NA meetings?

Good evening everyone!

I am torn.... really torn.... I do realize I need help with this...in order to quit and recover effectively....but please tell me...(and I mean no disrespect to advice I have been given thus far)... please someone tell me....

What would I achieve from going to an NA meeting that I don't have here??

Aside from giving up my anonymity and risk losing EVERYTHING I have ever worked for??

Recently, I have felt a large push to go..... but I really do NOT understand what going into a room....risking being seen and doing exactly what I have done already HERE ....only face to face....could do for me... I have too much fear in my heart.... fear of being discovered and destroyed... the world can be so very cruel and not everyone is as understanding as those here...

Please help me?... I can not sleep....

All my love and thoughts.... ~KK

(BTW....for those who do not know me....my other post tells of my addiction)

[Time2Surrender]

Very simple.You would have a sponsor and someone to guide you through the steps.SoberRecovery is a great place.I am here everyday.This place has helped me get through more than one night.Thats for sure.However,If you really want to recover.I would suggest working some type of program.For me it is AA/NA.I attend meetings daily.The A stands for anonymous.You are not giving anything up.But gaining everything.I really dont care to tell the world I am a recovering addict/alcoholic.I am a small business owner in a small comunity.We have bankers,lawyers,teachers,even police officers at my meetings.Trust me,you are not alone in wanting to be anonymous.I hope you give these meetings a try.

[WNY Addict]

Time2Surrender said a lot, kaduceuskitty. You have much to gain by going to meetings and working the program, and on the same note much to lose by not going..... namely your own life.

They say the last thing we lose as addicts is the stigma that society has labeled us with. When you actually start going to these meeting though you'll be amazed at how that stigma simply disolves. That was one of my biggest reasons for avoiding The Program, like you, and I only regret that I didn't enjoy the gift of NA sooner.

I see lawyers, doctors, cops..... and I even know a judge in the fellowship. I'm in the medical field myself handeling my DOC daily. Don't you think I would have a lot to lose? Don't you think I'd be weary given my career and past history with opiates? I'm not because I'm clean and doing the right thing. I can get tested at work, and I haven't a thing to worry about.

Like T2S said, the A in either fellowship stands for anonymous. If you see someone you know at a meeting, guess what? They're there for a reason too!

I think the stigma we place on ourselves is far worse than that which society has given us. I get nothing but admiration for my desire to stay clean while helping others, and it's never caused me a problem in my personal life.

Put your faith in God and just do what people with years of sobriety and serenity are doing..... give yourself a break and don't think about it. Just do it

[Phinneas]

Ditto what Michael and WNY said.

I was resistant to 12-step programs for a long time. I got to a point where I surrendered and could finally go and listen. Then I got a sponsor and started working the steps. The difference is amazing and awesome. NA and AA have worked for millions of people, it can work for you and I, too.

I hear your fear in what you have to lose career-wise. How about what you have to lose if you DON'T go and DON'T get a real, honest program of recovery? I learned from hard, painful experience that no matter how bad it was or how much I lost, using made it even worse.

Just show up and be open. The rest will take care of itself.

No matter what you decide, we are here for you. Hang in there. Keep praying about it.

hugs,

jojo

[tramp]

ok, so you are like a nurse or some sort of professional, i assume .
when i worked in detox i found that there are meetings specifically for professionals in nursing/mental jealth/counseling.
you might want to look around.
but odds are , if you're getting wasted on a regular basis your anonymity is probably already blown.
there is alot or spiritual intonation that is lost here in this impersonal medium.
and you do need a sponsor.

Phinneas makes a very good point as well. your concern for the superficial alarmed me too.
many of us have lost everything, sometimes it happens even in recovery. sometimes it seemeit is even necessary.
i fear for you if you can not get your priorities straight. what can you gain by speaking in a room full of your peers that you can't by typing here??
HUMILITY.
and you surely need that to succeed.

[splendra]

It blows my mind how addicts and alcoholics seem to think nobody knows that they have a problem.... I believe each addict brings a hurricane to at least 5 other peoples life.....Do you really think you are any different? Don't die of termial uniqueness.....If you work or have a family then your using is affecting others and someone some where knows you ain't all there honey.

It is the isolation and secretcy and shame that keeps us locked into our addictions come out of the closet....

[godsonmyside]

You heard it, we help each other, the computer can't hug you when a simple warm hug does the trick. NA is built on empathy. Working the steps on our own through our own understanding is insane, doing things on our own got us here in the first place. We are all the same in the face that we paid through our pain, the pain stops when you let it.
Anybody can recover from this, Any body, ANYBODY!!! We have these ideas in our head, I don't htink I've met anyone yet who got fired from there job because they went to a NA meeting. I have a friend who is a Mortition hear in town. Our insane thinking is why we need each other in NA.
Todd J.

[Buny]

Splenda
What word of wisdom you have. you really hit the nail right on the head and in a nice but very direct way. You have so much to teach us keep on keeping on.

[Shakur T.]

I went to a meeting yesterday and saw a man crying, I hugged him after the meeting and realized that I was there for HIM. I actually TOUCHED somone. It made me feel so worthwhile!!

What a wonderful experience, to actually FEEL empathy for another person while hugging them. Nothing can replace that human touch that I missed in the isolation of my addictive addiction.

I also know that people will be there for me when it's my turn to cry, when I need a SHOULDER to lean on, when I just need the touch of someone who's been there...

Amazing things, these humans. The look of understanding, the smile of identification, the tears of joy, the hug of welcome...makes it all worth it for me. I can't get that at home on the computer.

Q. Why was I so worried about someone recognizing me at an NA meeting (getting help), and in the end of my active addiction, not worried about someone seeing me getting/using my drugs (killing myself)??

Go figure...my disease will have me totally crazy if I don't have people to help me.

I thank you all deeply for all your words....


But...NO...I'm not ignorant in assuming no one knows.....because I KNOW of only one who does....and it is not because I was "trashed" or "f-ed up"....because I never get that way.... I NEVER GET HIGH...or act unusual in any way.....

To those who know me well..I only seem depressed and slightly wthdrawn.... BUT NEVER "high"... I am as "functional" as I ever was before.... I just have added chemistries to get there that I can't do without....

As for that...fearing losing everything....I guess I don't have the awe and respect for my addiction that you people do.... It is a fly to be swatted.... and I guess I should do it without bringing you all down with my negativity....

As for "God"...I am neither an aetheist nor Christian...or any either organized religion....and many of you will think I am lost because of this.... I never have been....

Maybe I am ignorant in not wanting to give up everything to fix this.... Maybe I am downplaying the severity of it all..... But, minus early experimentation, I have never really sought out any "highs"....and I am just trying to maintain my "normal" with out the little green pills....

I guess I'll always be confused.....

[Mogqua]

It is easy to withdraw and isolate because we feel different from so many.
I realized at some point that agoraphobia (sp?) could become a problem. It is important for me to get out of the house and out of myself and not fall to this mental dilemma.

I would like to remind you that an open meeting of any 12 Step group can be attended by anyone. I have been to meetings where Medical professionals and Psychological interns were required to do meetings as part of their class work. Often, loved ones, significant others, and employers come to find out more.

You are not required to "identify" at a meeting. This is your choice.

There is a quote from an AA book I like to remind myself with, about the world at large, and I feel it applies to me and my inate nature of isolating that I try to squelch to keep my sanity. And sanity is what we ask for in the Steps.

It isn't just about cleaning up and sobering up, for,
"We try hard to become part of the world that we rejected, and that once rejected us." ~Bill W.

For me, attending a meeting is but a small step towards that goal.

Be Well!

[gratefulgal]

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

the world can be so very cruel and not everyone is as understanding as those here...

The people at AA/NA meetings understand completely. They have all been there to some degree. I guarentee you that what you find on this website you will find at a meeting.

[Evanna]

Addictions progress, they get worse. So even if no-one knows now it is highly unlikely to stay that way.

For me, not wanting people to 'find me out' in the past was often as much or probably more about protecting my addiction as my privacy. Now i am clean i still prefer to maintain my privacy in many day to day situations but at same time it is no longer a big deal to me if people do find out about my past. I can hold my head high now and i no longer have an active addiction to protect.

I have never been 'outed' through attendence at NA meetings anyway.

[Imagine]

Kitty, sites like SR is great and has helped me a great deal this pass year. You can't get a sponsor from web sites, you can't feel the Love in a room full of people, that chances are would not use or drink together, but are recovering together and helping each other to get and stay clean and sober. You can't see a newcomer pick up their white chip and watch them grow as they go thru the chips, and then see the Life in them as they have their first birthday party. And you can't have your own 1st birthday party on-line, you have to suit up and show up, for a full 12 months to know what I'm talking about. And if you see anyone that knows you at a 12 step meeting, they are there for the same reason you are. Because guess what, if they are hanging out at a NA or AA meeting to see who shows up, I would say they are sicker then we are. "Anonymity is the Spiritual Foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to Place Principles Before Personalities." The 12th Tradition. They tell me, what this means is what is said in a meeting, and who you see at a meeting, let it stay at that meeting.

[namommy]

I don't mean to seem rude here, but.... 'normal' people don't end up searching the internet for recovery oriented message boards. 'God' or a higher power that you may or may not believe in, led us all here together for a reason.

EVERYONE in the meetings is there for the same reason you are, no one is better than... or less than...anyone else. Anonymity is the key to our success. Only you can chose to break it.

I hope you soon let go of trying to be 'different', it could kill you.

[Time2Surrender]

Maybe I don't belong here....

KK,this was the title of your last post.PLEASE dont let anything said run you off from this site.You belong here.The posts in this forum are simply opinions,and I am sure everyone here only cares about your well being.NA isnt for everyone,but how would someone know untill they give it their best shot.Not everyone in this forum is in 12 step recovery,and there are alternatives.But the fact is,most of us have tried everything and in desperation we ended up at NA and found it actually worked.Whether you do meetings or not,I will support you.Keep coming back.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

PLEASE dont let anything said run you off from this site.You belong here.The posts in this forum are simply opinions,and I am sure everyone here only cares about your well being.

Exactly. We all walk different paths and get there at different times.

I can only share from my own experience. Like Michael, I tried everything else and couldn't do it on my own. I am so thankful for AA and NA for saving my life. But that's me and I am not you.

No matter what route you decide to go, we are here for you and wish you only success and happiness.

hugs,

jojo

[Gooch]

Just my .02 here.. I heard something I thought was silly at a meting once... "You can't save your ass and your face at the same time."

I understand about the stigma of being an addict.. Our Basic text says that that is probably the last thing to leave us.

As recovering addicts probably the first thing to leave us is the compulsion to use. The admision that we are addicts is the first step in getting clean. When we realize our powerlessness over the drugs and that we cannot do this alone, we become willing to take whatever extra measure it takes not to chase down the next hit. Go to a meeting, call our sponsor or another recovering addict and make that confession that we have the obsession to get use or maybe just take a ride through the old neighborhood. With another addicts understanding, compassion, and support it becomes possible to get through those cravings and times until a time comes when we realize the obsession to use drugs has been lifted.

The whole recovery process is riddled with paradoxes..

In order to become a responsible, productive member of society, I had to admit.. to bear the stigma that I was a drug addict, the thing that I had always identified as the worst society had to offer.

It's been nearly 14 years for me and I still limp with the scar tissue of that stigma sometimes when the barometric pressure drops. I don't suffer the crippling, debilitating, desperation of the never ending cycle of getting and using and fnding ways and means to get more though.

If your dilemma is "a fly to be swatted" now, your more fortunate than you know. I hope you don't have to wait til it's a swarm of south american killer bees til you reach out for help.

[WNY Addict]

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

I thank you all deeply for all your words....


But...NO...I'm not ignorant in assuming no one knows.....because I KNOW of only one who does....and it is not because I was "trashed" or "f-ed up"....because I never get that way.... I NEVER GET HIGH...or act unusual in any way.....

To those who know me well..I only seem depressed and slightly wthdrawn.... BUT NEVER "high"... I am as "functional" as I ever was before.... I just have added chemistries to get there that I can't do without....

Nobody is calling you ignorant, kk. Nobody here is telling you what you need to do, what you are, etc. All we can do is share our stories and what's worked for us. Our past feelings, the way we looked at our illness.

I also never got high. In addition, nobody knew I was using.

I ran codes in the hospital like it was nobody's business. When it came time for crash or burn medical emergencies, I was the person that most people called for. I worked in a level 1 trauma center E.R., I worked trauma ICU, burn ICU, etc. There was nothing I couldn't handle, and I wasn't an addict. Nobody knew I was using.

When I got called in one day and told I was fired, my drug induced denial came to a quick halt. I was told that I was the best at what I do for a living, but I had a drug problem. Over the course of the next three years I disagreed with the hospital's decision (and words), despite the fact that I was relapsing and losing jobs the entire time.

We're amazed to find out what people really do know. I was never f--ked up at work, and I never got enough to get me high after years of abuse. I was just keeping myself "normal", but I later came to realize that my normal was actually insanity.

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

As for that...fearing losing everything....I guess I don't have the awe and respect for my addiction that you people do.... It is a fly to be swatted.... and I guess I should do it without bringing you all down with my negativity....

Like I said above, nobody here can tell you what to do, nor can we call you an addict. That's something that only you can do youself.

Maybe you're not in real bad shape, and maybe you haven't hit a "rock bottom". You're on an addiction BBS though, and that should be some indication that there may be a problem.

I always pray for people to see a problem (or potential problem) without a rock bottom experience, but it rarely ever happens..... unfortuately.

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

As for "God"...I am neither an aetheist nor Christian...or any either organized religion....and many of you will think I am lost because of this.... I never have been....

I don't think you're lost at all, kk. I lost all of my respect for my Roman Catholic upbringing years ago. I lost God, and I filled a void in my life with drugs and living life on the edge. I now am at a comfortable plateau with my faith. I'm certainly not a church goer, but I incorporate my beliefs into every action I do. Every day.

My higher power (in regards to recovery) is 1. The Program, 2. My God the way I understand him, 3. My sponsor, 4. My support groups.

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

Maybe I am ignorant in not wanting to give up everything to fix this.... Maybe I am downplaying the severity of it all..... But, minus early experimentation, I have never really sought out any "highs"....and I am just trying to maintain my "normal" with out the little green pills....

I guess I'll always be confused.....

I was just trying to stay normal when I lost it all, kk. I'll admit that I did get rather f--ked up in the past, but the last few years were nothing more than me just trying to "stay normal", "feel normal", et cetera. In hindsight, I wasn't staying normal, I was killing myself and hurting the people I loved.

Best Wishes

[WNY Addict]

Originally Posted by Shakur T.

I went to a meeting yesterday and saw a man crying, I hugged him after the meeting and realized that I was there for HIM. I actually TOUCHED somone. It made me feel so worthwhile!!

What a wonderful experience, to actually FEEL empathy for another person while hugging them. Nothing can replace that human touch that I missed in the isolation of my addictive addiction.

I also know that people will be there for me when it's my turn to cry, when I need a SHOULDER to lean on, when I just need the touch of someone who's been there...

Amazing things, these humans. The look of understanding, the smile of identification, the tears of joy, the hug of welcome...makes it all worth it for me. I can't get that at home on the computer.

Awesome!

Thanks for sharing

[Recoveree]

kaduceuskitty

From reading your posts, it seems to me that you are not sure you are an addict.
If you are not an addict, we cannot help you.

If you have decided you are an addict and don't want our help, then again, we can't help you.

When you have come to the conclusion that you are a drug addict AND you want help, then and only then can we help you.

If you come to us for help, then it would be prudent for you to follow our suggestions rather than object to them and rationalize them away.

Narcotics Anonymous views addiction as a disease. We use a very simple, experience-oriented 'disease concept'. We do not qualify our use of the term "disease" in any medical or specialized therapeutic sense, nor do we make any attempt to persuade others of the correctness of our view. The 'disease concept' works well as an analogy by which our members can understand their condition: We believe addiction can be "arrested" but not "cured." Untreated, addiction has effects similar to a disease.
The NA movement asserts only that its members have found acceptance of addiction as a disease to be effective in helping them come to terms with their condition.


By the way, one does not need to believe in god or any other higher power or any religion to become a member of NA. Everyone is welcome regardless of religion or lack of religion.

Central to the Narcotics Anonymous program is its emphasis on practicing spiritual principles. Narcotics Anonymous itself is non-religious, and each member is encouraged to cultivate an individual understanding—religious or not—of this “spiritual awakening.”

The Narcotics Anonymous program has a distinctly spiritual orientation, with a theistic bent to most of our literature. We are neither sectarian nor religious, but we are not antagonistic toward organized religion, at least not as a movement. Some of our members, however, are atheists, agnostics, and/or anti-religious.


What you will get at a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting is just that....a NA meeting. This board although it uses the name of NA is not an NA meeting and is not affiliated with NA in any way.

The primary service provided by Narcotics Anonymous is the NA group meeting. Each group runs itself based on principles common to the entire organization, which are spelled out in NA’s literature.

Narcotics Anonymous believes that one of the keys to its success is the therapeutic value of addicts working with other addicts. In meetings, each member shares personal experience with others seeking help, not as professionals but simply as people who have been there themselves and have found a solution.

Most groups rent space for their weekly meetings in buildings run by public, religious, or civic organizations. Individual members lead the NA meetings while other members take part by sharing in turn about their experiences in recovering from drug addiction.

The difference between coming here for recovery and going to an NA meeting is kinda like the difference between watching a basketball game on TV and actually playing in one.


Narcotics Anonymous provides a recovery process and support network inextricably linked together. One of the keys to NA’s success is the therapeutic value of addicts working with other addicts. Members share their successes and challenges in overcoming active addiction and living drug-free productive lives through the application of the principles contained within the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of NA. These principles are the core of the Narcotics Anonymous recovery program. Principles incorporated within the steps include:

Admitting there is a problem;
seeking help;
engaging in a thorough self-examination;
confidential self-disclosure;
making amends for harm done; and
helping other drug addicts who want to recover.

One more thing needs to be said about the Narcotics Anonymous program. Its members recognize that NA is but one organization among many addressing the problem of drug addiction. Members feel they have had significant success in addressing their own addiction problems, but Narcotics Anonymous does not claim to have a program that will work for all addicts under all circumstances or that its therapeutic views should be universally adopted.


You might want to check out these linKs for info about addiction and NA...

link to NA pamphlet AM I AN ADDICT
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP7.htm

link to NA pamphlet FOR THE NEWCOMER
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP16.htm

link to NA pamphlet WELCOME TO NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS
This explains what you might expect at your first NA meeting
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP22.htm

link to NA pamphlet WHO, WHAT, HOW, AND WHY
WHO is an addict?
WHAT is the Narcotics Anonymous program?
WHY are we here?
HOW it works
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/IP1.htm

Richie S