Emotional roller coaster today - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Moontime · 03-04-2005, 08:59 AM

Wow, since last night I've felt, sadness, pain, joy and working on acceptance. I've cried today like I haven't cried in over a year of being in recovery. Tears coming out is less pain coming in. My tears though have been of joy, sadness, and indifference. I saw my ex-girlfriend last night, we had dated for 9+ years until about 2 years ago, when my drug addiction had me in the grips. I mend amends to her a couple of months ago, but hadn't seen or talk to her since. Last night at a concert, she happened to be there and we talked. She told me she was so happy to see me happy and enjoying life. She knew that I was a nice guy/sweet/caring guy that she fell in love with. But, my disease progressed so much that I kept her hostage for so many years. She started getting emotional, as I am right now typing this. She reads my amends letter time to time and it has really makes her proud how much I've changed. The shame/guilt that I've caused her is still with me, which just for today I don't pick up because of the shame/guilt that I caused all my close friends/family/myself. I know I've changed but to see someone who I have known for a 3rd of my life, tell me and get emotional was very emotional for me too. She told me she loved me and to keep staying in the light. A reading a few days ago talked about how we have difficulty dealing with success, that is so true. I have difficulty knowing that I'm living the life my Higher Power had in store for me. I can honestly say that the feelings I had last night were one as a brother/sister relationship, and I feel good about that.

namommy · 03-04-2005, 09:36 AM

((((((((moontime))))))))

It is awesome when we can finally feel for ourselves.

KelKel · 03-04-2005, 09:44 AM

Thank You For Sharing that....

bluegrassviking · 03-04-2005, 09:55 AM

but i'll get back on my feet someday
the good Lord willin
if He says I may
I know that the life
I'm livin's no good
get a new start
live the life I should
I'll get up and fly away I'll get up and fly away
fly away

sounds like you've sprouted wings........from the living dead to feeling again..you are a miracle....

being a deadhead I love your avatar..best of luck..and keep on truckin man

cj. · 03-05-2005, 06:10 AM

Very Nice Story Moontime!

Thank You for sharing that.

Peace
cj

tigerlillie1128 · 03-05-2005, 11:42 AM

I hope one day my husband realizes how much he's hurt himself and the people that he loves as a result of his addiction. Thanks for the posting. Tiger

Time2Surrender · 03-05-2005, 12:19 PM

Thanks for sharing you story Moontime.

godsonmyside · 03-06-2005, 09:13 PM

That's what Im talking about!!!!!
You are a Vision of Hope...
Todd J.

WNY Addict · 03-06-2005, 10:38 PM

Thanks for sharing, Moontime

03-04-2005, 08:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
Moontime Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Charlottesville, Va Posts: 632	Emotional roller coaster today Wow, since last night I've felt, sadness, pain, joy and working on acceptance. I've cried today like I haven't cried in over a year of being in recovery. Tears coming out is less pain coming in. My tears though have been of joy, sadness, and indifference. I saw my ex-girlfriend last night, we had dated for 9+ years until about 2 years ago, when my drug addiction had me in the grips. I mend amends to her a couple of months ago, but hadn't seen or talk to her since. Last night at a concert, she happened to be there and we talked. She told me she was so happy to see me happy and enjoying life. She knew that I was a nice guy/sweet/caring guy that she fell in love with. But, my disease progressed so much that I kept her hostage for so many years. She started getting emotional, as I am right now typing this. She reads my amends letter time to time and it has really makes her proud how much I've changed. The shame/guilt that I've caused her is still with me, which just for today I don't pick up because of the shame/guilt that I caused all my close friends/family/myself. I know I've changed but to see someone who I have known for a 3rd of my life, tell me and get emotional was very emotional for me too. She told me she loved me and to keep staying in the light. A reading a few days ago talked about how we have difficulty dealing with success, that is so true. I have difficulty knowing that I'm living the life my Higher Power had in store for me. I can honestly say that the feelings I had last night were one as a brother/sister relationship, and I feel good about that. __________________ Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. -Lenny Bruce

03-04-2005, 09:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,851 Blog Entries: 1	((((((((moontime)))))))) It is awesome when we can finally feel for ourselves. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. -- Anonymous

03-06-2005, 09:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
godsonmyside Vision of Hope Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Living on This side of the green!! Posts: 1,058	That's what Im talking about!!!!! You are a Vision of Hope... Todd J. __________________ We get relief through the Twelve Steps which are essential to the recovery process, because they are a new, spiritual way of life that allows us to participate in our own recovery. We Do Recover Todd J.

03-06-2005, 10:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
WNY Addict Just For Today Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Western New York Posts: 133	Thanks for sharing, Moontime __________________ God, take my will & my life, Guide me in my recovery, Show me how to live, Just For Today! Identify with the sick and suffering addict... don't judge!

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03-04-2005, 09:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,307	Thank You For Sharing that....

03-04-2005, 09:55 AM	#4 (permalink)
bluegrassviking bluegrass viking Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: cape cod, ma. Posts: 8	but i'll get back on my feet someday the good Lord willin if He says I may I know that the life I'm livin's no good get a new start live the life I should I'll get up and fly away I'll get up and fly away fly away sounds like you've sprouted wings........from the living dead to feeling again..you are a miracle.... being a deadhead I love your avatar..best of luck..and keep on truckin man

03-05-2005, 06:10 AM	#5 (permalink)
cj. Mending Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Atlantic Canada Posts: 300	Very Nice Story Moontime! Thank You for sharing that. Peace cj

03-05-2005, 11:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
tigerlillie1128 Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Providence, RI Posts: 6	I hope one day my husband realizes how much he's hurt himself and the people that he loves as a result of his addiction. Thanks for the posting. Tiger

03-05-2005, 12:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 7,263 Blog Entries: 7	Thanks for sharing you story Moontime.

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