New at this, heroin recovery, anyone out there?

[DaphaB]

I am 20 and just started the road to recovery, I am on day 10 and it seems to be getting a little easier each day. Its been the 10 days on the methadone program that is helping me very much. Is there anyone out there who I can talk to? Nobody really knows about my addiction other than one friend and my counslers, so I really do not have anyone to talk to who truly understands. I have a well paying job, and could always keep my habit a secret. I am struggling to live with all the guilt I feel.

[Nuke2033]

Hi Dapha,

I'm an addict too. Not to heroine, but addictions are addictions. I'd recommend maybe finding an NA group around if you are interested in finding more people to connect with and help each other out ( www.na.org ). Also, I want to encourage you to stay careful. It's sooo easy to slip, and often heroin relapses can be especially dangerous due to the normal person tolerance vs. experienced user tolerance difference. You can do it though, and keep posting here. Good luck!

[NOD]

Hey Daph,
My name is Jerry and I'm a recovering heroin addict. First let me say congrats on the 10 days and to applaud you for your choice to 'speak' about it. Telling another addict cuts the load in half. Knowing there are others going through what you are can be the best medicine in the world.
I was on a methadone program for about 5 years. I've been off the 'done for almost a year now and off heroin for over 2 years. Stick with it, but also help ypurself by learning all you can about methadone and how it will affect you for the long run.
I'm pulling for you Daph,
Jerry

[DaphaB]

Thanks, NOD, your definatley right about feeling better when others feel the same. I am on a 6 month methadone program because you have to be 21 to be on a matinence. I am trying my best this time to get all I can out of NA groups and support from heroin recovering 'vets'. My counsler wants me to find my weakness, there are so many! I have a question for everyone: what was your weakness???

hey Daph,
I'm a recoverying heroin addict myself and I've done the methadone thing and it's really helped. I didn't realize that you had an age req. to get on the meth. maint. program. Thay necer checked my I.D. when I copped dope. You asked about weaknesses and I think we all have many. I'm a dope fiend.... now that's a weakness .LOL Actually I'm not sure that my weaknesses made me use . They were just the excuses I used to get High. I still have many of them and I don't get High, but I may be misunderstanding your question. There are certain "triggers" that set me off but I'm learning to deal with them. But most of the time these "triggers" are just normal problems that every one has and us addicts use them as excuses. I would suggest going to a meeting and getting a sponsor. The person doesn't have to a ex-heroin addict but I've found that someone with similar history have alot of the same issues. Keep in touch.
Mike

[Phinneas]

Daph-- Congrats on getting off H. It takes courage to choose to stop using. Have you looked into NA in addition to counseling? I urge you to get to a meeting, get a sponsor and start working the steps. Being in a 12-step recovery program will give you the support of others who have been there to and it will help you to live life without needing drugs or alcohol. Recovery is available if you want it and I hope you take advantage of the gifts that are so freely given.

Welcome to SR! Good luck and keep us posted.

jojo

[NOD]

Hey Daph,
6 months on methadone should give you a good jump on your recovery, stick with it. Don't think about MMaintanence right now. The longer you stay on 'done the harder it is to get off it. The longer you stay clean the easier it is to stabilize your dose of 'done. Give your body a chance to get used to being without the heroin and you will find you won't need as much 'done. Don't give up, the journey has begun.
Jerry

[thanx2methodone]

Hey Nod,
Hi, I'm new and on the meth (again). Any advice? I've tried to get off it before, but i relapes, i've come so far i don't want that to happen again!!!!

Is is really that bad to stay on meth for the rest of my life?? Cause that was kindda the plan since i am too scared to ween myself off it, for for on relapsing.

What should i do??

[thanx2methodone]

hey Daph,

I totally know what you are going through. I am 22 years old and have been a heroin addict for 5 years straight. I very recently deceided i could do it no more, and have been clean and sober for a few mths.
Of course in the beginning, i didn't think anyone knew what i was going through. I thought junkies/addicts were 'skids/bums'--no one i could relate to.
When i was 13 i had a huge modelling carrer ahead of me. Things were going great until i got caught using by my agent and everything went to ****. I thought no one understood me and i didn't want to associate myself with ppl. i (arrogently)thought were "lower'' than myself.
I have only began to realise that no matter what you look like, how old you are, or where your from, you have something in common with all "those ppl." at meetings.
They want to recover--just like you, and to understand--not judge. You have a lot more in common with those ppl. than you think.

I'm rooting for you!! Hang in there!!!

[DaphaB]

The very first time I was on the methadone program it was just a 21 day detox, of course I relapsed, now on the 6 month I am scared I will relapse again. I am trying my hardest right now and doing better than I have in such a long time. Many people have told me that I should get a sponsor because they will really help me stay clean, I know that you do that by going to NA but who are they and what do they teach you?

[NOD]

Hey thanx2,
whatever it takes to stay clean, do it. You may find that after you've been on the 'done for a while ( and staying clean ) you don't need as much of a dose to get you through your day. I had been off the heroin about 3 months when I started my methadone detox. It took me over 1 year to taper down to nothing. After 4 years of 'done and being addicted to heroin for longer I had had enough.
You said you decided you could do it no more. That's the best thing that could happen to you. You've surrendered. If you've been clean a few months then you are well on your way. Don't give in to those urges. Fight them off, they won't last. You really can live a life without drugs. Read some of the great storries on this site. You can do this! I'm pulling for you.
Jerry

Hey Daph,
You've got 6 months to biuld up your resistance this time, not 21 days. Don't worry about 6 months from now. Concentrate on staying clean for today. There are some good people on this site that can tell you a lot more about NA and sponsorship than I can. (anyone out there listening? )
Try the women's forum or just post your questions. Don't give up!
Jerry

[DaphaB]

Thanks Jerry,
I appreciated your support. I have been taking your advice about the other forums. So far so good, THANK YOU, God Bless, your small notes of encouragement make a BIG difference People like you are what people need to help stay clean...
Until next time,
<3 Daphna

[NOD]

Hey Dapha,
Just do whatever it takes to get you through today. As long as the methadone is working for you stay with it. There are a lot worse things than 'done. Use it to get you through the rough part and learn all you can about recovering. Knowledge is power. Don't give up or give in! Stay strong.
Prayers for you and yours,
Jerry

[firegirl1025]

Hey Dapha,
I need to take a different stance than what you've been hearing. First let me say that I am a recovering heroin addict. I was out there hard core for much of 8 years. It's now been 12 years since i've done dope.
I must say get over it now and get off meth too. I think junkies have a "pity the poor junkie" attitude and take the easy way out. meth. I dont mean that disrespectfully. I am a junkie too. I just think why prolong the agony. Doing meth just drags it out, actually doesn't allow you to start living again normally. Now your just concerned about meth and most of the junkies I know do dope and meth and wont get clean for many years. Hell my "partner in crime" is still out there 12 years later on meth and dope.
I never used meth, went cold turkey and I'll tell you this. It sucked!!!! I honestly dont know if I would have made it if I wasn't locked up and then stuck in a half way house. I was a typical whiny little junkie. Been feeding my habit for way too long. It actually took me 9 months before I decided I wanted to be clean for myself.
Anyway, all I'm trying to say is get off meth. It's not the answer. Withdraw does suck! But I'll tell you this, remembering the pain of the withdraw may help you start living again.
Good luck to you.

[thanx2methodone]

FIREGIRL:
i am going to have to disagree with you. I had a brutal heroin addiction for 5 long years and after numerous attemps of trying to get clean, i got on the methodone program and have been successful of being clean for 4 months now. You are entitled to your opion, but what works for you, may not work for others--remember that. Meth is not the "easy-way-out", i find it unfair of you to say that. Being on the meth program requires just as much determination/hard work as does any other way to get clean. Methodone has basically saved my life, I really don't think i would be here without it. I do know it is another drug, but for now it is keeping me comfortable and stable until i decide to taper down and ween myself off it.
Methodone does not "prolong the agony" and make it so you "can't live normally" It actually does the complete opposite. It makes it so you CAN live a normal life and feel comfortable while doing it.
I don't mean to ramble, but i kind of felt as if you were judging and by saying that meth is the "easy way out" is totally unfair. Being on the meth Program is definitly no peice of cake, and is by no means EASY!! It is just as hard as it is for any addict to get clean.
I know you are entitled to your own opinion, but please don't be so quick to judge, instead--try to understand. You said yourself that you have never tried being on the meth program, so therefore you can't truely judge/understand those of us who are on it. Everyone works differently. What works for you, may not work for someone else.

Recovery in all forms is difficult for anybody/everybody--not just for those who decide to recover a certain way.
Good Luck to You

[firegirl1025]

thanks2methodone,
I dont mean to judge, truly i am concerned. I saw your post from earlier asking for help to get off meth and not relapse. Get off meth and dope my friend. Do yourself a favor. Meth is just another drug. You said it yourself.

[Mastrik]

Hi,
Whatever you do stay clean. I haven't read the above postings but I read yours. A very dear friend of mine (I met her at my first meeting) who was your age and struggling with heroin, called me just last night telling me that she had recieved word from her PO that a potential probation violation was gone and she was in the clear but she felt like using because she was "tired of trying". I spoke to her for a bit to try to keep her from relapsing (told her to call her sponser, do step work, etc). She apparently got through last night ok but I just got word 5 hours ago that she had indeed relapsed this afternoon and is now dead (found by her mother).
I am numb to the news right now and won't gone on about it, but I saw this thread and felt that I should share this with you, especially since you are where she was (albeit she wasn't on Methadone). I'm only 31 days clean myself (not heroin but opiates just the same) and am holding on but this is just another reminder of why we are here and that we need to do whatever it takes to stay clean. Don't become a cautionary tale.
That's all I have tonight.

[NOD]

Hey firegirl1025,
I think your pretty opinionated about something that you've never been a part of. As a former methadone patient I can speak firsthand of the halp I received from being on 'done. It saved my life. Yes it's a drug. Dispensed by MD,s regulated by the FDA and part of a program that is structured to HELP people who are addicted to opiates. Should we not take something that will help us to recover just because it is a drug?
I applaud you for being clean for 12 years and for getting off heroin cold turkey. But it doesn't work for everyone. Don't judge all methadone users by what happened to your 'partner'. Everybody is different. What works for one person may not work for another, but that is no reason to discourage someone from seeking help. We all recover differently. Use whatever means to stay clean one day at a time. That's all we have is today.
I haven't used heroin in over 2 years and I have been off the 'done for one year as of next week. It works if you want it to and are willing to use it as a tool to get off the dope. Yes there are plenty of 'done users still using heroin. Lets hope that they find their way and can eventually get clean. And PLEASE, dont call it 'meth'.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I just don't want to see someone get discouraged by someone else's opinion on a form of recovery that they haven't even done.
Mastrik,
I am truely sorry for the loss of your friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Today I choose not to use. Prayers for you and yours,
Jerry

[thanx2methodone]

NOD:
Thank you, I feel the same way. Recovery is hard in all it's forms.
And what works for one, does not work for the other!!

FIREGIRL:
There you go again ---JUDGING.
Yes I did express in another form that I eventually wanted to get off Methodone and that I didn't want to relapse. But that has absolutly nothing to do with the methodone. Anybady trying to recover is always going to be scared of relapsing, whether they are going cold turkey, to rehabs, to detox, or just how in any way shape or form they decide to recover.
And i am NOT ON THE DOPE my friend. Methodone has done wonders for me and I have successfully been clean for almost 5 months, (the longest time in 5 years!)
And yes, I did say it was a drug, cause it is, just like ciggarettes and caffiene are. I don't plan to stay on it for the rest of my life, but for now, it is allowing me to live my life normally.
In my other post, I was just looking for suggestions from experienced people (on methodone), and what that think is the best approach to tapering off methodone, cause now that i have some clean time, the long term goal is to eventually get off it completely, and be able to function and live a normal life while i am doing it.

Like i said before, you have no experience with this type of thing, so the last thing you should be doing is judging. Recovery is hard for anyone, no matter what route you decide to go.
I really think that you shouldn't form a negative opinion on something you know absolutely nothing about, and instead--try to understand.

Good Luck to you and any way you decide to recover.

[NOD]

Hey thanx,
I didn't mean to sound off on firegirl, but I don't want anyone to give up on a form of recovery that's working for them. I know there is a lot of stigmatism associated with methadone but a lot of it is second hand info and ignorance.
If it works for you stay with it! You've been clean 5 months and that in itself says something about the program you're working and shows you have the resolve to stay clean. I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work. Do whatever it takes to stay clean for today. Take it one day at a time and give yourself a pat on the back for being clean. I'm pulling for you.
Prayers for you and yours,
Jerry

[thanx2methodone]

Thank you NOD, I really appreciate that.

I am proud of myself too! I myself never thought i could make it this far, and i don't think others did either. But i proved to them and myself that i could!!!
And it is the best feeling in the world!! That feeling, along with knowing that i have that inner strength (that i never knew exsisted), is what gives me hope and keeps me clean everyday! Along with the support and knowledge i get from this site. It has been a God-send and the people are amazing!!! It is so nice to know that there loving, caring people aound the world willing to help someone in need. The support i have received has been amazing!

And people like you are a true inspiration to me, so for that i thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

[tramp]

i generally don't respond to these posts cause 1, it's been decades since i used, and 2, i never went the maintenance program, at least not the legit one.
i started stealing heroin from my ma when i was 9, by the time i was 13 i had a pretty good habit going.
i decided to change my life after being pronounced dead a couple times, so i quit, or tried to. i managed to put a few weeks together here and there, nothing of any consequence.
i found that barbs helped ease me off, but got strung out on them , and i have to say kicking junk cold was a much better experience than kicking them damn downers. they nearly killed me a few times.
i never used methodone, all i know about it is from friends and my uncle, but they tell me it is a synthetic and has different properties and can be a bitch to kick. that was the mistake i made with the pharm dope, i just substituted one habit for another.
around the time i turned 18 i finally got off the stuff, but it was a long hard road. i finally kicked without anything but some benadryl and aspirin .
i never stayed completely clean, and always had a romance with the needle, but i never got strung out again.
and yeah get a sponsor. what good is all this experience if you don't use it?

[NOD]

Hey thanx,
you should be proud of yourself. And don't sell yourself short. You have gotten this far because you want to recover. Anything is possible with the right support and direction. Keep doing what works for you, be open to suggestions and learn all you can about recovery. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"
I know there is a certain stigma attached to methadone. It conjurs up images of drug use and people who can't get clean. But it works if you want it to. It's not some miracle cure or anything like that. It's a tool to be used along with support and counseling and it can be a life saver for some people. You have to look past that stigma and the ignorance that some people express and just do whatever you feel is right for you. 5 months is a long time and it will get better. Stick with your program.

Tramp,
you couldn't have said it better "what good is all this experience if you don't use it?"