In Tramadol hell.....

Hello there....
Hmmm...I guess I should start with my "stats"? :
I have been addicted to ultram now for... (wow)....2 years last month... Initially, I took it for pain relief, as I'm sure you've heard a thousand times.. I thought it was "safe" "non-addictive" etc.... I KNEW I felt a lil "high" when I took it.... three months later I ran out.... and was in absolute hell .... Sweats, aches, nausea/vomiting and diarrhea.... leg spasms... headaches...but MOSTLY...the WORST general muscle weakness I had ever experienced.. Getting out of bed or just LIFTING MY ARM was impossible. About a year later, I tried to detox again, but the withdrawals were MUCH worse.... I only made it to the 4th day before I caved. I tried Kava Kava, Valerian and melatonin for the insomnia...even diphenhydramine and liquor....nothing helped... Now, I take about 6 daily two 50mg PO Q4-6 hrs prn to avoid feeling weak and bitchy. Really bitchy...Even when I taper I hate everything and feel incredibly depressed... I never "get high" I just take them to function...to feel normal...I guess that is part of the definition of addiction?.... hmm... Well... I hate it...I absolutely hate being so dependent, chained to a PILL....and I wish I could wave a magic wand and undo it all....go back to before.... I am scared to death of detoxing..... Only my fiancee knows my dark secret and he WOULD help me..... If I had the time away from work and school.... AND I should know better.... I MUST lick this before I have patients of my own....Please don't groan and hate me for this... I hate myself for you.... But I will not stay away from the medical profession...It is and will be my life.... The proximity to temptation is easily avoided and I know I have learned SO much from this that I can help others...I'm just STUCK.... How can I get over the hump?.... Narco Anon meetings? Is there anything legit out there to get me (and the rest of us) through the HELL of withdrawals? I know that tramadol has SSRI properties...and I am SURE I will need an antidepressant afterwards for a while..... but.....I need to take the first step... Where can I go? Has anyone succeeded?.... Thank you for lightening my load...
~KK

[Time2Surrender]

Hi kk,welcome to soberrecovery.Sorry,but I dont have any experience with the drug you mentioned,but I know there are several people in here who have succesfully recovered from the same thing you are talking about.So,stick around.This is a great place with a lotta support and great people.Im sure someone will be along shortly with a few answers for you.

[gratefulgal]

Dear kaduceuskitty,
there is a lot of help out there and a lot of people have been successful by taking that help. I just got out of a 28 day program that was very informative (detox was included). There are so many of them out there. I see that you are in VA, the one I went to is called Phoenix Recovery Center in Edgewood, MD - check out their website (I think it's www.phoenixrecoverycenter.com). The detox meds they have helped me tremendously and they have excellent staff there. (Their phone # is 410-671-7374 but they have a toll free number as well on their website). Tramadol can be very serious when it is abused. A young man that was in rehab with me was using Tramadol when he ran out of Vicodin and he was having seizures because he was taking so much Tramadol. He said it scared the crap out of him.
I know what you mean about being scared of detoxing and having to take time away from work. I felt the exact same way. Unless you've detoxed before, you have no idea what it's like. People who haven't been through it say "it's only a few days out of your life" but we who have been through it know that when your going through withdrawal it feel like an eternity. That the only reason I initially went into rehab - because I knew I wouldn't be able to detox on my own, and you really shouldn't. I would highly encourage you to call some places or have your husband call around (my brother called for me). There are people and places that can help you. I can tell that you don't want to live the way you're living anymore and it doesn't have to be like that anymore. It sounds like you want help but I know how scary it is to reach out for it. However, by doing so, you're being extremely brave - it takes more courage to say you need help than to contininue to hide all your pain and emotions with drugs. I'll be praying for you - do the right thing.

Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for all the kind words and encouragement.... Really.... I am amazed to find such love "here" and from "strangers" who actually know much more about where I am right now than my own family. I can't tell you how good it felt to read your post... I will keep my chin up and start looking into clinics in my area... Do you know much about them?... Like does it matter what kind? are there ones specifically FOR Narc or RX abusers? And as far as medical insurance or money issues are concerned.... is it really expensive?? Being a grad student I have little cash flow and horrible insurance/....but I know that that is NO excuse and my health and sanity are more important.... Well... Thank you AGAIN for the inspiration and if you ever need anything at all... Please let me know... I typically give pretty fair advice and always have a friendly ear...

[Gooch]

The secrets that keep us sick die in the light of exposure. Your among folks who know what its like to be a slave to addiction, and who've found a way out of the chains.


www.na.org

This is the homepage of Narcotics Anonymous. You can locat emeetings in your area, find helpline numbers, and access regional web pages from there.

While detox may help you get clean, Narcotics Anonymous meetings can help you stay clean.

Welcome to the SoberRecovery NA forum!

It doesn't matter what or how much we used ... just for today we never have to use again.

[godsonmyside]

Like what has been said, NA will help you get back you humanity, and feel a part of this beautiful miracle recovery has to offer, and you do not have to do this alone, YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE!!!
I was taking alot of opiates for pain, went to detox, upon release, they told me ultam was safe, my perscription was for the minimal amount. I took them and I freaked, flushed them down the toilet, Today I deal with my pain through prayer and meditation and positive thinking, It is amazing the amount of pain we can go through and stay clean a day at a time.
Todd J.

[eddie z.]

Narcotics Anonymous in Your Area!

Treatment for Healthcare Professionals!

Kitty,
Hey! I am a recovering addict and pharmacist. Please send me a personal message if you like. My suggestions for you would be to try NA ASAP. Then try to find a Caduceus meeting in your area. I was addicted to opioids myself and to me tramadol is no different, regardless of what the drug reps say!

You have a opportunity here to be of great service in your profession. Far too few physicians know much about addiction! Sounds like you know alot already, the hard way. Once you get into recovery, you can really help your patients with these problems, and believe me, there are PLENTY out there!

Please PM me or even e-mail me. There is help!
Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie, R.Ph.

[eddie z.]

Your local Caduceus meetings!
—EZ

[offocs]

Hi Kitty,

I, like EZ, am a recovering addict and a pharmacist. I was addicted to Oxy's. We don't have Tramadol in Canada, but I looked up a monograph and it sounds like it may as well be an opiate.
I know how you're feeling. It feels hopeless-but its not. Things do get better. I agree with the previous posts-really try to get to NA. The experience of hearing your story come out of someone elses mouth is invaluable-it will affirm my next statement-YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
It is so helpful to hear stories from people who are going through the same things as you are. In terms of treatment, I went to a centre that was supposed to be geared towards health professionals. It wasn't. It was still the most important experience of my life. I understand your fears-try to find a center that fits for you, but if you can't, go anyway. And, EZ gave you the same advice I was given. Although it may be difficult to see the positives right now, this is opportunity to share your experience in addiction with colleagues/fellow health professionals/patients that are suffering. But, let's not put the cart before the horse. This is a time when you need to worry about you AND today. The most important thing right now is to detox and get some clean time. After that things begin to get clearer and its easier to face fears and obstacles that may present themselves in the future.
I, also, love my job, and am not prepared to give it up (at this point). The sooner we start focussing on recovery, everything else will fall into place.

Take care of yourself, and keep sharing!!

CK

[offocs]

P.S. Kitty,

I am 96 days clean today. If I can do it you can too!

CK

[clancy!]

Hey kitty, im in the same boat as you, tramadol is my poison too, I also take 6 a day at present, I have tapered down from 15!! Yeah the withdrawals are the worst.And we had to pik adrug that was really dodgy to DT from too didnt we? Tapering is the only answer, DONT try to do it turkey, I did that one time and nearly died (although I DID do it, why did I bloop,jeezus..) I had fits and the worst hallusinations. Ive been advised by a drugs agensy in london to taper very slowly,one tablet down per week!! but so far Im doing reasonably, although last week I was very unkomfortable.Very little sleep still, but im gritting my teeth and going for it. Are you in a position to get medikal DT? you are luky you live in the US, if you lived here you would not be able to work as a medik if you had a rekord of drug problems.You'd having trouble getting any job, thats why I dont bring my GP in,we dont have the privasy laws you guys have,any prospektive employer kan see our med rekords, dosent that suk?? anyway I wont get on my hobby horse about that again. I wish you luk in the fight sister. sorry about my spelling,got no 'see' or 'eks' on my keyboard sinse i spilled tea over it!

[WNY Addict]

Hey KK

Glad you're here, and glad you recognize that you have a problem.

I suggest seeking out some local NA meetings. Get yourself a basic text, and just go hit some meetings. Listen to what people have to say. I'm the most stubborn, hardheaded type of person you're ever going to meet, but I eventually made my way to NA. I spent a lot of time in denial. Not denial that I had a drug problem, but denial that I needed help. I figured I was a smart guy, I had a nice degree on the wall, I was good at what I did for a living (very stressful job).

I was wrong.

What I needed to do (and couldn't) was simply the easiest thing there was..... shut up and listen to people that were living clean.

I tried tramadol in the past for kicks, but it didn't do anything for me. I am an IV opiate addict..... and that addiction started out with simple light prescription opiates like T&C#3 or darvon.

I've taken care of tramadol abusers at work, and I know of two (of the few I've seen) that've required craniotomies due to head bleeds. Very dangerous stuff according to the neurosurgeon we work with.

You've recognized you have a problem, so please, go to some meetings and keep going back!

God Bless

My mood has improved so much in just the past few days from all of this support, advice and guidance... Thank you ALL for being so wonderful... I promise to try and return the favor one day soon...

[eddie z.]

You are, of course, most welcome!
Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

[Time2Surrender]

Originally Posted by kaduceuskitty

My mood has improved so much in just the past few days from all of this support, advice and guidance... Thank you ALL for being so wonderful... I promise to try and return the favor one day soon...

No need to thank anyone..Just keep coming back.I am so glad to see you here again. :hello2

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by clancy!

if you lived here you would not be able to work as a medik if you had a rekord of drug problems.You'd having trouble getting any job, thats why I dont bring my GP in,we dont have the privasy laws you guys have,any prospektive employer kan see our med rekords, dosent that suk??

:mad :cursebunn Suck is a mild word, clancy!

Did you have actual withdrawal seizures, clancy? I've kind of been researching this a little and I know too much tramadol can cause seizures, but my question is whether they are a "normal" part of tramadol withdrawal. That would be really weird for an opioid-type drug. One usually only sees seizures with alcohol, barb, or benzo detox. Thanks!

Peace, love, hugs, and a JOYFUL Christmas,
Eddie

[polkadot]

I am new to the forum and seen your post about seizures and tramadol(ultram). I had 3 seizures while taking the drug. I wasn't taking it as prescribed though. I had taken it upon myself to double dose, becaue mytolerance was so high. I have tons of questions about quit taking hydrocodones. I have no one to be honest to about this and need help. No one know of my problem, which until recently thought everything was okay. Can I just stop taking them? I average about 4-10's a day. Not everyday, sometimes just 2-10's. whatever my budget allowed but I knew I had to have at least 2. Well money is low and.......well its a long story. any advice. I am in school and NO ONE knows of this problem..... I am at work know and took my last one about an hour ago and of course it didint phase me, no euphoria feeling that it, I have no clue why I feel I have to have these. I do hurt from a knee replacment and other health problems pending but i have no insurance so I get them where I can. This is the first time I have been completely honest about it. this is the gist of my story....any suggeston... I am scared... Can I sleep without them....can i get up and function not having one....any advice is appreciated.

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by polkadot

I have no clue why I feel I have to have these.

polkadot,
First, welcome to SR! Second, sounds like you have a definite clue. You're probably physically dependent. You have a tolerance and if you stopped suddenly, you'd start having withdrawal symptoms.

Can I sleep without them....can i get up and function not having one.

If you stop all at once, the answer is probably not. Actually, the first stage of withdrawal from opiates like hydrocodone is HEAVY sleep, then it moves into insomnia and a lot of other nasty things.

If you're seeing a doctor, I suggest you express your concerns to him or her. They can help you through this. Another thing I suggest is that you try a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. You can get the support you need there.

NA Knoxville! Here is a link to help you find a meeting.

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

[WNY Addict]

Get yourself to some meetings.

[eddie z.]

Yeah, both of y'all!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

Originally Posted by eddie z.

Yeah, both of y'all!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

????....me?.... I am Eddie.... I have found the place and the times they meet...I am just in the wrong city right now....I won't return home until after the 11th of January....but soon....

Love to everyone..

[Imagine]

I hope you had a great christmas kitty. I'm sorry that this is the first time I responded to your post, I still suffer from chronic uniqueness at times. Meaning; We come from two different worlds, and we used in different ways. Our problem is the same, we are addicts who desire a better life for ourselfs. We are always going to be addicts, we never kick this thing. Our drug use is just a symptom of a bigger problem, the 12 steps helps us to face that bigger problem in our lives and start dealing with it. Don't put it off no longer, go to some meetings where you are at, you don't have to be clean at first, you just have to have a desire to stop using. All us addicts suffer from chronic uniqueness don't let it hold you back. They are a doctor, two nurses, and a pharmacist that go to the same home group I do. That's a beautiful thing about NA, no matter where we come from in life we can and do recover together. I'm on the Pegasys/Copegus treatment for Hep-C and the side effects at first was he!!, 1/12/04 I was told that I was type 2 diabetic, and my blood work came back that I had hep-c, my liver biopsy came back that I had chronic hepatitis with cirrhosis. The first liver doctor sent me to the Emory Clinic to be put on the list for a transplant. I was freaking out, I had stop talking to my sponsor, stopped going to my home group, and my recovery was in danger. I was setting in the waiting room of my PCP's office, and out of the blue walk in my sponsor, it was God telling me I am not along. With my sponsor's help, and the support of my NA family I was able to turn down the narcotics they offered me to deal with the side effects, and panic attacks. And God gave me some very good addict friendly doctors at Emory. The first doctor was wrong, the doctor at Emory said I did not need a transplant, after 16 weeks on tx my blood test came back undetected of the hep-c. And I have 22 weeks to go on tx, and we expect for me to be clear of the virus, and most important to me I will still be clean and sober. I'm also getting non diabetic readings (80-100). So you see how this is a life and death choose for me, I thank God for NA, thru it he saved my life. It belongs to all of us, it was freely given to us to pass on, and they are a chair waiting for you. Thanks for letting me share.