test results - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

fluffybunny · 10-19-2004, 02:28 PM

My therapist (treating me for none addiction issues) wanted me to get a drug screen so I had one done today. It was positive for benzos and opiods which didn't surprise me but the PCP did surprise me. Scary to see it all there officially.
I've been trying to get off of atavan for over a year but always go back to it, 'just one more day' and all the other reasons. The vicodin and percocet I've never really acknowledged although I know that I take them and have for nearly 6 months.
I've been carrying on conversations inside, telling myself I'm an addict then saying that I'm over-reacting. I say that i have to medicate because of the PTSD that has tormented me most of my adult life. I say that it's just a little and I'm not abusing it. I say that I'm not taking it at all, I'm just crazy.
I'm a pretty good Mom and wife, I take care of our home and take care of the family needs. I appear normal and supportive to my family. I'm working on my writing and my art.
But what about the things they don't see...the stashes of meds hidden away.
The syringe I keep in my desk...the hours it takes me to get up and going while they're at school and work. The late nights when I sneak out to get more.
Even I don't see that part sometimes, but I'm starting to see the other side more and more and it scares me. Not enough to stop yet though, I need to take care of everyone and not let this become something traumatic for my family.
Thanks for letting me vent a little. I don't know what to do but this place is where I need to be now.

Fluffybunny

lonlion · 10-19-2004, 08:31 PM

Fluffybunny.....Congratulations, you're getting real with yourself
Keep coming back
Prayers to you
Diana

namommy · 10-20-2004, 04:58 AM

Keep getting honest with yourself, and ask for help.

cj. · 10-20-2004, 05:29 AM

Hi fluffybunny:

Welcome to SR!!

Keep on challenging yourself about your drug use. Remember: It never gets better!!

cj

10-19-2004, 02:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
fluffybunny Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: MT Posts: 4	test results My therapist (treating me for none addiction issues) wanted me to get a drug screen so I had one done today. It was positive for benzos and opiods which didn't surprise me but the PCP did surprise me. Scary to see it all there officially. I've been trying to get off of atavan for over a year but always go back to it, 'just one more day' and all the other reasons. The vicodin and percocet I've never really acknowledged although I know that I take them and have for nearly 6 months. I've been carrying on conversations inside, telling myself I'm an addict then saying that I'm over-reacting. I say that i have to medicate because of the PTSD that has tormented me most of my adult life. I say that it's just a little and I'm not abusing it. I say that I'm not taking it at all, I'm just crazy. I'm a pretty good Mom and wife, I take care of our home and take care of the family needs. I appear normal and supportive to my family. I'm working on my writing and my art. But what about the things they don't see...the stashes of meds hidden away. The syringe I keep in my desk...the hours it takes me to get up and going while they're at school and work. The late nights when I sneak out to get more. Even I don't see that part sometimes, but I'm starting to see the other side more and more and it scares me. Not enough to stop yet though, I need to take care of everyone and not let this become something traumatic for my family. Thanks for letting me vent a little. I don't know what to do but this place is where I need to be now. Fluffybunny

10-19-2004, 08:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
lonlion Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 422	Fluffybunny.....Congratulations, you're getting real with yourself Keep coming back Prayers to you Diana __________________ WHEN WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME LOOKING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR, IT TAKES OUR FOCUS OFF THE ROAD AHEAD, AND WE CAN CRASH

10-20-2004, 04:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	Keep getting honest with yourself, and ask for help. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

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10-20-2004, 05:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
cj. Mending Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Atlantic Canada Posts: 300	Hi fluffybunny: Welcome to SR!! Keep on challenging yourself about your drug use. Remember: It never gets better!! cj

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