Marijuana Addiction. Please Someone Give me advice!

[Ashley18]

My ex-boyfriend and I split up on sunday after 4 years. He has an addiction to pot. He has been smoking it as long as I have known him. It was not a problem until recently. He got a new job at a construction site and his addiction became more serious after that. He met some new friends who smoke pot and drink a lot more than he does. And now he can't go through one day without getting "high" or drunk. I want to help him but, I don't think he will listen. I love him with all my heart, and I don't know what to do without him. Also I would like to point out he broke up with me because, he thought I wasn't happy. He is right, I wasn't I never use to see him but only like twice a week. Before that I saw him everyday. He goes to his friends house because, he can't smoke it at home or at my house. I'm so confused please help me understand what he is going through, and what I can do to help him.

[eddie z.]

Welcome to SoberRecovery, Ashley!

It doesn't sound like he's interested in quitting at all, so all you can do is take care of YOU. Look for some Nar-Anon meetings near you and if there aren't any, you may want to try Al-Anon. There is also a Nar-Anon forum here that you should have a look at. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. I wish the best for YOU!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[chrys]

Get back together immediately with him. . . that is if you really want him to understand that you are willing to put up with his current behavior.

But if you want to help him. Be strong enough to stick with what you know is true. He has to take the next steps in order for anything to change. You cannot save him but your honesty and courage may.

[eddie z.]

Thank you for that post, chrys! And...

Welcome to SR!!!

Love and hugs,
EDDIE

[Moontime]

I think he did you a favor. You can not save him. If you want to help him, you will not be untrue to yourself and go back to him because of habit.

[lonlion]

Ashley, I pushed everyone away in favour of my pot smoking too.

Until and unless he "gets it" expect him to put his pot before all others and all other things. That is what active addicts do! It is the nature of the beast. All you can do is tell him if he doesn't quit you are through, then the choice is his.
Take care of yourself and try not to internalize this. It has nothing to do with you. I even pushed my kids away.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you
Diana

[liveat5]

Originally Posted by lonlion

Ashley, I pushed everyone away in favour of my pot smoking too.

Until and unless he "gets it" expect him to put his pot before all others and all other things. That is what active addicts do! It is the nature of the beast. All you can do is tell him if he doesn't quit you are through, then the choice is his.
Take care of yourself and try not to internalize this. It has nothing to do with you. I even pushed my kids away.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you
Diana

This is exactly how I destroyed my marriage. It's a shame that he's making this same mistake with you. At least he had the sense to see that you're not happy. Now that I'm clean, I can't repair the damage I did, but I know better than to make those same mistakes twice.

The best you can do is exactly what my ex wife did, stay your course. If he gets it, and wants to get clean, then in time he may be healthy enough to give you what you need in a relationship, but don't put your life on hold hoping for it. That's hard advice for me to give, because of my situation and knowing where I've been, but I'd hate to see someone else go through what my ex wife did, my addiction really damaged her, and it's best for her that she left. Her leaving also started me on the path to recovery. Just make sure you clearly let him know WHY you weren't happy. It may not sink in at first (it took me years to finally "get it"), but if and when it does, you can at least know that you may have been the catalyst for him to get help.

[eddie z.]

liveat5,
Great post! Thank you for sharing with us! And I see you're fairly new here, so welcome to SR also!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[ARIES]

Why don't you give your bf the adress of this site..Hello I'm Stefanie my main drugs is booz but I'm a pothead too..I live together for one and a half years now with my boyfriend whom I love very much..I didn't drink for 52 days but starded to smoke weed again..In the begining I smoked 3 a 4 joints a night but last week I starded to do it behind my bf's back in the daytime becose he doesn't like me to smoke so he thinks that I only smoke a few joints at night wich is'nt and that doesn't feel right...Becos I'm Miss honesty herself except when it come to dope (it seems)...So in a way I know how the drugs can pull at you..I told my bf that when this pack is finished ..Tomorow or the day after that I will stop...I know I've got to change my way of thinking and put more energy in the small things of life and in my relationship..Becos I love my bf very much...(But I still got that relationship with the weed...It's a world of my own with feelings and toughts I can't share with nobody..For example:WOW THE DIMENSION THAT MUSIC GETS..)I know it's gonna be hard quiting all this but I believe I can do it (I've done it before)I hope you and your bf stay together..And maybe you can ask him to take a look at some Soberecoverythreads ...But I tell you if he ain't ready to quit he wont quit...But I mean four years is quite a time and I don't think neither of you wants to throw that away...I wish you both the best..And maybe if you want to you can take a look at the thread :As long as I don't drink????It's my first thread bout the weed and like things are going there will follow some the comming days...Love from Stefanie..

[Pastor Walsh]

If you truly love him with all your heart asa you claim, you will unfortunately HAVE t let him fall to his own bottom. others here have told you that he can't be helped untill he wants it, and that is true. What you need to do is seek help from nar-anon or al-anon to educate yourself on how to take care of yourself as you are going to be easy prey when he has troubles and needs somewhere to turn. Make sure you know HOW to help - properly.
The best to you - I'll pray for you and for him,
Pastor Walsh

[geri]

hay guys i only just looked into this site,cause i have problems with my bf/ex bf atm, his been smokin weed non stop lately for the past 2 weeks at least everyday 2-4 times a day, he clams it because his stressed about work etc, but it's begning to have it affects on your relationship, i told him when we first started going out that i don't care if he dose it but once he starts to abuse it & take it out on me im not going to support that, i told its not my choice to stop him but if he wnats help to stop im going support him till we get through this. the reason we kinda broke-up was cause he heard a romour that i cheated on him (let me reasure you i wouldn't & couldn't ever do that to him) it never happened & i tired everything to help him understand & inform him nothing happened but he continues to not believe me even though he said i have never given him any reason to think i would cheat on him. he won't talk to me & im begining to think that the weed has finally taken its toll on him..its so confusing cause he would never belive such a thing..can anyone help me understand what is going on in his mind?
iv decided to just leave it for a while & see what happens, I wnat him back in my life casue i love him & i know im young but we have such a conection & love for eachother.atm im more worried bout his health as his dad had serve paranoya, & feel this could be affecting him for the worse. he told me the other day (the last i have spoken to him) that he threw his metal bong (he bought that cost him some money) away cause his sick of it & i think his ready for help as this gives a sign or two that his begning to relise its pushing me away.

much love & peace