers to some of the things that may be disturbing you now.
If you are not in an institution, the same holds true. Stop using for today. Most of us can do for eight or twelve hours what seems impossible for a longer period of time. If the obsession or compulsion becomes too great, put yourself on a five minute basis of not using. Minutes will grow to hours, and hours to days, so you will break the habit and gain some peace of mind. The real miracle happens when you realize that the need for drugs has in some way been lifted from you. You have stopped using and started to live.

This is from the Basic Text.If you don't have one get one. Go to meetings, and don't use . If you don't want to use drugs, don't use them. But, if you keep living the way you have been, the results will keep getting worse. Jail, institutions, dereliction and Death.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction,
that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood Her.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character.
7. We humbly asked Her to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became
willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were
wrong promptly admitted it.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our
conscious contact with God as we understood Her, praying only
for knowledge of Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice
these principles in all our affairs.

This sounds like a big order, and we can't do it all at once. We didn't become addicted in one day, so remember - EASY DOES IT.
There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles. Three of these that are indispensable are honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. With these we are well on our way.
We feel that our approach to the disease of addiction is completely realistic, for the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. We feel that our way is practical, for one addict can best understand and help another addict. We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.
The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is not to take that first drug. If you are like us you know that one is too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this, for we know that when we use drugs in any form, or substitute one for another, we release our addiction all over again.
Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse. Before we came to N.A., many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover.

These steps are not just read at meetings they are the Program of Narcotics Anonymous, we apply the priciples in every area of our lives and we change.

Our inability to control our usage of drugs is a symptom of the disease of addiction. We are powerless not only over drugs, but our addiction as well. We need to admit this in order to recover. Addiction is a physical, mental and spiritual disease, affecting every area of our lives.
The physical aspect of our disease is the compulsive use of drugs: the inability to stop using once we have started. The mental aspect of our disease is the obsession, or overpowering desire, which leads us to using even when it has destroyed our lives. The spiritual part of our disease is our total self-centeredness. We felt that we could stop whenever we wanted to, despite all evidence to the contrary. Denial, substitution, rationalization, justification, distrust of others, guilt, embarrassment, dereliction, degradation, isolation, and loss of control are all results of our disease. Our disease is progressive, incurable and fatal. Most of us are relieved to find out we have a disease instead of a moral deficiency.
We are not responsible for our disease, but we are responsible for our recovery. Most of us tried to stop using on our own, but we were unable to live with or without drugs. Eventually we realized that we were powerless over our addiction.

Its been a problem to use, so it's insane to keep going to the source of our problem to get relief. I wish you luck and hope that you find Hope today. If you haven't heard it before, I'll tell you now/again, YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN!!!!!!
Todd J.

[namommy]

It's already been said. Get to a meeting, get a sponsor and start working the steps.

Welcome to SR. You will find alot of love and support here.

[Laurie 4]

Well,

I can certainly relate to your problem. I am in a similiar one. I am an addict, who volunteered myself into a recovery program. I am stuck in this program for 6 months, otherwise, I too, can loose my 3 children. Good Luck. Just remember though, which are more important- your children or your drugs? But, I can admit that this question is not so simple to answer when you are using and addicted, right?

Laurie