Interventions... does it always work?

[delite79]

i recently broke up with my abf because he started popping pills... on top of the ongoing coke thing... and yeah... i made the right decision for myself... and will continue on with my own recovery... the day after the whole thing went down, i ran into my abf's brother at the bar (were both very good friends with the bartender)... so i ended up telling him what happened... and how ive walked away... the next day my abf apoligized and sed that he wanted to get his life together (as ive heard a few times b4)... then later on... his brother calls me and told me that he tried to confront his brother about the drugs... abf gets angry... and then he calls me up extremely angry and says he never wants to speak to me again... (as ive heard a few times b4 also...)

turns out that his brother talked it over with their sister and theyre planning to do an intervention with a professional and all... hes very distant with his family to begin with ( a big reason why he does drugs)... im almost afraid that it may do more damage than good... at teh same time, sometimes i feel like he really wants someone to reach out to him... also... his family doenst really know the extent of whats been going on, ive been dealing with it for about 3 years and know everything... and on top of that, they know nothing about the nature of the situation... so they are going to handle it as a family issue as far as the intervention... im a bit afraid that it may do more damage than good... drive him away... i know that when i was really bad with drinking, there was no way in hell that i wouldve listened to anybody or admit to myself that i was problematic... til i hit rock bottom of course and handled it quite well from there... i also would have freaked if my family had confronted me about it... and as far as knowing about cocaine... even if my own thing with coke went out of control for about 15 minutes... i know how hard it can be, especially for someone who isnt as strong...especially since coke is as common to our environment as cigarettes...

i care very much about what happens to him, regardless if he hates me or not... i can be such a codie...

so yeah... any intervention stories? good or bad....

[BikerBill8]

Hi, they do work and the they also don't work. It is up to that person weather he wants help or not. I hope this helps you and that you abf does get help and clean. I lived in Woodbridge NJ. How about you?

[shestruggles]

I understand your concern. I guess I don't really have anything enlightening to say, just that it could go either way. Overall, though, an intervention can kind of force something to happen - bring the addict's problems center stage and then it's kind of all or nothing. Either they go into rehab and deal or keep using with it all out in the open . That's when it gets scary...
I hope it all turns out OK...

[namommy]

Just like anything else in recovery. It will work only if he wants it to work.

My bigger concern here is YOU.

You posted that you ran into your abf's brother in a BAR. You both know the bartender very well. Yet, later in your post you stated that at one time you had a drinking problem. Hello, red lights and sirens going off in my brain right now.

Stop worrying about how he will react to this, and start worrying about what this is doing to you.

[delite79]

Originally Posted by namommy

Just like anything else in recovery. It will work only if he wants it to work.

My bigger concern here is YOU.

You posted that you ran into your abf's brother in a BAR. You both know the bartender very well. Yet, later in your post you stated that at one time you had a drinking problem. Hello, red lights and sirens going off in my brain right now.

Stop worrying about how he will react to this, and start worrying about what this is doing to you.

before you go ahead and judge me...

-the bartender is one of my closest friends... i didnt go there to get drunk. i went there because she was having bf problems, and so was i... so we do what friends do... get together and talk... i still would have gone to see her, even if she worked in a library or something...
-my bf's problems dont 'drive me to drink'... my drinking was out of control three years ago. i dont have a problem with it anymore. ive dealt with my issues and i dont feel its necessary to destroy myself anymore. i am a responsible student, class president with the highest gpa in the class. and yes, i am always actively working on my issues, which includes going to naranon meetings. my Self is my priority.
-i am very close to my bf's brother, and so is our bartender friend. he's completely str8 edge, doesnt drink, smoke, or eat meat or anything.
-we live in a city that is known for its entertainment, bars, and restaraunts. so we dont necessarily go to bars to get wasted, we go because all of our friends work at these places. there are more bars and restaraunts here than parking spaces...

so u can turn ur red lights and sirens off...
yes i have a certain level of detachment from the situation, but i havent erased these people out of my life forever...
i just wanted to hear of personal experiences...

[namommy]

I wasn't judging, I was concerned.

It is difficult to get a handle on a complete situation with just a few posted words. I would have been kicking myself all night if I thought someone was at risk with this disease and I just blew it off and didn't say something. That's just how I am.

Let us know how the intervention goes.

[Kahlia]

I agree with NAMommy....you need to worry abuut YOU.. You are still in recovery from what you are saying? I am NOT judging but I would have to meet my friend elsewhere if I was in recovery..it is too hard for me to sit and watch it all go on. Interventions can work....I cannot stand my family but they are NOT the ones who did my intervention. I have a trust issue with them from years of emotional abuse etc. IF they would have come to the intervention, I would have broke the door down to get out. Worry about you and if he goes for the intervention-great. If not-he is not ready. That is the true nature of this disease...being ready to quit, even if you have to drive yourself to rehab, my friend did. She had had ENOUGH......don't feel judged, we care about what you are going through....I also tend to think that after you get clean and sober, the old hangouts should go......hope you understand and glad to hear that you are somewhat detached.....I still care about my family but am literally scared to death of their motives....I have "divorced" them. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I had to for my own recovery and they are SOOOOOO sick.....you know the story, I am sure....best of luck and BLESSINGS......Kahlia

[WNY Addict]

"In our story and in our experience of trying to carry the message of recovery to the addict who still suffers, one painful fact of life has emerged again and again. An addict who does not want to stop using will not stop using. They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, locked up or whatever; but they won't stop. using until they want to."

Narcotics Anonumous Basic Text

Keep your recovery first... everything will work itself out.