Difficulty with physical withdrawal

[Laurie 4]

Hello,

I am very glad to find this forum. Perhaps someone can give me some info about withdrawal and how long I am going to suffer.

1) I can not sleep at night.

2) I am in the bathroom every half hour (but that his reduced the last couple of days).

3) My legs are uncomfortable.

4) Total lack of energy with body aches and pains.

5) Irritability - unable to deal with my kids and family members ( especially my 3 year old son.

I have been addicted to propoxyphene and other types of pain medication for the the last 3 years. I have not taken any in 10 days.

It started out simple, a few tabs a day (mother-in-law's perscription) and went to approximately 4 hundred tabs a day. (Sister-in-law is supplying me Illegally) very expensive I might add. Anyway, I became pregnant last year and was able to cut down to 200 a day but not quit entirely. Due to this ( I believe) my baby was born at 26 weeks and was 1 lb 3 oz at birth. She is still in the hospital and has been for 108 days. She has suffered alot and will be coming home soon. No one knows I have this addiction - not my doctors (They diagnosed my problem as preclampsia) not my husband, or my friends, or co-workers. The only two people who know is my 15 year old daughter, who has been sworn to secrecy and my sis - in law.

Sorry this is becoming a book, but I don't know if I can quit this addiction mainly because I don't want to loose my family and my children and I am really having a hard time taking care of them and my family because of the previous five things mentioned above.

My father died of alchoholism, although I was adopted, and never lived with him or any other substance abuser. I found him later in life at a homeless shelter, he sacrificed his whole family (my two sis. and two bro. wife and job even his life.) for this addiction. I don't want to follow in his footsteps!!!

What should I do?

Thanks,

Laurie

[godsonmyside]

Being honest could be a wonderful start. Take care of yourself while you can. I was taking Oxycontin and my wife and kids were clueless, but at 11 months clean someone approached her and told her more in detail of what was going on. I had to get honest with her and let her in. Come to find out all the prejections I made were in my head and that can be the sickest place for me to be.
The cramps and irritablity will go away. What about the sister-in-law? Have you been to an NA meeting? Can you get to one? If you are spending alot of time in the bathroom, Dring lots of fluid 7UP or Sprite, take imodiun AD, Get honest with your doctor that takes care of you. I hope your baby makes it, But , By not being honest with the Care Unit, could the baby be treated differently if they knew the truth? I really hope everything works out for you and your family, I want to tell you that you don't have to do this alone.
BTW, Welcome to SR, stick around, there are some great people around here.
Todd J

[Blake]

Welcome Laurie,

I too was an opiate user. The withdrawals suck, but eventually they do go away. I feel your pain. At 10 days, the worst of the withdrawals should be just about over now. The important thing to remember is that it is okay to medicate the symtoms of the withdrawal with otc medication, but above all, stay away from any form of narcotic. IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE IF YOU GO BACK TO DARVOCET! You are doing the right thing and you have a great start with the 10 days, CONGRATS!!!! it gets better everyday. I would deffinately suggest making some NA meetings in your area, NA is the reason I'm clean today. Keep posting on these forums, you are not alone in this.

-Blake

[Paulie]

Hi Laurie and Welcome to SR -

First let me say congrats on making the decision to get clean.
For my sobriety starts with honesty. Honesty with myself and then the people I love. I also have to ask the question, will it make a difference in treatment for your baby if the drs know about your history? something to think about?

Also when it comes to withdrawl, it is best to get the advice of a dr.

You said you dont' want to lose your family by telling them about your addiction, usually the chance of losing them is greater if you dont' tell. Addiction kills, not only physically but it kills our spirit and the spirit of the people around us.

NA is what works for me also, I hope you give it a try.

[Laurie 4]

Thanks for your answers and support! I didn't sleep all night, due to restless legs, but after my husband left for work and my kids went to school, I managed to sleep for about 6 hours.

I know I have to see a doctor, but am worried that this will be forever on my record.

Many of you are worried about my baby. Actually, probably if I had told them earlier, then the treatment might have been different. Mainly, her problems are due to prematurity, born too early.

I guess its good to mention all of the problems, I feel are my fault:

1. She has had chronic lung disease. kept alive on a respirator, then a C-pap for the first two months of her life.

2. She has had approx. 8 blood transfusions.

3. She has had to endure numerous test and IV's.

4. She has had eye surgery (retina was detached) otherwise she would be blind for life.

5. Perhap's more - withdrawal.

She is now going off the nasel canula, not having too many episodes (stops breathing). Doctors say she will most likely come home this Thursday if all goes well.

Also, I feel that I have been very lucky that my baby is not permantly damaged. ie bleeding in the brain - causing CP and other neorological problems. I feel like I and my baby have been given a secong chance.

Actually, seeing my baby, as well as other babies in the nicu has given me a wake-up call. I want to stay clean for my baby and my other 3 children. That is my motivating factor - is it good enough?

Thanks,

Laurie

[Paulie]

Laurie....in my opinion, it is good enough to get your started. We come into recovery for many reasons, I believe the hope is that somewhere along the line the reason becomes us.

I am so happy to hear that your little girl will be coming home soon. What a gift that is.

I am curious, you say you don't want it on your permanent medical records that you have an addiction, why is that? It is on my records and I am grateful for that. My dr thinks before she perscribes me something narcotic and we discuss other alternatives. she is aware of my recovery and that is first and foremost in any medical decision that I make.

You can do this, I know you can. Right now do it for your babygirl and for your 15 year old daughter who is having to keep your secret.

[Laurie 4]

I guess that I'm worried that there will be this stigma attached to me, "drug adict"
What if I really need something later in life for pain (I'm 41 years old) then my doctor will not prescribe anything for me.

I am trying to find a drug outpatient facility in my area. This all seems so overwhelming.

I feel like drinking (I normally don't drink) just to help me with my withdrawals, I don't know, I feel desperate.

[Paulie]

Being labeled a 'drug addict' well for me with my dr that is a good thing. laurie I have been blessed to be sober a little over 9 years now. During those year I have need pain medication a few times and I have been given it and I have taken it only as perscribed. the difference for me now is that before the narcotic is given we look for any non-narcotic alternatives, and there are some out there.

I think out-patient is a great idea. and YES it is overwhelming, and drinking won't help, I mean it might for a few hours, but then right back to reality.

Can you go to a meeting today?

Hi Laurie...I am brand new here...I want to tell you that you should be very proud of the 10 days you have under your belt...no matter how awful you feel. I've been thru it before too but I was dumb enough not to stick to it. So now I am still using and want DESPERATELY to stop but am terrified of going thru withdrawal yet again. You have probably gotten thru the worst days of it. I only wish I was at the point you are now. You are an inspiration to me. Please keep posting and let everyone know how you are. I know how it feels to be sick and tired. Some days I feel the only escape from this is death. But I, too, have kids that I have to hold on for. Enjoy the baby when she comes home...she is truly a gift.

[Paulie]

Welcome In too Deep - I am glad you found SR.

You can do this to, just like Laurie, just like me. Give yourself the chance.

I know I can. I'm just not sure how to handle this yet again. I do remember how painful withdrawal is. And I think it will be worse this time around. Plus the hubby & kids don't quite understand. Got myself in a tough spot AGAIN and I've been wanting a way out for the last few months. This has been going on for about 3 years now. Anyways, been searching high and low for a forum like this. there are many out there, but this one definitely tops them all. I'm glad I found it!

[Laurie 4]

Thanks Paulie for all the advice.

I made an appointment for a hospital in my area for drug outpatient. It is for Wed. the 13. I will let you know how it goes. Its true about alchohol, it makes me feel worse.

Dear In too Deep,
Sounds like we have similiar problems. Hubby, kids etc. 3 years dependent. Yes, I too have gone through withdrawal previously, when I was pregnant, but just couldn't take the pain. And was so worried about running out of my supply, it was possessing my entire life. (When will my supply come in, how will I come up with the money etc...) Part of the reason I don't want to start again is because of the pain of withdrawal and drugs consuming my entire life, I can't move forward in anyway in my life .... I can only see my death!!! But, even it has been pure hell these last 10 days, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I could offer you advice, but I can't, since I myself am still not recovered. I pray that you will make this desision as well and will be successful. I am here if you need a friend.

But, I have to go now. Husband, children will be home and I didn't cook dinner yet or clean my house.

Write later

Thanks,

Laurie

[Paulie]

Yes In too Deep, I agree, SR tops them all for sure .

You can do this, I will say it again until you believe it yourself. Everyone around us does not have to understand, this is a life and death situation here, for all of us.

Choose to live, choose to find sobriety.

And laurie, none of us, in my opinion are every 'recovered' recovery for me is a way of life. You have alot to offer, that is how we stay sober, one addict helping another. I am glad you made the appt.

[Gooch]

Originally Posted by Laurie 4

I guess that I'm worried that there will be this stigma attached to me, "drug adict"

The dictionary says

"Sigma -

1.)A mark or token of infamy, disgrace, or reproach

2.)A small mark; a scar or birthmark

In the very beginning of the NA Basic Text there's a section that discusses our symbol and how the 4 sides of the base of the pyramid represent a balance of Self, Service, God, and Society. The lines intersecting the corners of the base extend upward to a point of freedom. Theres a circle around the base that indicates NA is a universal program of recovery that has room within it for all manifestations of the recovering person.

Welcome home... Glad you manifested yourself here at SR.

Back in the day when I was running and gunning, I used to answer people who asked me how I could party the way I did.. "I'm an addict!" or "I'm hooked!" I had no idea how those words would first come back to haunt me, then I would choke on them at my first meeting, and then later that they would actually help me to come to an understanding of addiction and recovery for myself that would work to help me make the choice to do whatever it took to not pick up that first hit and stay actively involved in the recovery process.

Back to the symbol for a second..

"The square base denotes Good will .. the ground of both the fellowship and the members of our society. Good will is best exempliied in service, proper service is doing the right thing for the right reason."(sometimes the right thing for the right reason is just not getting high a minute at a time no matter what) "When Good will supports and motivates both the individual and the fellowship we are fully whole and wholly free. Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict."

The nature of addiction is self centeredness... "woe is me" " how's this gonna affect me?" "what about me?" etc. etc. When I got into recovery I was caught up in my addiction and I had one side of the base of the pryamid that I had invested most all of my energy in .... self. I couldn't have a pyramid, with the other sides of the base so far out of wack my point that was supposed to rise to freedom was completely missing the mark. I couldn't even make a triangle.. I had a line .. period .. the only 2 dots I cold connect were me .. and well ....me. part of the stigma of being an addict is that we have created a self fulfilling phrophecy. I was so worried about what people might think if they knew the real me that I needed something to maintain the artificial me .. the me(self) that might be able to "fit" in. The me that I wanted desperatley to be accepted by others because I could never accept myself.

the 2nd dictionary entry is interesting .. a birthmark? Many of the recovering addicts I know believe that at birth or shortly afterward, something malfunctioned and we wound up with a misrepresentation of our ego, that interfered with our ability to mature "normally".

Originally Posted by Laurie 4

What if I really need something later in life for pain (I'm 41 years old) then my doctor will not prescribe anything for me.

We have the experience of those addicts who have allready been this route in recovery. When we stay involved in our recovery process, we let people know how we are doing and if pain or some other situation arises we can talk about it to our sponsor and other recovering addicts and they will help us get through.

(If you are worried about the doctor "knowing" that your an addict and not prescribing you drugs, in my own experience I've found it to be the opposite.) I've had many opportunities to look doctors and nurses right in the face and exlained I am a recovering addict, and they still try and prescribe me drugs I couldn't get them to write prescriptions for when i was using and wanted them to. I'm 46 by the way and I use as many alternatives for pain management that I can, and when the pain has been too great to stand, called my sponsor and dicusssed my options with him. And when I have come home from the drug store with those prewcriptions that were a necessary part of getting through an acident or post op, I let people know about it so I had backup standing by just in case.

Originally Posted by Laurie 4

I am trying to find a drug outpatient facility in my area. This all seems so overwhelming.

No seems overwhelming about it .. it is overwhelming ! You can get through what seems overwhelming by just doing the best you can every day to take care of you and not grabbing the first one of ____whatever. it is surely less overwhelming when we know that we have each other to walk through these overwhelming circumstances with.

Originally Posted by Laurie 4

I feel like drinking (I normally don't drink) just to help me with my withdrawals,

addiction doesn't care what drug or attitude or behaviour we feed it. it gets stronger with every secret we hold onto , but dies in the light of exposure.

Originally Posted by Laurie 4

I don't know, I feel desperate.

In another reading it says "in desperation we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous" ..Funny that today I can look at my desperation as the gift that helped save my life and be ever so grateful to have been desperate enough to reach out.

Remember your "gift of desperation" .. it will come in handy again and again ..

Sorry to have gotten so long winded .. it's late and I have a plateful of opportunities and challenges to dig into. I hope I've offered you something that helps.

These days I don't seem to be so conscious of that stigma.. NA helped me stop fulfilling the prhophecy of self centerdness.

I was at a meeting the other night and saw a wonderful guy make an effort to help a newcomer ... and then thank the guy for asking him for help. Every time i hear this man share I get a tear in my eye because I can really hear the gratitude he has for being able to get his pyramid balanced.

I hope you keep coming back .. the more the merrier.

[fuster]

Laurie: The least of your concerns at this time is whether you will suffer a permanent stigma as a drug addict. Having said that, I doubt you will experience that.

My experience has been that I have been respected almost universally for getting help and pulling myself out of where I was.

Unless you plan to have your addiction published in the local newspaper, you won't have to worry about "what everyone thinks". (The fact is that this thinking is obsessive thinking that is a hallmark characteristic of the addicted person, regardless of their addiction). This is a confidential matter and you can keep it that way. Treatment for chemical dependency is strictly confidential and you control where the information goes, if anywhere.

The physical sypmtoms should get better, but I am glad you are getting yourself to a doctor to make sure you are safe. :bravo

[Laurie 4]

Wow Gooch, pretty powerful stuff, I will have to reread that in the morning. Also, will have to really get to understand this program you are referring to. Just got out of bed, my legs are too tingly to sleep. Took two advil and a cup of milk, hope it works.
But I must say I feel like hell!! But speaking of stigma, you do realize that I committed a crime, using while pregnant! That makes me not only an "addict" but I could have been a "baby murderer"

Gooch and Fuster
I am terrified that this Drug treatment Doctor will hand me over to the police. Can this happen?

[fuster]

Depends on the law in your state. Reporting laws in some states require doctor reporting child abuse. Without getting way off the point of this thread, it does not sound like you fit that description. Other requirement in all or substantially all states is a duty to warn, which does not apply here either.

You are "running the tape to the end of the movie", so to speak. Stay in today, don't obsess over tomorrow, it is not here yet. Today is "Act One, Scene One". Live it out as it goes along. Yesterday is not going to change now, so don't worry about that either. I am sure you will be fine as far as what you are thinking other persons may think or do.

[losttofreedom]

Dear Laurie 4,

The best thing you could do for you and your daughter is to not use. I was bawling reading what you wrote because I can relate in so many ways.
I was where you are before and I wish I could have made the decision not to use back then. I took opiate pain meds for years and years. My first pregnancy I was being prescribed by my migraine doc (who knew I was pregnant) fiorinol w/codeine, dilaudid suppositories, 10 mg. vicodin, soma, and demerol with needles to give myself shots. How he thought or I thought I would be able to use these without getting strung out I don't know. He got scared eventually and cut me off when I started asking for more and I got really, really sick. So, I graduated to heroin. I kicked cold turkey in my eighth month and thought I would die. My baby was ok but I relapsed on heroin before I even got my baby home from the hospital.
In the next year I hit every bottom I never wanted to hit, except death, which would have been less painful:got Hepatitis C, became homeless, put my son in physical danger, had my son taken by CPS, went to jail and ended up in ICU twice, etc.
If you were to continue to use I guarantee you the consequences will get worse and worse.
Your withdrawl symptoms will go away. They are truly, in the scheme of things that could and did happen, not something you can't deal with. Give yourself credit. You made it more than 10 days. That's BIG. You still have a chance, many people don't get that chance. I have gone to four drug-related funerals in less than two months.
Some suggestions:
*I don't know how you would get it since you don't want your doctor to know but, Clonidine REALLY helps with withdrawls. It helps lower your blood pressure, which skyrockets during w.d. and it helps you sleep.
*Consider telling your doctor about your problem. If you are worried about your child being taken from you, your state may be different, but I was told they cannot take your child just because your an addict, there has to be neglect or abuse involved. But find out the law in your area.
I felt EXACTLY like you do in all regards to your doctor/future pain. I went to my doctor four months ago and before I could talk myself out of it I blurted out that I was a recovering addict and that I didn't want any future narcotics. I got nothing but praise and respect from her, the opposite of what I expected. And, I shared my fear of her not prescribing meds for future pain. We made an agreement that she would never give me prescriptions. If I was in severe pain I would go to emergency and if needed get a shot of something in the hospital where I would not be in control of the medication.
*Benadryl works for sleep.
*Bengay on sore legs with a long sock pulled over them, or wrap them.
*acupuncture
*detox tea from a health food store
I hope you get some relief. Go to an AA/NA meeting, get a sponsor! It works!
Have faith.
Thanks for sharing your story and pain.

[Roxann]

Good luck Laurie. You can do this. Let us know how the OP treatment goes today.