15 year old heroin addict, 1st relapse, what to do?

[concernedsister]

I posted this on the Nar-anon forum, but was hoping some of you who
are recovering from a heroin addiction and truly understand can help guide me in the right direction.

My 15 year old sister has been snorting Heroin for 8 months. Three weeks ago, she came out of in-patient Rehab (16 days). Before rehab, she was stealing money, skipping school, sneaking out of the house, etc. Up until last year, she was a brilliant straight A student who wanted to go to medical school. This year, she is almost kicked out of school, failing a few classes, getting into trouble all of the time.

We had so much hope. She wanted to go to rehab. She was so different, so normal when she came home. The other day I found out she stole 35 oxycodone pain pills my husband had for his back pain. She lied about it and we caught her red-handed with some of them in her purse and found out her and her former Heroin-using friend had taken 18 each the day before.

Everyone is so disappointed. What do we do now? How do we treat her?
How can we trust her? She's going to outpatient rehab 3 days a week (9hours). My mom hasn't gotten her into NA meetings yet.

Help! We are completely lost! We don't know if we are supposed to keep her on house arrest, never believe what she says, trust her, don't trust her, what do we do?

[firegirl1025]

Shellie,
I have no advice as to what you should do for her but I will tell you this. I would never have been able to kick by going to outpatient rehab. I had to physically be locked up and then shipped to a half way house. 12 years later and I still can't believe I actually made it through the first year. At 6 months clean, I was still plotting how I was going to get out and get more heroin. It wasn't until about 9 months that I decided I wanted to be clean.
I'm not sure what my family could have done for me to help. They did try but I just put them through hell. It took me years to regain their trust.
I dont think I have been any help. I am afraid for your sister. I feel bad for you. I'm sorry. I will send good thoughts for you and your family.

[thanx2methodone]

Hi Shelly1,

I am 22 years old and had a brutal heroin addiction for 5 years (I have been clean 4 1/2 months.) What you are saying sounds exactly like me when i was using. I lived with my parents, stole from them and lied to them countinuously. They didn't trust me at all, after numerous failed attempts trying. They tried everything to get me clean--but what they didn't understand was, that at the time, i wasn't ready to be clean.
My parents are very loving people. They tried and they tried, but i just continued to dissappoint them. Until one day, they just kicked me out. It really hurt my mom to do that, but she had no other choice.(I kindda wanted to leave myself, what i was putting them through was not fair, but i couldn't help it--i had a desease, and I felt no one understood me.)
It took me 6 months of living here and there and then basically hitting rock bottom. once i was out of my house, and saw the life a real heroin addict lives, i could take it no more. I wanted to be around people who loved me, I wanted to love and be loved. I remeber that day so clearly. it's like a lightbulb went off, and i realised that i didn't belong there and i wanted to change more than anything in the world. I wanted my family to trust me. I knew i was welcomed back at my house--only as long as i was clean.

That was almost 5 months ago and i haven't touched anything since. I never thought i could do it, but i did. I just had to want to do it. It doesn't sound like your daughter is ready yet. I don't know how you feel about kicking her out, but it really is a good thing, for you and her. This time she stole pills--next it will be your TV,her stereo and anything in the house of value. Trust me, it will happen. I know you love her and want to help her, and tough love may kill you to do--but it worked wonders for me.
I hold no resentment against my mom for doing what she did. We now have a great relationship, she basically saved my life. I am so grateful and thankful that i have such a wonderful loving family, that really never gave up on me. By letting me go, they knew i'd realise where i'd rather be.

I don't know if you have thought of this as an option, but i think you should consider it. You can never force an addict to quit--she has to want to quit. And after seeing what is out there while she's an addict, she'll hopefully want to come home and get clean. It worked for me, maybe it would work for her. If you have exhausted all other efforts, i would recommend this.

It may just save her life....

Take Care! and don't give up!!


Pls. email me if you have any questions/concerns.

[Gooch]

Most addicts need an ongoing plan. Many find it in NA meetings. There seems to be no clear consensus as to a universal 100% effective solution. In other words No one can stop the addict from using, relapsing, or dying from addiction. The hope is when the addict comes to their own terms and wanst to recover there are ways and means available. Until that time, we lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and con our way around whatever comes between us and using. By the time we admit there's a problem, we allready been lying to, cheating, stealing, conning, and manipulating ourselves for quite a while. The naranon board is a great place for you to get wise to our ways, learn how not to enable your addict, and avoid some of the risks of loving an addict.

Your sis is in the prayers for the still suffering addict at every NA meeting.

[concernedsister]

I appreciate the struggle that all of you are going through to stay clean and I admired your courage to write about it and help others. I'm afraid for my sister because I've heard a Heroin addiction is very, very difficult to kick. Although she makes it seem like she's clean, and it's no problem at all for her. She doesn't admit any feelings about it or inner struggles, she doesn't poor out her feelings, but seems to project this image that it was no big deal, she's over it, and everything is going to be fine. Then she went and stole my husband's oxys, and admitted to taking a bunch. When I asked her why, she said "she didn't think she'd get caught". I'm sorry, but when you make a statement like that, it doesn't sound like you are fully recovered. She makes it seem like its no big deal because it wasn't Heroin and she would never do Heroin again. She was here yesterday after school and seemed to be a little more irritated than usual and her eyes looked a little squinty. If she is staying clean, I don't want to accuse her of using and kill her confidence, but I also don't want to make the mistake of not noticing the symptoms either. Can you guys tell me what are symptoms she is using again? Her time is pretty controlled. She goes to school, then rehab 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, and she has a part-time job and her time is pretty much otherwise monitored. She's been doing well in school since she came home from in-patient (3 weeks ago). I'm just really worried about her.

[Peaches04]

Hi Shellie...my heart goes out to you...my sister was a crank/coke addict in college. She was my best friend and I watched it all unravel before my eyes and even partied with her a few times! It was so fast and furious, the way it all happened - I'd never have believed it, had I not seen it. I finally broke down and told my mom how sick she was and how bad she needed help - I felt guilty, like I betrayed her - and who was I to tell on her? I was no angel! We did an intervention and she went AWAY to a rehab in a different state, and after that went to a half way house. She has been sober 15 years now, and says it saved her life. I am very sorry to say that she had surgery last year, and i fear she is now addicted to pain pills. My heart just breaks for you because I know as a sister how hard it is to watch the destruction. The advise that I think was imperative for my sister was this... 1. Dont give up on her 2. If your family can afford treatment again, send her AWAY - out of state if possible. 3. Send her to a 1/2 way house after treatment. She has got to stay away from using friends...it is very easy at that age to get caught up into again. She is a child really, and lacks the adult mental capacity to understand finality and destruction. Other than those things...give it to God. Hang in there - you are a great sister to even have found this place and try to find help...she loves you very much, I'm sure - even in her deluted state. I thought my sister would hate me when I 'turned her in' and she swears now I saved her life.

[thanx2methodone]

Hi Shellie,
I don't know if you are still reading this, but if you are, here are the using symptoms (ie,--when she is high): (I know them very well, i was addicted to H for 5 years): her eyes will be red and droopy, her speech slurred, her pupils will be very small(pinpoint), she will try to "hid" from family/friends, her eyes will close for no reason, she will "nod off" (ie--fall asleep) continuously, she will lie constantly, she might start to steal things (ie--pills/money/things of value)
When she is using, but is not high around you, so will: seemed irritated, have moodswings/snap/be grumpy, be uninyerested in all things except "going out" or getting money, she will sweat lots, have aching joints, have lack of energy, not be able to sleep, and her pupils will be big and her eyes will be glassy.

If you have anymore questions, you can private message me or email me at kizak@myway.com.

Good Luck!!