I Am Here In Body Only

[Buny]

Good morning to all. i have had a really bad 4 days. i have managed to not use crack for the last 2 days but i have not been able to stay clean i hurt so much and i just can't feel like that and live. Maybe in time after the pain subsides i will be able to be clean Any suggestions i really need you guys now i am so lost and feel so alone i can't get through alone thanks in advance
bunny

[Moontime]

(((((HUGS)))) Buny!! I've been in your shoes. My desperation of not wanting to live, turned into a desire to live and stay clean. I needed to be at exactly at the point you are at for me to get where I am at today. I went to meetings 90 in 90 is no joke. It worked for our predecessors, it works. People/places/things, I had to give this up, if I wanted to live. I couldn't give these up and I relapsed on and off for 7 months, finally after enough of a beating, I had to hang out with the winners. These are people who are working a program, I wanted what they had. I did what they did. I was in the back pocket of men in the program. I got a sponsor, I called him 4 times a day sometimes. They said go to Area Service, I went every month. They said go to meetings early and stay late, I did this. IF they would've said run around this meeting naked and you will stay clean, i would've done it. This can be your bottom, the greatest thing about a bottom, is that it can be yours. Meetings, Meetings, Meetings, i would hit them for 90 days.

[kweather99]

Buny,
It will get better, a lot better, if you work the program. It's a program of action, I was told, and I needed to take action before I began to feel better. For me, I couldn't expect to feel better simply because I stopped using. I have to undergo a psychic change that begins with a few key ideas:

-- I am powerless and can't manage my own life the way I want to, so I need help.
-- Probably no human power can relieve my addiciton
-- A Higher Power can and will if sought

What I was happy to learn early on is that all I needed was the ability to be honest, open-minded, and willing. When I am willing to be taught that will lead to open-mindedness to the principles of the program. When I am open-minded to the program and the suggestions people give me, that will lead to honesty. Only with honesty will I be able to facce the fact that I am an addict and I cannon manage my own life. From that powerlessness comes my power to stay clean.

I was also where you are and have been able to put some time together because I was willing to go to any lengths to stay clean. From my powerlessness came the power to stay clean - the 1st Step of NA. 90 meeting sin the next 90 days is an excellent suggestion. Get a sponsor who will work the steps of the program with you.

I can also do 5 things every day that are an excellent start to keeping me clean:
1 - morning prayer to a HP, the Serenity Prayer might be a good start
2 - Talk to another addict
3 - Read some program literature
4 - Get myself to a meeting
5 - Pray to a HP at night, giving thanks for another day clean

Keep coming back to this site and get to some meetings. It works if you work it.