Scared to death - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

want2bfree · 10-28-2004, 04:23 AM

I am sitting here at 7:10 am, after having taken my first "hydro" dose of the day. 2 1/2 - 10/500 Lortab. I am down to about 8 pills left and I have decided to make these my last.

I am scared to death!!!! I have been taking Lortab on and off for about 2 years, and I have never tried to quit. I have gone a day or two without medication, but only because I ran out and had to wait on a new prescription. During those few times that I went without..........I have never felt so miserable in my life. I couldn't sleep, eat or even think about anything. I have a family and I was useless...........and they had no idea why. I became addicted originally during some major dental work I was having. Then, I was prescribed Lortab by my Family doctor for muscle spasm and pain, and I was also prescribed Tussionex (a cough medicine that contains Hydrocodone) for my allergy induced cough. I have been getting refills ever since from my doctor and an online pharmacy. My family has no idea that I have an addiction to pain killers. I am considering going to a physician today and explaining my situation, because I want this to end. I want to be free again and I am hoping that a physician may be able to aid in lessening the symptoms of withdrawl.

I look at joining this site as a first step. I wanted to get some input and find out what steps a physician may take to help me. I am just so very scared. Can anyone tell me what to expect? How long does withdrawl take? What does a doctor typically do to help withdrawl symptoms? Does all the information that I share with my doctor remain confidential? or are they required to report me to someone? Please reply soon......I am almost out of medication and I DO NOT plan on refilling them.

Thank you in advance- WANT2BFREE

godsonmyside · 10-28-2004, 06:12 AM

WANT2BFREE welcome!!! Withdrawl last about 6 days physically, the rest comes slowly over a period of time. The doctors are require confidentiality, but you need to be honest with the doctor in order for help. Suboxin is a choice for withdrawl, or a detox. Life does not end here, so give yourself a break, remember easy does it!
Have you looked into Narcotics Anonymous meetings where you live? You can get face to face help from others just like us.
I have faith in you that if you really want to stop using, you will!! Keep us posted and hope you get the help you need.
Thanks,
Todd J.

KEEGANSDAD · 10-28-2004, 06:22 AM

Hi WANT2BFREE,

I also was strung out on Lortab and was doing the Net Thing, It Gor Much worse
because I was not honest with Myself or My Dr. I ended up in a COMA for 5 days

Please see a Cdemical Dependincy Dr. or Detox, We are all here for you !

Call me if you need to talk.

413 774-5096

Morgan

want2bfree · 10-28-2004, 08:17 AM

Oh my gosh!! I am so very moved!! I guess deep inside I felt (feel) like I am the only person in the world who is going through something like this. The thing is, no one who knows me would even believe that I have ever touched- much less am addicted-to any drug!! Whenever I have ever thought of drug addicts....I always pictured dirty, drug dealer people strung out on heroin or something....not someone like me who is educated and has a wonderful family. I have to sit back and wonder, "How in the world did I get here????"

I thank you so much for replying to my questions. I am crying as I write because I am moved that I can actually talk to someone and not hide in the little dark, drug infested world that I have created. It's getting close to the end of the bottle of Lortab for me....and I am growing more and more anxious. How do I find a Chemical Dependancy doctor??? Or Detox doctor? This is all so foreign for me. I am just relieved to not be hiding anymore. Even if it's not my family that I am being honest with.....it's someone....MYSELF!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking time to write to me and offer help and advice. I welcome more if anyone has any suggestions on how I can cope with the withdrawl symptoms to come in the next couple days. -WANT2BFREE

Phinneas · 10-28-2004, 10:02 AM

Withdrawal is not fun, but you can do it. I had fever, chills, runny nose, muscle aches, insomnia, soft bowel, auditory hallucinations (I heard a soft radio playing for the first 3 days), and depression. Drs. know that people can get addicted and they can help titer you down slowly and/or recommend detox or treatment options. It's not your fault that you became addicted, but now that you are, it's up to you to get help to stop using. Addiction doesn't discriminate! There are people out there who understand, on SR and in meetings. Please keep reaching out for help and hang in there.

jojo

cj. · 10-29-2004, 04:19 AM

Welcome want2bfree:

Yes, your doctor is the best person to seek help from right now. I hope he/she understands about addiction and can lead you in the right direction. I have heard many horror stories on this board of docs just substituting one addictive drug for another, so make sure you get well informed from other sources as to what, if anything, is prescribed. A pharmacist or the internet can help you find out.

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting along. My prayers are with you.

cj

servicejunkie · 10-29-2004, 09:27 AM

Hi want2bfree!! Welcome to SR!! You remind me alot of myself when I got clean. At the time, I was a professional with a nice house, cars, wife and 2 kids, but I was enslaved by drugs in one form or another. I also had to detox from opiates several times. I am also in your neck of the woods in Jacksonville. I can also relate to the fear associated with getting off of drugs, but you can relearn to live and enjoy life without them. You are amongst friends who understand what you are going through on this site and in NA. I have a few friends in recovery in NA down in gainseville, if you want to check out meetings you can go to www.na.org or call (352)376-8008 which is your area helpline. I also see an addictions doctor which works great, I know he will not perscribe me anything that will set my disease off. Suboxone seems to be the popular medication to detox with lately, however it is an addictive opiate and some doctors use it for maintainance which lasts years and costs a fortune!! There is something on www.erowid.org called McDermot's do it yourself guide to detox, or something like that. I did a cold turkey detox in my house, but I wouldn't suggest it for everyone. Valerian root, which is all natural and can be purchased in health food stores, works great to help you sleep. Something to help with nausia would also help. Anyway you do it, you are going to have to face some uncomfortable times to get through this. I would definately suggest being honest with your doctor or find a new one if he doesn't have experience working with addicts. Please call me ANYTIME if you want to talk, I could always introduce you to some people in Gainseville in recovery or try to find a good addictions doctor for you there. I've managed to get clean and stay clean for 26 months ++ now with the help of wonderful and caring people in NA. If this long time addict can do it, ANYBODY can!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help you. Love & Respect, Mike L.

servicejunkie · 10-29-2004, 09:28 AM

By the way, my phone number is (904)635-8822. Call me if I can possibly be of help to you

want2bfree · 10-29-2004, 11:32 AM

Thank you so much Mike!!! I am sooooooooooooo frustrated and "ANTSY" right now. I was unable to get into a doctor. Mine is not in on Fridays and the only 3 doctors listed in Gainesville for Suboxone will NOT help me. One will see ONLY UF students, one will only see veterans and I couldn't even get through to the other one. I am really starting to feel uncomfortable. My head hurts, I feel hot and my stomach.........i don't even want to talk about it. I can't eat without needing to use the restroom IMMEDIATELY!!! My jaw hurts and I can't sit still.

want2bfree · 10-29-2004, 11:36 AM

Anyway, I don't know where else to call. I can't afford an urgent care center...maybe the ER, but what will they do???? I hate this. I just want to curl up and sleep for days. I feel sooooooooooo awful!!!! I feel like my head is in a vice and it's getting tighter and tighter.

want2bfree · 10-29-2004, 11:37 AM

If you know of any docs...........please let me know.

servicejunkie · 10-29-2004, 01:44 PM

just pick up the phone and call me!!!

oxy-cleaned · 10-29-2004, 01:55 PM

Dear Free:

Call Mike! He is a respected, continuing asset to this board. He is reaching out his hand to you, just reach out and take it. As recovering addicts, NA teaches us that it is okay, it is essential, to accept help from other recovering addicts. You are in crisis, accept help from wherever you can get it.

God Bless

want2bfree · 10-29-2004, 04:49 PM

Thank you, thank you, thank you Mike!!! I hope this will work for me. Just so everyone else will know...............I finally got so desparate this afternoon- after having no luck with any local Dependancy or Detox doc's- I got a hold of the doctor who was on call at my Primary Care Physicians office. She was VERY understanding and compassionate (in fact I am considering switching to her). She is going to work with me on tapering first and then take it from there. I am very commited to being free of these pills and allllllllllllll the BS that comes with it. (wondering if I have enough to last through the weekend, wondering where to get the money without it being noticeable on our bank account...etc.) I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to start a plan with her to get me off of these things. Thank you so much Mike and to those of you who have supported me. This website has been wonderful for me. Just knowing I am not alone and that I am not a bad person makes me feel like this is something I can accomplish!!!! On my way to being free!!!- WANT2BFREE

10-28-2004, 04:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	Scared to death I am sitting here at 7:10 am, after having taken my first "hydro" dose of the day. 2 1/2 - 10/500 Lortab. I am down to about 8 pills left and I have decided to make these my last. I am scared to death!!!! I have been taking Lortab on and off for about 2 years, and I have never tried to quit. I have gone a day or two without medication, but only because I ran out and had to wait on a new prescription. During those few times that I went without..........I have never felt so miserable in my life. I couldn't sleep, eat or even think about anything. I have a family and I was useless...........and they had no idea why. I became addicted originally during some major dental work I was having. Then, I was prescribed Lortab by my Family doctor for muscle spasm and pain, and I was also prescribed Tussionex (a cough medicine that contains Hydrocodone) for my allergy induced cough. I have been getting refills ever since from my doctor and an online pharmacy. My family has no idea that I have an addiction to pain killers. I am considering going to a physician today and explaining my situation, because I want this to end. I want to be free again and I am hoping that a physician may be able to aid in lessening the symptoms of withdrawl. I look at joining this site as a first step. I wanted to get some input and find out what steps a physician may take to help me. I am just so very scared. Can anyone tell me what to expect? How long does withdrawl take? What does a doctor typically do to help withdrawl symptoms? Does all the information that I share with my doctor remain confidential? or are they required to report me to someone? Please reply soon......I am almost out of medication and I DO NOT plan on refilling them. Thank you in advance- WANT2BFREE

10-28-2004, 06:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
godsonmyside Vision of Hope Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Living on This side of the green!! Posts: 1,058	WANT2BFREE welcome!!! Withdrawl last about 6 days physically, the rest comes slowly over a period of time. The doctors are require confidentiality, but you need to be honest with the doctor in order for help. Suboxin is a choice for withdrawl, or a detox. Life does not end here, so give yourself a break, remember easy does it! Have you looked into Narcotics Anonymous meetings where you live? You can get face to face help from others just like us. I have faith in you that if you really want to stop using, you will!! Keep us posted and hope you get the help you need. Thanks, Todd J. __________________ We get relief through the Twelve Steps which are essential to the recovery process, because they are a new, spiritual way of life that allows us to participate in our own recovery. We Do Recover Todd J.

10-28-2004, 06:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
KEEGANSDAD Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Greenfield, MA Posts: 62	Wow Hi WANT2BFREE, I also was strung out on Lortab and was doing the Net Thing, It Gor Much worse because I was not honest with Myself or My Dr. I ended up in a COMA for 5 days Please see a Cdemical Dependincy Dr. or Detox, We are all here for you ! Call me if you need to talk. 413 774-5096 Morgan

10-28-2004, 08:17 AM	#4 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	Oh my gosh!! I am so very moved!! I guess deep inside I felt (feel) like I am the only person in the world who is going through something like this. The thing is, no one who knows me would even believe that I have ever touched- much less am addicted-to any drug!! Whenever I have ever thought of drug addicts....I always pictured dirty, drug dealer people strung out on heroin or something....not someone like me who is educated and has a wonderful family. I have to sit back and wonder, "How in the world did I get here????" I thank you so much for replying to my questions. I am crying as I write because I am moved that I can actually talk to someone and not hide in the little dark, drug infested world that I have created. It's getting close to the end of the bottle of Lortab for me....and I am growing more and more anxious. How do I find a Chemical Dependancy doctor??? Or Detox doctor? This is all so foreign for me. I am just relieved to not be hiding anymore. Even if it's not my family that I am being honest with.....it's someone....MYSELF!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking time to write to me and offer help and advice. I welcome more if anyone has any suggestions on how I can cope with the withdrawl symptoms to come in the next couple days. -WANT2BFREE

10-28-2004, 10:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
Phinneas Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy Posts: 2,611	Withdrawal is not fun, but you can do it. I had fever, chills, runny nose, muscle aches, insomnia, soft bowel, auditory hallucinations (I heard a soft radio playing for the first 3 days), and depression. Drs. know that people can get addicted and they can help titer you down slowly and/or recommend detox or treatment options. It's not your fault that you became addicted, but now that you are, it's up to you to get help to stop using. Addiction doesn't discriminate! There are people out there who understand, on SR and in meetings. Please keep reaching out for help and hang in there. jojo

10-29-2004, 04:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
cj. Mending Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Atlantic Canada Posts: 300	Welcome want2bfree: Yes, your doctor is the best person to seek help from right now. I hope he/she understands about addiction and can lead you in the right direction. I have heard many horror stories on this board of docs just substituting one addictive drug for another, so make sure you get well informed from other sources as to what, if anything, is prescribed. A pharmacist or the internet can help you find out. Keep posting and let us know how you are getting along. My prayers are with you. cj

10-29-2004, 09:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
servicejunkie an addict named Mike Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 188	Hi want2bfree!! Welcome to SR!! You remind me alot of myself when I got clean. At the time, I was a professional with a nice house, cars, wife and 2 kids, but I was enslaved by drugs in one form or another. I also had to detox from opiates several times. I am also in your neck of the woods in Jacksonville. I can also relate to the fear associated with getting off of drugs, but you can relearn to live and enjoy life without them. You are amongst friends who understand what you are going through on this site and in NA. I have a few friends in recovery in NA down in gainseville, if you want to check out meetings you can go to www.na.org or call (352)376-8008 which is your area helpline. I also see an addictions doctor which works great, I know he will not perscribe me anything that will set my disease off. Suboxone seems to be the popular medication to detox with lately, however it is an addictive opiate and some doctors use it for maintainance which lasts years and costs a fortune!! There is something on www.erowid.org called McDermot's do it yourself guide to detox, or something like that. I did a cold turkey detox in my house, but I wouldn't suggest it for everyone. Valerian root, which is all natural and can be purchased in health food stores, works great to help you sleep. Something to help with nausia would also help. Anyway you do it, you are going to have to face some uncomfortable times to get through this. I would definately suggest being honest with your doctor or find a new one if he doesn't have experience working with addicts. Please call me ANYTIME if you want to talk, I could always introduce you to some people in Gainseville in recovery or try to find a good addictions doctor for you there. I've managed to get clean and stay clean for 26 months ++ now with the help of wonderful and caring people in NA. If this long time addict can do it, ANYBODY can!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help you. Love & Respect, Mike L.

10-29-2004, 09:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
servicejunkie an addict named Mike Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 188	By the way, my phone number is (904)635-8822. Call me if I can possibly be of help to you

10-29-2004, 11:32 AM	#9 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	Thank you so much Mike!!! I am sooooooooooooo frustrated and "ANTSY" right now. I was unable to get into a doctor. Mine is not in on Fridays and the only 3 doctors listed in Gainesville for Suboxone will NOT help me. One will see ONLY UF students, one will only see veterans and I couldn't even get through to the other one. I am really starting to feel uncomfortable. My head hurts, I feel hot and my stomach.........i don't even want to talk about it. I can't eat without needing to use the restroom IMMEDIATELY!!! My jaw hurts and I can't sit still.

10-29-2004, 11:36 AM	#10 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	Anyway, I don't know where else to call. I can't afford an urgent care center...maybe the ER, but what will they do???? I hate this. I just want to curl up and sleep for days. I feel sooooooooooo awful!!!! I feel like my head is in a vice and it's getting tighter and tighter.

10-29-2004, 11:37 AM	#11 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	If you know of any docs...........please let me know.

10-29-2004, 01:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
servicejunkie an addict named Mike Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 188	just pick up the phone and call me!!!

10-29-2004, 01:55 PM	#13 (permalink)
oxy-cleaned Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Ann Arbor, MI Posts: 7	Dear Free: Call Mike! He is a respected, continuing asset to this board. He is reaching out his hand to you, just reach out and take it. As recovering addicts, NA teaches us that it is okay, it is essential, to accept help from other recovering addicts. You are in crisis, accept help from wherever you can get it. God Bless

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10-29-2004, 04:49 PM	#14 (permalink)
want2bfree Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 19	Thank you, thank you, thank you Mike!!! I hope this will work for me. Just so everyone else will know...............I finally got so desparate this afternoon- after having no luck with any local Dependancy or Detox doc's- I got a hold of the doctor who was on call at my Primary Care Physicians office. She was VERY understanding and compassionate (in fact I am considering switching to her). She is going to work with me on tapering first and then take it from there. I am very commited to being free of these pills and allllllllllllll the BS that comes with it. (wondering if I have enough to last through the weekend, wondering where to get the money without it being noticeable on our bank account...etc.) I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday to start a plan with her to get me off of these things. Thank you so much Mike and to those of you who have supported me. This website has been wonderful for me. Just knowing I am not alone and that I am not a bad person makes me feel like this is something I can accomplish!!!! On my way to being free!!!- WANT2BFREE