Can I ask the Addict???? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

JennE · 11-30-2004, 01:12 PM

What as the addict do you think is the hardest part of recovery??

Is it getting Clean or is facing the reality of the damage you caused the people you loved???

Have any of you come full circle and maintained long term sobriety and been able to maintain family (Spuses & Children)

As a mother with a young child how would you advise me to treat my husband who used crack for 2 years sold off anything and everything he could get his hands on and Now When there nothing left wants heis family by his side! I am on my way out of 16+ years of marriage is there ever a reality that recovery if forever because unless there is some kind of "Guarantee" that recovery will be forever why would I subject my child to this vicious behavior and dangerous lifestyle????

JennE

Dan · 11-30-2004, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JennE

What as the addict do you think is the hardest part of recovery??

Loving myself, and not knowing if it's for the first time in my life.
I find that very hard.

godsonmyside · 11-30-2004, 02:19 PM

Quote:

I am on my way out of 16+ years of marriage is there ever a reality that recovery if forever because unless there is some kind of "Guarantee" that recovery will be forever why would I subject my child to this vicious behavior and dangerous lifestyle????

Recovery is a Daily repreave, only a day, there is no garantee. Recovery is possible for us who want it, the ones who need it don't stay long for some reason, but recovery is possible for anyone who has the desire to stay clean. I hope you can find the aswer you are looking for and hopefully you can find Alonon or Naranon.
Todd J.

jenniferaz1980 · 11-30-2004, 02:21 PM

Jenn,

I hardest part of recovery for me was getting to know myself.

Moontime · 11-30-2004, 02:25 PM

If I worred about the damage I caused, I wouldn't be able to get clean. Thank god for the 4th step, my past patterns doesn't control my life today. Thank god for the 9th step and the proceeding steps before that. I needed that foundation in order for me to be willing to make amends, without expecations on the outcome. The hardest part in my recovery today, is knowing I'm arm's length away from killing myself by using. The hardest part today, is listening to the destructive force that lives within me that says you can have one, it's ok. I have not been in your shoes, so I can not give experience in dealing with children/addict. I have seen people in my area have to cut ties with their SO/using addict, until they get some clean time under there belt. They said you need the NA family before you can be apart of this family again. Again, I have no experience, but this is what I've seen

JennE · 11-30-2004, 02:46 PM

Todd - I too walk with God on my side and I struggle daily with working on my steps and confronting relaity face first. I wish that I knew what was right, but all I know is what I think it right for my child and myself seriously looking at putting the addict/my husband out of her reach, on;ly becasue he user her as a way to get back to me!

I will forever wish him recovery and a life filled with purpose and Hope but I dont think I have the Stamina to stand beside him when there is no firm ground to base build upon you see to the loved on eof the addict the aftermath is as dmagaing as when the addict is active.. Yeah we are glad that hey have stopped using, but it is just no that simple to except that at any minute he could get "sucked in", "Slip up" or "relapse" what kind of future is that???

I am active in recovery, I am a regular in the nar anon room and I spend a lot of time reading and I do attend an occasional meeting around town, I just find it more important to spend my evenings being a parent to my daughter. She already has been a hostage/vitom to his neglect and choice to use crack over parent his child, so I tend to not leave her with a sitter at night to go to a meeting.

Anyways... I still am working my program and I think that if my husband was working a program that I might see hope but he thinks "programs are for the weak ones" Yeah see why I am checking out after 16 yeras I dont know him anymore Hell he does not know himself.

godsonmyside · 11-30-2004, 10:40 PM

You are possitively right for your need to do what you have to do, and that just may be a key to him finding rcovery. Letting him go just may be what he needs, you need to do what you need to do for your program and sanity too.
Making that decision is hard and difficult but you have to do for you and the little one as well.
Keep us posted and keep talking about it. pain shared is pain lessened.
Todd J.

JennE · 12-01-2004, 01:03 AM

((((Thank you))))
I dont want to be angry and damaged forever!

Hadenuff · 12-01-2004, 04:41 AM

I found the most difficult part of recovery was being with myself and learning to be comfortable, as they say, in my own skin. learing to feel all the painful emotions without having my ways to numb myself for most of my life.
I hear some say it wasn't about feelings or mushy stuff like that for them but for me that was a probably my # 1 problem. I started using when I was 12 and never really grew up or let myself feel.
I also had to learn to love myself. I was my own worst enemy. today I am comfortable with myself. Today I feel and live, Im truly alive and it is great. Good stuff or bad. I experience it. I don't get loaded to escape stuff.
H

11-30-2004, 01:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
JennE Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Silver Spring, MD, Posts: 4	Can I ask the Addict???? What as the addict do you think is the hardest part of recovery?? Is it getting Clean or is facing the reality of the damage you caused the people you loved??? Have any of you come full circle and maintained long term sobriety and been able to maintain family (Spuses & Children) As a mother with a young child how would you advise me to treat my husband who used crack for 2 years sold off anything and everything he could get his hands on and Now When there nothing left wants heis family by his side! I am on my way out of 16+ years of marriage is there ever a reality that recovery if forever because unless there is some kind of "Guarantee" that recovery will be forever why would I subject my child to this vicious behavior and dangerous lifestyle???? JennE __________________ JennE "When we come to the edge of the light we know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of this we can be sure:.... either God will provide something solid to stand on or .....we will be taught to fly"

11-30-2004, 02:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
Moontime Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Charlottesville, Va Posts: 624	If I worred about the damage I caused, I wouldn't be able to get clean. Thank god for the 4th step, my past patterns doesn't control my life today. Thank god for the 9th step and the proceeding steps before that. I needed that foundation in order for me to be willing to make amends, without expecations on the outcome. The hardest part in my recovery today, is knowing I'm arm's length away from killing myself by using. The hardest part today, is listening to the destructive force that lives within me that says you can have one, it's ok. I have not been in your shoes, so I can not give experience in dealing with children/addict. I have seen people in my area have to cut ties with their SO/using addict, until they get some clean time under there belt. They said you need the NA family before you can be apart of this family again. Again, I have no experience, but this is what I've seen __________________ Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. -Lenny Bruce

11-30-2004, 02:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
JennE Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Silver Spring, MD, Posts: 4	Todd - I too walk with God on my side and I struggle daily with working on my steps and confronting relaity face first. I wish that I knew what was right, but all I know is what I think it right for my child and myself seriously looking at putting the addict/my husband out of her reach, on;ly becasue he user her as a way to get back to me! I will forever wish him recovery and a life filled with purpose and Hope but I dont think I have the Stamina to stand beside him when there is no firm ground to base build upon you see to the loved on eof the addict the aftermath is as dmagaing as when the addict is active.. Yeah we are glad that hey have stopped using, but it is just no that simple to except that at any minute he could get "sucked in", "Slip up" or "relapse" what kind of future is that??? I am active in recovery, I am a regular in the nar anon room and I spend a lot of time reading and I do attend an occasional meeting around town, I just find it more important to spend my evenings being a parent to my daughter. She already has been a hostage/vitom to his neglect and choice to use crack over parent his child, so I tend to not leave her with a sitter at night to go to a meeting. Anyways... I still am working my program and I think that if my husband was working a program that I might see hope but he thinks "programs are for the weak ones" Yeah see why I am checking out after 16 yeras I dont know him anymore Hell he does not know himself. __________________ JennE "When we come to the edge of the light we know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of this we can be sure:.... either God will provide something solid to stand on or .....we will be taught to fly"

11-30-2004, 10:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
godsonmyside Vision of Hope Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Living on This side of the green!! Posts: 1,062	You are possitively right for your need to do what you have to do, and that just may be a key to him finding rcovery. Letting him go just may be what he needs, you need to do what you need to do for your program and sanity too. Making that decision is hard and difficult but you have to do for you and the little one as well. Keep us posted and keep talking about it. pain shared is pain lessened. Todd J. __________________ We get relief through the Twelve Steps which are essential to the recovery process, because they are a new, spiritual way of life that allows us to participate in our own recovery. We Do Recover Todd J.

12-01-2004, 01:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
JennE Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Silver Spring, MD, Posts: 4	((((Thank you)))) I dont want to be angry and damaged forever! __________________ JennE "When we come to the edge of the light we know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of this we can be sure:.... either God will provide something solid to stand on or .....we will be taught to fly"

11-30-2004, 02:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
jenniferaz1980 New and Unsure Join Date: May 2004 Location: phoenix az Posts: 191	Jenn, I hardest part of recovery for me was getting to know myself.

12-01-2004, 04:41 AM	#9 (permalink)
Hadenuff Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: USA Posts: 123	I found the most difficult part of recovery was being with myself and learning to be comfortable, as they say, in my own skin. learing to feel all the painful emotions without having my ways to numb myself for most of my life. I hear some say it wasn't about feelings or mushy stuff like that for them but for me that was a probably my # 1 problem. I started using when I was 12 and never really grew up or let myself feel. I also had to learn to love myself. I was my own worst enemy. today I am comfortable with myself. Today I feel and live, Im truly alive and it is great. Good stuff or bad. I experience it. I don't get loaded to escape stuff. H

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