How do i fight that evil inner voice?

[thanx2methodone]

Hi everyone!
I'm new here. just found this site while surfing, cause I CANT SLEEP!
It is 2:10am in Canada right now and i am psychologically fighting this evil voice in my head that is telling me i need to use in order to sleep.
I have been a heroin addict for 5 years until, 2 months ago, i decided i could handle it no more.
But i always loved to use before going to bed, cause it put me on the nod right away.
So every night i am reminded of going to bed sweaty and sober, and it kills me! I find it so hard to sleep sober, i haven't really done it in about 5 years now that i actually think about it! It is a battle in my head every night!
The day is okay cause i'm usually really busy. But at night, i just lie there beside the phone thinking i could score and it would be at my house so quickly.

This is killing me! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!

I want to be sober, i really do!!! But how do i stop this voice that has concord my mind/actions for the past 5 years?!

Any input/help would be greatly appreciated!

Thank You!

[tramp]

i used to meditate alot at night.
anything going through my head other than that battle.
the serenity prayer, a mantra, my breath, the name of god.

[Ann25]

That evil voice.... :hairout
I know it all too well!!!!!!!
Do what ever it takes--call another addict, pray, go for a ride, whatever... Just dont pick-up!!
Hang in there!!!!!!

[Moontime]

Hey Thanx, I'm an addict too. When I have that inner voice talking, the destructive force that the 3rd step talks about, I pray, then I pick up the phone and just go down my phone list. I talk about what's going on in my head, next thing I know I'm usually thinking about something else by the end of the converstation. It gets better.

[Gooch]

Best way I found was to develop a new voice, one that can speak to the insanity the evil voice spews.

www.na.org

[Phinneas]

Ditto to Gooch. When I try to fight the voice on my own, sooner or later I lose. I have (finally) learned to reach my right hand up to god and my left hand out to my brother and sister addicts. Pray and talk, pray and talk, pray and talk... oh, yeah, and listen.

jojo

[namommy]

I learned to just stop fighting it. In the beginning, I was taught to tell my head "Thanks for Sharing" and it usually worked. now, I look at it as the entertainment committee. Once you learn that you don't have to act out on those sick and scary thoughts, the easier it gets to ignore the voice. Also, calling your sponsor, your support network, praying and reading recovery literature helps. My husband told me that when he first got clean, he would put a really boring movie on TV so he could watch it and still fall asleep.

[Beloved]

Welcome , talk about everything and use about nothing . If you continue to listen to that voice , just remember that, that's the same one that talked you in to the dope-line. That voice will always give you mis-informed information . You keep it simple and ask yourself this question WHO'S AN ADDICT and if you can answer you , then don't worry about the voice. To thy own self be true. If you want different things to enter into your life , then you must make different choices in your life . you've heard that prayer changes things it does , allow your Higher Power to do for you what at this point is impossilbe for you to do FOR YOURSELF. the voice is just a thought , kinda like a funky fart in the wind , IT TO SHALL PASS ! SO KEEP COMIN BACK . Any addict can go pick-up , that misery can be refundede at anytime , But It takes courage , and willingness to want to recover , and if that's what you really want then just surrender . ( Beloved )

[cj.]

Hi Thanx:

I don't know of anyone who has died from lack of sleep, but I do know many who have died from using!!

Our body, mind and emotions are out of whack early in recovery and it takes a little time for them to heal. Just don't use and you will find that it does get better!!

cj

[nutz]

I just go outside and take a walk. One foot in front of the other.
look UP at moon and starts when I can't sleep or when that committe
starts up again.I walk until I get tired. The walk back home sucks.
But when I get home I'm tired and ready to sleep like a baby.

I'm willing to go to any length for my recovery.
There a park bench and a tree next to a pond.
I go talk to the tree sometimes. I can't afford a doctor.lol
Its quite and I'm out in open space.
I just sit there as long as it takes.
Sometimes amazing thing happens
It's like a santuary for me.

I read a lot now. For some reason reading recovery stuff.
stops those crzy vioces.

I'm also doing lessons in the course of mirracles.
The first couple if lesson is ..My thoughts are meaning less. :tongue3:

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by nutz

There a park bench and a tree next to a pond.
I go talk to the tree sometimes. I can't afford a doctor.lol

((((nutz))))

I talk to trees, too.

hugs,


jojo

[thanx2methodone]

Thank you all so much!!
I guess i just didn't realize all the other options out there
I've tried each one posted here, and have succeeded in not giving in!!

Thank you all for being caring and loving and reaching out to those who need it.
Ever since I stopped using, I had to make a major change---and that involved loosing all my using friends. So as hard as that was, I am now friendless.

I feel so much better that i found this site! All of you are absoulotuly AMAZING!

Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Not only for helping me, but reaching out to others, I think it's wonderful!!!

[Beloved]

:tri And that's the therapeutic value of one addict helping another. I would like to share, this story that I myself heard at a speak-a-ton meeting in chi-town. It's about the still suffering addict , in active addiction . the suffering addict is in this hole , and crying , fighting , struggling to get out of this hole of despair , but the more he fight , and struggle the farther in the hole he goes. The mother of the suffering addict comes to this hole , and nil down and puts her hand in to try to reach the suffering addict. But she could not so after she tryed all angles that she could think of , she got-up and she walked away. Leaving the suffering addict struggling , crying , and still fighting to get out of this hole. Now this preacher walks-up to the hole and looked in on the head of that still suffering addict, and then throw a bible in and said son (pray) your way out , and he to walked away from the hole and yes that still suffering addict left behind crying, struggling, and trying to fight his way out of this hole . But the more he fights the farther he goes in this hole. At this time a highly educated gentleman , approached this still suffering addict in this hole . struggling , crying , feeling helpless , and very hopeless at this time and the gentleman said to the addict think your way out of that hole . and he to walked away leaving that still suffering addict . And days and more days went by and years began to pass and that addict was in so much physical , mental , and spiritual pain and fighting for his life , but could not see a way out of active addiction . So he went down on his knees and cryed to the Lord and surrenderd the fight , and struggle and at that time made his admission of defeat being face with the evidence that he could not do it along , and was in despite need of help. At that point a recovering addict walked up to the hole and looked in . And the man cryed-out to him Hey, Hey, PLEASE SIR ! WILL YOU HELP ME , CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS HOLE . And the recovering addict looked in again on the head of that still suffering addict , and at that time jumped in the hole with the addict. The addict was afraid , and he knew no way out , and he said why , why , would you do such a thing and jump in this hole . I've been here for years, and have not found away out , so now the both of us will remain stuck in this hole . And then the recovering addict looked in the eyes of the still suffering addict , and said take my hand , I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE , AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY OUT! so this story is to say that the Ultimate Wapon for a suffering addict is one that knows how to recover one day at a time . One addict helping another is without parellel. So keep comin back . To show the newcomer that this program work with desire , acceptance , surrender and the willingness to change . Thanks for letting me share (Beloved)

[S-ROD]

Thanx, hi! Hope you are still doing well. I work out during the day. I have a treadmill and i start walking(no energy anymore) and then go from there and how i feel that day. I used to do Oxy's and have a smoke right before bed too and i'd sleep like a baby. 27 days into this and i still wake up sweating and nervous. thats when i do sleep. just hang in there. You just have to be strong today. One day at a time. Keep busy too.

[thanx2methodone]

Hi Guys! Thank You so much for your posts! Each one has help tremendously!!

Beloved: That was beautiful! It makes so much sense. I'm keeping that one for sure!
S-Rod:Thank you for asking, yes I am still doing well, and i couldn't be more proud of myself than i am now. (Who wouldda thought i could do it?? Certainly not me!!) I thought that i would never get through this, i really thought i was a goner. The treadmill idea has really helped. Ive had one for years, and haven't started using it till now! It helps with w/d symptoms and it also makes me feel as if i am doing something good for myself instead of destructive. It's a great feeling! Everybody's little tricks have worked wonders for me!! Thank you all so much!!

And this site has ALOT to do with me being clean for this long--I am so grateful i found it!!I've never actually had so much help, hope, love & motivation all at my fingertips 24 hours a day!! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!
It is so nice to know that they're ppl out there who care. I really hope you guys understand how gratreful i am. It is so nice to know that "friends" are just a click away. Since I got rid of all my using friends completely(which was all of them), i have been really lonely, and you guys have helped tremendously!! I know eventually i will make new non-using friends, and until then,--but this is an awesome start!!!!

I think this is so wonderful what all you are doing!! I have learnt more about myself and my addiction in the few days of being a member on here, than my last 5 years of using! This site has given me insight on myself & others, hope for the future for myself and others, gratitude and so much more!! i honestly thought I was alost cause. That i would never get better, and that drugs/destruction was the path that was obviously designed for me. But this site reminds me that there are still great ppl out there, and it has given me so much hope--you have no idea. I know this site will continue to help others as it is helping me!!

Thank You All Again from the bottom of my Heart!!!!!!!

[Imagine]

Hey Thanx; My name's Jerome, I am an addict, welcome to SR. After 5 12 years clean my Monkey still tries to talk me into stuff, not alway using, but anything that would take me off my program. My sponsor and I still spend alot of time on the phone, he knows who it is if his phone rings after midnight and he's ready to put on a pot of coffee, and stay on the phone the rest of the night if necessary. That phone can be used for help, not just to place an order with. You're doing the right thing, hang in there This Too Will Pass. If you don't have a sponsor get one, nights that you can't sleep is a great time for some Step Work..

[Beloved]

Hi thankX2 you have found new friend who are not using and who have found a new way of life , and as long as you continue to follow that way you have nothing to fear. Now you will just find more friends , the NA program is universial . So no matter were you may rome , you'll always have family there . HUGGIN YOU my new found friend , so now HUG ME BACK o.k LOL ." just keep coming back " And when you don't have nothing to do the NA program have a lot of things going on for recreation , and activties dinners , and dancing just to name a few. and the convention is coming up in chi-town hope to see you there (Beloved)

[thanx2methodone]

Beloved: HUG YOU BACK x 1000000
Thank you all!! You are all awesome!!!
What is it you were talking about Beloved, convention?@chi-town?what's that?
I go to my first meeting tommorrow night!!! I am so excited!!!
Everyone on this site talks so much about meetings, i thought i'd give em a try!!
And i am so looking forward to it!! (God, you would think i was going to a concert or something!!)

[Ann25]

Glad to see your staying positive!

[Beloved]

Hey thanX2 ! Chi-town my friend is Chicago , that's were I am in the windy city. As for the convention wow!!!!! that's when thousands of recovering addicts from all over the world , And from all walks of life . get together share ESH make all night meetings , dance have the clean time count-down for the addict with the most clean time this is the old timer , But the twist in it all is the one that has one day clean and is making there very first convention. that is were the excitement comes in , The new-comer is the most important at the convention. Even for the old-timer it all started with one day at a time. So keep comin Back ! It will be at the Hyatt Hotel in Jan / 2005 :na2 (Beloved)

[someguy]

I so feel your pain, I know that evil inner voice. I am glad i seen your post because i can't afford to get on the clinic right now and the voices in my head are screaming right now. taking all posts in and praying we can all sleep. peace.

[Beloved]

Hey Someguy , just hold-on . and prayer does change things my friend . You need to know that it to shall pass , if you keep comin back. (Beloved)

[thanx2methodone]

Someguy,
If you can't afford any clinics, you should look at the social services in your area. Most cities offer clinics that have no monthly fee, mostly for walkins off the street, ppl on welfare, and of course, anyone who just can't afford the fee. You should look into that.
And until then, hold on my friend, we are all here for you.
Keep coming back!!!