Humbly asking for help

[jazpoppy]

Hi;

Jocelyn here, long time struggling addict. I haven't had to many sober days in almost a year now. I have been struggle for a couple of years. I am addicted to opiates of any shape, form, size, potency, whatever. I always told myself that I would NEVER touch needles no matter what. Well guess what, I got desperate. This scared me way too much because I do not know what I am doing and I could have killed myself. I tried to shoot up last week. I hit myself 3 times in 3 spots, and couldn't plunge. I just hacked my arm up by sticking the needle in and drawing my blood back 3 times. My arm looks like ****, but I am alive and I haven't tried it again since. I was freaked right now, because I hate the sight of my own blood. I almost passed out. I am a snorter/chewer, but now I think I would like to be clean and sober. I am SICK to death of my life and the chase, spending money, working 2 jobs to support the habit. ARGH! I have a hard time getting to meetings because of the 2 jobs running into meeting times. I am going to try to get out of bed early and go to an early morning meeting tommorrow, because my recovery is more important than sleeping in a little right now! Well I needed to get that out. I am embarrased as heck about this, but I need to talk about it. Thanks to anyone who wants to listen to me ramble on.

Jaz

[Dawn10]

Jazpoppy,
This disease is a b****, isn't it? Going to a meeting is good, better would be getting into an addicitions therapy program. There you can get so much help and have so many resources, your recovery would be stronger.
Do not, I repeat do not let embarassment keep you from seeking the help you need. That is what kept me on the using cycle for so much longer than necessary. I was afraid others would think less of me. KNOW WHAT? Who cares? And you know what else? I was wrong. My family and friends stuck by me and all the paranoia and fear I had wasway off base.
Hang in there! :lumpy

[Paulie]

Jaz,

Don't be embarassed. Yep, a you did a 'yet'. You are alive, and your are scared, in my opinion that is a great place to be to find recovery.

And YES, missing a little sleep to make it to a meeting is a good idea. Just think, you said you work 2 jobs to support your habit, so getting sober and staying sober might just allow you to quit one of those jobs if you don't have a habit to support.

Keep talking lady cause we are here and we are listening. We are all just trying to stay sober today.

[Gooch]

((((((Jaz)))))))

You know I'll be asking God to help you find your answers..

All I've done to stay clean day by day is remember why I want that a little more than I want to use and if I forget I ask you guys for help remembering.

[cj.]

Originally Posted by jazpoppy

...but now I think I would like to be clean and sober.

(((((Jocelyn)))))

Take that thought and turn it into action, my friend. If you keep it uppermost in your mind and not let the other thoughts of using drown it out, you have a good chance of making it your reality. If you don't use, no matter what, you will have the opportunity to see your way clear to finding a better way of life. And besides, you are worth it!!

I'm pretty sure that no addict has ever died from embarrassment, but I know a lot have died from not doing anything about it!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace
cj

[logo]

I feel your pain Jazpoppy. I to started out saying,I would never do that. Well guess what,I did everything I said I would not do. Been doing this recovery thing since 1988. 5yrs clean. 3yrs clean. 1 yr clean. I felt like I just could not get it. I kept doing the same old things & kept getting the same results. Now I think some of us need recovery & outside help(Me). When I have had enough, I just keep coming back. I have read somethings here that tells me I need to do it different this time . Just hang in there. Do not let that false pride keep you where you are at. Love & Respect. Logo

[jazpoppy]

Thanks for everyone's replies to my message. It helps me to know that I am not alone. I feel alone at times, I feel embarrassed and I feel hopeless, but reading these posts reminds me that I am not alone, and I am far from hopeless. Thanks again everyone. I am fighting still with temptation, but I am beating the pavement looking for good supportive addiction therapy and maintainence if I can afford it.

Luv;

Jaz

[Gooch]

Keep coming back Jaz..

Just for this addict Narcotics Anonymous is the best and most affordable, supportive addiction therapy and maintenance, i've stumbled across.

I can't force you to try it, but I'll keep praying you do.

[michaelkiv]

Originally Posted by jazpoppy

Hi;

Jocelyn here, long time struggling addict. I haven't had to many sober days in almost a year now. I have been struggle for a couple of years. I am addicted to opiates of any shape, form, size, potency, whatever. I always told myself that I would NEVER touch needles no matter what. Well guess what, I got desperate. This scared me way too much because I do not know what I am doing and I could have killed myself. I tried to shoot up last week. I hit myself 3 times in 3 spots, and couldn't plunge. I just hacked my arm up by sticking the needle in and drawing my blood back 3 times. My arm looks like ****, but I am alive and I haven't tried it again since. I was freaked right now, because I hate the sight of my own blood. I almost passed out. I am a snorter/chewer, but now I think I would like to be clean and sober. I am SICK to death of my life and the chase, spending money, working 2 jobs to support the habit. ARGH! I have a hard time getting to meetings because of the 2 jobs running into meeting times. I am going to try to get out of bed early and go to an early morning meeting tommorrow, because my recovery is more important than sleeping in a little right now! Well I needed to get that out. I am embarrased as heck about this, but I need to talk about it. Thanks to anyone who wants to listen to me ramble on.

Jaz

You know what.. Before I was addicted
to opiates I couldn't fathom someone hurting themselves just to get a fix.. But being an addict showed me the other side. I thought about cutting myself to get opiates. I even wanted to get harder stuff like oxy, morphine, & percs.. This woman I used to date was taking oxy for a serious back injury. My face lit up when she told me. I was thinking how I could get some off her. I been addicted to opiates since 98.. Been weening off them since last november. Was taking 25 a day.. Now I'm taking about 4-6 a day, & am noticing that I'm able to function better & better without taking them all day. The withdrawls are lessoning aswell.. I still need my meds for pain, so its a catch 22.. But I want to get off them completly to see how bad my pain really is..